Beyond- A Poem

Under the physical
there's more physical

And some things get worse
before they get even worse

But dig deep and
find the spiritual

Go the distance and
see things get better

Clear Haiku

Clarity or death
Rabbi Weinberg used to say
Something to strive for

One Saturday night
The "On A Clear Day..." movie
Was viewed by my mom

So much is complex
Yet certain things become clear
As we move forward

They speak of clear minds
And it makes my mind wonder
About many things

When we say Shemah
We close our eyes to see
By looking inside

What's clear and simple
Is quite often incorrect
Yet sometimes it's true

Nixon waited to
"Make one thing perfectly clear"
When I was a kid

I want to clear space
In my home and in my head
And then take you in

Sometimes I want to
Clear the slate and start over
Sometimes I am real

Clearly we differ
Clearly we are connected
Unclear what to do

Inspired By Prompt At Haiku Horizons

We Lost Bel Kaufman

Laugh even if you don't get the joke, laugh on credit. - Shalom Aleichem as quoted by his granddaughter, Bel Kaufman.  She also gives these examples of Jewish humor: A guy can't afford lenses so he gets frames alone.  When asked why, he says, "It's better than nothing."  Similarly - If you don't have meat, you eat bread. if you don't have bread, you starve; it's better than nothing.

She died today at 103.  She said wrinkes are caligraphy of the soul.

In a recent interview  she said that the real secret to living so long is luck. She asked the camera man to come close and show people that one can be over a 100 and still look human.

Last night I had a kind of long walk, half hour-ish, home from dinner.  Was concerned about the directions.  Tired.  Finally got to the block I was staying on.  It seemed like the numbers were going down when I needed them to go up. So I turned around walking fast, really wanting to get inside.  Sweating from the heat.  Frustrated, flummoxed. I remember seeing that the sidewalk was wildly uneven.  I'm not sure but I think that's the sidewalk I tripped on.  I didn't get the details of the nature of the sidewalk or how exactly I fell onto it.  I do reacall the senasation of falling fast, of crying out something out, maybe Oh G-d. I remember trying to have control, wanting to have control. Doing some version of the falling forward and putting my hands out and catching myself on my claws and going unscathed.  But this one time in my life so far, it didn't work.  I fell really hard and fast and it was just too much for me to totally stop, though I did mute it a bit. Could have been worse,  Thank G-d.  Not death bad. Not spinal injury bad.  Not broken bones.  But this kind of bad: Badly scraped knee, scraped hand, sore muscles, and the ridge and tip of my nose all scraped and red.  The worst part seems to be the hole between my eyes.  No, I can't explain it, why that indented area got hit so hard.  My friend wants me to check it out ASAP, thinks it needs a stich. We tried to go to a place tonight.  No walk in  (non emergency room) places were open. Other things happened over Shabbos but they all took a back seat to the stress and embarrasment of the fall. The suit is torn and bloody as is my white shirt and my directions sheet, and the repflector my dinner hosts lent me.  A man tried to help me and I'm going to leave out those details for now. I'm still shaken up, yet also grateful;.  Awkward about being seen in public.  Feeling vulnerable and oh so human.

On a related/unrelated note I really want to read and use and be helped by this book, which was reccomended, shown to me, and which I read some of over Shabbos.  Please G-d.

Check In and Haiku

I have reason to wonder who reads this blog.  I get few to no comments.  Blogs have become a dinasour in ten years. And yet.  It's place for me, it's a record for me, it's kind of a home.

I'm on the clock, as we all are.  It's Shabbos soon.  Sooner for me than some.  I'm eating with friends who are starting early.  Got to get to the shower and then the cab and then the bus and then the walk.  I'm hungry. There's something weird going on with my lips that ChapStick doesn't fix.  I got a treadmill today.  I have one doctor's appointment set for next week.  There's more I need to make, but I'm glad i set something. The last time there was a war I was in Israel and felt very connected.  It's harder being here. I did recently post a poem about it.  Oh man, may G-d help and bless us.  When something big like this is going on it can make our day to day lives seem small.  And yet we all need to take care of ourselves, our lives.

May we all be blessed with a Shabbat of Shalom.

The weekdays scatter
and make way for the big day
that deeply matters

After the still small voice

a noise

And after the noise,

a still small voice.

And after it, a noise.

And after it, a still small voice

And after the still small voice,

a noise.

Discard the rest.

~

Yehuda Amichai

Nachamu, nachamu ami.  Be consoled, be consoled My People. An insight I heard about this expalins why it says nachamu twice. Sometimes in life we are broken and we want someone to comfort us but when they do we push them away, because of how broken we are.  And they need to be loving enough and they need to be wise enough to not take our rejection of their reaching out at face value. They need to comfort us again.  This is true of the Jewish People on our national, broken level.  And it is true of individuals.  Like a crying child that you try to hug and they run away, we need to try to be there for on another.  And then to try again.

Movies I've Seem With Family

 I was just sorting through old videos that I plan to bring to Goodwill.  I found Nothing in Common, which got me thinking.  Here's an incomplete and probably not fully accurate list of which family members I saw some movies with that I remember.

With Mom

Nothing In Common
For Pete's Sake
A Harry Potter
A Lord of the Rings
Mad Money
Godfather II

With Mom and Bro

Thoroughly Modern Millie
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Cold Turkey
The Horse in The Gray Flannel Suit
The Sorcerer and the Stone
Some Planet of the Apes
Peter Pan

With Mom and Dad

Frisco Kid
Rocky II
The Chosen
Field of Dreams
ET

With Brother

Rocky
Towering Inferno
Kentucky Fried Movie
Some Planet of the Apes
Murder By Death

With Mom, Dad, and Brother

Fiddler on the Roof
Poseiden Adventure
Annie
The Bible
The Sting
Annie Hall
Stardust Memories
Love and Death
Live and Let Die
Dr. No
Live and Let Die

With Dad

The Deep
Million Dollar Baby
No Way Out
Space Cowboys
Let's Do it Again
Sleeper
Charriots of Fire
Tunnel Vission

With Dad and Bro

The Boatnicks
Diamonds Are Forever

With Brother and Sister In Law

Ghostbusters II
Mr. Saturday Night
Insomnia

Masei

Here's a piece of mine on Masei.  I'll paste it in the comments too.

Hope The Contents of These Haiku Make You Content (They Switch Off!)

It's waiting inside
The details of everything
Including ourselves

Feeling good enough
- state of peaceful happiness -
satisfied and pleased

Sometimes I get caught
in between content and form,
praying for balance

Content is the word
for what I think simcha is,
rather than happy

I have my radar
for quality of content.
It's a strong system

Animals can sense
when you're feeling discontent;
some people can too

The rabbi's challenge
to not look at the cover
but at the content

Why not be content
with our third grade teacher's rule?
five, seven, and five

Tables of contents
don't show what's truly inside;
you have to read on

Content equals rich
And who is that? Nobody.
- Benjamin Franklin

I strive for content
in this smokey, mirrored world:
"Just give me some truth."

A secret to life
is truly seeing what is,
and being content

Prompted by Haiku Horizons

Thought of the Moment

I don't quite know what the point of writing that I don't know what to say or where to say it.  It's kind of  a matir for me.  I write that and then I say whatever I feel like saying.  It reminds me of the nicht Shabbos gereht joke.

I never know who reads what, and as a friend once said- once it's out there, it's out there.  But as Nicole Krause taught me, and yet, is a full sentence. And yet, Sigh (I just sighed.)

I am grateful to G-d for feeling good at this moment.  Yesterday I did some hishtadlus toward moving my self/my life forward. I went against my comfort zone/grain.  And it feels good after.  That's the thing with doing something that's true, it feels good afterwards.  I just heard a line that guilt is GPS of the soul.  so is feeling good. The former line reminds me of Rabbi Abraham Twerski's words about guilt.  It's meant to alert us to take care of an ill, and then move onward. Just as physical pain is meant to alert us to heal something in our body, guilt is spiritual pain telling us to fix something in our soul.

This past year has been rich and also painful and intense for me.  I did not comfortably morph into a much needed summer break (not that the year being pulled out and disappearing is ever easy for me).  Yesterday felt (to use a word that I think about in regard to people but hold back on using to not offend) healthy.  And so does today.  Thank G-d.

I have much to do. I need to grab hold of this summer.  Grab hold of the moments going by.  Grab hold of my life.

May we all be blessed to take care of ourselves and in that merit receive extra care from G-d.

Gratefulness List Just For Today

I thank G-d for-

Dad being miraculously live and well.
Family.
Friends.
Help from a friend today.
Help from strangers today.
My hishtadlus today toward moving forward with life.
G-d's hashgacha in sending me good shluchim.
Shabbos with dad.
The nice fellow that I met who was there to be with his dad.
Mussar/Growth/Torah.
Humor.
Sleep.
Bounsdaries put in place.
Humanity.
Kindness.
Walking. Always and today.
Writing.
Thinking.
Self awareness.
The degree to which we can know anything for sure.
Having it pointed out to me that we can't know certain things for sure.
The ability to take care of oneself, specifically myself.

Why do I share on "social media?" It's kind of a mystery to me.  And yet, I get it.

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.” ― Terry Pratchett

Matot

Here's the link to my DT in The Jewish Standard this week.  I'm also posting it in comments.

tanka of the day

far away from home

it's too easy to detach

while our brothers bleed

remember- we're connected

many bodies, one big soul

Shiva Assar Betamuz Haiku

Seek G-d when He's found
I've heard again and again
on every fast day

I wonder about
the slowness of this fast day
as it ebbs away

Walls were broken down
and we mourn the loss of walls
boundaries, protection

What of the other
when he is other than we
will we look and see?

You shrug your shoulders
playing frustrated victim
next to me in Shul

Hear the still thin voice
That's one of my fast day goals;
to really hear G-d

The start of it all
-of rising above ourselves-
is the fear of G-d

Maybe the point is
To experience hunger
And then reframe it

Haiku With Drive

I don't drive a car
or a van or truck or bus
and yet- I'm human

I dream of driving
I mean that literally
quite regularly

There's an urgency
someone has to drive a car
I do. In my dreams.

Thank you, but sorry
Baby, I can't drive your car
I don't get your key

Natures are unmasked
by behavior in carpool
By driving kindness

What drives a person
is more important than what
kind of car they drive

Operate, control
propel or carry along:
As they say, "Just drive."

Prompted by Haiku Horizons

Brilliant (IMHO)

On Billy Collins and His haiku

These are from Billy Collins' haiku book.

High cry of a hawk,
cracking ice across the lake—
enough of my talk.

Mid-winter evening,
alone at a sushi bar—
just me and this eel.

Travel tomorrow,
so much I must leave behind—
this lake, this morning.

Moon in the window—
the same as it was before
there was a window.

More can be found here.

I was prompted to google and find these after buying this book tonight.  I don't know if I'm capable of seeing a book with Billy Collins' name on the cover- whether it's edited by or compiled by or introduction by.

Earlier today I discovered that a cousin of mine is into race car driving.  So I mentioned this book.  Then I read that the author said that his inspiration for the book was The Revenant by Billy Collins, which you can see him read here.

I'd really like to meet Billy and chat with him. It's worth a shot.  He's not far away...

On This Blog This Month

Nine years ago 
Eight years ago 
Seven years ago
Six Years Ago
Five Years Ago
Four Years Ago
Three Years Ago
Two years Ago
Last Year
This Year

"Show me a teacher who thinks she's got everything all under control and doesn't need to fix a thing for next year, and I will show you a lousy teacher. The best teachers I've ever known can give you a list of exactly what they don't do well enough yet." - Peter Greene

Wow.

A Tanka And A Picture

I ask how you are

I know you know I mean it

Because we are friends

And because you told me so

Even before you used words

Being kind and connected is big in life, it may even be life itself. Being with another. Listening. And and and and and.

May we be blessed to truly connect in life.

Party Haiku

I wonder if I'm
the party of the first part
or another one

Parties are something
that I just don't understand
not even partly

Let's not party like
it's any specific year
Let's not party at all

Introvert parties
are like ghosts and spirits
they exist- somehow

Both the party's star
and the hiding introvert:
should really go home

I don't unserstand
these political parties
Neither one is fun

Some just see parties
while others see tests and grades;
such is college life

My face turns beet red
I'm allergic to parties
and to their red wine

They say be myself
when I go to a party
Well I wouldn't go

Social gatherings
of invited guests, with food
for some this is fun

Political groups
on a national level
are un-fun parties

prompted by Haiku Horizons

John Green On "Remembering" What Happened (From a book that doesn't have a lot of profound quotes, but this one is a whopper.)

"You don't remember what happened.
What you remember becomes what happened."

- An Abundance of Katherines
by John Green
pgs. 207-208

Haiku of the Day

In the end we know

Little about each other

Almost like the start

A Tanka For Tough Times

I'm searching for words
To express covered feelings
I'm searching for G-d...
...The words and feelings appear
Here all along, like my G-d

My Nap Time Lullaby

Take a nap

you won't be missed

you'll return to 

your to do list

  

Take a break

it's okay

you can go to sleep

in the middle of the day

  

When your stressed

sing this sunny lullaby

just close your eyes and 

float away in the sky

Reassembing - A Poem

I was sick

Grandma was over

It was just us

and a puzzle

Little Red Riding Hood

We were in 

my parent's room

working on 

the wood pieces

slowly

She was probably

around the age 

I am right now

Like me, younger

than I imagined

The room

the house

she, me, life

was all smaller 

than I knew

Pre Shabbos Poem/Prayer

May G-d bless us all to be unbitter
May G-d bless us to see the good
May G-d bless us with true kindness
To understand and be understood

We see things as we are. - Me

Haiku of the Night

Beauty can be found

In a rusty ocean chain-

In any domain

Comforting Comment

"They are all amazing, but this one REALLY struck me:

The comforts of home 

apply just to certain homes 

and certain comforts. 

Wow. So powerful. So amazingly powerful."

This comment from "Blog It Or Lose It" (love that name) means a lot to me.

Balak Poem

What am I to do
with the idea that
G-d appeared to a donkey
and not to me?

I Think In haiku II

I think in haiku
I've always been counting words
and now syllables

Yishtabach Haiku

Mine, my father's G-d
Your name is praised forever
Our eternal king