It's News To Us (Click For Link)

I am chewing on the sweet taste of childhood. It remains crunchy, has not melted in its milk. Eating Quisp cereal and enjoying the occasional plastic alien prize were a staple of my youth. Quisp, I've missed you.

Last week in Shoprite I chanced upon Quisp and took him home. Wikipedia says he's not available in stores. Don't believe everything you read.

Along with The Wombles, Quisp straddled the line between imagination and consumerism. I saw The Wombles sing only that one time on Wonderama and was sold. Dad (HSLABW) was probably right when he wouldn't buy me Remember You're A Womble that night in Korvettes. And yet, they, like Quisp, live on for me today.

I am thinking of food and toys. I am thinking of childhood. I am thinking of my brother (HSLABW).

Captain Crunch had the same technical taste as Quisp, but he and his freebies had no-where near the emotional appeal of Quisp. It's funny how the same ingredients, shaped differently, can feel a world apart. Ha ha.

Erev Shabbos

3:43 PM - Shlomo Katz' live in Melbourne is playing.  I just got home, miraculously.  I was walking down River Road toward Route 4, coming from Jefferson.  Probably about a half hour walk.  A kind, dear colleague "happened" to appear in his car and offer me a ride to my door. Wow.I am grateful to him.  Thank G-d.  It save me about an hour and a half and camel and buggy time.

I am tired yet fulfilled.  been working hard in my guidance and teaching responsibilities.  Also, been taking better care of myself than in the past, in terms of eating, sleeping, and exercising and I'm pleased about that.

I have so much to say.  And yet.  Going to head to dad soon.

4:07 PM - Another miracle.  Last Sundat while walking toward the Metropolitan museum of art I bought a print from an artist on the street. They made me put the small plastic bag with the picture inside in the coat check and I forgot to take it several hours later after viewing the museum and exiting through the gift shop. It was a busy week in my world and I didn't get to retrieve my little bag. I just called the museum and not only did they find it but they offered to mail it to me for free.How cozy.

6:52 PM - Another miracle, safely made it in a timely fashion to be with my dad - hslabw - for Shabbos.

Shabbat Shalom World

Perhaps another day I will write more about today's funeral. For now I thank those who commented within around the last post. Rabbi Borchardt was my father's (HSLABW) first cousin by marriage. His children are thus my second cousins. He was a chashuv man and has left behind a great family and legacy.

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Here are some question for you that might relate to Shavuot:

At what age did your physical height reach its peak?
When you were a child did you keep track (perhaps with a chart or marks on a wall) of your height as you grew?
Was your physical growth exciting?

As a child were you excited about mitzvot as you got to observe them?

Do you recall when/where you first learned of the concept of emotional/spiritual/non physical growth for a human being?
What early memories do you have of experiencing Sukka/Lulav, Seder/Matzah, Shavuot/Staying up all night?
When did you first hear the idea of spiritual growth within Judaism?
As a child did you hear of the idea of meaning behind mitzvot?

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Wishing everyone a happy and meaningful Shavuot. If you're curious what Erev Shavuot on this blog looked like last year... and the year before... and from that same year but pure Torah... and more Shavuot Torah... and A Shavuot Story...

9 Middot-Traits

A friend of mine once commented to me, following a Dvar Torah I gave - "You know, you don't always have to tie in a message at the end. I think you do. My father (HSLABW) set a good example for me of what people gain from and appreciating hearing/reading when it comes to Torah. The Torah is a Book of Life, and it's not to our benefit to view that title as a cliche' and flee from it. With that in mind, I present a thought on this week's parsha. I think, because it takes words that seem technical and relegated to a limited context and broadens them to timeless life lessons is one of the reasons it stayed with me.

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Devarim

k

“These are the words that Moshe spoke

to all of Israel in Eiver Hyardein, in Midbar, in Arava,

opposite (Mul) Suf, between Paran and between Tofel,

and Lavan, and Chatzeirot, and Dei Zahav."

How could Moshe have spoken to The Jewish People in all of these places when he was standing in one place? Rashi famously explains that the name of each place is a hint for an Aveira that Am Yisrael did. The Ohr Hachayim suggests that these words allude to 9 essential character traits that Moshe was emphasizing to the Jewish People.

In Eiver alludes to the fact that we should follow in the foot steps of our father Avraham who was called Ivri.

Hayardein reminds us that we should have regret in our hearts; Chazal say better one feeling of regret(Mardut Echad) in a person's own heart, than receiving 100 makot (lashes).

Bamidbar reminds us that we should make ourselves like a desert, i.e. humble.

In Arava tells us that our humility should take place in an appropriate way, meaning that we shouldn’t use it as an excuse to hold back from correcting someone who has done something wrong. This is hinted to by the word Arava, which is similar to the word Areivut which means responsibility. Also, Be’ arava stands for Arvut, meaning sweetness. This means that even when we chastise someone we should do it in a pleasant way.

Mul Suf: Akavia Ben Mehalaleil, says that we should always remember that we will one day die, and that this can protect us from erring in our ways. Mul Suf, fits with this idea, telling us that our Sof, should always be opposite (Mul) our eyes.

Between Paran Uvein Tofel: the proper way to travel through life is with joy on our face, even when their is worry in our hearts. This is alluded to by the word Paran which has the same letters as Pe’air, glory, and the word Tophel which refers belittling ourselves. We must balance and live between these two extremes.

Lavan teaches us that our hearts should be pure, and we should distance ourselves from hatred and jealousy.

Chatzeirot reminds us to learn Torah regularly because the courtyards (Chatzeirot) of Hashem are Batai Medrashot.

Dei Zahav represents the concept of not longing for physical amenities in this world, meaning that we should say to Zahav (gold) “Dai!” (enough).

May G-d bless us to follow all the characteristics suggested by the words of this Pasuk.

Dad, HSLABW, 2007

Haiku, Contest, Jokes, Inyanei DeYomah

There's a scene in The Sunshine Boys in which Walter Mathau's character has a hard time opening a door and his nephew tells him to jiggle and not force it. That popped in my head and this came out:

Wiggle, don't force it

True about sticky locked doors

and true about life

g

I went in to work today. Nice people. Nice place.

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I met a friend for breakfast this morning. The paper towel dispenser in Mocha Blue electronically released only a small piece of paper at a time. I felt frustration. Then I realized the old truth about places not having paper towel dispensers at all. It's true, even if it is a cliche'.

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In June I received an offer to get copies of a new novel to review and offer via my blog. They've been sitting at my workplace and I just got them today. If you would like to be one of two winners of the book Displaced Persons (see review info here) by Ghita Schwarz please enter a comment as to why you think this is a book that fits for you and/or why you want to win it. I'll pick the winners and mail it out to you as a gift from me and my blog.

g

I am a big fan of the Nit'ei Gavriel series. (If I write a proper sefer one day I may name it Nit'ei Binyamin in honor of my father, HSLABW). They found my Rosh haShanah volume somewhere in the school building and held it in the front office for me. I'll take that as a sign that I should open it.

g

(That reminds me of a joke Mark Englander told about 25 years ago when he was president of the Young Israel of Windsor Park/Hollis Hills: A shul rabbi makes the public gift presentation to the bar mitzvah boy. When people question his choice the rabbi explains, "At least this I know he'll open.")

g

(Speaking of jokes, I told one to a dear friend last night. I thought everyone knew it, but it came to mind based on our conversation, so I shared it. An older woman in Florida brags to her friends that she's got a new boyfriend. they ask if he's nice, rich , handsome. She answers all such questions in the negative. "So," they ask, "why are you dating him?" She replies, "He drives at night." My friend laughed out loud! He had been sharing his concern that his over-eighty parents need to stop driving but don't want to - and he gets that it's hard for them. I think it was good comic relief.)

g

And now on to Rav Gavriel Zinner on Ellul, from his work on Rosh haShanah, along with other Ellul related concepts. To make it interactive/interesting I will present only questions for now:

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1. a. What nusach change do some say to employ when we bentch for Rosh Chodesh Ellul? b. In a related minhag what do some say to have in mind when we bentch for Rosh Chodesh Ellul? c. What is the reason behind these two customs? d. Due to the theme of Ellul what other change do some say to make in this prayer?

t

2. a. When is it a custom to say LeDovid Hashem Ohri and what is the idea behind saying it? Explain fully. b. Where is this custom not mentioned where you would expect to see it (several answers are relevant and acceptable)? c. What appears thirteen times in this prayer and what may this allude to?

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3. a. What custom do Sefardim start on Rosh Chodesh that Ashkenazim start later in Ellul? b. What should Ashkenazim still do even though they don't do the Sefardic minhag?

t

4. a. What reason does the Rambam give for blowing shofar during Ellul? b. During Ellul, can a katan blow the shofar for the tzibbur? c. If a congregation forgot or could not blow the shofar at Shacharit what should they do?

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5. a. What should one include in written letters (and in conversations) from Rosh Chodesh Ellul until Yom Kippur? b. What mistaken minhag developed based on this actual minhag?

Moshe Yess is on my mind today.  Somehow I connect with him deeply and associate that connection with my dad (HSLABW). In 1984 I was living in Yeshiva in Yerushalayim, there on a one way ticket.  Dad came to visit. We went out to Moshe's cafe off Jaffa Rd, in town. We were the only ones there.  He put on a show just for us.  They had delicious pecan pie. I requested this song - Sukkos in Jerusalem - and he did it.  And that moment is still embedded on my heart.

During my five year sojourn in Israel I bought this picture for my mother (ZL) and father (HSLABW). The artist's name was Bar Ami, I believe. He was Israeli but had spent some time living in Riverdale. His work, to me is amazing. He uses pesukim in small letters to make a picture that relates to the text. If I find him and he still has prints I'd like to get the one he did of all of Avot. The hat of this scribe contains the line, "What does G-d ask of you, but..." It goes on to list love, fear, and more as what G-d wants from us. The ubiquitous motif of spaces of light and dark in this piece represent the theme of love and fear. If you know how to contact the artist or have anything else to share about this piece please take on step forward, and then post a comment.

Then You Will Shape Many Students

"Have you had this exact situation many times before?" a student recently asked me. I was saying things that resonated to his unique predicament, listening with a whole heart - as best I could. I had never heard a situation like his before. And I have heard situations like his hundreds of times before. The Rabbis teach, "Hevei metunim bedin." Rabeinu Ovadia MiBartenura explains that even if the same scenario seems to present itself one hundred times, you should look at it like new each time. This is true for a court officer, but more importantly it's important for anyone who wishes to be an evolved human being. By seeing a case as new you are enabled to draw on common denominators from the foundations of cases, so different and so similar. Sophisticated wisdom comes with conscious effort combined with time. True wisdom is the blessing from G-d to take what we've seen and taken in once and applying it to another context that arises later.

A colleague recently complimented me sincerely, saying that he was impressed, calling me Machiavellian. Oy. I don't know where to start on that one. I hope and pray and work to be decent, sincere, and kind. Adding some goodness to the lives of others is on my to do list every day. I confess that efforts toward survival on various levels are something that in this "real" world (portrayed so well in Bang The Drum Slowly) I've learned, despite my tender inclination, to try to remember to keep on my radar. But Machiavellian? What's that saying about what Peter says about Paul? As Michael Stipe put it, "I've said too much, but not enough."

Here and here I speak about the expression, "man's inhumanity against man." It's funny [not ha ha]; this is the third year in a row that at around the same time I felt compelled to mention this reality. I am reminded of what someone wise once said, that some tragedies make belief in G-d difficult, but the greatest tragedies in life are the ones that make belief in man impossible.

That reminds me of sweet moment that happened this morning in Davening. A student who doesn't seem to normally groove on prayer asked if I could recommend any tefila for him to look at on his own, to read and take in. I showed him Ahavti, Haleli Nafshi, and Brich Shmei (the latter, which I hope to never forget my father -HSLABW- once turning to me in Shul and saying, "Take at look at the English on this, it's beautiful.") He liked what he read, but was troubled by the theme in both Haleli Nafshi and Brich Shmei of not putting any trust in man. "Don't you sometimes need to trust other people?" An excellent question. I told him some of my thoughts. Perhaps I should have told him what my supervisor Ruth used to tell me whenever I had a question relating to my life/work, "Think about it." Instead of writing more here, I will ask/tell you to "think about it."

Meshivat Nafesh

A colleague sent out an email yesterday asking if anyone had a Torah Temimah on Shmot that they could bring in. I emailed back that I'd bring it and I did. Non drivers don't generally get that an extra book makes a difference when you're walking about a mile a day. I was disappointed when I informed my associate that I'd brought the sefer only to be told that he's found it elsewhere. No thank you to my email, no - it's OK, you don't have to bring it. No super sensitivity, just normalcy. I've got to learn to accept that.

Today I have 5 classes and 4 periods of Torah Guidance. This is a space period. I am leaning back and listening to Lechah Dodi on Pandora as I breathe and type. I am thrilled that I found Jewish music on Pandora. Is this a great country or what? (Can you name that movie quote? I know my brother - HSLABW - would know the answer in a millisecond.)

I am pleased that in Rabbi Abraham Twerski's latest book, which he wrote specifically due to recent economic realities he speaks about stress reduction. He discusses meditation, music, aroma and art therapy and more. G-d bless his soul.

While I had the Torah Temimah handy, I took a look and saw that Chazal note that the command to light a candelabra with olive oil includes the word eilecha - to you. The point is that G-d doesn't need the light of the oil. Torah Temimah elaborates and quotes other examples which illustrate how the splendor of the Beit HaMikdash is for our spiritual benefit.

Now

And then

I think that

I am stressed out.

Then I look around

And I realize that I

Am more aware than many

Awareness allows me to pause

Which is what I am doing right now

Breathing in and out, thanking G-d for life.

Was Thomas Wolfe Right?

I have a ride from Queens to The Heights in five minutes. Home is home. Mom is gone (HKP). It was nice spending Shabbos with dad (HSLABW). This is the sixth Shabbos without mom in the world. Five of those six I've spent with family. Mom is here in different way. Still not used to that. The rabbis say that it takes 12 months for a person to be forgotten from the heart. They will never be forgotten, but the deep hole in the heart, to some extent, heals after a year. I'm just guessing here.

Yesterday I had the honor of reading aloud what I think must be the longest Haftorah. It's the aliyah that an aveil is supposed to get. So I got it. But I don't get it. Over Shabbos I looked at a picture of me from the early nineties. I seemed to have more answers then. I miss that. And yet. There's so much I miss. Can I go home again?

It's Cold Out There Every Day

Maybe it's time to start text messaging to friends I just met on the bus and leave blogging behind. It's amazing how quickly something can grow old. CDs came and left like a wink. And while I was shedding a tear for the CD the basic cell phone packed it's bags and evacuated the planet along with emailing, blogging, and Please Leave Your Message At The Sound Of The Beep.

I feel like a few years ago if I posted a questionnaire on anger I'd have gotten a response or ten. The rule, which I usually ignored, was obvious - write about yourself and maybe they'll skim, ask questions and people will prop up and tell you their story. But all has grown quiet on the blogger front. And though I, clearly, mind for the moment, mainly I stand by my story that this is an extension of diary writing I've been doing my whole life, blah, blah, blah. To paraphrase the coffee smuggler in that old Israeli joke - if they want they'll read, if they don't, they won't.

The above cited joke is used as the example in the How To Kill A Joke segment of The Big Book of Jewish Humor (you can find it here). When I've told over this piece it's proven to be a favorite for listeners, especially some members of my brother's family - TSLABW - particularly my youngest nephew - HSLABW (BTW -YSALABW). It's a great bit, universal. I see it daily. I once adapted this to my routine, using one of my own jokes as the example and it worked. INote to self - run with that.

Thre's a teacher who's claim to fame is that he starts the year announcing - "They say about me that I have a short fuse...It is not true...I have no fuse at all." Sometimes I think - it's not that I have thin skin, I have no skin at all. I work at fighting it - but I seem to have extra receptory perception and I'm unsure of how to block the harmful rays. This comes to mind because today I told a friend and driver who had just pointed out once again a crazy driver in ront of us. I said that we forget but driving is objectively dangerous. This seemed to bother him. "Just because you're scared of it doesn't mean it's dangerous." Lately, I feel like I'm getting klopped about the driving issue more than ever. And it hurts.

The alarm just rang. Time to get up. Wishing everyone a safe, happy, healthy and - as my right hand friend likes to say - growth filled day.
l

DJ No. 1: All right, campers, rise and shine! —

and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooooold out there today.
DJ No. 2: It's cold out there everyday. What is this, Miami Beach?
DJ No. 1: Not hardly!

Ever Since Sinai (click for link)

Sometimes when I wake up I'm still partially in dreamland. I am so close to that city that I remember not only the dreams I just had, but I also am filled with pieces from other visits. This morning, a few minutes out, I remembered a rabbi not prone to giving blessings calling me over from a large group standing around him and placing his hands on my head and saying a heartfelt blessing for something I want in my life. Then there was a Shabbos meal in dreamland in which a single male said that he was at this gathering, with this crowd, not for himself but more-so for his sister who was single and older than him, looking for someone for her. Then there was a return visit to my grandparents' apartment. This time there was a crew of us assessing the place and the problem of mold that had taken over the walls...

School/work day begins to fade, though I will carry it for hours and hours and days and days and then I'll actually be back in the field. I need to start eating farfel on Shabbos to remember to let bygones be ferfalen. And I need to take zman cheiruteinu seriously, on the deepest most real level.

It got really warm on Thursday and I was sitting at about 1:45 (when my father - HSLABW - called to say hello), doing Torah Guidance on the balcony. I had a really nice talk with a student who told me he liked what I said on the Junior trip in December. I told him that I hadn't heard much feedback on it. He wisely explained that teenagers (people in general) don't usually give unsolicited feedback to educational programs. They just move on, as it should be (as Mary Poppins tells her talking bird, who is sad that the family she helped will move on and not think much about her)

I have been up since 7ish, having slept from 2ish till then. I forced myself to go to the library right after selling chameitz post davening. And I've been here ever since. Now it's time to move on, as it should be.

Baruch Dayan Emet

Tonight my father (HSLABW) passed forward a gig idea. We hung up and I took another call and then a fuse blew. Besides the very back rooms (bed and bath) everything else went out. I hung up on my dear friend and headed out to buy fuses. G-d had me bump into a neighbor who owns a hand me down bag of fuses. I unscrewed one little orange bulb and turned a new one clockwise in the same spot. In a second the fridge was whirring and the lights were back. Yeshuat Hashem KeHeref Ayin.

In the in between time my father called me back with a new and urgent message. Rabbi Baruch Borchardt, our cousin, the long time executive director of Aggudat Yisrael has passed away. Baruch Dayan HaEmet. The funeral is tomorrow morning in Brooklyn.

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Shabbat was filled with much needed rest and breath. Great company, conversation, food, Torah, Tefillah, reading, sleep.

Is a Nazir good or bad? Could it depend based on his situation. The question was raised - why can't a woman be a Nazir. I was pleased that I had THE answer to that question. What does it mean that someone who sees a Sotah should become a Nazir? Could it be that the Nazir debate is a debate about Judaism? About life? Is it more holy to separate from the world or to embrace it. When you see tragedies like tat of Sotah, should you look away or take it in? Is escape ever acceptable? Why were the keilim covered when they travelled? Along with the very occasional "could you pass the kugel these were the kinds of questions, the kind of people I was dealing with at my meals.

Someone at the table saw My Father My Lord and hated it - felt it was warped and nasty in taking issues that could appear in any family and blaming the problems on a family's being frum. A couple just finished watching The Savages and felt that it picked up in the second half. Someone else is in the middle of Like Water For Chocolate, which everyone agreed is a good movie of the magical realism variety. Someone else just saw Beaufort and it really stayed with her, more like a science fiction film than a war one - in a good way.

I have a rash where I wear my watch. I switched arms. Now I have a matching rash on each wrist. There is much to say about this, metaphors and facts abound.

If I don't post beforehand I wish you now a great Kaballat HaTorah.

G-d Bless,
Neil

Let There Be Peace

I was walking before and the idea of the emotional pains that we all have entered my head. And I imagined getting home and writing about the baggage of hurt we all carry. But now that I'm sitting listening to Peter Paul and Mary sing Rocky Road I think I've changed my mind.

Riding home on the bus I imagined sitting during the time before Shabbos and writing about the Parsha as I learned and put it together. I saw an interesting Ohr HaChayim, thought about writing it up. Probably, no.

Now Jim Croce is singing to the kind operator that there's no one there he really wants to talk to, he doesn't want his ex-friend Ray's number after all, the operator can keep the dime... When we were kids my brother (hslabw) got Photographs and Memories, from Korvettes. And I remember him telling me that he only knew one or two songs on it before getting it and not to tell our parents that. "Isn't that the way they say it goes? - But let's forget all that."

On Freshman retreat I did a skit with a colleague. We call it The Wayne Skit (it's his idea to use Wayne because it's never the name of our students). It's a good improv vehicle about two guys who each get a call, one about Wayne Schwartz' funeral the other about Wayne Goldstein's wedding. They meet on the train and share that they each heard about Wayne, but they think they each heard the same news about the same Wayne. So all these misnderstandings ensue. Before we meet we each do a bit alone, Bob Newhart style, when we get the news on the phone. In the three years we did it, I've played the one who gets the news about the Wayne who died. Someone asked me what I meant by one of the improvised lines - and I didn't know. It just came out of my head and mouth because it sounded funny. My character is getting the news and information from his mother and one of his responses was - "OK, I won't sit in the front row." Someone really wanted to know what it meant, but it doesn't work that way.

I just saw a commercial for HDDVD - "DVD like you've never seen it before, in high definition." Seven Wright has a cousin with HDADHD - he almost never focuses, but when he does it's unbelievable."

I've got rhubarb and strawberries (both with hashgachas p the wazoo) boiling - haven't made that in ages. Meals are set. Please G-d tonight I'll be a newborn who holds the name of my dear lost friend.

I'm waiting for a delivery. It's supposed to come by three, so it should be here soon (being that it's 3:30). And I'm waiting for Shabbos, while acting coolly disinterested.

A recent conversation brought these thoughts back to mind:

To me a neat poem is real, a clean toilet less so.

Yet, these things must be cared for

and so this morning I am cleaning house.

I like when things are ordered but making them so is not my forte.

Yet, I value the concept, and even the thing itself

and occasionally force myself to dive in - or more aptly, to wet my toes.

One of the odd jobs I did,

while spending my twenties in yeshiva in Jerusalem,

was that of pot washer. I did it a handful of times,

but it was for hours each time.

There was something otherworldly and

also uniquely real about the act of washing dishes.

The kitchen was an old school operation.

I wore a giant rubber apron and sprayed water

at high speeds onto large quantities of large cooking and eating utensils.

There seemed little choice but to throw myself totally in to the moment

and thus into the water and metal and rubber. And I sweated.

And it felt very different, very difficult, and very good.

As much as I am disinclined to doing housework

I sometimes think back to that yeshiva kitchen.

I just now sat on the floor of my bathroom scrubbing away.

And when it started to hurt I escaped to the computer.

But, perhaps if I go back, push, and sweat it out,

I'll get more of what I got in yeshiva that the learning didn't provide.

Perhaps as I return now to clean

I'll find something that this typing can't give me.

I'm not sure what it is, but I know it when I experience it.

Maybe it is the simple joy of hard physical labor.

Or it is simply a clear example of how effort can remove dirt and purify.

Perhaps it is the use of mostly body and a little bit mind,

as opposed to the writing process

which is the reverse (if the tapping of fingers counts at all).

What it is is good. And while I sigh as I leave my keyboard,

at the same time I am happy to go back to the floor to scrub some more.

;

.

I wish everyone a Shabbat Shalom.

May you and I be blessed to know peace.

Good Vuch

I was just thinking that one day I'll search the words "home again" to find posts in which I used that phrase, which I often evoke from the basement of my youth (that may sound poetic but it's physically where the computer is in my dad's - hslabw - house, where I am once again, at this moment.  I just made one day into now and searched that term.

Not sure what else to add.  I am grateful to G-d for so many things that are in my life.

This paragraph from AM Homes' May We be Forgiven (page 299) resonated for me in relation to how I sometimes think i have so much to write and then it doesn't flow:

"All that comes out is so short, as though the story has sucked itself back into the deep ether, like a tragic genie racing back into the bottle."

Like Stained Glass Windows

Yes, today is a snow day, my place of employment is closed. It wasn't as bad as they predicted, which seems to happen a lot. My father (HSLABW) pointed out to me - a few days ago as they were starting to build this up - that the radio announcers (probably TV too) overplay any chance of snow as a way of getting listeners.

Last night at parent teacher conferences I overheard the teacher next to me (we all sit at little cafe tables in the gym) telling the parents she was meeting with how sweet snow days are. She explained that on any other day off she fills it up with commitments but snow days are unexpected, found, free time. She always has long lines and spends a while with the parents. I usually bring her food because she doesn't break for meals.

I have mixed feelings about most things and snow days are included. I need to make order, yet I'd rather write. One of my favorite roommates ever had his own room with a lock on the door. I liked knowing someone was around but not in my face. Alone with my books and DVDs and computer and food and thoughts in my warm apartment on a cold snowy day I don't feel like cleaning up. I feel like surfing through stuff in my emotional and physical space.

Jill Sobule went to a psychiatrist just the other day and after she finished her 45 minutes of explaining her problem he handed her a prescription. The prescription read: 10 DAYS - NO INTERNET. She tried to stay off line but James Mason in a movie led her through an internet odyssey of Jews who changed their names. Two hours later she posted that she really was going to take a break. Something to think about.

WFUV is having a fundraiser day. Why do I listen when they spend most of the day soliciting?
This morning the DJ spoke about her husband and how he gets up with her at 3 every morning before her shift and makes her breakfast. Beautiful. But maybe she's setting the bar and the hopes too high for the rest of us.

Yesterday in the Hilton I woke up hours before minyan. I thought about changing the world. I clicked on the TV and Bee Season was starting. A sign. I watched part of it and was intrigued. I loved Akeela and the Bee and Spellbound. There are similarities in how they all jump cut the kids spelling in quick succession. It's amazing how dramatic spelling can be.

I'm facing the window as I type and it's snowing now the way it was supposed to snow through the night. The present DJ is playing The Power of Two after dedicating it to his wife Amy (not to be confused with the Amy singing the song). Sigh.

The snow is lovely. Less attractive is the view of the brick widow filled wall of the building next door. Reminds me of the one man who sits by the window in the home for bedridden people. Anyone remember that powerful tale?

I just spoke to a dear friend who's wife just went through the same serious surgery for the second time. Miraculously, all went well. Thank G-d that all went well. Thank G-d for true love.

Not long ago the police appeared in a friend's building. Finally she found out what the commotion was. A neighbor died. The young woman was dead for weeks and no-one knew. This shook my friend up. She called me and I listened and I told her it was OK to be affected by what happened. Yes, it would have shaken me up if someone died down the hall from me and no-one noticed till weeks later when the landlord broke the door down because the rent was grossly overdue. Mind boggling, frightening, shocking.

The Curious Jew, since she started Stern, has been posting her blow by blow descriptions of shiurim, lectures, and events. She recently described the NY premiere of the documentary about Rabbi Soloveitcik. Worth a look. Also notable is her poem inspired by a picture and a quote.

I had intended for this post to cover the entire day onto the night, but I need to go out. So I'm going to post now.

Stay warm, happy, healthy , safe. Do your best. No matter what.

Rav Berokah Would Agree

I was in the YU library and bumped into (actually he snuck up on me) a dear childhood friend. At the moment that he came over I was asking the librarian for the Yated Ne'men from two week's ago. I wanted to photo-copy the beautiful tribute to my father's (HSLABW) cousin, Rabbi Baruch Borchardt (Lehibadel Min HaChayim UMin HaMeitim)(ZT"L).

As my friend and I did some catching up, I photocopied my article of interest and discovered another one - tribute to Rav Henoch Leibowitz (pictured on the left) (ZT"L). (In conversation, my old friend expressed blog related curiousity, asking questions like, "How do you post?" and "How do you put pictures in?" So I showed him how it works (memo to self: a blogger museum). As an example I googled and pasted a photo of my friend's late Rosh Yeshiva.

The Yated Neeman piece bon Rav Leibowitz, by Rabbi Dovid Max, includes a section on humor, of special interest to me. It states: "The Rosh Yeshiva stressed the importance of a healthy sense of humor. In earlier generations, when people were stronger, some gedolim emphasized the need to be very serious; one well known example was Rav Elchonon Wasserman (H"YD/ZT"L). But this approach is not healthy for the weaker generation we live in; we are in danger of buckling under pressure if we are too serious. The Rosh yeshiva would often laugh and joke with his talmidim. Sometimes, during the back and forth in the blatt shiur, he would make a show of looking up desperately at the clock. If it was time to end the shiur, he would say, "Saved by the bell!" Of course it wouldn't work: the talmidim would continue to pepper him with questions all the way to the car.) Nevertheless no-one ever felt that the Rosh Yeshiva's dignity was compromised by his warmth and openness. He was approachable to everyone, yet projected a spiritual greatness that inspired reverence and even awe."

My friend's attention was caught by that paragraph and he recalled fondly the first time that he had a long private talk with Rav Leibowitz in the Rosh Yeshiva's home. For about half an hour before talking about anything else the Rav told his talmid one joke after another. And they laughed. My friend understood that the Rosh Yeshiva was trying to reach him where he was at, knowing that he was a funny guy due to his involvement in the Yeshgiva Purim shpiels.

After about twenty minutes the Rebetzin - who was ever protective of the great rabbi - heard the laughter and came in and asked, "Oh, is X telling you jokes?" And it was quickly made clear to her that this time it was the other way around.

I speak professionally on the topic of humor in Judaism, maybe I've blogged about it. Now I have a new piece to add. While this is not a humor outlet for me, I am a big believer in humor.

Gut Vuch

Shabbos has been out for about an hour. In that time I spoke to my Hin-Jew friend, my director friend, and my dad (HSLABW - and my friends too).

Read more of Dani Shapiro over Shabbos. Her stuff resonates for me. She writes of debating with a childhood friend whether or not they feel connected to themselves in their youth. Her friend says he feels no connection to the kid he was. She disagrees, seeing her various selves through time "like a fragile chain of paper dolls."

"I looked at my friend across the table. I could still see the seventh grader I had once known, alive inside him... Was there - surely there must be - a through line connecting the disparate parts of ourselves?... I could see that it would be desirable, maybe even preferable, to disavow pieces of the past... But I knew better...I had felt my past unfurl inside me as if it had a mind of its own... A jumble, perhaps, but nothing is ever missing. Just hidden from view." - Devotion, Dani Shapiro, pg. 134

Recently at my high school reunion (which I saw more as sacred than social and thus went, despite aveilus) I had the same dialogue with a former classmate. We were flipping through the yearbook and he commented - upon seeing his picture - that he has no connection to that person. Then we found my picture and I said that that me lives inside of this me big time.

Recently I had a great, real heart to heart with a colleague and friend. He had asked me some time ago about if I always post as much as I seemed to at the time when he visited and told me he liked what he saw. I took the question as critical, judging the amount I write. He followed up, as it came up organically, and told me that my follow up post surprised him. He was impressed by what and how much I write. He wondered where my radar came from, because it was off - it wasn't reading him. Sometimes cliche's are true - actually they always have some truth to them, that's how they develop. Take, "It's not you, it's me please."

I told my friend about the book about very sensitive people, the phenomenon. I hope to lend it to him. Having found it for him, I gave it another look for me. Maybe for you. Take this test to see if you're highly sensitive.

Tonight at Shaloshudis Rabbi Shalom Carmy spoke to note the tenth Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Yosef Wanefsky. On line, I found an audio version of the hesped given by Rav Aharon Lichtenstein. Here, you can read a beautiful poem about Rabbi Wanefsky, by Rabbi David Ebner.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now, just in case anyone is itching to read what I write hot off the pressing of the orange publish button.

I was reminded of this painting

by my dear friend and congregant

the great artist Itzhak Holtz (HSLABW)