"Light Up Your Face With Gladness"

In the summer of '06 I asked the proprietor of Moriah bookstore in The Old City if he had any books relating to Torah and humor. He recommended Chiyuchah Shel Torah, a lovely book of vorts on the parshiyot collected by long time mechanech (mostly in Ma'aleh high school in Yerushalayim) Rabbi Yehudah Greenspan's son. The sefer is similar in title and more to Rabbi Abraham Twerski's Smiling Each Day. Both of the books have nice stories and thoughts and neither of them are laugh out loud funny, often not funny at all.

I took Chiyuchah Shel Torah off the shelf on Friday for the first time in a

while after I heard Rabbi Shalom Rosner quote from it in his online shiur (which I finally checked out for the first time because my nephew Kovi and my neighbor Andrew are such big fans of it). In his thoughts on Eikev Rabbi Greenspan cited a story about the Netziv asking a (former) student "Vas machst du?" Understanding the question colloquially - to be asking how someone else is - the fellow said that both his health and livelihood were fine. The Netziv asked the question again and the guy said, : "I already answered that my health and parnasah are fine." The Netziv explained that he was asking the question in the more literal sense - what are you doing? - while the student was not answering the question because he was listing things that G-d was doing for him, not what he was doing for G-d.

In Smiling Each Day's entry for the twentieth of Av, Rabbi Twerski tells the following joke: Two patients who shared a hospital room each had a broken leg. The Dr. came in and examined the first man. As the doctor moved and examined his leg the gentleman wailed in pain. Next the doctor checked out and manipulated the leg of the second guy. The man didn't make a sound. After the doctor left the room the first man said to the second man there, "I am amazed at how you held back from screaming in pain." The second fellow replied, "Are you kidding? After I saw what he did to you, I showed him my good leg." The moral is that people often hold back from exposing their issues to people who can help them spiritually. Just like the doctor can't diagnose your broken leg if you show him the healthy one, spiritual healers can't help us if we hide our flaws and flaunt our good side."

Curioser and Curioser (Click For Reference)

THE LIFE THAT I HAVE

The life that I have is all that I have

And the life that I have is yours

The love that I have of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have, a rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause

For the peace of my years in the long green grass

Will be yours and yours and yours.

I wonder what led Chelsea and her husband to include Leo Marks' poem, The Life That I Have in their wedding ceremony. A pretty poem, but what an unusual choice! The short piece is a work by a British cryptographer from World War II, who made his codes harder by using his own poems. This one was in a movie about the French agent Violette Szabo, who received the coded message from Marks. The poem was featured in the biopic Carve Her Name With Pride. There's also a movie about the bookstore co-owned by Marx's father, called 84 Charing Cross Road.

On Seinfeld On Life

I read an article about eight years ago, actually - I ate the article. I flavored it and tasted it and swallowed and digested it. The journalist Rick Lyman spent a day sitting and walking around with Jerry Seinfeld. I found the piece fascinating. It was soon after his show ended and Seinfeld chucked all his old material and spent his days mining for and refining new bits.

In my mind, I remembered a line he said as follows: "People always say that life's too short, but live as though life's too long." I just searched the article and realize now that I tweaked the idea into my own words. The actual quote from the September 15, 2002 article entitled "Going Hunting In Seinfeld Country, Just For Laughs" appears below: You can find the article here, which I recommend only if you're a student of comedy - you may need to be a Times member (free) to access it.

''Can you believe the number of people who don't have to be at work?'' Mr. Seinfeld says. ''What are all these people doing? Actually, this is a great intersection, 67th and Columbus. You've got ABC over there, a Starbucks over here, a Reebok over there. It's a perfect confluence of wasted time.''

On which corner did he think the most time was wasted?

''Oh, right here,'' he says. ''These places are temples of wasted life. I do this bit in my act that people say life is too short when it's actually too long. These places prove it. This exists solely to drain off excess time.''

He begins to scribble more furiously. (Times link)

Pre Davening Thoughts

The traditional explanation of the first blessing of the "birchot hashachar" - morning blessings - is that we thank G-d for giving the sechvi - rooster - the understanding to be able to differentiate between day and night. The more novel approach is that the unusual word sechvi does not refer to a rooster but to the human soul. We thank G-d for the ability we are blessed with, the ability to discern between light and darkness, between good and bad.

Anyone out there know chapter and verse in Shulchan Aruch where it states not to do anything not related to davening pre-davening. For the moment I am trying to focus on prayer, pre-prayer. Sadly, the pre-prayer can be more inspiring than the syncopated, rote communal prayer.

Rav Levi Yitzchak once ran after a man who ran out of shul at the end of davening. He asked the fellow where he was running and the guy said he was rushing to get parnasah. Rav Levi Yitzchak asked him, "How do you know it's in that direction - away from shul, and not back in the shul?"

Scenes From A Day

There's a live version of Landslide where Stevie Nicks says, "This one's for you daddy." This morning while saying kaddish that popped in my head, as I thought, "This is for you Mom." I'm staying with a friend who noticed my very early rising and asked if it was about being anxious to get to shul say the kaddish. It's actually about why I'm saying the kaddish. This week a Rabbi refered to me as a kaddish zugger. Lovely. I don't quite get the habitual angle, I want saying kaddish - like everything in my life to have meaning. But it's hard. The rabbi in shul this morning gave me the time frame. Starting time is 6:45 and ending time is 7:30, whether there's long tachanun and laining or not. Yishtabach gets reached in seventeen minutes and all karbanot are said. Sigh.

Did you ever hear the same topic discussed by two different people with a short amount of time of each other? Last Motzai Shabbos a presenter at AJOS said that someone at his own sheva brachot shared a thought based on the law of hanging the mezuzah.

There's a machloket between Rashi and Rabeinu Tam about whether the mezuzah should rest on the door post in a vertical or horizontal position. Usually we choose between the two opinions one for the psak. This case is unique, as is a combination of the two opinions: we hang the mezuzah in the diagonal position. A beautiful explanation for this is that the mezuzah stand at the frontScenes Frto of the home and is a reminder of the peace that should fill the home. The key to Shalom Bayit is compromise.

Tonight the rabbi in Shul started talking about this between mincha and maariv, how there are two opinions and we do a variation of each, mixing the two. As he was speaking i started thinking that he said this the other night, and then I remembered that was someone else, someplace else. This rabbi offered a different take, that I'd never heard before (the compromise vort is an old favorite of mine). He said he heard a theory that if the mezuzah was either up and down or sideways, during the Crusades the Christians would make a second line and turn the mezuzah into a cross. By making it diagonal this problem was avoided.

The rabbi was continuing his thoughts after ma'ariv, although I was with people and needed to leave. As I was leaving the shul, I told him the shalom bayit and he liked it and decided to add it to the shiur, Cool.

From The Morning Prayers

A person should always be G-d fearing in private - physically private areas, as well as in the innermost recesses of his heart, also out in the open, and a person should always acknowledge the truth, and should speak the truth to others and when he or she rises should say: Master of All Worlds, it is not on the basis of our being righteous that we present our supplications before You, rather it is due to your abundant mercies...

Leich LeShalom

"Every one of us has to cross the bridge or fade away." - I was struck today by those words written by Bernie Taupin, sung by Elton John. I took the pictures above yesterday. Walking along the empty shore at off hours helps me, hopefully, to move toward crossing my bridge. I wrote the following two poems today, sitting alone in the sand and sea.

I watch a sailboat

As the waves tackle my toes

Beneath the jetty

------------------------------------------

Go toward peace

Or she may not

Come to you

Amen

When we pray, we pray in plural: forgive us, heal us, give us peace. Thinking on the other hand tends to be singular. When I was seventeen, my night Rebbe in yeshiva - Rabbi Mordechai Machlis suggested that our private Shmoneh Esrei is for ourselves and the prayer of the Shliach Tzibbur is for the klal. That being so, perhaps Chazarat HaShatz should be said slower, with more audience participation. One of the things I've learned from my seven months - so far - of saying kaddish is that the give and take of tefilah is underplayed. Brachot, kedusha, kaddish, are treated as private prayers of the one saying them aloud. They are meant to be public outcries followed by crowd responses. May it be G-d's will that we improve in our communal approach to prayer, and let us say...

Book Review - Yehuda Halevi By Hillel Halkin

Yehuda Halevi

Hillel Halkin
Schocken, 2010

Reviewed by Neil Fleischman

Hillel Halkin's Yehuda Halevi is serious, deep, rich, poetic, and real. It is an honor to write about this work. While most frum people automatically associate Halevi with the Kuzari or possibly with one (Libi BeMizrach) or maybe two (Tzion Halo Tish'ali) of his poems, this review - as the book it is about - will focus on him as a poet of his time, still relevant today. (Go to http://listserv.biu.ac.il/cgi-bin/wa?A3=ind1007&L=LOOKJED&E=quoted-printable&P=315608&B=------%3D_NextPart_000_0000_01CB2DAE.D8B410F0&T=text%2Fhtml;%20charset=windows-1255&XSS=3&header=1 and scroll down for full review at the Lookjed/Bar Ilan website - reprinted/linked to here with permission.)

Robert Klein is 68

It's Not You It's Us

When we watch actors,

Say they're getting on in years

We know that we are

Yehi Ratzon

May it be your will, L-rd, my G-d, and G-d of my fathers, to protect me today and every day from insolent men and from impudence: from a wicked man, from an evil friend, from an evil neighbor and from an evil occurrence, from death, from bad judgement, a bad litigant, both Jewish and non Jewish. - From The Morning Prayers

The Antiginsberg

;

Kaddish teaches us

that it's hard to follow rules

For us, not for G-d

h

I Took Some Comfort There

I've just returned home from the AJOS convention at the beautiful Heritage Hotel. On the left is a picture taken by me from the balcony and a picture taken of me on the balcony. I'm not a big hotel person, they can feel to me like very lovely jails, yet I have to admit I enjoyed being in this hotel. The staff were all friendly and accommodating (and when that happens it's not an accident and not a small thing). The hotel and setting were rustic and warm. There was all male swimming and I swam for the first time in about thirty years (I was the only one who took advantage of the swim time, until one other gentleman appeared). The hotel is not always kosher but they are catered and have frum groups regularly, including on Pesach (run by Mendy Vim). The hotel owns its own siddurim and has regular keys for the doors for Shabbos (haven't seen that in a couple of decades). There are great spots and views inside and out for reading, writing, thinking. I found comfort.

Between The Sessions

On Friday night Rabbi Nachman Cohen gave a talk about the effect of Rachel and Leah on their sons. What stayed with me most was a surprising aside. Yaakov says to Rochel, "Hatachat Elokim anochi." Rabeinu Bachai says that this was a declarative statement, while the general understanding is that it's a rhetorical question. I wish I was able to take notes - perhaps, if I decide it's appropriate and muster up the courage I'll contact him for his notes. He developed the idea that Leah's major focus was to be loved by her husband. Thus, her early children are all given names that reflect her feeling unloved. And their personalities reflect her mood. They are impulsive and angry, quick to defend honor. Her later children, after she declares that her husband now loves her, have names and personalities that reflect peacefulness and being comfortable in their own skin.

I hope before the day is over to walk around Southbury, Connecticut. It's lovely here and the hotel has maps of walking routes. I've met some nice people and had a good time. I'm not big on going away like this, something I should probably change.

Over Shabbos I met someone who is researching the topic of relevancy and asked me if I had any sources up my sleeve. The mishanh in Avot says that a sign of a sophisticated/wise person is that they respond to first things first and last things last. Rabeinu Yonah explains that one does not need to be very savvy to remember to answer three questions in the same order in which they were presented. Rather he says the sign of a wise person they respond to points in the order which makes most sense, which generally entails reordering the original information.

I believe in mussar and middot. I'm not saying the work is easy and I'm not saying I'm good at it. But I do wonder what man is if not a mentsch. When I attend lectures or prayer services I can't help but have a spiritual radar. Is there sincerity at the core? Gentleness? Humility? The body language of human interactions rises above any spoken words. That's one of the things I've been thinking about at this convention, between the sessions.

Ten Seconds Till sleep

Life is not a dream

Life is the pursuit of dreams

Good night and G-d speed

"Another Runner In The Night"

Over Shabbos I passed a colorful poster many times. It reads, "Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others." I thought it ironic that this work was hanging in a thoroughfare that a person could easily walk by without ever noticing it.

I am at the 50th annual summer convention of the Association of Orthodox Jewish Scientists. Thankfully AOJS - in their own words - "is divided into three major sections: Physical & Computer Sciences, Medical & Life Sciences, and Behavioral Sciences." My first fear about going to the convention was that it would be all about evolution, stem cell research, and in vitro fertilization. None of those topics made the cut. The topics were wide ranging, populist in nature, and user friendly.

This after I went to a talk given by the brilliant and cheerful Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg on "The Ethics of Blogging." Before getting to lamdus about whether or not writing is like speaking and issues of loshon harah and rechilus he gave a background to blogging. He mentioned the monumental blog dooce.com (because the author lost her job due to her blog the urban dictionaries now include the expression getting dooced, as referring to being fired due to something you wrote on your bog - beli ayin harah, poo poo poo).

I have so much to say, always do. And yet (how often do I use that phrase?) I'm busy here. I will leave you for now with a link to the "About Me" page on Heather Armstrong's dooce.com. Hers is a fascinating story and she tells it well. j

Shavua Tov world

May we all have a strong week

Heal where we're broken

Good Shabbos To All

I can only allow myself about ten minutes to share. Mincha is soon and the right thing to do would be there early and maybe fight for my right to lead. I'm sitting in front of a fountain in a garden in Southbury. It's nice, bordering on bucolic. I've been here since 12, now is when most people seem to be rushing in. I was just asked to fill out a shiduch questionnaire. When I overheard someone say "You're at table 13 I thought they were talking to me." I asked and was told, "No, you're at the singles table." Simple enough. And yet.

I'm at the conference of Orthodox Jewish scientists. I decided to treat myself. First time ever going away for Nachamu. It's not a singles thing. And yet.

Shabbos is meant to be felt. Not everything or everybody likes to be touched, but Shabbos does. Shabbos is meant to be tasted, felt, seen, heard, and spoken to.

Please listen to me

My arriving Shabbos Queen

Please understand me

Tell me you get my meaning

G-d you sure smell nice tonight

VaEtchanan - On Prayer

"Va'etchanan el Hashem BaEit Hahi Leimor"

The Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh on the short opening pasuk of Parshat Va'etchanan writes that there are 4 conditions required for tefillah to be answered.

1 - Tefillah must be a request for mercy (tachanunim) like a poor beggar knocking on a door. This is based on Mishlei 18:23, “Tachnaum yedaber rash”- a poor person asks for entreaties. He explains that the reverse is true as well, that an arrogant attitude of entitlement is the ticket to not receiving your request.

2 - A person must ask from the true source of mercy, only from God. A person should not put his trust in any person, only in God, The Creator, who watches over people and is in a stand alone position to assist us.

3 - Timing: As Dovid Hamelech wrote (Tehllim 69:14) “Vani tefilati lechaHashem et ratzon.” As in our human interactions in this life, timing plays a major role in petitioning G-d. As important as what we ask for is, the element of when we make our request is of paramount importance.

4 - Precision is important when it comes to prayer. This relates to a story from Esther Rabbah about a worn out traveling man who prayed for "a donkey for carrying." He wanted the animal as a mode of transportation because he was tired of walking. Because he did not phrase his words clearly he received a weak donkey that he needed to carry, instead it carrying him. While the story may sound extreme, the importance of ordering or words clearly is crucial when we ask for something from G-d in particular, and in any statement we utter in general.

These 4 stipulations are implied by the opening words of Parshat Va'etchanan.

1 - “Va'etchanan” teaches us that our prayers must be tachanunim, urgent and contrite supplications for mercy
2 - “El Hashem”-This teaches that we should ultimately present our requests only to God.
3 - “BaEit Hahi” this teaches that the timing of our prayers matter greatly because no one would have known a better time to approach G-d than Moshe did.
4 - “Leimor” this teaches that we should be careful to say precisely what we want in order to get it. It's like the old saying: "Be careful what you ask for..."

I Want To Get Me My Own Haiku Book

I don't blog daily
Such foolish consistency
Says "I have no life"
k
- Siobhan Adcock

I like that I have a long uninterrupted streak of blogging daily. Yet I was thinking of skipping a day. For the most part, I'm staying with that thought.[

Prism Post

Today I received an email about a humpback whale. I like to verify with Snopes to see if these interesting stories are true; this one is. For some reason when these cool stories are true they get dumbed down and mythologized in the email versions. An example of this is the Josh Bell subway story; the original article won a Pulitzer prize and was outstanding writing, the email version - not so much. Here's a piece about the whale who seems to have said thanks. (Photo of humpback whale eye by Dirk Bruin).

I've been asked how I choose what I post, and the questioners seem to expect some kind of methodological answer. No. I post in the moment; either what's happening in the moment externally or what I am thinking about.

Every now and then I do a meta post, blog about blogging: Last night, after the fast, before I ate, I stayed in Shul and wrote an acrostic poem about what I was feeling. It got lost. Sigh. Maybe it was a sign that I shouldn't share it. The night before, Tisha B'Av night, I gave a shiur and was going to read my own kinnah in my conclusion but had forgotten to take it out of by knapsack. I took it as a sign to not share it.

I got a hair cut today. The barber hurt me, scratched my neck up good and blamed it on my sensitive skin. That leads me to share that I'm not a fan of my baldness or my grey/white hair. I don't feel like doing the comb-over or the hair dye. I try to just be, but it's not easy. I'm thinking of shaving off the beard, so there's a little less white hair on my face. The mustache is still all brown, not even gray. Hmm.

That reminds me that I'm not thrilled about my strabismus (a condition which prevents bringing the gaze of both eyes to the same point in space) or my scoliosis (curved spine). I think Erikson would agree that the effects of being a boy who can't hack sports takes a toll. Sometimes I list things I'm grateful about, for the moment though, I kvetch. I don't like being overweight, which is easier to fix than some of the other things on my list (like my twisted toe - which my grandmother would work on straightening when I stayed over). I also need to check into my chronic stomach discomfort, not to mention some freckles (oops). (The photo on the left is a recent picture of me and my strabismus; without meaning to I tilt my head as a compensation; it gets a my eyes more aligned).

According to Wikipedia (click link for a strong, detailed article),"Strabismus can be either a disorder of the brain in coordinating the eyes, or of one or more of the relevant muscles' power or direction of motion."That line scares me, I mean the suggestion that its a disorder of the brain. It shakes me up because it rings true and awakens deep seeded fears. It upsets me because it means that even if I have another operation it won't correct the issue of seeing without depth perception and of being unsafe to drive. A procedure on eye muscle and tissue can't correct a disorder of the brain. No wonder the eye surgeons peddling the operation never use the term "disorder of the brain." (Pictured is a textbook case of strabismus).

Over lunch today a friend told me about a speech, which is now a book, by David Foster Wallace. It's called "This is Water." Now that it's been published as a book I can't seem to find the transcript online. From what I read about it, it sounds smart and dark. I hope to check out the book.

I don't have a picture of my own spine, not handy. But on the left is the picture from the Wikipedia article. Rachmanah litzlan - an adult I know recently went through serious surgery and complications related to her scoliosis. May she have a refuah shleimah, as it's serious. I am perhaps Wikipedia's biggest fan; their article on scoliosis is outstanding.

It is now Week Four - Day Three. But the counting is off because of Tisha B'Av, a timeless day. It's the beginning of the middle. Time to get moving on appointments and meetings and purchases and publishing. Time to enjoy refuge and rejuvenation as a new school/work year approaches.

________________

Tennis Lessons

A tennis teacher loves tennis and loves teaching others to improve their game. When someone is mandated to go for lessons, doesn't bring a racket and if he brings it he continues to hold it upside down lesson after lesson, it must be frustrating, I imagine, for the tennis instructor. And when someone comes who can volley with the instructor and loves the game and wants nothing more than to play and improve, it must bring the instructor great joy. It makes sense that whoever runs the club should make sure to get tennis pros as instructors and give them all balanced loads; some of the unmotivated ones who can't keep their eyes on the court, and some of the adept and even gifted tennis athletes. Heavy loads of working with the former can cause burnout, and yet it must be wonderful when the instructors help some of those tough customers. A heavy load of the latter must be great for the pro's game, but as a dedicated professional they surely feel the need to reach out to all of their clientele. It's also most fair that everyone learns how to cater to everyone who comes to the club.

Good night and G-d bless

everyone in every place

every pot and lid

Ki Ha'Adam Eitz HaSadeh

This is the fifth photo I'm posting of the plant that an anonymous parent gave to my school to give out to staff as a pre Shavuos gift. Helen Kowolik taught me that these plants can actually last. Two months on the flowers are gone, but the leaves seem strong and I am hopeful.

Tisha B'Av Ebbs Away

I feel strongly that poetry plays a major part in Tisha B'Av. We say well over 40 poems on this day. In our time many gatherings feature an explanation of the kinot. And yet the way the kinot are approached sometimes brings to mind Billy Collins' insightful poem about people who decode poems but don't appreciate them.

---------------------

l

It's 8:14 PM and I'm watching the Chafetz Chaim Heritage Foundation video. I wrote the above earlier today and hoped to elaborate. For now I am taking in the video, and thinking, thinking, thinking. The topic of the videos is emunah.

Rav Matisyayu Solomon cites the Brisker Rav who asked why is it only in the Ani Maamin about moshiach that we tweak it with an af al pi, as though responding to a question. There could have been such a response, such an even though, regarding faith in G-d or any other of the 13 declarations. The Brisker Rav explains that this is not a response to a doubt but a continuation of the declaration. The first fulfilment of this statement is that we believe, the second is that there's an application of this - that it applies every second.

Someone came to a man and said that he dreamt that that person would one day wake up having become very rich and full of energy. The latter person would be excited every night. If he wasn't excited it would be because he - somehow - didn't realize how good those things he was promised are. If we don't excitedly await mashiach we don't know what to expect.

The era of mashiach will be a time of complete acceptance of G-d, a time of clear knowledge, a time of pride in belonging to G-d. If we really got this, we'd long for it. In Kedusha we say, "Ki mechakim anachnu lach." The Chafetz Chaim says we need to ask if we really mean this. It's like someone impatiently awaiting a cab for a flight and it's getting late. However, the person hasn't packed. So is he really set to go? Are we waiting in a way that includes the reality of being prepared?

Chabakuk set one mitzvah as the main headline: Tzadik Be'Emunato Yichyeh. You can't have emunah without understanding what you are believing in. We need to develop our sense of priorities. The Chafetz Chaim mentions mashiach in each of his sefarim, as a consequence of self improvement in Torah. There are many other sefarim available that discuss mashiach, including a sefer called U'va LeTzion Goel.

------------------------------

l

It's now 8:30 and there's a commercial for the Ani Maamin Foundation on the video between speakers. Now there's another commercial for the book Yearning With Fire. Soon the next speaker, Rav Fischel Schachter will begin. The words that follow this paragraph will be the beginning of my notes on his talk. Meanwhile print ads and dedications are scrolling down the screen as a capella music plays. I am not feeling particularly hungry, more afraid of what's on the other side of food.

--------------------------------

k

A man was davening on Yom Kippur, someone tapped him and told him that he was called to service for war - the Yom Kippur War. Before he goes his five year old son asks when he's going to come home. The father hugs his boy with great emotion in a way he had never reached before. Often, only at a time of great risk do we reach high emotion. On a day like Tisha B'Av we can reach this kind of emotion and ask our Father when he's coming Home. What bridges the gap between pain and hope? Emunah - that realization that you and I are never alone. This is easier to speak about than to live. On Tisha B'Av we can reach a high level of faith.

j

A doctor told an ill woman to give up about having a child. She was a survivor, had survived many stages of difficulty in the Holocaust and in life after. She was so shook up by the words of the doctor she just stayed on the bus she was to take home and rode it back and forth and back and forth. Finally the driver told her that she had to get off the bus. She took this as a metaphor, got off the bus and committed to move forward. A year and a half later she had a child. Rabbi Fischel Schachter knows that story because that woman was his mother and he was the child she had. We all need to commit to do our best and trust in G-d, on Tisha B'Av in particular - when faced with darkness.

o

A way to hold on to our faith is to sit still and say Shmah. The halachah is to stand still, but the deeper meaning is to stop worrying and accept G-d. In it we accept that rachamim and din combine in G-d's attitude to us.

l

In Shul one time a man named Shmuel told R. Schachter about his death march. He refused to stop marching on because he felt life was a gift. One night, in hiding he wanted to say Shmah, but it smelled in the barracks. He walked out to pray. The Kapos mocked him. He felt despair approach, but then remembered that for the moment he was alive and could and should say Shmah with all his might. He felt victorious against their mockery. He went back inside and heard shots. It turns out that the Kapos were shot by the SS before they fled, fearing that the Kapos knew secrets. For sixty years he remembered that story any time he felt tempted to give up.

l

Brachot are another way to strengthen our faith. Ben Ish Chai says the point of brachot is to put fear of G-d in our hearts. Unlike angels when we praise G-d we change the world, says the Meshech Chochmah.

l

A man in Mei'ah She'arim had a sick daughter. He traveled to Tel Aviv to try to meet with a visiting doctor, as a last minute attempt. He rushed, but missed the doctor by a second. He drank water and said a shehakol, and realized that Hashem is available all the time, can't be missed. He felt strengthened. Weeks later he was told that his daughter was on the mend and he believed that the shehakol, in that time and place in his life, is what did it.

Darkness is an opportunity to bridge a day of mourning with the birth of Moshiach.

Pre Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av is a we day, not an I day. It is a day of mourning communal loss, not personal stuff. And yet, we can't easily break away from our selves. Based on Yirmiyahu 13:17 the Gemorah in Chagigah 5b says that G-d has a hidden place named Mistarim where He cries over the destruction of the Temple. This is despite the fact that on the surface He projects happiness (based on Divrei HaYamim 16:27). The Maharal explains that this hidden place where G-d cries is in the soul of every Jew. The idea is that in our souls, which are an aspect of G-d inside us we all mourn over the Churban, even though on the surface we are unaware of this and all seems to be fine. This reality can be compared to a home which is destroyed and the owner is unaware of the true value of the home to the fortune buried in its foundation. We are not in touch with the severity of the loss of the Beit HaMikdash.

The Rama writes in Toras Chaim that Plato was with Nevuchadnetzer when the former destroyed the Beit HaMikdash. Afterward Plato saw Yirmayahu crying uncontrollably. He asked Yirmiyahu if it wasn't beneath such a sophisticated intellect to be crying over sticks and stones. He also asked what the point was to cry about what was in the past. Yirmiyayu responded by asking Plato if he had any major questions about life. Plato presented a litany of difficult questions and Yirmiyayu proceeded to answer each one. Plato was dumbfounded, shocked that anyone could be so wise. Yirmiyahu told him, "I became wise through this building of wood and rock. " Yirmiyahu also said that Plato would not be able to understand why he cried for the past. Rav Simcha Zisel Ziev explained that what seems to be crying for the past is what begins to bring the rebuilding of the future Temple. This is a supra-rational concept, and though seemingly simple would have been beyond Plato's purview of pure logic.

Just as when we appreciate something good we go back to the very roots of that thing (as when we bring Bikkurim we go back to Arami Oveid Avi) so too when it comes to a negative situation to mourn it properly we trace it back to its earliest source. The tears which Yirmiyahu cried for the Churban, and which we continue to cry today go way back. Rabbi Yochanan says (Taanit 29a) that the day that the meraglim gave their report was Tisha B'Av. G-d said "You cried for no reason, I will set this as a perpetual time of tears."

It sounds almost petty on G-d's part. The deeper meaning, according to the Maharal is this: When G-d took us out of Egypt it was a new creation. Our essence was predicated on our connection to G-d, Torah, and the land of Israel. When the people actually cried over the negative report regarding Israel they were rejecting the land and severing their connection to Israel. The consequence of this is that the we have to make the bond once again. Just as it was broken the connection will come about through true tears. Tears are, in the words of Rav S.R. Hirsch, sweat of the soul. Tears reveal what a person truly feels deep inside. Thus, this day must be a day of crying to truly show our longing for the land which we ourselves pushed away with our tears in the time of the meraglim.