After Shavuos

Sometimes when it feels like late last last night but is really early this morning I change the time of the post to 11:59  PM, the night before. I am not doing that this time- real post in real time.  I'm going to be as honest as as i feel it's safe and wise to be. Just got back from Shavuot retreat. A kind gentleman that I crossed path with many years ago and now again told me that when he first saw me on Tuesday I looked weighted down and that over the holiday I blossomed.  That's pretty on the mark, thank G-d.  Lately, and when i say lately I mean the last year, I have felt particularly burdened. Everything changed for everyone in my small nuclear family and it's been hard for everyone and we've all been burdened by life as we know it lately, and when I say lately I mean the last year (though it's really life before that tweaked and stirred and with an exponent added at the end). Shavuot fell out last year on the same days as this year. So it was a Thursday night that I came home late from the same retreat.  And I had work on Friday like I do tomorrow.  And I didn't sleep much over Yom Tov or on this night, early morning, after, like this year.  Please G-d the Shabbos after will be better. It was on the Friday night after Shavuot last year that my dad, HSLABW fell. This year may the healing effect of Har Sinai effect my father and all of us letovah. I have so much to write about burndens and getting unburdened, about swimming and improv, about standing on chairs and walking down to waterfalls, about playing consensus and about consensus not being a game in life, about love and friendship and connection, about conversations not being about what they're about, about life.  I will not break this down into paragraphs.  I must stop attending to this post. I must put myself to bed.