Haiku of the Day

My own ball and chain

I locked it, misplaced the key

G-d please release me

Life from your own loins

I wonder what that feels like

A human you made

I wonder how to

face the voice that tells me that

I am a child

If my bar mitzvah

was yesterday, tomorrow

I'll be eighty-one

A Thousand Words

Me at around thirteen, in the backyard

Post of Chanukah Past and Late Night Haiku

I wrote this last year, "during these days and at this time."

I wrote this post Maariv tonight:

Constant miracles

In those days and at this time

For these we thank G-d

Evening Chanukah Haiku

Every day of life

so far my light has returned

I like how this works

Giving Thanks on Chanukah Part I

– Adapted By Rabbi Neil Fleischmann

From Hegyonei Halachah By Rabbi Yitzchak Mirsky

In recognition of the miracles G-d does for us daily Klal Yisrael recite Modim thanking Hashem for what he does for us constantly. Our appreciation goes so far that we also have a blessing that we recite when we pass a place where a miracle was done for our ancestors: “Baruch she’asah nissim la’avoteinu bemakom hazeh (Shulchan Aruch, Ohr HaChayim 218:61).

This relates to the halachah regarding one who sees someone else’s neirot. Someone who passes by someone else’s Chanukah candles and has not lit candles himself says “she’asah nissim…” (Shulchan Aruch, Ohr HaChayim 676:2). The saying of the brachah, even though he didn’t light the candles himself seems based on saying “she’asah nisim la’avoteinu bemakom hazeh,” which is also said only due to the seeing of a place where a miracle occurred.

Avudraham says that the obligation to say a brachah when you pass a place where a miracle occurred is derived in the Gemorah (Brachot 54a) from Yitro. When Yitro saw the Jews in the midbar he said, “Baruch Hashem asher hitzil etchem… (Shmot 18:10). (There are several people who said Baruch Hashem in the Torah, can you name them and the surprising common denominator they share?)

The Avudraham cites Rabeinu Gershom, who notes that Yitro did not actually see the place (Yam Suf) where the miracle happened. Nevertheless, we learn about this blessing from Yitro. It seems that since Yitro saw the Jews who were saved at the sea it’s as if he saw the sea itself. The same can be said about Chanukah that when you see someone celebrating the miracle it is enough to say the brachah of she’asah nissim yourself. (Although the Rogochover and others say we don’t go this way today.)

Chanukah was basically established as a holiday just to express appreciation for the miracle. Therefore, The Rabbis composed a specific prayer telling about the miraculous events of Chanukah. They included this prayer in Shmoneh Esrei and Birkat HaMazon.

It was more obvious to The Rabbis that it is obligatory to say Al HaNissim in Shmoneh Esrei than it was regarding Birkat HaMazon (Shabbat 24a). This can be understood two ways. There is the approach of Rashi and the approach of Tosafot.

Rashi says that since the days of Chanukah are all about giving thanks to Hashem it makes sense that we must do this in our regular main prayer: Shmoneh Esrei. On the other hand Birkat HaMazon is not a set basic daily prayer, but one that you only say if you happened to eat bread. This is why Chazal were less sure about obligating saying Al HaNissim in bentching than in Shmoneh Esrei.

Tosafot has a different theory as to why the Rabbis were sure that you must say Al HaNissim in Shmoneh Esrei, but less sure about obligating its recital in Birkat HaMazon. He says that the point of Chanukah is not simply to thank G-d but to publicly show our appreciation and spread the news of the miracle. This is why in davening which is done in Shul with a tzibur, you must say Al HaNissim. However, eating is done privately, usually at home, and therefore when you bentch is it optional to say Al HaNissim because you are saying it in private and not really publicizing the miracle.

The Shulchan Aruch rules based on the Gemorah that you have the option to say Al HaNissim in Birkat HaMazon. The Gemorah, however did not offer this option for Al HaMichyah (unlike other holidays) and so we do not mention Chanukah in Al HaMichyah.

Mid-Day Hallel Haiku

I was struck during Hallel and wrote this.

Dovid: "Ahavti"

He loved G-d because

He heard his supplication

From the bonds of death

H.O.T.D.

We are in the world

I am here and you are there

Or, you here - me there.

Chanukah 5770 Day Six Version Two

5770 Chanukah Day Six

Chanukah 5770 - Night 5: How do you translate la'agor?

"Love and light can not be hoarded"

"Ahavah va'ohr ee efshar la'agor"

- Natan Yonatan

Chanukah 5770 Day 4: Lighting Up The World

When put on the spot with, "Tell me a vort," the first one that enters my mind is the one about this world being like a wedding hall (ha'olam hazeh domeh leprozdor lifnei olam habah) and also being compared to darkness (domeh lechoshech). An answer to this apparent contradiction is that the world is a beautiful place and it is covered in darkness. Torah (i.e. our leading a life of Torah) illuminates and thus reveals the grandeur of our dark world. (I heard this from Rabbi Zevulun Charlop, Shli"tah, at a rabbinic luncheon circa 1991. He cited an obscure sefer that I really want to find out the name of).

5770 - Fourth Night of Chanukah: Chanukiah

"Me'at min ha'ohr docheh harbei min hachoshech"

"A bit of light pushes away a lot of the darkness"

- Tzeidah LaDerech

(commentary on Rashi written by

Rabbi Yisachar Ber ben Yisrael Laizer Parnaz Eisenberg

Rabbi of Gorizia, Italy, elected Rabbi of Tzefat

died on the journey there)

Chanukah 5770 - Day Three: More Light

In Tehillim 113:13 Dovid HaMelech states "Mimizrach shemesh ad mevo'o mehulal sheim Hashem" - "From the rising of the sun to its setting, G-d's name is praised." This is the pasuk on the Tehillim card that I randomly chose from the pack today. The comment on the bottom reads, "From the time the sun rises in the east until its return to its source, we are actually witnessing G-d's lending us of His light." I assure that not all of the cards speak of light. I am not stacking the deck.

You Never Know: A Legend Of The Lamed-vavniks explores the concept of the thirty six hidden righteous people who keep the world going. It draws a parallel between what these people bring to this world and the thirty six Chanukah lights. It develops the idea that light and goodness can be hidden and things are sometimes not what you think. I think this is a serious matter, deserving of serious treatment and contemplation.

In the previous post I cited a passage about the woman whose wedding was a celebration of her life which was almost lost on Flight 1549. She appreciated hearing words of praise and seeing how many people turned out, saying it was a foreshadowing of what she might expect at her funeral. This brought to mind PT Barnum's request of the New York Evening Sun to print his obituary early to be sure he saw it in the paper before he died. They did it, writing among other things that "he added to the sum of childhood's and of human joy." In other words, despite his flaws, he contributed to the world positively, in his own way.

As I prepare to shut the light, I write.

Better try the old ABC system, I think

Come and listen to my pre sleep thoughts

Dualism is an issue in my life

Everywhere I turn I see choices

For me there is also a good deal of grey

Great things come if you see all the shades

Help me G-d is sometimes all I can say

I'm thinking of light, maybe because it's Chanukah

Just a little more light, and a little more...

Knowledge is light

Let me have clarity

My G-d rolls away darkness for light

Now my body enters darkness, my soul goes to the Light

One G-d, just one G-d, one.

Please - one G-d, help me

Quietness is noisy sometimes, I pray for balance

Right now I am alone with G-d (and you)

Such odds - how did those Chashmona'im win?

Time flies, we have to hurry

Understanding Chanukah, like life, is not simple

Viewpoints abound; why eight days for a miracle of seven?

Why not say one day is to celebrate the miracle of "nature?"

Xmas has got nothing on the joy we should be feeling

Yes, we did

Zoroastrianism was wrong, there is only one G-d.

Good night and G-d bless

I am tired I confess

Happy Chanukah

Chanukah 5770 - Second Night/Day

We light thirty six official wicks during Chanukah, I'm still thinking about lights. The Rokeach says that this parallels the thirty six days of the first three days of light in creation. That light was so intense that it was dissipated and reserved not for now but for later. The Sfat Emet (as adapted by Rabbi Yosef Stern in Days of Joy) says that the Rokeach's comment "is not merely a numerical analogy but also reveals his insight that every Chanukah by kindling the lights, we are somehow able to elicit the first light of creation."

Adam made a major goof, and G-d told him that Adam had now brought death into life. Adam didn't understand what this meant (like many of us). When the first winter came and daylight started decreasing Adam thought this was death itself. Adam experienced the days getting shorter as a return to the darkness and chaos that enveloped life (like many of us). He set up an eight day period of somber penitence. Then he witness the slow return of light. And he set up an eight day holiday. Hmmmm.

I haven't used my Tehillim cards in a while, till today. I picked a card any card and got one with this message under the pasuk: "G-d encourages all, yet only those willing to face their deficiencies, the humble, receive G-d's light, into the darkest recesses of their lives." I like.

Miracle On the Hudson

I just finished reading Miracle On The Hudson. The survivors formed a group and commissioned journalists to tell their story. It's a remarkable feat. Many pages cover the three minutes or so of the flight. Then the jumping into the water and getting out on the wings. And then the twenty four minutes that it took the ferries, boats, helicopters, and divers to save every single person on the plane.

There was one baby on the flight and the mother, at certain points of the escape from the plane and subsequent rescue, had to trust strangers with taking and hold her baby in precarious circumstances. That's the background you need for the first of the following three excerpts:

Damian was handed around the raft until his mother wedged herself in between others who made room. "Someone literally handed me the baby," said Beverly Mills. "He was just priceless. He screws up his face like he's gonna cry, and he looks at me... He starts playing with my earring. Now he's totally absorbed with this earring... I turned to the other people on the raft and said, 'Guys, I don't know how the rest of you are doing, but the baby is playing with my earring..." We spend a lot of time worrying about the future and regretting the past. We don't spend much time in the moment, and he was in the moment. It was pretty cool." (page 183)

A week after the accident Tripp Harris went to see his pastor in the hopes of making sense of it all. "There were so many things that had to line up. The right pilot on the right plane... My biggest question to my pastor was, 'If G-d put all these things together, why not just move the birds?" Harris was not being flip. His pastor told him that G-d moves birds for a lot of other planes, 'But this was a time when G-d needed to show that he can make miracles happen,' the pastor said. 'This was time when everyone around the world needed a miracle.' (page 206)

Michelle DuPonte had her dream wedding in February, in Hawaii, although the reception did not go exactly as she'd planned. It was better. Despite the bad economy, virtually every friend she's invited spent the money to attend the ceremony. 'Half the people who came couldn't afford to be there,' DuPonte said. 'Everyone was there to celebrate more than Dave and me getting married. It was a celebration of me being alive. Every speech talked about me living after that plane crash. Do you ever wonder how many people are going to attend your funeral? I feel like I have an idea.' (page 213)

All This And Chanukah Too

I had a parsha post I wanted to finish, looks like it won't be happening pre-Shabbos. I have a Chanukah quiz I wanted to re-post, ditto. I have so much to vent and don't know how to choose or quite why I would choose to share anything at all here. And yet.

A neighbor of mine just told me in the grocery that he doesn't have a Chanukah gift for his wife. I told him he could peruse some new books I got a book fair but he seemed set on running to try to get something that feels more appropriate. I just got home a moment ago myself, and there's a lot to do. And yet.

I've been told by a colleague and friend that I've worked with for the last ten years that I bring light to the work place. I believe that she truly feels that way. One year I shared a class room with a Spanish teacher who said that she felt good karma when she entered the room. I believed her too. There's nothing like when someone compliments you and it seems sincere.

I like the idea of light. Every day we thank G-d for creating it. Every day we try to bring a little more of it to the world. When Rabbi Abraham Twerski was born his mother started lighting one more candle for Shabbos. And she told him later that it was because when he was born more light came into the world.

In potential we all have our own share in this world, just like we all have a share in the world to come. And our job is to bring some other worldly light into this world in the way only we can. Once a week we light candles. Once a year we light candles for a week. Light is a major force in Judaism.

I want to be a light creator, not a light blocker. Why does it sometimes feel like a fight? Both from inside and outside the light doesn't always seems to be permitted to readily flow. Part of Chanukah's prayers is that our sparks should be fanned into flames, our hopes should win out over our fears, our Torah should shine brighter than anything.

Every week Erev Shabbos is a scramble for a little light as darkness encroaches. On Chanukah that happens repeatedly over eight dusks. And when it's Friday night and Chanukah then the stakes go really high, the pressure and the pay off are greater.

And that's where I find myself at this moment...

Sometimes it's amazing that we forget basics. Anne Roiphe once got herself in trouble by publicly displaying, in the New York Times, her ignorance of the history of Chanukah. After that she re-connected a bit with her roots.

Here's a little quiz I wrote on the basics of Chanukah. For the answers click here.

1. In what year (BCE) did the Macabeees rededicate the Great Temple of Jerusalem (Beit HaMikdash)?
2. What does the word Chanukah literally mean?
3. Which people did the Macabees reclaim the Beit HaMikdash from?
4. a. In the time of Alexander the Great, Israel was considered part of what country? b. Israel was considered a province of what empire?
5. What was the job of the provincial governors?
6. What name is given to Greek culture?
7. What type of god or gods did the Greeks worship?
8. Where were Greek laws written and how were these laws decided?
9. a. How did Alexander force people to accept his beliefs? b. How did his immediate successors do this?
10. What was Theos Epiphanes’ real name and what does this chosen name mean?
11. What policy did he introduce ?
12. Who was worshipped in the Beit HaMikdash under the rein of Antiochus IV?
13. What two things served as tests of political loyalty?
14. Give four examples of things that were prohibited and punishable by death?
15. In what town did the rebellion against Antiachus begin?
16. a. Where was this town? b. Near what modern town?
17. What event sparked the revolution?

The sky is turning pink.

My face is probably flushed.

It's getting close to Shabbos.

I'm almost dressed.

-

Darkness is descending.

The sun is is quickly setting.

It's getting late fast.

I am still prepping.

-

It's a miraculous occasion.

All this and Chanukah too.

I am reminded of being a child.

I want to re-light my youth.

Vayeishev 5770

Peretz Part II

(Continued from part one)

Rabbi Zevin quotes from Yaakov's statement to Lavan in Breishit 31:52, "This heap will be witness, and this pillar will be witness, that I will not pass over this heap to you, and that you will not pass over this heap and this pillar to me..," as the paradigm of a boundary that staves off exit and entry.

He says that the boundary between Israel and chutz la'aretz - land outside of Israel serves these two aforementioned functions. One should not leave Eretz Yisrael. Also, one should not bring in to Israel "avir eretz ha'amim" - the air of lands of other nations."

A Few Mid-Day Quotes

"There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self." - Hindu Proverb. A student shared with me today that this is his yearbook quote. It reminds me of something Colonel Potter once said on M*A*S*H, to the effect of, "The only man I compete with is the one I am today." I googled the quote about your previous self and found it attributed to Hemingway. The student wondered aloud if anyone will consider it wrong for him to quote a Hindu saying. I was confident that if I searched it I'd find another attribution. You never know about the sources of these quotes; you only know that they are true.

One of my favorite yearbook quotes ever was the one used by my friend Seth Berman, “Talent is G-d given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be grateful. Conceit is self-given; be careful.” - John Wooden. My friend Scott Gordon went with, "There is a light in the darkness of everybody's life," which he credited to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Mine was from Osh Sebrow - "What will you give me, there's nothing I need. When I gained understanding I lost all my greed."

VaYeishev 5770

If you are interested in a post from this parsha week O.Y.A. please see here where there are links to several ghosts of Vayeishevs past.

Peretz Part I

The Ramban explains that the root word peretz indicates the breaching of a fence and a passing through, the overstepping of an expected boundary. The name of Peretz comes from the fact that he took it upon himself to break through and come out first during the birth of twins. As another example of the use of this word the Ramban cites Breishit 28:14, “Ufaratztah – and you shall break through to the West and to the East…” (Sforno explains that those words contextually. G-d says that we will be many/great following the words saying we'll be like dust because the process is such that we must be denigrated through galut before we are redeemed with geulah.

Rabbi Shlomo Yoseif Zevin in LaTorah VelLaMoadim takes pause at the Ramban’s comments on the word peretz. Boundaries, Rabbi Zevin explains, work in both directions – they keep inside what must stay inside and they block out what should not enter from outside.

My 100 Word Challenge - Try It - Write Anything Coherent and Whole That Is Exactly 100 Words

I want to be profound inside a hundred words. I have the dots, just need to connect them: Faith, honesty and integrity, respect for self, friends, authority, and G-d, family, friends, love, work, health - both mentally and physically, creativity and play. For these words to mean something you need to have G-d and other people in your life on a regular basis. You need to be there too. You have to always be tending to your giant pot of soup, sharing it, and believing that the Master Chef is constantly stirring and tweaking it for you, making it perfect.

Rav Hirsch On VeHu Rachum Before Maariv

"When at night, which for us marks the start of a new day, we look back in retrospect upon what we have done during the day that has just passed, we are filled with a crushing sense of inadequacy, and only the thought of G-d's compassion in which he has so often granted us atonement in the past can sustain us." Hirsch Siddur pages 533-534

Frayed Rainbow

The Tzadik, With Capital Ts

A lifetime ago on a very good date I was asked who my favorite character in Tanach was. My answer was Dovid, warrior, guy's guy, poet, song writer, man of G-d. Sounded cool to me.

This morning during leining I thought of Yosef HaTzadik with fondness. Things change. For a moment, I thought Yosef may be my favorite, as it were. Yosef: a dreamer whose dreams came true. He defied temptation. He was G-d focused for real and likewise regarding his Jewish identity. He was a giver.

"Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future"

Blogging, like many things boggles my mind. I've been writing here for five years. Blogging was about as in as it was going to be when I started, now it's less than a tweet, barely a face in a book of thousands.

Life goes by. I see it as I blog. Right now I'm playing a Pandora station called Tommy Emanuel, centered around a guitar virtuoso recommended by a reader that became a friend.

Only a cold, I hope as I sniffle. As a kid I used to read the back page of my father's Forbes magazines: Thoughts On The Business Of Life. I still check it out from time to time. This week the focus is on colds and the like and this quote is included: "Illness is the night side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick." - Susan Sontag

Going back five years, I wonder about the ramifications of this blog. There have been major effects. Blogs and bloggers have come and gone. And the idea of writing longhand thoughts and feeling seems to be evaporating.

Go know who's going to be your true friend when the moment of need comes. Go know if who you thought would come to your side resembles, in any way, what you guessed the scene would look like.

I am tired, but not done.

Not long ago I was fourteen, reading this article, by Ellen Willis, in an Ellenville hotel.

Good night and G-d bless.

"The Essence Of Wisdom Is To Know Yourself"

Rav Noach Weinberg Z"TL

The Rambam believed in taking wisdom where he found it. So do I. Here is a slide presentation of quotes of a man who brought wisdom into my life during what's generally considered the most formative of years (though I'm still forming). May his memory be for a blessing.

575b (click for link)

Flowers at Camp IF, a place of possibilities where I have run twenty public seders and myriad minyans, given lectures, facilitated discussions, run programs, counselled, performed,

emceed talent shows and been for the past ten years

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An other

photo

An other

memory

An other

piece of me

I carry

Delimited World

Mezzetin By Jean-Antoine Watteau

An offbeat book that I bought for three dollars at the Goddard book fair was this one by art critic Jed Perl. It's about his favorite artist and what caught my eye was that he wrote the book in alphabetical sections. My feelings about writing alphabetically is that it propels you off the ground in a way you never expected to fly.

Here's an excerpt from the book. It's the first entry: Actors. And it relates to the painting above, a portrayal of a known clownish actor sitting in front of a set.

"For Watteau, life is a casting call, an audition, a rehearsal, a coaching session, an intermission, an opening night party, a day spent in idleness after the play has shut down. Although Watteau's paintings are saturated with the life of the theater...the more I look at his paintings, the more forcibly it's brought to mind how few of his characters are actually onstage. The strictly delimited world of the stage is too readily comprehensible to really interest Watteau. An actor onstage is a personality, a figure, and Watteau is fascinated, above all else, by the impossibility of ever being sure of who you are, at least for more than a very brief time. He is a master of in-between situations, less interested in life as a stage than in the preparations for going onstage..."

Taking Things Seriously

Every year on the Sunday before Thanksgiving The Goddard Riverside Community Center holds a book fair. They get brand new and relatively new books donated and sell them at half price. If you came during the last hour of the sale they still have a lot of good things left and sell books with price tags of up to forty dollars (or more) for between one dollar and three.

Here's a highlight of one of the books I purchased this year (it's my second year in, last year the big finds were Debra Winger's Memoir: Undiscovered, Nancy Peacock's A Broom of One's Own, and multiple gift copies at a buck a piece of Haikus For Jews.) This year the fare was broader if not better, in other words I bought more. The receipt was kind of funny for a giant bag full of books reading roughly, $1, $3, $2, $2, $2, $2, etc. for these beautiful, wonderful books.

One example: Taking Things Seriously. I recommend clicking on the link, even if you generally skip the clicks. I love the title and the book (One definition of a good title is that it has at least one more than one meaning) resonated for me. I've listened, perhaps against my better judgement, to my personal organizer who argued that it's the memory not the object that counts. He said with confidence that if someone gives you something they want you to hold on to the gesture and don't care if you hold on to the object. Though, I know of at least one case where a giver did not feel this way. I gave away some books and threw away some movie stubs and other things. But I still subscribe to the idea that the objects are worth a lot, including worth holding onto. This is why I was happy to find my cherished pencil from kitah vav.

I recommend Taking Things Seriously. It was worth every cent of its two dollar price tag. At that price even Abbie Hoffman would agree to buy this book.

Named For An Allman Brothers Song

"Pronounce 'haphazard.'" I was taken off guard to find that someone came to a post of mine by googling those words. What post? When post? Evey now and then I look at recent word activity, it's the one stat tool I use. (A fellow blogger gets an email telling her who looked at what post and when. I have no idea how to do that and am not sure I want to know. These key words are intriguing and enough.)
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The four year old post has no title (and spelling errors - I need an editor bad), the opening words are, "Thanks Tamara." If I started a post that way today I might add, "whoever you are, wherever you are...hope you're OK." That piece goes through words that are written one way yet sound another, and variations on that theme. I really enjoy those posts that were ubiquitous in the blogosphere three years ago in a world where Facebook and Twitter didn't yet rule.

The other day is one of my classes something came up about right and wrong - a sad tangent. Someone said, "Two wrongs don't make a right." I counted down in my mind the three seconds till another student inevitably replied, "Two Wrights make an airplane."

About twenty minutes later a student from another class came in asked politely if could ask Melissa a question. Sure. The question was about her tweet. "Did D.C. really say two rights make an airplane?" "Yes." Melissa had tweeted to Nathan what D.C. said without getting it. When I explained it she got it and thought it was cute. She's a typical tweeter. Tweet first, think later. By the way, she's one of the best and brightest and most sincere and kind and hard working in the class.

Name The Film

In 1973, 1975, and 1977 I was taken by my one or both of my parents (TSLABW) to see a movie made by my favorite writer, director, and star, soon after it opened. (We skipped the two made in 1978 and 1979 - though my parents understandably saw the 1978 one on their own - but went as a full family to Long Island shortly after the opening of the one that came out in 1980). This photo is from the middle one of those films. Can you name the movie this picture is from and give the voice over quote that accompanied it?

Shabbat Shalom

What Are A Thousand Pictures Worth?

Someone in one of my recent pictures was alerted to my posted photo by a person in Ramot. One never knows, do one?

In eighth grade a classmate of mine commented that school seems to go slow as you go through it but then seems fast when you look back. Yuhuh.

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It's been a long, quick week and I'm tired.

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Tonight I learned in the Y.U. B.M with a wide array of my students, present, past, and passing.

]

I'll close with a thousand words:

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Falling Up - VaYishlach

By Rabbi Neil Fleischmann
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Yaakov Avinu seems to always have people around him, a life filled with family, with one stark exception. In anticipation of re-meeting Eisav he prepares for battle, for a typical, physical war. Yaakov divides his camp strategically and advises them on how to deal with Eisav. He helps the fifteen members of his nuclear family cross the stream of Yabbok. Then, suddenlly, briefly – though it probably feels like forever -Ya'akov finds himself unusually alone. “Vayivater Ya’akov levado – and Ya’akov was left alone (Breishit 32:25).” Then he is confronted by an unexpected enemy of a unworldly sort. There is no explicit documentation of his preparation for his spiritual battle. Ya'akov's life up until this moment was his preparation. There was no cramming for this exam.
h
Rabbi Yosef Blau sees this story as reflective of all of our lives. The major battles are spiritual and our sole preparation for the fights that count is the way we live the episodes of our lives up to the moment when we are tested. These conflicts are amorphous. When they arrive is unannounced and unknown. The physical challenges that we think we must prepare for, often never come. When the unexpected confrontations occur the people who usually travel with and support us can suddenly be absent from our surroundings . We can fight dark forces and win, but like Ya'akov we may come out limping. We can survive and thrive and, like Yaakov, in the end gain a new identity, sanctified through our spiritual victories. It is to our advantage to view these hurdles in a positive light.
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Shlomo HaMelech wrote "Sheva Yipol Tzaddik Vekam" - "A tzaddik falls seven times, and rises" (Mishlei 24:16). We all fall. A tzaddik moves on even with his many falls. Rav Yitzchak Hutner explains that rather than being a tzaddik despite falling down, a tzaddik is a tzaddik because of the times he falls and rises. In a letter to a student experiencing hard times, Rav Hutner developed the idea that achieving greatness is a process of overcoming and moving on. He explained that while we imagine righteous people being born righteous, it is more likely that they struggled to become great.
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"Ma'ayan nirpas u'makor mashchat: tzaddik mat lifnei rasha"-"A righteous man falling down before the wicked: like a muddled fountain, a polluted spring" (Mishlei 28:26). Rabeinu Bachai cites this pasuk as ancillary to "Sheva Yipol Tzadik Vekam". A tzadik stumbles through encounters with reshaim. Just as a sullied spring re-invigorates and returns to its previous purity, a tzaddik collapses into the hands of a rasha but soon regains his glory. Rabeinu Bachai offers these lines from Mishlei as an introduction to Parshat VaYishlach. Yaakov was temporarily humbled before Eisav; he showered his brother with gifts and addressed him as master. In the end, Ya'akov departed unscathed from his encounter with Eisav. The Sfat Emet notes that Ya'akov bowed before Eisav seven times (Breishit 33:3), an allusion to "Sheva Yipol Tzaddik Vekam". Using Rav Hutner's sense of the pasuk this can be understood to mean that Ya'akov not only fell and rose before Eisav, but his falling was part of the rising. This can be applied to the seemingly myriad rough times Ya'akov went through.
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The physical altercation with Eisav which never happens takes the form instead of a spiritual fight. The wrestling match which precedes Yaakov’s meeting with Eisav tells us what it, along all of Yaakov’s other hardships, was really all about. In Ya'akov's lifetime as in seasonal cycles, fall foreshadowed spring. In the lives of individual Jewish people as in the life of the Jewish People as a whole, we fall to rise again. The road to geula is galus, as our private exiles are paths to personal redemption. May we soon merit to see redemption for ourselves, our families, Klal Yisrael, and the world.

"Hands Across The Sky"

We speak with our hands

beseech with our hands

reach out with out hands

receive with our hands

keep with our hands

When we sleep

impurity rests

on our hands

and in prayer

our hands

breach heaven

"It seems to me, once in your life, before you die, you ought to see a country where they don't speak any English and they don't even want to."

My day from 6:30 AM-9:30 AM

Sometimes I think of Our Town and the message of the precious beauty of each day of life. Sometimes I feel it. This morning I woke up. Thank G-d. My throat hurt, out of no-where. I took some Airborne and something called No Time For Colds. It seems to be working.

I had a nice shmooze with my friend who drives me in at seven. I don't remember the details but I always enjoy the tone. We arrived at seven thirty, at the same moment as a colleague whose wife is recuperating from major surgery. It's a privilege to see someone so even keeled and strong. Said colleague noticed something in a piece I published, a personal revelation that I didn't realize was there. I was sure I hadn't written what he said I wrote, right up until he showed me the words in print.

Teaching is rich with decisions and ramifications. A few of the boys I take davening attendance for were late. One of them asked to speak to me after davening to tell me that he's not ready for the test that he was supposed to take on Wednesday. I told him that if he'd be more invested in class he'd be more ready for the test, but the acoustics may have been bad, that or there was some other reason why he had trouble hearing me.

I lent my spare pair of tefilin to my friend and driver so he didn't have to turn back to get his. After Shacharit ended I wrote a poem inspired by the Monday/Thursday tachanun and stayed after to show it to a colleague as we removed our tefillin. - An announcement was made at that time that everyone had to evacuate the Shul except one class which was to stay. So we finished with the poem fast and my colleague went to the teacher's room and I went to my classroom to be there early and ready when the students came in. I'd written variant versions and wanted this sensitive colleague to help me choose, but the jury is still out. Two kids during first period needed Torah Guidance at some point so we set that up for later in the day.

The main lesson for the first period class was a comparison of the two versions of the aseret hadibrot in the Torah. the Ibn Ezra has a very modern sounding view and we talked it out. That takes us to 9:40.

It's now 6:20 and I'm still at work. I met with nine kids for Torah guidance, taught four periods, and submitted two completed recommendations. Each of those activities is fibered and full, but I don't have the energy or time to write It all out - not that anyone's asking me to. I'm pushing on with my duties - lessons to prepare, review sheets to write, and and and.

Miles to go before I sleep, and hopefully at a decent hour there will be miles to sleep before I go, and start all over again.

Written During Chaim Dovid Concert

"How awesome this place

No less than the house of G-d

And I did not know"

How do you let go?

Please G-d teach me to let go

I ask, want, to know

Nafsheinu chiktah

What exactly does that mean?

Some form of waiting

An endless, timeless waiting

Souls simply waiting for G-d

Thanksgiving Ride 2009

I got a window seat with ease. It felt too lucky. Then I realized Lady Liberty was on the other side, which was jammed with cameras attached to hands. Still, I was able to get in there and snap this.

I was just playing with the color because when I took the shot my camera was set on "manual," code for turning everything pink. Two hours later it would take my fifteen year old nephew thirty seconds to figure it out and fix it. Still, I like the black and white look, very Letters of Iwo Jima.

And the spirit of G-d hovered on the waters.

Crossing Delancey

This photo was at the bottom of a drawer of memories in my childhood dresser. Somewhere - "peace and quiet and open air" - there's an article from a Queens paper that accompanied this photo, and so much more.

Also Known As The Hebrew Academy of North Queens (The Other HANQ) (click photo to enlarge)

I've written before, and if G-d gives me strength, I'll write again about Phil Chernofsky, the best teacher I ever had. I visited my parents this weekend and went through some old stuff. I wondered where this pencil had gone. It was there all along. Still sharp. Mr. C. made one for each of us. It reads MRHHA (Max and Rose Heller Hebrew Academy), Kitah Vav (Grade Six) 5734 (1974)

Shavua Tov

I get insulted all the time when people's lips are moving but they don't realize they're talking. Someone once asked me why I blog and I said to vent and she said , "When I want to vent I email a friend." Was the implication that I don't have friends? I do.

It's the first year that I didn't do an anniversary post. Let me just now thank those who read and tell you that it means a lot to me that my words mean a lot to you. And those friends and family members who don't read, I think we'd all benefit from your reading. One man one vote.

How was your Shabbos? Mine was nice, thank G-d - visited D and M. I saw a nice Sforno cited that explains that the words that say that we will be many/great follow the words saying we'll be like dust because the process is such that we must be denigrated (galut) before we are redeemed (geulah). (via Stone Chumash).

I must go home again

Or for the first time

I must return to myself

Or find for the first time

Who I am writing this

on chayei sarah - toldot - vayeitzei, as shabbos floats in

I was trying to remember an elusive Chayei Sarah vort last week and it came up in conversation this Shabbos. What does it mean that Yitzchak's prayers were answered before Rivkah's before he was a tzadik ben tzadik (righteous man, the son of a righteous man)?

Perhaps (rather than the oft inferred idea that someone born into a righteous family is automatically holier than someone who gets there independent of their family) the lesson here is that to be a tzadik ben tazadik comes with its own heavy set of challenges. The torch is not easily passed forward, einah yerushah lach - Torah does not come as an automatic inheritance. It was to Yitzchak's merit that despite, rather than because of, being the son of perhaps the most righteous man who ever lived, he was a man of complete virtue and dedication himself. I once heard that the son of a prominent man said that "it's not easy being the son of the moral conscience of the world." Ouch. This comes to mind, though there is no question that Yitzchak Avinu would never have spoken that way.

A friend of mine noticed that forms of the word for approach (the root is comprised of the letters gimel and shin) repeatedly appear in the story in Toldot of Yaakov being blessed by Yitzchak. He understood this based on the idea that the word for connection, gesh, is related to the word for bridge - gesher, which makes sense if you think about it. The idea is this word for approach is used in the Torah to indicate a connection made between two entities that you wouldn't expect to be connected. This is similar to a bridge that connects two pieces of land that seem impossibly separated by water. The land of Goshen is named with the same root, as it unexpectedly tied to Jews to Egypt. Similarly, when Yehudah approached Yosef a form of this word is used because these two men represent two seemingly opposite ideals that somehow did and will again connect.

What was Rivkah so upset about? She would have twins and one would be good and the other not so much. Rav Schwadron used to like to offer the explanation that she initially didn't know that she was having twins. She thought there was one child growing inside her who was equally passionate about light and darkness. (A friend of mine once heard Rav Schwadron say this live and the way he put it was that "she thought she was giving birth to a Mizrachinik [sic]" - ).

This reminds me (minus the parenthesis) of the idea of Eliyahu leaving the people speechless by asking (Melachim 1, 18:21) how long they planned to skip on two branches, vacillate between two options, explaining that they should decide who is the true G-d and follow him. All this is not simple and inconsistency and vacillation is perhaps, to some extent, a part of life. More on this another time. maybe.

Here's what I wrote last year, just before Shabbos. Just like now, and I'm sticking to this VaYeitzei vort. And here's an, as usual, brilliantly out of the box thought on VaYeitzei, from Rav Chaim Schmuelewitz.

Shabbat Shalom. May we be blessed with small, personal peace that spreads and becomes universal.

It Is Art

The wonderful art teacher in my school has a good sense of my artistic sensibility and recommended I look into this artist, Jon Thompson. Good call. I like.

Hodu LaHashem Ki Tov '09

Something went awry in blogger. The words turned overlapping and giant. So I just tried to post the last post and it worked. Another thing to be seriously thankful for.

As I write the Indigo Girls are singing The Power Of Two. I can do this, just let it play as if it were just a song. FUV is playing concert sets all day. They just finished that song and the crowd's going wild. After each song one of them says "thanks" and the other says "thanks y'all."

I haven't seen the paper yet today (been baking the apple pie of the previous post). I watched Hopscotch. I remember babysitting for my cousins when my Aunt Leah and Uncle Sid went to see that movie when it came out. I'm surprised I never heard anyone compare it to Midnight Run.

I like reading a newspaper with comics on Thanksgiving Day because the cartoonists get serious and sentimental. In this post I cite some of the touching comics from the past.

The pie spilled over in the over and filled the apartment up with smoke. I have to go deal. Wishing everyone that everyday should be a happy day of thanks. Here's a link to all eight posts where I've ever mentioned Thanksgiving (according to the blogger search).

Thankgsgiving 09

Everyday is Thanksgiving

In G-d's world

In my mind

Every day is Thanksgiving

If we thank Him

all the time

Every day is Thanksgiving

Here's a Thanksgiving post from last year, the sentiment about wanting to catch up on work rings true. Around the same time I posted this pseudo-Thanksgiving post. One of the most wonderful, refined, serious students I've ever taught told me that she went with her family to see Prairie Home Companion in NY. Her mom googled the show and chanced upon my blog. Small world (but I wouldn't want to paint it).

Eric once commented that he liked the links to past posts. I wonder what happened to Eric. I hope I didn't offend him in any way. If I did, Eric, I'm sorry and let me know.

As I write an Arlo Guthrie concert is playing on WFUV. The rendition of My Peace he did is very similar to this Youtube version. I've heard Alice's Restaurant many times, but never heard this till now. Beautiful.

Scattered Pictures Of The Smiles We Left Behind

I can't think of a single creative activity that I don't enjoy. I've never honed many of my skills and interests. I have an inclination towards artistic photography.

I stood on a chair with my no frills camera to take this picture. It feels like it just happened, but the boy in the photo is now in his thirties.

His name is Ariel. The crayons were a new gift from my father, his great uncle.

Yes, yes, I remember it well.

But Is It Art?

Due to technical reasons I can't edit this, at least not at the moment. So I'm posting it as is.

It's a picture of me when I was extremely young. Do you recognize me?

I Am 18 Going On 19, In Morasha Kollel

"Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph..."

Where's Waldo?

On the afternoon of Monday July 5, 1993, one week after signing a waiver for the North American Conference On Ethiopian Jewry I boarded a Lufthansa plane. We stopped in Saudi Arabia and Germany on the way. At 10 PM on Tuesday July 7th we landed in Addis Ababa. After acclimating and preparing a bit we began teaching full time on Friday. We taught through Wednesday July 24th when we were removed from our place of residence and deported from the country. Our passports were stamped with Amharic words which meant roughly (according to a plane-mate), "You are never welcome back in our country."

There's a lot more to the story. While the scanner seems to be working I picked one photo from the album to post. I thought I'd introduce it a bit.

I wrote this poem on the plane out:

Goodbye Ferris Mora

A sudden

blast off

carries me

away from

Ethiopia

Its quiet

buzzing

humming

tunes of songs

I'll sing

no more

Forever

I'll remember

your sweet smile

Ethiopia

Forever

I'll remember

I was happy

for a time

U'Bechol Zot Shimchah Lo Shachachnu

We mumble some words again and again

We ask for Gd's kind mercy without shame

We say that "through it all we've remembered Your name"

I wonder when this was true, if not now when?

"Life is bigger; It's bigger than you, and you are not me."

In the winter of 1980 I took off for Israel. In the summer of 1980 I reluctantly returned to America. In the summer of 1983, after three years of college, three years thinking every other second of flying back to Israel to learn Torah full time, I took a one way plane to Israel. I spent the next five years studying in Jerusalem. I started smicha-rabbinic school-there and came back here to finish it, thinking that I had to.

I left many belongings, mostly sefarim - sacred books in a machsan - storage room. I had those who I knew would be happy to help me go through the somewhat annoying process of rescuing some books for me (thanks for getting my Kahati and Aruch HaShulchan Josh Rudoff). Most of the books, and more, have been lost in time.

Once when I visited my old school I saw a framed picture, which I had put in storage, hanging in a dormitory corridor. It was mine, I took it back, though first I checked to make sure that sure enough my name was still there scribbled on the back by the framer. I stayed in a room in the old school that had a closet with my name inscribed inside it.

In '88 I was a dorm counselor. Josh Sindler was a YU college student on my floor. He is a talented photographer. Elliot Rothschild had shared two of my years in yeshiva with me. In my twenties, I was an "older guy" in yeshiva. My chavrutot - learning partnerships - were usually with guys a bit younger than me and I was a bit more advanced in learning. Elliot and I covered a lot of ground together and he was a joy to learn with. Despite his double curriculum and extra full day of study, we met in the YU Bet Medrash and studied regularly at night. One evening Josh caught this picture and gave it to me.

I just found this photo in a pile of papers. I have a fear of scanning that I am trying to overcome. Thankfully this time it just went through (as a colleague replied when I asked him how the Israel night he organized last week went, you could say "it was butter"). Sometimes life is like that, sometimes things go ahead with ease. I was going to just post the picture. Then I felt I had to write something. And that Michael Stipe line about mixed measurements when it comes to sharing comes to mind again.

Rav Hirsch on Havdalah Part I

Rav Hirsch says that, popular perception aside, Havdalah is not a prayer of farewell to Shabbos, but a prayer of greeting for the week. He sees it as a Kiddush for the week!

"Both in the Scripture and in the mitzvot of Jewish living the term kos - cup - always symbolizes a destiny or decree, a "portion" meted out to us by

G-d. Thus, when the Sabbath enters into our midst, we usher it in by reciting the Kiddush over a cup, thus marking the Sabbath as an institution appointed by Divine decree for our sanctification.

In the same manner, when we are about to return to the workday week, we remind ourselves of the meaning of the week to come by reciting the Havdalah over a cup, thus symbolically indicating that the workday week, no less than the Sabbath, is also ordained by G-d Himself, a period set aside for the fulfillment of specific tasks that He has set for us."

The Hirsch Siddur, 1992 edition, pg. 567

Again The Week Ebbs Away

I've been thinking about Rav Hirsch's Toldot critique of Yitzchak and Rivkah for trying to put Yaakov and Eisav in the same box: ""As long as they were little, no attention was given to the latent differences between them. Both were given the same upbringing and education. The basic tenet of education, 'Train each child in accordance with his own way' (Proverbs 22:6), that each child should be educated, both as a man and as a Jew, in accordance with the tendencies latent in him and in accordance with the individuality that will result from these tendencies, was forgotten."

Rabbi Abraham Twerski notes that the second half of the line, "Train each child in accordance with his own way" often goes unquoted. King Solomon concluded, "...then, even when he is old, he will not turn from it." He explains that if you superimpose something on someone else then then will throw it off when they are able to do so. But if you bring out their inner truth that will stay with them forever.

I noticed that the same word is used for Yitchak praying and G-d responding, how Diveinely poetic. Similarly, at the start of Va'Etchanan, Moshe asks to enter Israel with the same word used for G-d's saying no.

Sunset approaches, again and again, recurring reality, loss of light - it's re-emergence, then, again, loss.

How does time move? Clearly by plane, faster than Concord and prettier.

Always I am running to catch her and she is calm, never late, never off track.

Because G-d had to create and He had to stop, so too we.

Burnt offerings are no longer our thing? What kind service works for us today?

Always there is love.

The candles burn, we can fix what is broken.

Purple Mountain Majesties - Click for Lyric Link