Via Mandy Patinkin
Since we lose our sense
The Fourfold Song
Going to dad for Shabbos, again, like last week, and 2 weeks before that and 2 weeks before that.
Sitting outside and writing here, as it should be.
You don't remember what happened, what you remember becomes what happened. - John Green, An Abundance of Katherines, pgs 207-208
I am taken by the Av HaRachamim that we say as the Torah is taken from the ark: "May he rescue our souls from the bad times, and upbraid the evil inclination... and fulfill our requests in good measure for salvation and mercy."
Orson: The report, Mork.
We all have Robin Williams on our minds tonight. The sad news brings to mind this classic short short story.
Last night's post was actually, mostly, from way earlier in the week. But I wanted to post it and didn't feel like editing it.
"Most of our sins are outgrowths of an over emphasis on the sensuous, physical aspects of our being and of their demands, and of a disregard, or at least, of insufficient regard for the spiritual and moral facets of our personality and its purpose."
Under the physical
Clarity or death
Laugh even if you don't get the joke, laugh on credit. - Shalom Aleichem as quoted by his granddaughter, Bel Kaufman. She also gives these examples of Jewish humor: A guy can't afford lenses so he gets frames alone. When asked why, he says, "It's better than nothing." Similarly - If you don't have meat, you eat bread. if you don't have bread, you starve; it's better than nothing.
Last night I had a kind of long walk, half hour-ish, home from dinner. Was concerned about the directions. Tired. Finally got to the block I was staying on. It seemed like the numbers were going down when I needed them to go up. So I turned around walking fast, really wanting to get inside. Sweating from the heat. Frustrated, flummoxed. I remember seeing that the sidewalk was wildly uneven. I'm not sure but I think that's the sidewalk I tripped on. I didn't get the details of the nature of the sidewalk or how exactly I fell onto it. I do reacall the senasation of falling fast, of crying out something out, maybe Oh G-d. I remember trying to have control, wanting to have control. Doing some version of the falling forward and putting my hands out and catching myself on my claws and going unscathed. But this one time in my life so far, it didn't work. I fell really hard and fast and it was just too much for me to totally stop, though I did mute it a bit. Could have been worse, Thank G-d. Not death bad. Not spinal injury bad. Not broken bones. But this kind of bad: Badly scraped knee, scraped hand, sore muscles, and the ridge and tip of my nose all scraped and red. The worst part seems to be the hole between my eyes. No, I can't explain it, why that indented area got hit so hard. My friend wants me to check it out ASAP, thinks it needs a stich. We tried to go to a place tonight. No walk in (non emergency room) places were open. Other things happened over Shabbos but they all took a back seat to the stress and embarrasment of the fall. The suit is torn and bloody as is my white shirt and my directions sheet, and the repflector my dinner hosts lent me. A man tried to help me and I'm going to leave out those details for now. I'm still shaken up, yet also grateful;. Awkward about being seen in public. Feeling vulnerable and oh so human.
I have reason to wonder who reads this blog. I get few to no comments. Blogs have become a dinasour in ten years. And yet. It's place for me, it's a record for me, it's kind of a home.
Nachamu, nachamu ami. Be consoled, be consoled My People. An insight I heard about this expalins why it says nachamu twice. Sometimes in life we are broken and we want someone to comfort us but when they do we push them away, because of how broken we are. And they need to be loving enough and they need to be wise enough to not take our rejection of their reaching out at face value. They need to comfort us again. This is true of the Jewish People on our national, broken level. And it is true of individuals. Like a crying child that you try to hug and they run away, we need to try to be there for on another. And then to try again.
I was just sorting through old videos that I plan to bring to Goodwill. I found Nothing in Common, which got me thinking. Here's an incomplete and probably not fully accurate list of which family members I saw some movies with that I remember.
Here's a piece of mine on Masei. I'll paste it in the comments too.
It's waiting inside
I don't quite know what the point of writing that I don't know what to say or where to say it. It's kind of a matir for me. I write that and then I say whatever I feel like saying. It reminds me of the nicht Shabbos gereht joke.
I thank G-d for-
Here's the link to my DT in The Jewish Standard this week. I'm also posting it in comments.
Seek G-d when He's found
I don't drive a car
These are from Billy Collins' haiku book.
"Show me a teacher who thinks she's got everything all under control and doesn't need to fix a thing for next year, and I will show you a lousy teacher. The best teachers I've ever known can give you a list of exactly what they don't do well enough yet." - Peter Greene
I wonder if I'm
"You don't remember what happened.
I'm searching for words
May G-d bless us all to be unbitter
"They are all amazing, but this one REALLY struck me:
"My dear friends,
Prompted By Haiku Horizons
Dusk Above the water hang the loud flies Here O so gray then What A pale signal will appear When Soon before its shadow fades Where Here in this pool of opened eye In us No Upon us As at the very edges of where we take shape in the dark air this object bares its image awakening ripples of recognition that will brush darkness up into light even after this bird this hour both drift by atop the perfect sad instant now already passing out of sight toward yet-untroubled reflection this image bears its object darkening into memorial shades Scattered bits of light No of water Or something across water Breaking up No Being regathered soon Yet by then a swan will have gone Yes out of mind into what vast pale hush of a place past sudden dark as if a swan sang
The feedback on this post brings me great "comfort and joy."
I am always thinking. I wonder about writing and hiding. I am free writing here, but it costs. Writing takes time. It takes other things too- kishkas, for example. Maybe it's my calling. Maybe it will be my legacy.