Monday, October 27, 2014

I Am Grateful

I just gave a test last period and it went into this one. I taught and had meetings through the day.  There's a school wide staff meeting tonight.  We'll be discussing peer observations, which is a great thing which I am grateful for.  Speaking of gratefulness I am taken a few seconds from my non stop duties to express gratefulness here.  I am grateful that my dad is a miraculous and tenacious survivor who is here in this world, in my life, ever present for me.  I am grateful to have a job that is a community, that is a place to serve, that is comfortable and nurturing and is a big peace of my journey toward a meaningful life.

About an hour and a half ago I was cutting through the library after minchah to administer my test.  The librarian stopped me and said she had a present for me.  Someone recently donated a collection of old books and she's distributing them to whom she sees fit.  So she gave me a book of poetry.  I told her that I felt bad taking it away from all the other people that would want a poetry book (for free)   She laughed and said that's why she was giving it to me.

The book is, Why Have You Chosen Me, by Bernard Dov Milans.  Here's a poem from it:

Salvage

All praise to You who tie us to a star
And rescue us from what we really are

I am grateful to have the poetry of Torah and the poetry of life in my life.

Here's something I improvised and then wrote up (last year) for Parshat Lech Lechah:

Lech Lechah 

By Rabbi Neil Fleischmann

There's a story we all know
about Avraham being asked to go
Hashem said to Avraham, "Lech lechah"
We should hear the story and we say, "Aha!"

If you think about it for a while
you can see it with a new style
Look at it in a different way
change your life, starting today

Avraham was told from himself to go
that's a game-changer of the whole show
He was told that he really had to change
to take his life and rearrange

"Lech lecha" means go to you
G-d said, "You know what to do"
"Lech lecha"- return to your self
Whether you're a giant or an elf

"Lech lecha"'s a call to everyone
It's sometimes hard, sometimes fun
"Lech lecha" means become the real you
We could start now, we know what to do

Avraham was told to become who he was
That's all any of us have, all anyone does
All of our lives we go to who we are
May we be blessed to be close, not far

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Avot 3:5

I just "spoke out some of what i will say in Mishmar, please G-d, and saved it here for you to hear.

I hope to continue to build my tanka website, amd my haiku site (which is much more developed than the tanka one). And I hope to continue sharing haiku at haikuhorizons. I also look forward to writing more of my longer poems, and putting them in a followup  book.

Poetry is a big part of my life. That can make me lonely sometimes.  And it can also make me very happy.

I started writing this on Sunday, since then a week has gone by  in that inimitable real life combination of fast and slow.  I wanted to do a whole piece about poetry and me. Now I find myself stopping for a moment during a non-stop day. There's a lot to write about regarding today and every day. And yet.  The day is short and the work is abundant. Which reminds me that I'm teaching an Avot class for Mishmar in a few minutes.  Third Perek this year.  Taught the first two last year. I need to re-gather my thoughts on what I'll be teaching.  Review sheet to prepare for tomorrow.  Log ins to write.  Emails and calls to return.  Need to pack and prepare for Freshman Retreat.  And and and and and.

My Poetic Gateways

I am grateful
for my friends
Billy and Emily

And my dear
poetic soul mate
Zelda of Jerusalem

I sit in the West and
my soul is in the East
glowing with Zelda

Wednesday, October 22, 2014




עמדתי בירושלים 

עמדתי 
בירושלים 
התלויה על ענן
בבית-הקברות 
עם אנשים בוכים
עץ עקום
הרים מטושטשים 
ומיגדל
הלא אינכם
דיבר אלינו 
המוות. 
הלא אינך
הוא פנה אלי

עמדתי בתוך ירושלים 
המשובצת בשמש 
המחייכת כמו כלה 
בשדה 
על יד עשב דק וירוק

מדוע פחדת ממני אתמול בגשם
דיבר אלי המוות
הלא אני אחיך 
. השקט והגדול


By ZELDA
I stood
in Jerusalem,
Jerusalem suspended from a cloud,
in a graveyard with people crying
and a crooked tree.
Blurry mountains
and a tower.
You are not!
death spoke to us.
You are not!
he turned to me.


I stood
in the midst of Jerusalem.
Jerusalem checkered in the sun,
smiling like a bride in the field,
slender green grass
by her side.


Why were you frightened
yesterday in the rain?
death spoke to me.
Am I not your quiet
older brother?


Monday, October 20, 2014

HOTD 2

The pain of my hope
of which I just won't let go
has yielded wisdom

Tanka of the Day

My computer screen
is the face I stare at now,
losing energy
I decide to get up, push
and break away from its glow

HOTD

In silence I run
away from you, not knowing
what to say to you

Enchanted Bird

By Zelda

When the feeble body
is about to fall
and reveals its fear of death
to the soul
the lowly tree of routine,
devoured by dust,
suddenly sprouts green leaves.
For out of the scent of Nothingness—
the tree blossoms—
glorious, beautiful.
and in its crown—
an enchanted bird. 

Third Monday In October

In live time.  A teacher just told me that s/he read about the phenomenon of post vacation depression.  S/he read that one should carry and look at a picture of something nice from the break. S/he's doing that and hoping it'll help.

A colleague, earlier this morning, shared this thought with me: "The only reshut hayachid - truly personal space a person has in this world is their heart.

I'm sitting in my office, fourth one I've had over the past 18+ years.  This one faces a hall so I do some meeting and greeting.  Shmoozed with a few kids already and they also enjoyed some sour chews.

Five minutes to class.  May G-d bless me and the students to have a great experience of learning.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Me and Paul Reiser - Just Two Comedians Hanging Out



Post Yom Tov/Shabbos-Breishit Post

I am starting this in the evening, shortly after returning from South Fallsberg, where I was for Yom Tov and Shabbos.  I am happy and grateful for a lot of wonderful moments, including right now.  I am sitting and writing while I listen to my 8th Day Spotify station.  Over Yom Tov I felt comfortable, largely.  Personalities are a fascinating thing, along with how we tweak the them via the choices we make regarding what we say and do.  Some people make me feel safe being myself with, they help me shine, I help them shine.  Some people make me wonder about how they can speak and act the way they do and not see that it hurts people like me.  I contributed a lot over the days and feel needed and appreciated: I spoke at 2 meals, ran an improv workshop, led a tisch, and more.  It's nice to be in a space that's a good fit.

I write a lot, some would say.  And yet I'd like to write more.  It may be my calling.  I want my books to be out there.  I have a pool of over 400 new haiku for my next book, which will, please G-d, be a continuation of my first one.

I am writing this in between marking tests.  I gave 3 of my classes tests right before YT and got 2 out 3 done before YT with one that i'm finishing up now.  Emails to write, calls to make, preparing to do m(no I don't teach the same thing every year).  My job is amorphous and on going and i am on right now, 9:44 PM on a Sunday night.

I'm praying for a healthy and good year for all of us in every way.

Here's what I wrote about teaching Breishit nine years ago.  This is the second time I'm teaching it since then. We now have a set curriculum to follow, and the year, thank G-d is off to another good start.  I look forward to continuing to teach my theree Chumash classes as we enter our first full week tomorrow. May G-d bless us all in our experience of learning holy Torah together.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A Pre YomTov/Shabbos Thought

I never know what to write or where to write it. I starting blogging, like I started so many other things. because of honesty- because I wanted to be honest.  And then, like in so many other life contexts, I got more self conscious and cautious.  But I always long for honesty and truth.

I have a ride comingh any minute.  Need to sit ready and wait.  Need to finish this post.  Soon.

I don't often use the word here, but I am single.  And as has become necessary to explain and add in recent years- never married (that's how others put it and then I amend it to not yet). I'm going on a singles event.  In answer to FAQ- I think it's called Connections Retreat.  I just think of it as the thing that I first went on three years ago, run by Yitz and Rivkah.  It's all about nice people coming together and being kind.  It's amazing how just telling people to be aware and kind can work for many people.

I pray for a Yom Tov that moves us all forward in ways we can see and feel.

On Shmini Atzeret may we be blessed to stop (la'atzur) and grab onto something to keep and use for the year- from the process of holidays now closing.

Wishing everyone a wonderful last days of Yom Tov. May it be filled with true moments of humanity, spirituality, and religion/religiosity. And may the first Shabbos of the new Torah cycle get it's due and may we glean from it clarity, peace, and strength.

(And so much more, for which words elude me.)

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

A Sukkah Thought

Did you ever never hear a Dvar Torah before and then you hear it once and then again and then again. That happened for me this year with the Sukkot thought about a pasuk that compares sitting in the Sukkah to being hugged. by G-d. The entry level size of a Sukkah is two walls and a little bit. That's also the entry level size of a hug (the two parts of the bent arm and the hand).

Monday, October 13, 2014

Good Moed to Me and You and Everyone

Sunday October 12, 2014

I am thinking of memory, consumed by the idea.  On Rosh HaShanah the essential concept of G-d's kingship and the command of the biblical blowing of the shofar are joined by memory to form the major 3 themes of the day. What do we ask G-d to remember? The ten sources cited seem weighted in our favor (though on Yom Kippur we tilt it the other way).

Yesterday was my birthday.  I am grateful to G-d for my life.  My life, like everyone's, is my story.  And how I tell it to others and to myself is based on how I remember it and how I remember it is biased. We are all unreliable narrators.  This may be particularly true about our own lives.

And yet.

I put a high premium on honesty.

And yet.

As I live a moment that moment disappears, except for my memory.

------------------------------------

Monday

Yesterday I dreamed of a magnum opus kind of post for what I was writing above.  The last line of it was written in a sukkah.  A stranger offered me some seltzer and I said no thanks and he left the bottle and a cup for me anyway.  The memory lives on.

Now I am visiting with my dad as I did a week ago and the week before that and so on.  We're watching Jeopardy and he's on the phone with his best friend of about 80 years.  A commercial for CVS just started with, "The wish we wish above all is health."  That's what I call a healthy message.  I am thinking, like Butch Cassidy, always thinking.  I will probably remember this moment and the moments like it,these visits, this connection.  Dad's getting off the phone, saying, "Okay, let me go and talk to my son."' So I sould be present for that.

Good Moed and may G-d bless us all to be enveloped in his Sukkah of health, happiness, and peace.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Interview With Sharon Hernes Silverman


An interview with Sharon Hernes Silverman (above), author of the newly published Tunisian Crochet for Baby (below).



RNF: How did you get into crocheting? How did you get into writing? How did you get in writing about crocheting?

SHS: I’ve enjoyed arts and crafts ever since I can remember. I made mosaics, did paint-by-number, and embroidered as a child. My mom taught me to knit when I was 4 or 5, but I wasn’t very good at it. She showed me how to crochet a year or two later, and that came very naturally to me. For anyone unfamiliar with those crafts, knitting uses two pointy needles, and crocheting uses a gently rounded hook. (My most embarrassing crafting moment as a little girl was finishing an embroidered pillowcase only to find I had sewed it to the leg of my pants!)

After college I worked in publishing, then as a technical writer. When I visited the Wharton Esherick Museum one weekend—an amazing place that was the home and studio of a woodworker known as the “dean of American craftsmen”—I contacted the editor of the Philadelphia Inquirer “Weekend” section to see if he would consider an article. No, but try again if the Museum could be included as part of a larger theme. Months later, that opportunity came up. Unfortunately, the editor was still not interested, but he asked me, “What other ideas do you have?” Uh oh! I really didn’t have any, but that didn’t stop me. “How about a survey of area wineries?” That was my first assignment, as the cover story for “Weekend” on August 19, 1988. After getting a few more assignments, I quit my job in Du Pont’s technical advertising department and began my freelance career.

In the years that followed I wrote a cave guidebook, three books for Childswork/Childsplay, and many newspaper and magazine articles. One of those articles, about the Daniel Boone Homestead in Pennsylvania, caught the eye of an editor at Stackpole Books, who asked me to do a guidebook about the site. I enjoyed working for Stackpole; after the Boone book, we did several other guides together: The State Museum of Pennsylvania; Pennsylvania Snacks:
Your Guide to Food Factory Tours; and Brandywine Valley: The Informed Traveler’s Guide.

The editor wanted me to write another travel book, but my children were little and the schedule did not work for me, so I had to decline. After a moment of hesitation, the editor said, “We just started a craft line. Can you do anything?” My response was, “Why, yes, I crochet!” That started a whole new avenue of writing for me. I have since authored seven crochet titles (for Stackpole Books and Leisure Arts), with three more in the pipeline, and I also have a private line of patterns.

RNF: What lessons can one learn from crocheting for life? Is it relaxing? Does it teach discipline?

SHS: Crocheting, like any craft, can teach patience. It’s important to read through a pattern before starting a project. The other essential task is to crochet a swatch (small sample). I have yet to meet a crocheter who enjoys doing this—we want to get started on the real thing!—and I have yet to meet a crocheter who hasn’t ruined a project because of failure to swatch. The swatch lets you see whether the number of stitches you make per inch, and the number of rows per inch,
match the number the designer expects. That’s called gauge. For something like a scarf, gauge is no big deal. If your finished scarf is a half-inch wider than the sample, so what? For a sweater, however, if the specified gauge is 16 stitches/4 inches, and you make 20 stitches/4 inches, your garment will be way too small! (When you get to the number of stitches specified in the pattern, you will not have covered as much area as you should.) Welcome to the world of “frogging” (rip it, rip it).  Discipline comes in training yourself to finish one project before going on to the next one; in taking the time to finish garments with professional-looking seams; and in clearing out old yarn before buying more (senior centers love donations of clean, unused yarn).

Some people find crocheting very therapeutic. It gives you something constructive to do with your hands, and can have a hypnotic effect. People with various physical, mental, and emotional issues can feel soothed and comforted by the act of crocheting, and the knowledge that they are making something useful. For me, having an outlet for creativity is very rewarding. It’s a good feeling to know I have come up with a design that nobody has thought of before. I also enjoy the challenge of figuring out how to do something new. I’ve taken a couple of classes on Craftsy, and I frequently turn to YouTube or to my library of crochet books when I need help.

RNF: You've written so much. What are some of your favorite articles, books, topics?

SHS: Travel writing is my first love. I deeply enjoyed my stint as the country inn columnist for Maryland Magazine. It was a joy to visit Kauai and to write articles about “Falling in Love with the Garden Isle.” I was with the first group of people invited to the privately-owned Hawaiian island of Niihau, which resulted in a Denver Post article that won a Hawaii Visitors Bureau ravel writing award. I’ve had the opportunity to explore Toronto’s gardens, sip tea in a private London home, feed alligators on a swamp tour in Houma, Louisiana, go white-water rafting in British Columbia, and eat fresh pretzels, potato chips, and chocolate from one end of the Keystone State to the other. Not much to complain about there!

I’m also a huge fan of the Brandywine Valley, where I live. It is just 30 miles west of Philadelphia, where Pennsylvania and Delaware meet. The art, gardens, and culture concentrated in such a small area is unparalleled, in my opinion, and the back roads through horse country are stunning. Longwood Gardens, Winterthur (currently hosting a Downton Abbey exhibit), the Brandywine River Museum, and the Delaware Art Museum are just some of the spots worth seeing. Writing Brandywine Valley: The Informed Traveler’s Guide let me explore the area in depth, and then take other people on the journey. Meeting interesting people is another appealing aspect of my work. From a hex sign painter, to an award-winning pumpkin carver, to a woman who raises Icelandic horses, I have
come across some fascinating individuals.

RNF: What drives you in your writing? Is it curiosity? Is it therapeutic? Is it just a pleasant vocation?

SHS: I am definitely motivated by curiosity, and the desire to learn new things and share them with others. If I hadn’t gone into writing, I would probably be a teacher. (I did teach freelance writing and travel writing in adult evening school for several years.) I like to think of myself perched on the reader’s shoulder, learning what he or she is interested in and making recommendations through my words. This is especially important in my crochet titles. Detailed instructions and technique photos are included so that a crocheter never has to wonder, “Do I put
the hook here, or there? What should this row look like when it’s done?” There are plenty of crocheters who make wonderful designs, but are lousy at writing patterns. Sometimes I think I have an advantage precisely because I am NOT the world’s best crocheter. I don’t make any assumptions about what the reader knows, and I don’t skip over anything. My experience as a technical writer has come in handy, too. As someone who has been a word person her whole life, writing features and travel articles gives me the chance to have fun with language (along the lines of “Suit Yourself to a Tea,” about tea rooms in the Delaware Valley).

Once in a while a topic gets under my skin, and writing an essay can be cathartic. After a particularly bad series of customer service experiences, I wrote “The Customer is Always Wronged.” A lot of people identified with that piece! I shouldn’t omit the practical aspects of writing. It is my career, not a hobby, and I do work for the paycheck. I’m always looking for new ideas and places that might publish my articles or books. Now that travel information is so easily available on the web, writing a full-length travel book is not as financially viable as it once was; rather than bemoan that, I search for new ways to get my work read.

RNF: Is there any way that a non-crocheter (like myself) could read and take something away from your crocheting related books? And (assuming that the answer to that is not really) which of your articles and books would you recommend for someone interested in learning new things?

SHS: Anyone who is writes instructions might benefit from reviewing my approach to crochet, even if the terminology is unfamiliar. My patterns follow a consistent format. Materials, skill level, and sizing information are presented first. Abbreviations are listed in a table. Visuals supplement the text. I like to think of my instructions as looking at a destination, explaining what someone needs before leaving the starting point, and then laying out a road map for how we get there from here. That works whether you are writing a recipe or telling an astronaut how to work an air scrubber.

Beyond that, I don’t think there’s much else that non-crocheters (assuming they are not interested in changing that status) would get from my crochet books, except if they are looking for gifts for their friends and family members who crochet! Or, if someone is looking for a special gift, he or she might want to commission me to make that.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Good Moed, Good Vuch, Happy Birthday to Me

I am grateful to have been blessed with another birthday.  I am blessed to have been hosted by a great friend and mentor for Yom Tov- first day of Sukkos.  I am grateful to have experienced an intense religious setting/davening for three days of Yom Tov into Shabbos in the Rachmostrivska Shtiebel.  I am grateful my father is with me in this world.  I am grateful to be running out to celebrate my birthday in good company. I would and could and perhaps should write more... Please G-d may you and me and everyone be blessed to be thankful in good health for a long time to come.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Good Erev Yom Tov

I'm starting this post on a cab and hopefully will finish it in Spring Valey/Monsey wher I am heading for Yom Tov, which, please G-d will be upon us soon.  Two dear old frieds that I hadn't  spoken to in some time called me today while I was scurrying to head out. I've known one since 1975 and the other since 1983. Neither knew that yesterday was my Jewish birthday and Shabbos is my secular one.

Just arrived at my destination.  I pray for inspiration to write something meaningful.  And then I will sign off and settle into my physical surroundings and into the Yamim Tovim.

Life is religious and spiritual or it is not a full life. I have liberal sympathies and yet I believe what I just wrote.  I think that being spiritual is, as Rabbi Abraham Twerski sees it, being truly human and embracing our humanness over our anialistic side.  Then religion takes it up a notch.

May these days upon us be truly spiritual and truly religious and truly transformative.

One of my friends who called me say that about 20 years ago I told him the following. I don't recall saying it.  I wonder. He says that I said that the Vilna Gaon was asked what the hardest mitzvah is. he said that it was Sukkos because we are commande to be happy for the whole holiday and that is very challenging to do.

May we be blessed to be happy on Sukkos, rich with all we have, and may it overflow into the year.

Sky Haiku

Time out for the sky
Testify for all that is
Sing like you're in church

My eyes see the sky
through the ceilings above me
over this high roof

Fear G-d like the sky
For at least you have to try
Till the day you die

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

It's my Hebrew birthday.  I am up, marking tests, working.  A bunch of years ago someone hurt me by saying something that ended with, "after all your job is only part time." As Paul Reiser says in a new routine of his, "Really?" (He points out that this word was once use in wonder and joy, "Really! That's swell." But now it's a hurt reaction word.  Like the woman he cut on line that he didn't know he cut until she said that word.  I guess -and i'm a pretty good guesser- that the person who hurt me didn't know it.  In any case-) My job is not now and has never been part time. I'm grateful to G-d to have a good, nay- great job.  And a good, nay- great life. I love that I was born at this time of year, between YK and Sukkos. I need to get back to work.  Just wanted to pause for a second and thank G-d for bringing me into this world on this day, once and again and again and again.

Saturday, October 04, 2014

Post YK

8:38 PM- I'm longing for an old school honest, free flowing blog post.

The fast was hard for me. There was a time, when like so many young-ones in the room I was well suited for a no-break davening that started early (7AM) and ended late (7:45 PM).  It's my local minyan and a good fit in terms of location.  But there was a certain bombastic element to the way the prayers are screamed by someone (right behind me) that doesn't feel so right for me.

On a related note someone told me that their rabbi's pet peeve is people who take out a little choolate bar to eat right after the shofar is blown at the end of YK. I am reminded of the book in which great rabbis were asked how they saw the role of being a rabbi. Rav Chaim Brisker's answer was, "Chesed." It seems to me that if someone needs to eat that candy bar asap after the fast that's part of their journey, part of their avodah.  And a rabbi, of all people should see that person's light.  A person who's line of work is psychology once told me that he liked me as a rabbi because I was the first one he met that he didn't think had serious issues.  (I wonder if that phrasing softened the blow, when I say what the man told me more precisely people don't take well to it.)

8:56 PM - Dad called me back.  I left a message.  His fast went well.  People ask how dad is doing and I say that some days I think he's doing better than me. Today may have been one of those days.

As I write a cassette (I purged a lot of them recently and am glad I still have some) of Eit Rekod-Time to Dance is playing.  It's orchestrations of traditional Jewish, mostly Chasidic, tunes.  I am sitting at a laptop at a small table in my back room.  I am purposely not sitting at my usual spot at my desktop in the living room.  Going for a new start. Changing my station to remind myself of the new start I wish for.

9:17 PM - I'm trying to move forward.  And yet.  I hold on to things.  Barnacles.  And aren't we supposed to remember things?  So many people around me seem to say and do things and expect no-one to remember.  What are zichronot all about.  We're saying to G-d that we remember and we're asking Him to remember all the good of our past. But weren't there mistakes? Are we forgetting the things we did wrong? Are we trying to trick G-d into going along with our selective memory.  That seems to be a common thing to do with people.  But with G-d?  And with people too, isn't not being straightforward and honest wrong?

9:44 PM - I need to stay in and cocoon, though there's a great local shiur starting now.

Wanting to be real
He seeks a stand up routine
For a dose of truth


I find that comedians often talk about wanting the truth.  And the best of them do hit on great truths in their routines.  That's one of the things I love about stand up. Call me crazy, but I have this thing about truth.

10:15 PM - Just answered and sent in my 10Q questions. I feel tired, though I feel like I shouldn't be.  I feel like I'm big on feeling.

10:51 PM - People lie.  That's the answer.  Often.  Oh man.  It makes me mad.  people lie to themselves and/or/then to you.  And I sit alone trying to not rethink the lies of others, their emotional stuckness. Trying.

I really want some positive changes in my life, want to make moves forward.  Please G-d. Please, G-d.

11:59 PM and beyond - I'm compelled by Zelda.  The images! Wet leaves awaken the golden leaves in my soul.  I wish I could have met Zelda.  She seems like she's from an earlier time.  I wish I could have been a little earlier and overlapped with her.

My erev YK highlight was bumping into a dear friend and having a great talk over lunch.  He is wise.  I admire wisdom.  And I yearn for it.

I never framed my Nicholas Roerich poster- I'd like to.  

May we all be blessed with new energy and a new start, starting now.

Friday, October 03, 2014

Erev Yom Kipur

See comment 1 where I saved this article of mine on Yom Kippur for posterity.

May we all me blessed with a meaningful and successful Yom Kippur

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Space Haiku

I say I need space
But sometimes I have too much
Call me Goldilocks

The spaces we take
can make all the difference
about where we stand

On Shabbos we stop
focussing on just space and
spend some time with time

Space is key to art
and life is a work of art.
Always leave some space

The space between us
makes me scared when we are close.
Closeness scares me too.

When I went to sleep
long ago as a child
I would glide through space

Physically too
continuous areas
I often crave space

Dimensions hold us
We get stuck in time and space
for they don't hold G-d

We need permission
to breathe and take needed space
and to be honest

Alone in his space
He rubs his face and exhales
Yearning to embrace

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Trained Haiku

I didn't ride trains
or buses much as a kid.
"Overprotected."

I've been riding trains
of thoughts that take me places
since I was a kid

Coached new behaviors
Practiced and drilled over time
Teaching or training?

Friday, September 12, 2014

Good Erev Shabbos

Dad is starting Shabbos in 9 minutes and I am joining him. I'm here with him in his new home for Shabbos (since July 7th) for the sixth time.  I am grateful to G-d for all the good in my life.  For my dad being alive.  For my family and friends.  For my fulfilling work. I look forward to more good things to come.

May G-d bless us all with a restful and rejuvenating Shabbios.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

John Green Talks About Mister Rogers

Monday, September 08, 2014

Haiku of the Day

This week's prompt from Haiku Horizons is "branch."  One thing came to mind right away, based on the time I, along with my brother and friend from down the block saw Tefillin hanging from our tree in front of the house.  It was when I was in seventh grade.  My teacher did not believe the story even when I showed him the Tefillin.

If I think of other haiku on branches I will, please G-d, post them in comments here.

On the tree's branches
Bayside, 1970
Burnt T'fillin boxes

Friday, September 05, 2014

I think now of this opening of Enter Laughing by Joan Rivers. She was quite the stand up in her day:

"You want to hear stupid? Major stupid? Stand up comic. You walk onto a bare stage absolutely alone, no comfort, no help, no script or actors to support you, no lyrics and music to give you life - just yourself saying your own words out of your own head, telling each person one on one, the weirdest corners of your psyche. And everybody is judging your personality, judging whether you are worthy of their money, whether you make them happy. When they do not laugh, that silence is a rejection of you personally, only you. Not your mother. Not your piano player - if you have one. A thousand people in a room are saying, "You stink. You're nothing."

But here's what is even more stupid. In order to get on that stage and walk that terrible tightrope, you struggle through years of humiliation and privation, feeling like the misfit of the world. For this job you have to be nuts, but it is the craziness that makes you funny, makes you obsessed with your career. It is craziness that makes you live for that hour facing an audience which can destroy you at any moment. Yet, those are the truly happy times in my life, riding the laughter higher and higher, feeling that euphoria, feeling washed in love."

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

On The Shofar

For years the standard shofar thought I knew and contemplated and shared was the Rambam saying that it's like a spiritual alarm clock waking us sleepers from our slumber. This year I heard something that was new to me- that the shofar alludes to G-d's blowing breath into man when he created us with his spirit (which was on Rosh HaShanah) (which means the shofar represents us, we were the first shofar)

These 2 thoughts seem very different. but  upon reflection it seems to me that  they're connected,The shofars is telling us to wake up to who we are; and it represents that we need to wake up, and it represents who we are.

Lech Lecha (in early September)

Life is about expanding- about lech lecha- becoming you and broadening from the you of your country, home, and family.



Tuesday, September 02, 2014

I just heard an interview with a guy who wrote a book about agreements that you make to use online things.  he said that zero people read them.  And then he added that he wasn't rounding it off. That's the actual number.  

So if you don't read that agreement online then you're one of the zero.

One of the zero
He sits, his head in his hands
Sighing out the day

One of the zero
the zero who read the rules
wasting time in school

He doesn't stand out
from the zero who stand out.
One of the zero

He checks the option;
yes, he agrees to the rules
which he didn't read

"One of the zero"
he ponders the sound of it
wanting to be more

Monday, September 01, 2014

Via Mandy Patinkin

"As long as there is one person on earth 
who remembers you, 
it isn't over." - 

Oscar Hammerstein, Carousel.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Haiku Inspired By The Word Sense

Since we lose our sense
We sin more instead of less
Selling out our selves

See that the blessing
comes when you are listening
to the voice of G-d

Sense of direction
seems to be sorely lacking-
sending you spinning


If only it were
what they say that it is, but
sense is not common

Sometimes to make sense
of something you have to jump
right inside of it

A sense of humor
is one of those ignored things
you miss when it's gone

Sitting with his dad
He senses what they have had
What they never will

Thursday, August 28, 2014

For Rav Kook's Yahrtzeit

The Fourfold Song
By Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak haCohein Kook (Z"TL)

There is a person who sings the song of his soul. He finds everything, his complete spiritual satisfaction, within his soul.

There is a person who sings the song of the nation. He steps forward from his private soul, which he finds narrow and uncivilized. He yearns for the heights. He clings with a sensitive love to the entirety of the Jewish nation and sings its song. He shares in its pains, is joyful in its hopes, speaks with exalted and pure thoughts regarding its past and its future, investigates its inner spiritual nature with love and a wise heart.

There is a person whose soul is so broad that it expands beyond the border of Israel. It sings the song of humanity. This soul constantly grows broader with the exalted totality of humanity and its glorious image. He yearns for humanity’s general enlightenment. He looks forward to its supernal perfection. From this source of life, he draws all of his thoughts and insights, his ideals and visions.

And there is a person who rises even higher until he unites with all existence, with all creatures, and with all worlds. And with all of them, he sings. This is the person who, engaged in the Chapter of Song every day, is assured that he is a child of the World-to-Come.

And there is a person who rises with all these songs together in one ensemble so that they all give forth their voices, they all sing their songs sweetly, each supplies its fellow with fullness and life: the voice of happiness and joy, the voice of rejoicing and tunefulness, the voice of merriment and the voice of holiness.

The song of the soul, the song of the nation, the song of humanity, the song of the world—they all mix together with this person at every moment and at all times.

And this simplicity in its fullness rises to become a song of holiness, the song of God, the song that is simple, doubled, tripled, quadrupled, the song of songs of Solomon—of the king who is characterized by completeness and peace.

Orot Hakodesh II, p. 444

Friday, August 22, 2014

Gutten Erev Shabbos

Going to dad for Shabbos, again, like last week, and 2 weeks before that and 2 weeks before that.

Heading out soon, writing here briefly- feels like hiding in plain sight.  Praying for depth and insight for everyone.  This week, Parshat Re'eh it seems apt to pray for blessings in our hearing and our seeing.

Sitting

Sitting outside and writing here, as it should be.

John Gorka just started singing about how you shouldn't judge a life as if you knew it, as if you saw it through. Don't judge a life by how it ends- "losing the light as night decends."

Parks are parks
trees trees

Each feels different
as I sit with crossed knees

Like right now: Erin McKeown and I
catching beauty as it zooms by

I sort throgh people I need to set free
letting them go, on my journey to become me.

Emails Like This One That Just Came Through Mean A Lot To Me

Rabbi, 

I hope your summer is going well, I just wanted to thank you for helping with my essay and being my recommendation for ABC. It was the best summer of my life and I couldn't have done it without you!!

Thanks, 

X Y

Thursday, August 21, 2014

You don't remember what happened, what you remember becomes what happened. - John Green, An Abundance of Katherines, pgs 207-208

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Hu Yerachem Am Amusim

I am taken by the Av HaRachamim that we say as the Torah is taken from the ark: "May he rescue our souls from the bad times, and upbraid the evil inclination... and fulfill our requests in good measure for salvation and mercy."

Saturday, August 16, 2014

From "Mork & Mindy: In Mork We Trust (#1.21)" (1979)

Orson: The report, Mork.

Mork: This week I discovered a terrible disease called loneliness.

Orson: Do many people on Earth suffer from this disease?

Mork: Oh yes sir, and how they suffer. One man I know suffers so much he has to take a medication called bourbon, even that doesn't help very much because then he can hear paint dry.

Orson: Does bed rest help?

Mork: No because I've heard that sleeping alone is part of the problem. You see, Orson, loneliness is a disease of the spirit. People who have it think that no one cares about them.

Orson: Do you have any idea why?

Mork: Yes sir you can count on me. You see, when children are young, they're told not to talk to strangers. When they go to school, they're told not to talk to the person next to them. Finally when they're very old, they're told not to talk to themselves, who's left?

Orson: Are you saying Earthlings make each other lonely?

Mork: No sir I'm saying just the opposite. They make themeslves lonely, they're so busy looking out for number one that there's not enough room for two.

Orson: It's too bad everybody down there can't get together and find a cure.

Mork: Here's the paradox sir because if they did get together, they wouldn't need one.

A Haiki


Life's cut off swiftly
It's proudest success is pain
Then we fly away

Inspired By Psalms 90:10

Prompted By Haiku Horizons
In Memory of Robin Williams

Friday, August 15, 2014



Thursday, August 14, 2014

From "A Better Way To Introduce Your Friends At Parties"

"She knows how to meet you in deep waters 
and pull you back up for air 
without panicking 
or judging how you got there."

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

"He Was A Miracle"

- Henry Winkler

Monday, August 11, 2014

RIP Robin

We all have Robin Williams on our minds tonight. The sad news brings to mind this classic short short story.

A man goes to the doctor. He explains that he's depressed. There's is no peace, no happiness in his life. He hasn't smiled in years. The doctor says "I have the perfect remedy for you: The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go to the theater and see him perform - he'll make you laugh and forget your troubles." The man bursts into tears. Through the sobs he says, "I can't." The doctor asks, "Why not?" The man says, "Because...I am Pagliacci."

- Marvin Silbermintz



 On the cover of the album that captivated me as a kid.


 Performing on the streets of NYC with Marc Weiner.

The moment that opened Pandora's Box.

I could not be more stunned by the loss of Robin Williams, mensch, great talent, acting partner, genuine soul. - Steve Martin

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

On Haiku And And And

Last night's post was actually, mostly, from way earlier in the week. But I wanted to post it and didn't feel like editing it.

Not sure what to write or where...

I recently bought a book called Haiku in English: The First hundred Years. I bought it because it is a haiku collection, and more-so, as they were counting on, because it has Billy Collins' name on the cover (because he wrote a short intro).

"The stop-time instant at the heart of haiku might be said to offer resistance to the remorseless powers of forgetfulness."


Sometimes I write those kind of capturing a moment haiku.  Often I just try to write anything that works within the 5-7-5 system.  i know the modern American haiku people don't like that.  But I disagree.  I say that myriad third grade English teachers can't be wrong.

The 5-7-5
is the crux of my haiku
Like Mrs. Phillips

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Okay.

And yet.

Two short sentences from books that stayed with me.

I almost finished a book, then I left it in the home I slept in over Shabbos.  I have 15 pages left.  I need to get me to a bookstore and sit and read the end.  It's My Salinger Year.  It is good.  A distinct, strong voice, a  voice- in a good way).  (I've recently been given cause to pause about the expression "strong personality."  I think it's a euphemism really. People who are kind, and gentle, and good can be so in a palpable, powerful way.  And yet no-one seems to ever say of these types that they have strong personalities.  Strong personality is used, knowingly or not, to mean that someone consistently fails big time to speak or behave as kindly or thoughtfuly or subtly or wisely as a refined, truly human, image of G-d is meant to, or to even seem to be trying.)

Two Fridays ago, which was shortly over a week ago, I got my treadmill delivered and assembled.  Since my fall that Friday night I have used it hesitantly and sparingly until I used it tonight for 45 minutes.  I don't quite know what to say.

I spent Shabbos with dad. In his new place. I cherish every moment with him.  You can go home again, even when you can't.

My nephew and his wife had a baby girl on Friday.  My dad said that the picture showed the most beautiful baby he's ever seen.  May everyone enjoy good helth and life.

So much of my life happens inside me.  And though I've said it till it's cliche'd, I will say again that I don't know what to write here.

Tisha b'Av went well. I wrote and linked a bit here and wrote on Facebook and in my diaries...

We need to make room for G-d to say yes for what we ask for- Advice from a dear friend...

So much to say and then again...

Monday, August 04, 2014

My thoughts on audio regarding Tisha B'Av.


Eichah - Tisha B'Av 5774


Yearning for redemption, 
grieving over exile and loss, 
sitting alone- all of us together, 
asking how we got here.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Just Haiku

"No justice, no peace,"
but there also must be truth
for the world to stand

Kindness and justice
don't often come together
unless you are G-d

The Torah tells us
"Justice, justice shall ye seek"
your way, and for real

Using laws fairly
is a complicated thing.
I yearn for justice.

Is my quietness
a form of injustice too,
as those sayings go?

Justice and conscience
should live together as one;
tell that to lawyers

Is there big justice
and medium and small size
or only justice?

Justice may be scarce
hard to find or to acheive
yet we have to try.

Counting on justice
can lead to being bitter
until you bring it

Redemption will come
to Zion and to the world
by way of justice.

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Rav S.R. Hirsch on Avot 3:1

"Most of our sins are outgrowths of an over emphasis on the sensuous, physical aspects of our being and of their demands, and of a disregard, or at least, of insufficient regard for the spiritual and moral facets of our personality and its purpose." 

Thursday, July 31, 2014


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Beyond- A Poem

Under the physical
there's more physical

And some things get worse
before they get even worse

But dig deep and
find the spiritual

Go the distance and
see things get better

Monday, July 28, 2014

Clear Haiku

Clarity or death
Rabbi Weinberg used to say
Something to strive for

One Saturday night
The "On A Clear Day..." movie
Was viewed by my mom

So much is complex
Yet certain things become clear
As we move forward

They speak of clear minds
And it makes my mind wonder
About many things

When we say Shemah
We close our eyes to see
By looking inside

What's clear and simple
Is quite often incorrect
Yet sometimes it's true

Nixon waited to
"Make one thing perfectly clear"
When I was a kid

I want to clear space
In my home and in my head
And then take you in

Sometimes I want to
Clear the slate and start over
Sometimes I am real

Clearly we differ
Clearly we are connected
Unclear what to do

Inspired By Prompt At Haiku Horizons

Sunday, July 27, 2014

We Lost Bel Kaufman

Laugh even if you don't get the joke, laugh on credit. - Shalom Aleichem as quoted by his granddaughter, Bel Kaufman.  She also gives these examples of Jewish humor: A guy can't afford lenses so he gets frames alone.  When asked why, he says, "It's better than nothing."  Similarly - If you don't have meat, you eat bread. if you don't have bread, you starve; it's better than nothing.

She died today at 103.  She said wrinkes are caligraphy of the soul.

In a recent interview  she said that the real secret to living so long is luck. She asked the camera man to come close and show people that one can be over a 100 and still look human.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Last night I had a kind of long walk, half hour-ish, home from dinner.  Was concerned about the directions.  Tired.  Finally got to the block I was staying on.  It seemed like the numbers were going down when I needed them to go up. So I turned around walking fast, really wanting to get inside.  Sweating from the heat.  Frustrated, flummoxed. I remember seeing that the sidewalk was wildly uneven.  I'm not sure but I think that's the sidewalk I tripped on.  I didn't get the details of the nature of the sidewalk or how exactly I fell onto it.  I do reacall the senasation of falling fast, of crying out something out, maybe Oh G-d. I remember trying to have control, wanting to have control. Doing some version of the falling forward and putting my hands out and catching myself on my claws and going unscathed.  But this one time in my life so far, it didn't work.  I fell really hard and fast and it was just too much for me to totally stop, though I did mute it a bit. Could have been worse,  Thank G-d.  Not death bad. Not spinal injury bad.  Not broken bones.  But this kind of bad: Badly scraped knee, scraped hand, sore muscles, and the ridge and tip of my nose all scraped and red.  The worst part seems to be the hole between my eyes.  No, I can't explain it, why that indented area got hit so hard.  My friend wants me to check it out ASAP, thinks it needs a stich. We tried to go to a place tonight.  No walk in  (non emergency room) places were open. Other things happened over Shabbos but they all took a back seat to the stress and embarrasment of the fall. The suit is torn and bloody as is my white shirt and my directions sheet, and the repflector my dinner hosts lent me.  A man tried to help me and I'm going to leave out those details for now. I'm still shaken up, yet also grateful;.  Awkward about being seen in public.  Feeling vulnerable and oh so human.

On a related/unrelated note I really want to read and use and be helped by this book, which was reccomended, shown to me, and which I read some of over Shabbos.  Please G-d.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Check In and Haiku

I have reason to wonder who reads this blog.  I get few to no comments.  Blogs have become a dinasour in ten years. And yet.  It's place for me, it's a record for me, it's kind of a home.

I'm on the clock, as we all are.  It's Shabbos soon.  Sooner for me than some.  I'm eating with friends who are starting early.  Got to get to the shower and then the cab and then the bus and then the walk.  I'm hungry. There's something weird going on with my lips that ChapStick doesn't fix.  I got a treadmill today.  I have one doctor's appointment set for next week.  There's more I need to make, but I'm glad i set something. The last time there was a war I was in Israel and felt very connected.  It's harder being here. I did recently post a poem about it.  Oh man, may G-d help and bless us.  When something big like this is going on it can make our day to day lives seem small.  And yet we all need to take care of ourselves, our lives.

May we all be blessed with a Shabbat of Shalom.

The weekdays scatter
and make way for the big day
that deeply matters

After the still small voice
a noise
And after the noise,
a still small voice.
And after it, a noise.
And after it, a still small voice
And after the still small voice,
a noise.
Discard the rest.
~
Yehuda Amichai