8:35 PM - Someone told me they saw my blog (this one) recently and were taken by how openly I share. Doesn't feel like so much/so open to me. I have to much to say that I hold back nevery day...

8:47 PM - So much to do. Not easy. How does that Gemorah go? That a person doesn't leave this world with half his desires filled. And desires gets a negative rap, but I think here it means things one wants to do in life. And I think if we remember that it can help us. We would be less disappointed not getting all we want if we remembered that no-one does. Brings to mind the opening of The Road Less Traveled. The author (M Scott Peck - feels like yesterday, I remember where I was when I first bout and read the book) starts with the words "life is difficult." And then he says that once we accept that life is difficult, it becomes a little easier.

8:57 PM - I'm watching TV on the computer and a contestant on a competition show is telling his story (there's always a story): How he resented his good parents who adopted him and wanted to and eventually met the parents who had his eyes. I have had some experience with adopted people and my heart has gone out to everyone involved. It makes sense that the adoptee will long for the parents, but it's sad if that gets in the way of appreciating the parents who raise them...

9:01 PM - I want, need to exercise. My phone has clocked 9000 steps for the day, and I'm proud of that. And i want more.

In recent years I've exercised more than I have my whole life, particularly if you count walking as exercise (most everyone does) (except for the woman who tried to shame me into going to a gym by dismissing my walking).

Last night I, uncharacteristically, wrote a letter to the owner of a restaurant I go to often. Found his email on line. Had an awkward exchange with 2 workers around my order. He called me today and told me that he didn't sleep well, that I'm like family to him. Wow.

8:14 PM - The Nesivos Shalom cites the Medrash on the pasuk that reports Avraham saying to the young men that accompanied him to the Akeidah that he was going to bow and then come back:

"All is in the merit of bowing.

We are never told that Avraham actually bowed on the mountain of the Akeidah. The entire act of what he did was one big bow of self abnegation before G-d. Our purpose in life is to humble ourselves before G-d. And that's what Avraham did at the Akeidah.

There are three times in the history of the Jewish People when bowing was key, in a metaphorical way, humbling ourselves before G-d. 1 - When we left Egypt. 2- When we got the Torah. 3 - For all future redemptions. The key for us in our lives of service is to bow, in the ay we live, to annul ourselves before G-d.

This relates to another piece of Nesivos Shalom, where he says:
“Whoever possesses these three things, he is of the disciples of Abraham, our father; A good eye, a humble spirit and a moderate appetite.”

As a rule, when Chazal mention the number before listing things it means that they are all one thing (as opposed to when it just list things, without telling you the number of the whole unit).

Here, these three things come down to one thing, and that one thing is self abnegation - bitul hayeshut. Having a good eye means you see the good in others and this happens because you are not caught up in yourself. A humble spirit and moderate appetite speak for themselves in terms of being about self abnegation.

And these three things that are one are the foundation that allowed Avraham to pass his ten tests. Just has he had ten tests in his life, we each have ten such tesys in our lives. And the key to getting through them is via these three traits that all come down to one thing.

The reason it mentions disciples is because these were the 3 essences of Avraham that he taught regularly and modeled to others.

9:22 PM - I want to go on the treadmill.  Resistance. I walk outside more than on the treadmill.  But the other day I did a half hour, and it was helpful.

9:36 PM - I am thinking about a technical point: What to do while on the treadmill, other than the obvious.  I tend to listen to things, music or talk. Watching something has proved more challenging.  

10:15 PM - Been sitting watching, cooking, going to eat, not going to do treadmill tonight I don't think.

May G-d bless you.