Monday, January 04, 2016

Old School Blog Moment

Beli ayin harah, I've been working at the same main place for 20 years, blogging here for 11, on this planet for... Keeping track can be tricky, so many kinds of tricky.  And they say age is just a number but nothing is just an anthing.  My work in intense and non-stop and yet I'm taking a moment for a spiritual lunch break and coming home here to write.  Writing is a form of exercise, the kind of exercise I favor. I love writing and as in the slide story I've told here several times over the years I sometimes feel safer doing something my in my own way.  And so while I seem to be just writing here there is no such thing as just writing. 

It's been a long time since I wrote an old school free associative blogpost here, and even longer since I wrote one without saying that I don't know what to share or where to share it.  Oops.

In 1994 when I started this blog mom and dad used to read it all the time.  Now mom has left this physical world.  And dad should still live and be well.  He's 11 years older than when this project began 11 years ago. And dad, like everything and everyone, has changed in time. Dad once emailed me a beautiful note about how he came to appreciate me more deeply through my blog.  I think that appreciation lingers. I'm pretty sure he doesn't look here anymore.

I feel pulled upon, not a good way to feel.  More-so than once, those as much as I pride myself on memory I never remember anything as strongly as I feel the now I'm in.

I thought of this during minyan this morning.  First the sheer poetic beauty and brevity of the words struck me.  Then I thought about what they might mean.  They say that TS Elliot said that poetry is the name for words that are felt before they're understood: BeRogez Racheim Tizkor. When deep in any one feeling, at least remember - even or it's hard to feel - a contrasting emotion.

I need to pause this post for now.  I bless everyone in this world, and beyond, with peace and goodwill.  


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