Sunday in the YU Library

November 21st will be the 11th anniversary of this blog. I've shared a lot here over the changing years.  I just came across this title from eight years ago and I think it's smart (though I don't remember coming up with it): "Man Plans, G-d Helps."  The saying that man plans and G-d laughs sounds off the mark because I don't think G-d laughs at us.

I write here less than I used to.  And part of that is because of the social media website that shall generally not be named here.  And part of it is due to writing on my other blogs, like my haiku blog, my tanka blog, my longer poems blog and more.  I also write privately.  And I try to live life.

And yet.  I believe in or al least like blogging. I like the alleged honesty of the personal blog.  Some say you shouldn't sdit a personal blog post and you must write it in one shot.  Maybe. So far that's true for this post.

It feels like I haven't written an old school post here in a while. So here goes:

I'm not feeling great. I'm not feeling terrible.  But I'm worried about myself.  And it all comes down to me taking care of myself. I have to do that.  Various healers need to be seen, and doctors too.

I think I started this blog to be seen and heard in a true way, particularly by my parents- though I wasn't thinking that when I started blogging.  But that day when my dad emailed me that he discovered my blog and was taken by my writing is one I cherish.  And my mom used to coyly comment.  Mom is in another realm now. She's been in heaven, having passed from this world on Christmas weekend on  2009.  And I don't think dad reads here anymore, it's not where he's at right now. 

Did I mention that I'm not feeling well.  I've slept but feel tired. 

I once felt like sharing here the things that happened in my life. That urge has cooled.  And yet let me say now that some things have changed and some have stayed the same.  On the outside things look pretty much the same.  Same job as when I started here.  Same status of being single.  Age has changed by almost eleven years.  That is what it is.  Eleven years is exactly eleven years though we have the choice to call it a little or a lot.  

As has been the case in the past, on occasion, I am writing from the YU library.  That's another external circumstance that looks the same, I live in the same place as when I started this blog.  I live in Washington Heights, nearby YU.  And, as has been the case in the past, my phone line is down, which means my home internet is down.  Verizon is coming on Tuesday to check the external line. Till then I need to go elsewhere to use an online computer.

I am feeling worn and weak.  I am going to put some work on hold. I think I need some Sunday space.  I am going to head home.  Not sure what it means but all I want in life is to go home.  I am so tired.  I don't get it.  And it scares me.

When I used to write (almost) daily here I'd close by saying what I will say again now:

Good night and G-d bless.