Thursday, October 29, 2015


Why I write here is a bit of a mystery to me, but only a bit. But mostly I write here for the same reason I write in diaries and on napkins. I need to get my ideas into words and on paper.

People get the flu or related things and knocked out for weeks at a time - rachmanah litzlan.  So why are people, including me so surprised when it lasts a few days in a row? If I beat this cold soon it will have lasted about a week.  Please G-d let that be how it goes.

What was particularly hard about this flu thing was that it was accompanied by a stomach thing. I still walking on eggshells when it comes to eating.  And I'm still trying to access to what degree I still have a bug inside me.

And I've tried to do work while home and sick, though there's much more to be done when I get back in full force.

Sitting at my desk... wondering if that's the start of a haiku.

Sitting at my desk
Missing those who are not here
Some, I sent away

As time goes by I've grown more tired of travel. Getting around is not easy on me. In the past I've often shopped on  my way home, stopping at the wonderful Shoprite supermarket, my closest approximation of Disneyland (with the exception of one person there who pushes my buttons - I pray for her, as I experience her... And the healing needed may be in me, and I pray for that too). The best word I can think of for the travel and the shopping is shleppy. Recently new ride possibilities home have appeared.  And I should take them.

They say to minimize saying should.  And I should minimize worrying about them.  I'm thinking to start ordering online.  Food.  And maybe it's time for a water cooler.  And my life needs many tweaks.  There are things in my life that hurt me and that are in my hands to fix.  But then it goes back to the paradox I've visited before: A man can't free himself from prison vs. the matter depends only on me.

I am enjoying not feeling sick.  I am grateful to G-d.

A few weeks ago on Friday my landline stopped having a dial tone.  Tonight it came back.  There was a spate with no internet at home. The whole thing was challenging.  And Verizon service on the phone was not particularly user friendly. I almost can't believe that, as small as it seems now that it's over, this really irritating inconvenience is resolved.  Thank G-d.

I find this interesting: Holy U.S. grave sights and the man who found them and wants to show them to you.

I am doing work at home and am happy to have the energy and ability to do so.  Guidance emails.

I am taken by Anim Zemirot.  it seems to me like it answers so much.  The more we get that we can't get G-d, the more we can get a connection.  hat's what I think it's about.  I also think it is untranslatable-ly beautiful poetry.  Havening said that, here's the start of my translation:

I sing to You, struggling to be pleasant and clever
I work and weave, as my soul has yearned for You forever.

My soul is desirous in the shade of Your hand
For Your deepest secrets she longs to understand

I'm not sure what I've written or why I've written it here.  but i am done for the night.

I am so grateful; to G-d for feeling better.  Over the last few days here were long periods where I couldn't hold down any food or drink.  And I was on my own to bundle myself up and go out for chicken soup and juice.  It is unbelievable how G-d has rejuvenated me.

There are mysteries beyond us and I am grateful for the mystery of the graciousness of G-d.

My mind was just blown as I discovered that a former cast mate of mine has written a popular book about her parents being hoarders! Wow.  Good for her.


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