Don't Wait For Someone To Be Friendly, Show Them How

One of the many wonderful things my school does to give personal consideration to students is to have a small group meeting for about 1o freshmen on a regular basis. Generally a topic seems timely. In the wake of The Freshmen Retreat this week's headline will be friendship.

This is what I shared with my colleagues:

"Here are some thought that came to mind from my brain's file cabinet that may be useful for our purposes:"

World Proverb – “If you have one true friend you have more than your share.”

Chazal - Dovid and Yonatan given as example in sixth perek of Avot of true friendship.

Chazal - “Kneh lecha chaver” (Avot, Perek Aleph) – What does kneh mean here? You have to give in order to get a friend (as opposed to a teacher or posek, which is simply appointed – (aseih lecha rav).

Story – A king was going to hang a man for being a spy. The man asked to see his family first. While this man travelled his friend stayed as collateral. The second friend asked to be killed instead of the first when the first seemed late to return. Then the other returned and they argued over who would give their life to save the other. The king allowed each to go on one condition. He said to them, “Teach me how to be a friend in life the way you are to each other.”

Story – In Vietnam, during the war, there was such a shortage of blood supply that they once approached a fifth grade class and asked if any student would donate blood for an injured classmate. One girl agreed. But when they set her up to donate the blood she start shaking and turned pale. They undid everything and calmed her down. This happened several times. They brought in a nun, who was the school’s version of a guidance counselor. In speaking to the girl the nun figured out that the girl thought that giving blood meant that you gave away all your blood. Now the nun understood why the girl was so scared – because the girl knew that if all your blood is taken from you then you die. But now the nun had to ask, “If you thought that giving blood meant giving it all away, why would you agree to do that for your classmate.” Without a pause the little girl replied, “Because he was my friend.”

Story – A Chasidish Rebbe said that he learned what love/friendship is from two drunks on park bench. One said to the other, “Do you love me?” The second drunk replied, “Sure, I love you.” The first asked, “What do I need?” The second said, “I don’t know what you need.” To this the first man responded, “Then you don’t love me – because if you loved me you would tell me what I need.”

Story - A poor man from a small village is treated by his rich uncle to stay in a hotel in the big city. He checks in. Then he starts to go upstairs to his room. He runs back to the front desk and tells the concierge that there’s a snarling, angry looking man at the top of the stairs. The clerk encourages the guest to try again. This happens several times in a row; each time the villager complains about the frowning man atop the stairs. Finally the concierge has an epiphany and says, “I just remembered who that man is. I know him and I guarantee that if you smile at him, he’ll smile back at you. (There was a mirror at the top of the stairs). “Kemayim panim el panim…”

Story – O’Henry’s Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen (available in library or I’d be happy to share it orally).