Is It Getting Better?

Fifteen minutes on the clock - or so... I am haunted by what my dear friend Rabbi Michael Unterberg recently wrote about being an introvert - spot on. I am sick with an infection, and the question of the Gemorah, "Is your illness dear to you?" comes to mind. When you're sick you're allowed to sequester yourself off. Almost. There's still a resentment, at least my radar tells me so. There's judgement. Ear infections are supposed to be done at a certain time, soon after the anti-biotic works it's magic. Fever must be present and to a certain degree. Otherwise your sickness borders on being unsociable, people seem to say. And they're being in-compassionate and off the mark while being onto something at the same time.

In the middle of writing this I got an email from one of about 8 students so far that have asked for Israel recommendations. The recommendations for me need to truly recommend the person. For that to happen I need the student's input into what they've learned, like to learn, who they are, who they want to be. It's serious stuff.

Ear infections are serious. They need to be undone, like most bad things, or they can cause a lot of problems. I've been getting them since I was a little kid. So painful. I remember going to a sleep away camp, at 13. My mother asked the director what he could tell her about me. He was at a loss as to who I was. Then it came to him, I was the kid with the cotton in my ear.

At 17, on my own in Israel, I got maybe the thirtieth ear infection of my life. It was really bad. And the coverage was alien and iffy feeling. I remember a doctor telling me to hold my nose and fill my cheeks with air and blow; that was supposed to clear the ear. No. When that infection finally passed my ears clicked when ever I swallowed. It had something to do with my Eustachian (sometimes I say Fallopian by mistake) (almost as bad as when I confuse NCAA and NAACP) tubes being blocked. That clicking stayed since the. When I get sick the clicking stops; good news, bad news.

I lost count. If it's not the ears then it's the throat, which is less pervasive and debilitating. Over the last fifteen years or so I only remember getting earaches a few times, most notably five years ago - almost to the day. That time was like this time, but the end came sooner. At a certain point a specialist took out some wax that remained and after the infection had gone. In a second the buzzing was gone. No such luck this time, at least as of Friday.

A second specialist squeezed me in on Friday. It was set for 2:15 and making it home for Shabbos was my own, lonely miracle of Channukah. I keep hoping it's getting better. The latest doctor told me to stay to course with everything the previous doctor said. I put my faith in G-d. And Augmentin.

I have work to do. I have a life to live. In the end I have dreams much more dear to me than my introversion and my earache. G-d please grant me health and strength.