There's No Such Thing As A Free Association

Torah thoughts mixed with tangible have plans rush through my head as I free associate here for what feels like the first time in ages.

Rav Noach Weinberg once said in a shmooze that the Zohar says that if you do a mitzvah and tell someone then you lose the mitzvah. The idea is that a mitzvah is meant to be an intimate bond between you and G-d. What could beat that? If someone has an urge to tell someone else what he's done then he seeks reward in that recognition from another person. And, perhaps, G-d says that if that's the reward you want then that'll be what you get. I think of this often as I do good things. Do I want my boss to know? Should I tell him. Colleagues? Neighbors? Friends? I think good deeds are meant to be kept between us and G-d. On the other hand a dear friend of mine was told by a colleague that Chazal teach that if you do something good you should make others aware of it.

Amos 8:11 states, "The days are coming," declares Hashem, "when I will send a famine through the land; not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of Hashem." This line has been put to music many times. Debates abound about what it means. Is it saying that people will finally start listening to the word of G-d, does it mean that when they're ready people won't be able to find the word of G-d? The Brisker Rav explained this based on personal experience. he lived through famine and recalled being happy if he could find potato peels to eat. During a famine people are satisfied with scraps. He said that this pasuk is predicting a sad time in Jewish life, a time when in regard to Torah people will be satiated with small amounts. Rather than wanting to learn texts for themselves and see what is Torah law and what is rabbinic or custom, what makes sense and what doesn't, people will be satisfied to ask for The Answer or just read it in a book. Sad. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I want to want to know truth of Torah and not just ask or read simple answers. This has come up in the aveilut process.

Had five classes today, two of them were an assembly.

Rabbi Benzion Klatzko (who runs See You on Shabbos: Helping People Find Their Challah) spoke about how he views Judaism not a religion but a relationship. I'm down with that, as the kids once said. He said that Judaism is framed as a relationship hundreds of times in the Torah. He gave the example of Shir HaShirim. I'd love to hear or see the list of the hundreds of times.

Had five classes and two Torah Guidance appointments. Spoke about religion and poetry and life and and and. Yesterday I spoke to kids about religious observance head on, a questionable venture. The Junior recommendations are pouring in. Tests and work to grade. Pesach is coming. Met a friend in the city tonight. Ate sushi. Played Mad Dash. Bought the Torat Menachem Haggadah. Bought Dani Shapiro's Devotion. I can't expect it to be as riveting as Slow Motion. And yet, a guy can hope. A guy must hope. I bought a bag full of frogs that you push down on springs and suction cups and they jump.

Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz writes, "We human beings are amphibians. We are not like frogs, but we are amphibians. We live in two worlds, the material and the spiritual, and sometimes on the borderline between them..." - Simple Words, page 53.

Soon Pesach. For the first time in ten years I will not be working like a (happy) dog, running seders and minyans and presenting shiurim for 150 guests on the history of humor in Judaism, and on Living Wills. The seder will not end at 12, and will not include me running around the room and standing on chairs to say kiddush and sing. I won't run a workshop in comedy/improv and I won't host two competitive and prize filled trivia competitions. I won't be counselling the seniors. I won't speak at Yizkor about the dear people who came and went during my tenure. I won't be wishing my family would visit me in the retreat center and tell me they are proud of me. I won't be emceeing the talent show on the last night.

Today a student gifted me with a beautiful hagaddah: The Katz Hagaddah: The Art of Faith and Redemption. Tomorrow I'll do hagaddah with my classes and present them with the hagaddah I wrote.

May I be blessed to navigate my two worlds wisely, and may I value my relationship to G-d enough to keep my yapper shut when I do good.

Passover is near

Redemption growing on trees

Good night and G-d bless