GNAGB
I am grateful for chanced to be kind, and grateful for those moments when I come through. I am grateful for family. I am grateful for friends. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my written words. I am grateful for the gift of sleep which I hope to open in moments.
Question. How do you view conversations? Do you value them overall? Do you remember them? Are they more often something you keep track of and remember or more often something you do while you eat or shop or walk or drive? Any other thoughts on conversations would be appreciated.
Good night to my friends
I thank G-d for each of you
Good night and G-d bless
posted by rabbi neil fleischmann @ 11:55 PM
4 Comments:
This question got me thinking. I feel as if most of my conversations these days are either about work or our kids. The sort of conversation I am nostalgic about would be the kind we had at night sitting in a hallway in a college dormitory -- those earnest, sometimes extremely witty gabfests where we solved the world's problems. Also, the conversations I used to have with my friend (and former colleague) Janet, who was engaged in a similar spiritual and intellectual quest back in the late 1970s/early 80s... She was brilliant (but unassuming), a truly deep thinker with an open mind. Sometimes she was a bit uncritical of stuff we read dealing with supernatural phenomena, but that just made for even livelier conversations. We sometimes lost touch for 2-5 years and then would reconnect and be off and running again. Janet died of a brain tumor about 10-11 years ago, and I still miss her very much. On a sunnier note, I think perhaps that when I'm retired, I might enjoy a book group with discussions, such as those held at our local libraries. The problem with those is: some people are always show-offy. And I'm afraid one of those people might be ME! :-)
One last thought and then I'll quit this monologue. I am always in awe of fiction writers who can write dialogue. I am pretty nimble in actual conversation, but my mind goes blank when I consider having to invent people's words for fictional characters. I could never be a playwright or scriptwriter, I guess! Have you ever written fiction that contains conversations?
What's important in conversations is to have the participation of some really strong conversers; people with good stories to tell and smart things to say; otherwise, it's either dull or trite or both. Also, in conversation with relative strangers, or with people of light acquaintance, there's a lot of self-consciousness - saying certain expected things, saying them a certain way, avoiding certain subjects. With close family and friends you don't get much of that, which is good, but the conversations can be less stimulating, since you've had many of them before.
I don't have a good memory for what was actually said in conversations; often I just remember the tone and feeling.
I once had a great conversation with someone that I had thought I didn't like. He was a graduate student from Germany and had a harsh appearance -- very tall, muscular, shaved head. A punk style. Combined with the thick German accent, it was off-putting.
But one day I was in a coffee shop, reading Jung, and he came by and saw the book. That sparked a conversation between us that turned personal and absorbing. I was surprised to be having this conversation with him, and apparently he was equally surprised. (I found out later from mutual friends that he told them it was an intense and unexpected experience.)
Some of my most heated conversations and arguments have been about books.
I wrote the question that prompted these rich comments in the moments right before sleep. The answers have been on my mind, like a dangling conversation (thanks Paul).
This did form a conversation of sorts, perhaps one which will continue. I will reply a bit now, after having taken your words in and walked with them for a time.
Anne, you paint a picture of conversations which is vivid to me because of the way you describe it and because I know from my own life of what you speak. I am fond of the notion that a true intellectual is someone who will stay up all night to discuss an idea that gnaws away at him...
Your friend Janet sounds like an ideal counterpart to discuss life with. I feel for you as you no longer have her here with you on this side. I also related to the kind of friendship you described, where years can go by and then you reconnect and in a way it doesn't detract, the closeness being what it is.
A book group sounds good.
I finding writing dialogue (and plot) challenging. My stabs at fiction have been mostly about characters in moments, captured by descriptive words. I keep dialogue brief.
Kishke, strong point regarding the need for good conversers. This comes up often, that it's difficult if someone just doesn't hit the ball back (and to paraphrase Anne, sometimes that someone is me). I find small talk with acquaintances or strangers to be very difficult. I find small talk in general to be uncomfortable. When someone is truly invested in idea that I'm also interested in then conversations can take off.
Miriam, I think many people don't remember exactly what was said in conversations. I tend to remember who said what and when. This is a very sharp, double edged sword that can be a blessing in my talks with people and a bane of my conversations.
Your story resonated and reminded me of a strip from For Better Or For Worse: The young boy comes home from school complaining about a bully and asking his mother what to do. She says to give him a gift, befriend him. I think that when we get to know someone we see the positive. I have had experiences several times that are similar to the one you described where talking to someone exposed a depth that I didn't know was there.
I think books are like many things in life, people experience them differently. Many people read books very quickly and don't remember them. I imbibe them and like to talk with people that have taken in the book in a deep way.
Let's continue and expand on this conversation.
If it's in writing - is it a conversation?
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