If A Word Is Worth A Manah, Silence Is Worth Matayim
"Think twice before you speak once." Rabbi Paysach Krohn says that on an early tape of his about Lashon Hara, etc. It appears here as an old English Proverb. There are similar quotes here. A cynical twist appears here.
As a teen I read Ethics From Sinai and was struck by this quote that he sad was a saying around, "Make sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear." Researching via google I found this rephrasing, "Best get your brain in gear before your mouth's in motion."
I have a dear friend named Mark, whom I haven't spoken to in too long. When we talk, he often pauses before he speaks and says aloud, "How should I put this?" or, "How can I say this?" or something like that. What would the world be like if we (I) would always do that?
I spoke on Shavuot night about the power of speech. I didn't say any of the above. It would have all fit, but I didn't think of it. May G-d bless me to work on thinking more (sometime, at all) before I speak in any context.
posted by rabbi neil fleischmann @ 9:52 AM
4 Comments:
One of the most liberating pieces of advice I've ever read was in an article in (blush) Reader's Digest some years ago about how to say "no" -- politely and firmly.
In addition to Paul Newman's subject-closing response to autograph-seekers -- "That isn't something I do" (brilliant! -- there was this prescription for those times when a colleague or boss or anyone you deal with in business asks you to do something, and you feel boxed into a corner. When I was an alumni magazine editor, these situations would panic me -- everybody wanted something in the magazine! Anyway, the RD article advised: Tell them "That's an interesting idea. I'll have to think about that." I don't know how many times I used both of those non-confrontational ways of saying "no" or at worst, "maybe"!
I've long admired people who have the self-control to pause before speaking and to speak slowly. However, I now balance that with admiration also for those of us who betray our emotions easily. Sometimes we do goof up -- and badly -- but in the end I find myself more comfortable with people who are not keeping their feelings that highly controlled. Silence can be hurtful, as anyone who is on the receiving end of "the silent treatment" knows well.
Thank you Anne,and thank yu Miriam for these thoughtful/wise comments. I am blessed with my readership and commenters (both in the said and unsaid departments). A friend agreed to have a dvar Torah of his placed on a popular J-blog as a guest poster. He was shook up and quite shocked by the barrage of cutting comments and unruly reactions to a fairly benign piece. He is an extremely learned , righteousperson - worthy of respect. He was displeased with what he got himself into, the world of the popular media/blog. Beli ayin hara - no evil eye, please G-d; I am pleased that my commenters and readers are respectful and kind - big time, even as I remain the blog version of an indie movie.
Forgive my writing yu instead of you, it is the seldom used Old French spelling (JK).
Post a Comment
<< Home