Questions: The Pre Sleep Edition
1. Rabbi Shimon Schwab suggested that Yaakov's lying down to sleep on his way to meet Eisav was an act of faith. Do you think going to sleep can be an act of faith? Has it ever felt like that to you? When?
2. There are two prayers in Judaism where we ask that our dreams be blessed to be good. Can you name them? Do you believe in good and bad dreams? Do you have a good dream story to share?
3. When do we pray to angels? What do you make of those prayers? What's your take on angels? What have you heard or read in Jewish sources? Do angels play any real role in your life?
4. There's a prayer before bed in which we forgive anyone who hurt us. Rav Moshe Feinstein once said that he said that prayer nightly and meant it and was therefore up to date and didn't have to cram when Yom Kippur came. How does the idea of forgiving others before sleep rest with you?
5. When I was a little boy and my parents wold lay me down to sleep I'd say - May G-d Bless Mommy and Daddy and All The People I Love. What childhood memory of prayers before sleep do you have? Why are the moments before a child goes to sleep so profound and precious?
posted by rabbi neil fleischmann @ 11:33 PM
20 Comments:
I really, really love this format and style of asking questions, as well as the depth and thought-provoking quality of these inquiries.
Maayan
Thanks. I know an educated, rooted reaction when I hear one. And it means a great deal to me.
1. That's what a lot of krias shema al hamitah is about.
2. Hamapil and by birchas kohanim. I guess you can count a private hatavas chalom too if you want.
3. (a) End of selichos. (b) Nu nu. There's a lot of opposition in teshuvos. (c) Shrug. (d) Who knows?
4. It's a good idea, but I'd like it better if everyone said it. Like tefillas zakah.
5. Shluf gezunt, shtei oif gezunt, hub ah gutte und ruiyege nacht, und gutte chalomos. (Yiddish for: Sleep in good health; rise in good health; have a good and restful night, and good dreams.) What my mother said to us; what I say to my kids, with some additions.
"Why are the moments before a child goes to sleep so profound and precious?"
Everything we do in this life is/should be a prelude to "olam haemet." The six days of creation precede Shabbat - "meein olam habah." When we finally go to our ultimate "resting" place we hope to be in a state of peace and at "shalom" with all of mankind. Maybe that is why parents try to train their children to have a good night sleep void of worries.
Perhaps that is why it is so profound and precious - we only wake up because of "chasdei Ha-shem...hence Modeh Ani in the morning. Some of my best memories with my children were the singing of "hamalach" and "bsheim Ha-shem" before they went to sleep at night. Maybe we are educating them to always be "shalem" with themselves and those around them before they I'YH wake up to a brand new day? As far as forgiving before bed...it is a wonderful concept but really hard to do! I find that when I am upset with someone I literally can't sleep...I guess it's good to let go of our anger....
Why are the moments before a child goes to sleep so profound and precious?
They are? I didn't like going to sleep when I was a child and neither do my kids (most of the time). But I guess there is that moment when you're huddling up all cozy in your bed and starting to fade which is always nice. But adults get that too.
hey Kishke, maybe they are not...i agree! but, probably, they should be...hence all the lullabies (sp?) etc. going to sleep is scary. it is letting go and saying...i am giving up control and i hope i'll wake up to a good day or at least i hope i'll wake up. that is why we TRY to give our kids and ourselves (kriyat shmah) etc. a calming chizzuk before we nod off? i think this is true...what do you think?
rr, I don't know. I don't really think about it in those terms. In my mind it's more like this is the regular bedtime procedure, and kids always feel good and safe when things are regular and normal. It's also a good time to tell your kids you love them; that's my addition to the litany above.
I will say, though, that I always enjoyed bedtime when the kids were little. Not the process of getting them to bed, but when they are actually in bed, and resigned to staying there, and you're saying shema with them, and cuddling a little, and they're sweet and sleepy, that's a very nice time.
Kishke...I agree that like everything else it becomes the procedure, but I'm just wondering if the procedure is there for the aforementioned reasons. I agree with the telling them that you love them part...VERY important. I feel like those last few moments when they are so "cuddling a little, and they're sweet and sleepy, that's a very nice time" - That time is the epitome of bonding and good feelings!!! Too bad that eventually those moments turn into worrying if they've turned off their cell phones, and will they remember to call to let you know that they have reached their destinations safely....
Too bad that eventually those moments turn into worrying
No, not really. It's a short, sweet season, and brevity is part of what makes it sweet. As wonderful as it is, you want them to keep going and living and growing.
yes, i suppose that you are right...Lakol Zman Vaeit Tachat Hashamayim...but you really don't worry a lot now that your kids are grown up? - especially when YOU are going to sleep?
Well, depends which kid. Sometimes, yes. But on the whole, B"H no. But that's just my temperament.
And "lakol zman va'eis" is true, but it's not entirely what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that what we love is their life, and life is change; stasis is death. The mystery of our existence.
Thanks for the lively dialogue rr and kishke. Warm. Nice.
When I wrote that question about children going to sleep being special I had in mind the point of view of parents. I was thinking of a Reb Shlomo Carlebach song (Mimini...) which somewhere he introduced by speaking about how precious and holy that moment before children fall asleep is for parents.
"Well, depends which kid" - to that I can definitely relate!
"What I'm trying to say is that what we love is their life" actually my take is a bit different...what I love is what positive I can infuse into their lives and then you are
right one needs to let go and be proud, and trust that they can exist apart from us.
"stasis is death." yes my dad (may he live till 120) always chastised us if we would kvetch on our birthdays that we were getting older...he would say "there is one alternative, so be happy!" Kishke -thanks for making me think ... this has been interesting.
RNF - mimini is the song Bsheim Ha-shem that I referred to in the above comment. before my kids would go to sleep i used to sing it with them together with hamalach. One of my daughters would love when I would put my hands on her head when we got to the part (ve'al roshi shchinat keil). She would then put her hands on top of mine. We would smile at eachother and give eachother a kiss and hug good-night. It was very special moments. I always wonder which was the night when it stopped, and she grew up?
Why are the moments before a child goes to sleep so profound and precious?
I found that sentence very evocative. I remember (when I was very young) sitting on the stairs and saying Shma on nights when my parents were out. (Rare occasions.) The babysitter could never persuade me to go to bed, so the steps up to the bedroom became the demilitarized zone. I would stay there, say Shma, and be all ready for bed, just waiting for my mother and father to come home and kiss me goodnight.
I'd write more but I'm heading towards sleep (ironic, no?).
I am pleased with the richness of these comments. Thanks Maayan for jumping into the Yam Suf. Thanks K and RR for the continuous volley. Thanks Miriam for that brief, beautiful moment of memory.
rr: Your father and I share that line! My version is "It sure beats the alternative!"
Best.
speaking of ברכת המפיל...
Thanks Kishke and Drew.
It's now Monday night, days after I wrote this post and instead of postng I feel like writing in here.
As I lay down to sleep I wish to thank G-d for today. Ilu finu
maleh shira kayam...
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