הוה מקבל את כל האדם בסבר פנים יפות
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הוה מקבל - On should receive את כל האדם - every person בסבר פנים יפות - with a pleasant countenance. In Love Your Neigbor, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin cites a source that breaks this down into 3 pieces. There's סבר - which means paying attention, then there's פנים - looking at the person and conveying the attention, and finally יפות -to listen attentively with a pleasant expression.
It struck me today (as I watched a colleague) that there is another listed step . The first line of this mishna is also a piece of the process. הוה מקבל - could be translated as, when you greet. In context it sounds deeper and to miss this may mean missing the whole point. מקבל means to take in, more precisely - to truly take in. What's it worth if you listen to, look at and even smile at someone, if you're not truly taking them in? The first piece seems the most important - to acknowledge that another person is real and to deeply absorb their essence. The other steps may be deceptive dressing if the initial receiving is not real.
There's one other part of this phrase which has not been translated yet. It doesn't say that that this is how you should receive a person, rather it says את כל האדם, which is generally translated as "all people." The Maharal explains (elsewhere) that, carefully read, this phrase means "the whole person." Perhaps we're being warned here against feeling and conveying messages of rejection to some part of the person and are rather being told to really receive a person, in his or her entirety.
May we be blessed to work toward and acheive this level.
posted by rabbi neil fleischmann @ 4:34 PM
5 Comments:
That's amazing!!!
Glad it was meaningful to you Maayan. I think these types of statments of Chazal really need to be understood and worked on as they are amazing.
It was . . . it is meaningful to me. Thank you. I printed it out to read over and again. How psychologically smart this take and Judaism are!
There are lots of smiley people, BUT to really take another in . . . is special. You strike me as a person who really does takes people in and accepts the whole person. (By the way, is the root of the word 'm'kabel' to receive?)
It asks more of us to truly take someone in. That very effort enriches the interaction. Nice thoughts.
Years ago I saw Rav Noach Weinberg leaving a "shmooze" he gave and someone who seemed new to that kind of talk stopped him and praised his presentation. And he replied, "It's some Torah we have is't it?" Your comment and my response brought that back to my mind. One the one hand, it can sound a bit too precious. On the other hand, it's the truth, that the insights we gain from Torah are more a reflection of Torah's greatness than anything else.
I think it's a common misunderstanding that a friendly smile is the highest. The highest in relating is really taking in another person. (It gets tricky because taking in and condoning of choices are not the same.) You can take someone in without smiling and you can smile and not take someone in. It's like that song (lehavdil) - smiling faces, sometimes they don't tell the truth. And what people want is to be "gotten" for real, hoopla aside.
Thank you for saying what you said about me - it is certainly something I work hard to try to do.
And, yes,he root KBL connotes to recieve/take in, or a receptacle.
Anne, thank you for taking this in and getting it. Very well put - "that very effort enriches the interaction." Conversations and connections are so much deeper when there's a real taking in of the other. So difficult yet worth it.
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