Scared Children

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I never no what to say. Maybe that sense of not knowing helps me make a better call when I speak. Maybe. I've found that the best in class questions from students of any age are the ones prefaced by "this is probably a stupid question, or some other self conscious comment" and the worst questions are the steamroller ones whose unaware owner assumes that the question is killer.

Particularly here on the blog, I hesitate before writing (before hesitating before publishing). One of my summer projects has been to lose weight. Sometimes it seems like I use WW for their scale, because I don't keep their rules. (At this point, you may be thinking, - wouldn't buying a scale be cheaper. Me too. Read on.)

To me Weight Watchers and weight watching is about mussar. Recently a meeting leader said that when a negative voice inside (the Yetzer HaRa) starts mouthing off you need to grab him by the throat and scream, YOU WORK FOR ME!!!"

One of the lessons I've appreciated learning is that when we do something based on impulse it is riskier than when we follow a plan. Eating is one of those actual and metaphorical examples of something that backfires when embraced primarily based on emotion. Eating as a hobby/habit signals trouble ahead in a way that say collecting stamps does not. The tricky thing is that we have to eat, but only a certain amount.

In a moment of meanness I once heard someone say to someone else that they had enough fat on them that they could go for days and their body could live off what was already stored up. I once went to a doctor who told me that if he was me he'd be starving himself. The problems with these comments are manifold of course. What strikes me is that they're not helpful in terms of being healthful.

The Talmud tells the story of a sick rabbi visited by another rabbi with healing powers. The second rabbi asked the first "is your illness dear to you?" A friend of mine once, explained this to mean that before you can let go of something "bad" you have to decide that you really don't want the benefits it brings. This is true of many things we claim to want to shed, particularly pounds. As much as many of us scorn our extra weight, it may be too dear to us to let go of. Some people use their heaviness as protection - maybe as a reason to rationalize rejection, a reason more tangible and less painful than feeling that who you are inside is unacceptable to someone else.

There's a book called Eating As Tikkun by Sarah Schneider. I met someone in a social context recently who is close with this author, sees her as her mentor. The book is profound. It serves as a reminder for the holiness of eating. Sort of like the person who keeps the Chafetz Chayim book by the phone as a sign.

School is looming. Other teachers get what that means, how it feels.

I had intended to write a magnum opus about eating and related issues. But I don't feel like it now. I feel like pushing publish. In a minute.

Hope everyone had a good labor day weekend. A special shout out to all teachers and friends starting school which is work tomorrow. As a friend once, told me - Remember, the kids are scared too.