Numbers: A Love Story 2

Love is one of those words I think about. What it means feels elusive. Some people I know don’t feel G-d loves us. It’s not stressed. Our suffering and feeling victimized gets more attention than the fact that G-d loves us. I’m reminded of the story of the girl who told a rabbi that she was attracted to Christianity when a missionary told her that G-d loved her. This was a concept she never heard in Yeshiva. Kiddush and other prayers with the phrase - “You chose us from all nations because You loved us and desired us” – slip by.

This week’s parsha deals with G-d’s love of the Jewish People. Rashi makes sense of G-d counting us at this time by saying it was out of His love for us. He explains that when you love something or someone you count it over and over again. This is similar to the way a parent looks at their sleeping children over and over again, going room to room, bed to bed, taking stock, feeling love. It's not just literal counting that shows love, but attention paid. This is what I think Rashi means by saying that counting reflects love.

Rashi gives three examples of G-d counting us out of love. When Hashem took us out of Egypt He carried us, lovingly cared for us, and cherished us. He made certain that each of us was cared for and protected by Him. And He counted us. Shortly after the expression of love, which was the exodus from Egypt, the Jewish People strayed. They tested G-d's patience and G-d's love. And G-d, our Father, disciplined us with love. And then He counted us. And, when He rested His Presence upon us, He counted us again as another gesture of love.

These countings can be applied to three contexts in life. We may use G-d's carrying us out of Egypt as a model of care and concern for others. The key of love is GIVING. That’s the first context. The second setting is harder. Just like G-d, we must show our love not only by giving, but through SETTING OF BOUNDARIES AND ACTS OF DICIPLINE. And the third is perhaps the hardest to remember to do. Sometimes when you love someone there is value in SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, not to give in any other specific way and not to discipline, but just to be together, in love. It is important, to show love when it’s not a special occasion in either extreme, but you make it special by paying attention.

The Rambam tells us that the way we can achieve love of G-d is by seeing His goodness. I think that it’s true the other way around too. G-d loves us because He sees our goodness. And we build on our love of others when we clearly see the specific good things about them.

Rabbi Abraham Twerski writes that most people confuse real love with what he calls fish love. When we eat a piece of fish and enjoy it, we say we love that fish. The fact is that the fish is dead, and we’re eating it because we love ourselves. When we love another, we must be careful. Real love goes in the direction of the other. False love, fish love, goes in the direction of self gratification.

In this week’s parsha we’re told that the Torah will list Moshe and Aharon’s sons. But in the end it only lists Aharon’s sons. Chazal tell us that Moshe’s sons were considered like Aharon’s sons because he taught them Torah. When you teach someone else’s children Torah it is considered as if they are your children.

This concept is sometimes misunderstood. It’s not saying that G-d rewards you for teaching someone Torah by considering him or her as your child. It’s saying that the reality is, when it’s done the best way possible, that the nature of the relationship in teaching Torah is a loving relationship, like that of parent to child. The key in child raising and in teaching is to see the good in the child.

May we be blessed to count each other often because we cherish each other. May we be blessed to count the virtues of others and see their positive traits. May we be blessed to merit true love.