...We Have Blogged Indiscriminately

It seems to me that every rabbi this Shabbos "darshened" about the last week of the year. I wonder if any of them spoke about the last blog of the year. It's coming. And to some, it's a big deal.

Which reminds me that Bob Dylan has a new song called When The Deal Goes Down, which contains the words; "More frailer than the flowers, these precious hours, that keep us so tightly bound."

In a recent Times article entitled Who's This Guy Dylan Who's Borrowing Lines From Henry Timrod? By MOTOKO RICH : September 14, 2006, you find the following: "Perhaps you've never heard of Henry Timrod, sometimes known as the poet laureate of the Confederacy. But maybe you've heard his words, if you're one of the 320,000 people so far who have bought Bob Dylan's latest album, "Modern Times," which made its debut last week at No. 1 on the Billboard album chart. It seems that many of the lyrics on that album, Mr. Dylan's first No. 1 album in 30 years (down to No. 3 this week), bear some strong echoes to the poems of Timrod, a Charleston native who wrote poems about the Civil War and died in 1867 at the age of 39. "More frailer than the flowers, these precious hours," the 65-year-old Mr. Dylan sings in "When the Deal Goes Down," one of the songs on "Modern Times." Compare that to these lines from Timrod's "Rhapsody of a Southern Winter Night": A round of precious hours / Oh! here, where in that summer noon I basked / And strove, with logic frailer than the flowers."

Which reminds me, also in the New York Time, in a recent Op-Ed, David Brooks wrote about a meeting that some reporters were granted with the president of the United States. Brooks writes, "He opened the session by declaring, 'Let me just first tell you that I've never been more convinced that the decisions I made are the right decisions,' and he grew more self-assured from there. I interview politicians for a living, and every time I brush against Bush I'm reminded that this guy is different. There's none of that hunger for approval that is common to the breed. This is the most inner-directed man on the globe." Fascinating words.

Which reminds me that Teshuva is about looking in, but also looking out. Actions are an important part of Teshuva. And approval of others is a slippery slope but not a realm that I think should be easily or totally dismissed.

As a non-anonymous blogger this time of year, like every time of year, has me thinking about blogging. There are many layers to the blog experience. Many behind the scenes realities. Much room for mystery. Much room for discovery. Much room for hurt.

It wasn't on for long, but a few months back there was a comment and my response about how much it hurt me. A bit of private correspondence followed. But the episode left me uncomfortable. It tops my list of awkward blog related moments. And I repeat that I am truly sorry for any way I hurt that person anyway.

I ask forgiveness from family and friends and aquaintences and strangers for any way I may have hurt them in these posts. I am reminded of the old story of the man who bragged that he never lost a cent gambling. The thing was that the never made a bet. As much as I don't like to think about it too much, blogging with your real name is a risk. If I thought more about blogging being a risk, I'd think more about stopping.

I'm reminded of my story about the slide in first grade, a story that I hadn't thought about much till I started this blog. I got in trouble for climbing up the slide rather than the ladder behind the slide. But rather than trying to be a daredevil as the teacher thought (and it probably was more dangerous to do it my way) I was approaching something scary in the only way that it wasn't scary to me.

I often wonder who reads this that doesn't tell me that they're reading and what do they think? And of those who tell me they read, what are they seeing and feeling? What am I revealing that I don't even realize? What am I doing right and what am I dong wrong in this space? What aspects of my efforts here are healthy and what aspects are not? These are just a few of the questions of blog related Teshuva.

Teshuva means answer, so the process clearly involves questions. And any one piece of life can be studied as a sample of other parts of a life. Blogging is a sample of life, life that needs Teshuva.

And speaking of Teshuva and questions:

When are we hiding
and when are we revealing?
It's not at all clear.

When are we running
and when are we standing still;
how much stems from fear?

How can we move on
if we don't learn to trust G-d?
Trust can feel so odd.

When do we let go?
When do we keep holding on?
That gentle balance!