The Seventh Day Pleaded Only I

For my thought on this week's Torah portion, go here.

Sometimes my posts are prepared essays (like the ones about my name, here, here, and here). Some are free associative, some in the moment, others revisit the past. There's lots of poetry. There's trivia. There are the thoughts, feelings. and experiences of my life. And there's the white fire.

What to write? Three simple words, but the question mark complicates. I am always hiding and revealing, I guess we all are. It is not for nothing that my profile says that I'm 106. I don't lie about my age. I don't consider that number a lie. A lie would have been is it said I was 25. Or 35. Or -

I interrupt the post at this time in order to apologize to the good people of Albania for any misunderstanding that emerged from my inclusion of Albania in my geographical data. New York, Albania just sounded good.

What to write? From time to time my singleness makes an appearance on these pages. Usually it's kept between the lines (or so I tell myself). The reality of being an older frum single is pervasive. Sigh.

Once at a Shabbos meal a question came up, relating to that week's parsha, about mumim. Why is it that a kohein with a physical flaw can't serve, can't bless the people. I cited the Chafetz Chayim as saying that it's a human thing, that people need the kohein to have a certain look.

The woman sitting to my right had a strong reaction to that approach. And she was so adamant it struck me. I felt that she had trouble giving me the time of day. I felt that she felt out of my league. But she couldn't accept the Chafetz Chayim's pshat.

A dater I know, I'll call him X, often talks about leagues. He's been called a womanizer in his time and none of the involved parties say that like it's an insult. He shoots for the majors, he says, and he constantly considers what league he and others are in. I once dated someone of whom my friend who arranged it said "the thing about her is she always gives a guy a second date." Not always. This someone wondered aloud why there aren't more men around like X, who by the way's been called the Wilt Chamberlin of the Upper West Side.

We all have our preferences, our judgements, maybe even our leagues. As I look forward to Shabbos and to letting the week be ferfallen (some say this is a reason to eat farfel on Friday night) there's plenty still swirling inside me.

Someone I was dating once introduced me to friend and when I asked what the friend said of me I was told that she's not the type to ever comment about people she meets. Later a friend of mine came up in conversation. This is a yeshivish fellow who works out regularly has hair growing out of his eyes and makes a three piece hat and a suit look stylish (with a little help of a lint brush). The story was told to me innocuously. When my friend's friend encountered this charming fellow she waited till he left the room and then exhaled and asked excitedly, "WHO WAS THAT!?!"

I once set up two friends. Once. (Actually more than once. I have one successful match to my credit.) After the date the guy came to me sheepishly and said she was very nice and all but he didn't think he could deal with the fact that she was a bit heavy. Then the woman came to me a bit sheepishly and said he was very nice and all but she didn't think she could deal with the fact that he was a bit heavy. A different shadchan might not have let it go.

One summer about 8 years ago in Lake Como, Pa. I heard a commercial addressed to men telling them how much women appreciate their flab and love handles and how they should keep on watching TV, sitting on the couch, eating unhealthy food and not exercising because it drives the lady folk crazy. And then there was one of these very deep and formal voices telling you that this was brought to you by the ad council. Can they do that? Is the ad council allowed to be sarcastic?

Someone I know dated a fellow that she found so unattractive that for a long time after she would refer to him as the guy who was uglier than sin. I hope no-one ever referred to me that way. Or to her.

Not long ago I came home from a date and spoke to a friend without naming names. I told him that I feared this person might be attractive and attitudy but she turned out to be attractive and nice (I hate that word, except for when it means something real, like in this case). And my friend said that such a phenomenon does exist. Yes, but it is so rare. And when the word clearly came that there would be no follow up that's what prompted thoughts and feelings which prompted this piece.

The same Chaftz Chayim I cited above is purported to have said regarding people looking for their mates in more advanced years that on Erev Sukkos you can't pick the perfect Esrog. I once heard in the name of the Steipler that maybe you can miss your chance. I've heard many things.

We all judge. We all choose. W all have our dispositions and categories and judgements. I'd like to say that we're all with it and kind. The thing is that when you meet someone who is with it and kind big time it can be sad when it doesn't progress. Sad for everyone.

Perhaps before I started dating I didn't know I was a nice guy. But I've been told it enough times now that I'm good to go. A lesson learned.

That REM line comes to mind, "I've said too much but not enough." I really just want what's best for everyone of every shape, size, and marital status. May G-d bless me and you and everyone. May we be blessed to have wonderful conversations with wonderful people. And may we all be blessed to find love and to have another that we can care for as much as and maybe even more than ourselves. And may we be blessed to build homes and create children - to the degree that that is possible for each of us. And may we be blessed to appreciate all that we already have.

Says Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai:

After the work of creation was completed,

the Seventh day pleaded:

Master of the universe,

all that You've created is in couples;

to every day of the week You gave a mate;

only I was left alone.

And G-d answered:

The community of Israel will be your mate.

k

- Breishit Rabbah 11:8

Wishing each single

G-d image made with wisdom

a Shabbat Shalom

l

- Me