"Random Thoughts, Do They Have Meaning?"

A well-developed sense of humor

is the pole that adds balance to your steps

as you walk the tightrope of life.

~William Arthur Ward

I am blessed to have some success as a comedian and humorist. This trait has helped me in life. It inspired the following:

Your sense of humor

Will drop by and save your life

If you let her in

In life, sense of humor or not, challenges will come our way. And we have to breathe and move forward.

Talking with some people, for me, is like a punch that always hits harder and hurts more after than I thought it would before. And yet, I need to reframe as much as possible, stand up for myself as much as possible, and breathe and move on in ways that may seem impossible in my imagination.

Today I taught all of Parshat Beshalach three times. I have an approach to the whole parshah and gave it over to my classes. One student, in an honors class, said, "Can we do this kind of sweeping approach every time? I hate learning in detail." I taught it because it's what we're up to in Shmot (it just happens to be the parshah.)

I watched The Cove; it's worth seeing. I didn't know that it was about the trainer of Flipper. Cool. And sad. I watched it because it was about to expire on Netflix streaming. Now I'm watching the last episode of Cosby. I watched the first one, skipped the middle eight years. I missed the eighties, culturally, so I was curious to give it a look-see before it expires as well.

As is my way, I'm writing this in spurts; I plan to push publish before the night is up. It's weird - even though it's just a few years old, blogging feels to have died out, at least, largely, in regard to this blog.

Today a student very politely and shyly asked me if I could help him with a Dvar Torah for a family simchah. It kind of made my day. I've done a bunch of these kind of things, look forward to doing more.

A dear colleague and friend is fond of a scene from Mary Poppins as it comes through for him in the clutch. As they're leaving the family's home, because all is now good there - thanks to Mary - her umbrella handle talking bird makes a frustrated remark. The bird says something like, "Now they'll go back to their lives like normal and forget that you were ever here." To which Mary replies, "As it should be."

That reminds me of a story another friend of mine told me. He tells the students in his Israel school that as they move through life they will be close with different role models and teachers and that's as it should be. He tells them that it's good to stay in touch, but if when they're in college and beyond, their main go-to-people remain exclusively their Israel school people - who helped them so much at a certain age stage - then the school has not done their job right. People are supposed to get what they need from their helpers and teachers at various stages of life, be appreciative (be very appreciative) and move on. As it should be.

On a related unrelated note (a tidbit about someone who studies with and is very close to a former student of mine):


Recently I mentioned to a friend of mine that Mayim Bialik was Modern Orthodox and said friend replied, "I think she identifies herself as Conservadox," This 6 minute interview gives a good picture of where she's at Jewish-ly.

I just googled writing prompts. I'm going to try the one that suggests closing your eyes briefly and conjuring up three things, then opening your eyes and writing about the three things.

1. One of my earliest memories. My mom was preparing gifts for a grab bag for my fourth birthday. As she wrapped the items, one caught my eye. It was a shiny, red ball. I asked if I could have it on the spot. She said, "No, it's for the party." I was disappointed. At the party, when it came to prize time, my mother showed me that she had put the ball aside, saved it for me, and now she gifted me with it. For many years afterward, even as it started to peel and develop holes, I kept and cherished that rubber ball sized, spongy, red ball. And bow I have the memory.

2.

In seventh grade my classmate Ira brought in and freely shared hundreds of stickers that his dad gave him from his work. They were pink and yellow butterflies with a human looking smiley face in the middle. (Pictured above is an actual one of the stickers, which I placed and saved till today on a Curad metal band-aid container, which is filled with my button collection.) He had giant rolls of them - on that bland kind of paper that stickers get put upon - and as I remember, he generously gave people as many of these cool stickers as they wanted. I was big fan of those butterflies, and I liked to cut them and reshape them in my own style.

In the middle of the summer after that school year I was riding the bus home from Elmont Jewish Center day camp. One day two sisters, Lisa and Robin, were talking to each other and looking at me. They were also in my school and from my community/shul. Finally the one encouraged the other to come over to me and ask her question.  I was quite curious when she approached. And then she asked, "You know how the butterfly sticker on your notebook was different? Was that the way you got it from Ira or did you change it yourself?"

3. I vaguely remember being taught about a concordance in elementary school. I first used one when I was 17, learning in Israel.

I graduated in January 1980 and went to BMT from January to June. I wanted to learn through the summer and chose Aish HaTorah because they're open for Bein HaZemanim - the conventional yeshiva vacation. I chose Aish HaTorah, still a relatively young, small, unknown place - far from the household name it is today. At the time, I took a liking to their content and style.

In 1980 Aish HaTorah had no set dorm, instead using various apartments spread across the Old City of Jerusalem to house their students. I was in an old and moldy one. My friend who made the same move I did for the summer was in a newer building.

One of his room-mates seemed old to me. This is always tricky, how to figure out how old someone was who you thought was old when you were very young. Some people I thought were old when I was a kid were in their twenties. But there was a room-mate in this apartment my friend was in who genuinely seemed older than the average "Aish"- age. His hair was all gray. which I've learned generally means that one is over 40.

This fellow had an extensive sefarim collection that took up a good deal of the public living area that one encountered upon entering this dorm. One day I was waiting to meet my friend and perused the books while hanging around the vestibule. I noticed a concordance on the bookshelf.

I picked the concordance off the shelf on a whim, having decided that I'd settle an old score once and for all. I looked up the word natah (nun - tet - ayin) to see if it is ever used as a noun. This mattered to me because the word is my Hebrew name. I found that there is one place in Tanach, in Iyov, where the word means a plant. I have carried that with me since then, always telling people that my name is used in Iyov. I made that my pasuk to recite after Shmoneh Esrei (I don't know of one that starts with a nun and ends with an ayin). The fellow's bookshelves were very orderly, I got the feeling he was possessive and protective of his books. I've always had some regret for looking at that concordance without asking for permission.

Darche No'am (Slonimer Rebbe) on Bo

I bought a sefer called Darchei No'am, in Israel a bunch of years ago; it's by the present Yerushalayim Slonimer Rebbe, successor of the Nesivos Shalom. Here are some of what I got out of his essay on Parshat Bo.

He cites the known approach that we were were zocheh to be redeemed because of specific good things that we held onto. Then he questions the tradition that we needed to receive and keep 2 mitzvot - milah and Pesach before we could be worthy of having G-d lift us out of Egypt. The idea he develops is that even though we had zechuyot, like being careful about arayot, we needed mitzvot. Mitzvot are the kli - container - that holds the spiritual light of mitzvot - "ner mitzvah vetorah ohr" - like a candle holds physical light, mitzvot hold the physical light of Torah. He says this is the idea of naaseh preceding nishmah and the proclamation of "na'aseh venishmah" being the key to accepting Torah, which is said to be a profound secret that the Jews intuited, the understanding that the kli, the mitzvot, come first as a way to hold the broad, amorphous, spiritual light. This is also the idea of needing to have ma'asim be merubeh over mitzvot (as per the mishnah in Avot); the kli needs to be large and prepared to hold the chochmah/Torah. This is why we are told to be like a tree with more roots than branches, because the roots are the kli - the framework and foundation - that allows the tree to live on...

6:31 PM - Six classes taught, plus some meetings and talks.  Still at work, working...

Discussed Rosh Chodesh today - how the months are counted from Yetziat Mitzrayim, just like the days are counted from Shabbos, to give honor to G-d. Also we did thew Seforno who focuses on the word lachem, in the command, "HaChodesh hazeh lachem." He says that till now time was not theirs, and now it was. A student who always asks good questions asked one again: How was time theirs, didn't their time now belong to G-d? Think about that...

7:38 PM - Doing paperwork, still at work, unstill.  The idea of living life to the fullest is on my mind.  So is the idea of feeling empowered rather than playing the victim.  Also, the idea of getting more work done and getting on the 8:40 bus homeward bound.

I have a headache thinking out loud, 

Thoughts in my mind forming a crowd, 

I've got work to do

Ideas bounce like kangaroos, 

It's dark outside; It is night, 

I view my life with panoramic sight...

9:54 PM - 

Oh man, I am tired, walking through my door

Oh man I'm tired; I wish I could say more

Share wisdom of the universe, advice for you

Sell the winning ticket, say what to do

And yet being tired is a G-d given right

When you come home from work at 10 at night

10:56 PM - One can live for two months on a good compliment. - Mark Twain

I'll let that speak for itself.

Good night and may G-d bless.

His Neshamah Should Have An Aliyah

This is one of those experiences that I have to write about.  And the realness of what I wish to write will - I think - come across the most strongly, in direct proportion to how soon I share this. One never knows what will happen, so you need to say and do what matters to you now, that's one of the lessons I've been absorbing since this morning.

Today I attended a memorial for Dr. Brian Grobois.  He passed away tragically about a month and a half ago while hiking on the slopes of Mount Rainier. His daughter was in my Chumash class, as an eleventh grader, two years ago.  I wrote her a recommendation for Israel, which was easy to do because I think very highly of her. Being at this service was one of the most powerful, moving, experiences of my life.  It's an incredible thing - as a dear colleague of mine pointed out - when someone vibrant is suddenly gone before you got to know them; and yet other people can so vividly recall the person that you get the amazing picture.

The rabbi of Brian's shul, the Young Israel of New Rochelle, spoke first. He said that the words that came to mind for Brian were, among others, "sweetness, brilliance, friendliness, connection to all..." Rabbi Fink said that Brian was an empath.  This is an uncommon way to describe someone, and yet as over twenty people spoke during the two hour program it would become clear that Brian was an empath, one who compassionately sensed the deep feelings of others.

Brian's wife spoke next, and was - rightfully - the first one to mention his "wonderful hug." She said that her mother had told her to "marry someone that you're proud to walk into the room with."  That was how she felt about her husband. Wow. Her mother's advice, and the fact that she followed it have been resounding inside me all day.

Brian's son spoke about his dad's ubiquitous passion, and signed off his little talk with the heartfelt words, "I love you buddy." His older daughter (my student) said that her father was the happiest man in any room he was in.  She recalled that she said aloud one day - not long ago - that she wanted to be like him.  Serendipitously, without her knowing, that was the day he died.  Brian's youngest daughter said that since her father passed away people have been asking, "Is there anything I can do for you?" Today, she thought of something that people can do for her, "Tell the people you love that you love them.  I wish I did." I hope she knows that he heard her saying it before she said it.  He was an empath.

There were many speakers, each wanting to share his or her truth. Someone said that Brian was like that elephant that the blind men encountered and each thought it was something else based on the part that touched them.  So it was with Brian; and like the elephant, he was all of those things, all together.

Someone shared this poem of Bialik. Rabbi Simcha Weintraub shared his heartfelt conviction that Brian "knew that it was through relationships that healing happened." He said that Dr. Grobois, a psychiatrist, believed, like the Rambam, in treating the whole person. A dear friend cited Rabbi Yosef Ibn Zabara's resonant, relevant thought that "friendship is one heart beating in two bodies." The same gentleman noted how blessed Brian's children were to know Brian the grown up and Brian the kid.

Chaim Sober knew Brian, his dear friend, through the shul and Tai Chi. He said that Brian "gathered all the children of G-d together." About two years ago Professor Sober suffered several serious losses of loved ones (including that of Rabbi Pesach Oratz, whom Sober aptly called "the great ilui of the Lower East Side").  For the first time in his life he started experiencing panic attacks. Brian taught him how to get through the attacks at that time. Brian told him that the skills he gave him would help Sober deal with his next major shock. "That shock was from him."

Someone said, I think accurately, that today spirituality is safe and in, but "Brian gave religion a good name." Dr. Grobois, was of the belief that religion was true, and that life without it was inconceivable. When something perplexing took place and Brian was asked to explain it he said, "G-d speaks to me on a need to know basis." Some years ago he decided he wanted to be buried in Israel.  When asked why, he replied, quite seriously, "When the Messiah comes, I want a front seat."

A colleague, who is a member of the American Psycho-Analytic Institute cited the institute's credo and applied it to Brian: "The glory of G-d is the human being fully alive." Another speaker said, and this was probably a unanimous feeling, that Brian was the friend they'd call if they were on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, because he seemed to know the answer to everything. Grobois listened to people and reacted to what he heard. When a friend told him he was into a certain style of music he sampled 100 CDs of that genre (African) and then gifted his friend with the six that he found to be the best of the lot.

People used many adjectives, such as - confident, attentive, honorable, responsible, and loyal. Someone noted that the words used about Brian were all about his humanity, about what is inside.  One speaker said that Dr. Groibois "was a gavrah, over a cheftzah." Spinoza's words were evoked, as they seemed pertinent, "All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare."

One cousin said that, as a child, she learned how to laugh and smile from Brian. Another cousin said that Brian did whatever he did because he meant it; he embodied integrity. Someone who was close to Brian and his wife, who had never visited their house, made a shivah visit and was touched by his wife's statement that "Brian would have loved to see you in our home." A colleague said that he hated to say it but he believed that "Most of us are replaceable; Brian is not."

One speaker recalled that when he lost his own brother is a sudden and surprising way his brother left behind many open wounds. This man said that no-one ever went to sleep wondering if Brian was angry at them. Brian's loved ones, this man feels, were blessed to know, in the best and most positive way possible where Brian stood in relation to them.

The family friend, who did a masterful job of introducing the speakers and holding the morning together, quoted one powerful word uttered to her by Brian. At Thanksgiving time she helped him with some charity meal distribution in the community.  She commented that  there was so much to be thankful for that there was a need to give back.

And Brian said, "Amen."

M"ShK 


6:29 PM - Shabbos was nice.  I'm not feeling as well rested as I'd like.  Still. thank G-d for all the good in my life.


Finishing Holy Beggars, savoring it.  Amazing book.


7:05 PM - Emailed back and forth about a memorial relating to a sudden, tragic passing,  (In some sense, death is always tragic and sudden - yet, not all sudden-ness is created equal.) Spoke to dad. Shabbos has ebbed away...

7:19 PM - 

Maybe give G-d strength

Instead of always asking

You gain by giving

7:22 PM - The rabbi, this morning, spoke about the importance of reaching out to other people, even in seemingly small ways, like saying hello and goodbye.  He opened with the history of the word goodbye:

good·bye - 1565–75 - Origin:   contraction of God be with ye

8:17 PM - Chilling. Have some friends over.  Eating cholent and kishke. I'm worried about this endless cold, feeling discomfort in chest, not feeling rested.  May G-d bless you and me and all of us.

8:49 PM - Where does time go and how can you hold it to make it melt more slowly?

10:55 PM - Watched a movie, drank some tea.  Am feeling a bit more at ease about my health.   A kind friend will be going out of his way to drive me tomorrow to the memorial.

11:59 plus - Reminds me of how when I was a kid my mom told me that she was 21 plus. 

I hope to go to sleep soon.  

I was once sitting with a friend at the outside seating of a Starbucks.  It was summer, I think - yet it was windy.  A frail old woman was having a hard time keeping things pinned down.  Everything she owned including herself seemed to run the risk of being swept away.  I lent her a hand.  And as she thanked me she gave me advise, "Watch your health.  It goes."

I remember when I was a teenager actually asking myself the question - can it really matter if you take care of yourself or not - because I felt so fine.  Sigh.  I still feel pretty healthy, thank G-d.  And yet I've learned that our bodies age and caring for the body is important.

Soon sleep, please G-d.

Shabbat Shalom World

4:01 PM - This is when I'm starting this post.  Cooking is kinda-sorta done.  Trying to clean and prep lekavod Shabbos and the world.

I feel like I haven't shared here in a while - some random shares:

Apple does bad stuff in China.  There's a well reviewed  play that focuses on this. The writer and star feels that the show must go on.

I have a soft spot for people who entertained and make me laugh, particularly when I was a youngster.  RIP Robert Hegyes. (Obit.)

Candle lighting is at 4:48 for me, according to My Zmanim.

Here's one of the issues in the news that there's buzz about.

Since I was a kid I've been interested in movies.  A lot of people are reacting to the Oscar nominations, including the nominees.  The predictions have begun.

I took this test recently, was new to me.  It's cool to do the option of rating yourself while also answering for someone else.

A bunch of these things (most or maybe all) I'm linking to are things I've had open and am now closing out and sharing before deleting. Done.

Soon Shabbos.  Preparing, cleaning is not so pleasant for me, but Shabbos is and she is worth the effort of maintenance.

Soon Shabbos, my dear Shabbos.  Lifting me up for forty nine years.

Shabbat Shalom world

I write, try to feel these words

Wait to sing her song

Check In and Haiku

2:11 PM - Friday is my favorite time to post.  Though I'm not sure why I ever write right here.

Just came back from doctor and shopping.  Having at least two guests for Shabbos meals.

Doctor says boiling water burn on my hand is nothing to worry about.  Likewise regarding The Cold That Wouldn't Leave. Thank G-d.

People often ask
What is it about haiku?
I think I can't say.

The Reading Mother (Click For Author Bio)

By Strickland Gillian


I had a mother who read to me
Sagas of pirates who scoured the sea.
Cutlasses clenched in their yellow teeth;
"Blackbirds" stowed in the hold beneath.
I had a Mother who read me lays
Of ancient and gallant and golden days;
Stories of Marmion and Ivanhoe,
Which every boy has a right to know.
I had a Mother who read me tales
Of Gelert the hound of the hills of Wales,
True to his trust till his tragic death,
Faithfulness lent with his final breath.
I had a Mother who read me the things
That wholesome life to the boy heart brings-
Stories that stir with an upward touch.
Oh, that each mother of boys were such!
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be --
I had a Mother who read to me.
 

Haiku by Yakov Azriel -

I just recently discovered this poet. I was waiting to transcribe all 13 of his haiku about the children of Ya'akov Avinu, but it's slow going. So here's part. I like the work I've seen of his. These are from the start of his poetry book on Shmot. In the past poets have seemed to be fine, even pleased with my posting their work; if this author or any other prefers I don't sing their praise/share their ware they can let me know.

Reuben
The purple mandrake
That blossoms among the wheat,
Hidden and ashamed.

Simeon
A yellow daisy
That cannot decide to be
A flower or a weed.

Levi
From his tree's resin,
the fragrance of frankincense
Will fill the Temple.

Judah
Blushing in remorse,
A vine's grapes can repent too
and regally reign.

Dan
A tree by a stream
That generously bequeaths
Ripe pomegranates

Naphtali
A small fig tree grows,
Unobserved by the many
But loved by the few

Va'Eira

Shabbat left, as always - more or less. Like and unlike everyone she leaves and stays at once.

And the week with the aura of Parshat Va'Eira lingers, but is mostly gone for a year.

I read the full essay of the Slonimer Rebbe in his Darchei Noam. Without peeking. Let's see what stayed with me. He develops the meaning of the four geulot: vehotzeiti, vehitzalti, vega'alti,velakachti, (and he touches on veheiveiti too) He says that the Jews were, at first, in Egypt physically. But spiritually they were elsewhere, in a good way. Then they became physically and spiritually stuck in Mitzrayim. And they needed to be saved. They needed to be saved because their eyes had seen things and bought into them and that's what got them stuck. Hashem had promised Moshe that He would save the Jews from Egypt. That meant that He would save them from the effects of what their eyes had seen. But Moshe asked again, for a different kind of saving. What can get burnt by what they see/experience and need a special saving from the effects of that scorching? One can get scorched and become dried out by following the desires of their heart and eyes, till they have no zest left, so that their davening or mitzvah doing or learning doesn't spark start them. This is what Hashem means when He says that in addition to removing them from the effects of what they've seen, He would also save them from the strong numbing damage they suffered from. Then Hashem promises a geulah; which means a soul elevation. Velakachti is a language of betrothal, connoting becoming G-d's bride. The bride and groom ideally reside in the holiest of lands.

This is my take. Any mistakes are mine. Any accidental/on purpose editing is also mine. Any forgetting, or being impressed by points that others might find peripheral, while neglecting to mention something that someone else might read and say - that was everything is what it is. We all need to learn things for our selves. I certainly recommend learning this sefer and truly making it yours.

Shabbat Shalom World.

Last night I shared my ladder story. I had not recalled this till I started blogging and since it came back into my consciousness I've often thought of it as an apt example of my essence. (A search of slide ladder brings up these posts.) As I last told the tale it dawned on me that it was more revealing than I'd previously realized. When I was 6 years old and in first grade I was afraid to climb the ladder up the playground slide. It seemed steep and the fall would have been onto pavement. I was scared. I liked going down the slide. I felt comfortable getting to the top of the slide the same way I went down it - on the slide itself. The slide was gradual and of one piece, and that made it less daunting - for me. The one tricky part was that when I got to the top I had to twist around and perch before sliding down; but it was the only way - for me. I was not - consciously - trying to seek attention, quite the opposite. I was simply doing what made sense to me, my own thing, with no thought of how it would look to others. I wasn't thinking of others and didn't want them entering my picture. I had used this slide technique before and it worked. And it didn't bother anyone and no-one bothered me about it. This time, though, the teacher scolded me, and - if I remember correctly - threatened me big time; she said she'd tell my mother. She was sure that I was being a wisenheimer. I was shocked when she disciplined me. I was being me the only way I knew how. Flash forward to now, haiku author, stand up comedian, writer of a blog for seven years, Facebook poster of updates that others may see as unusual. At this point I thought I'd bring it all together but I have run out of things to say other than this: I am who I am and it is what it is.

I'm in the basement of the home I grew up in. Shabbos is a few minutes away. Candle lighting here is at 4:39, according to myzmanim. Plag HaMincha is late these days, which is helpful if you want to daven Mincha early so you can properly do Ma'ariv early.

I am with cold.

I started learning Darchei Noam on the parsha, that's the present Yerushalayim Slonimer Rebbe. I hope to write it up at some point. He discusses the four phrases of redemption and why it says vehitzalti as that one was already promised to Moshe (I believe at the sneh). He explains the geulah as having a spiritual and a physical component. One point he makes is that major problems begin with what we allow our eyes to see (lo taturu).

I'm in the middle of reading several books. Holy Beggars is amazing. I love books in which someone cuts their insides open and shows you. The Reading Promise, is supposedly the story of a father reading to his daughter for thousands of nights in a row. But the chapters aren't so much about the reading as being snapshots of their lives. Still, it's a quirky and good read. I'm really enjoying I Watch, Therefore I Am. It's philosophy explained with TV examples. It's a sweet read.

I miss Jane Kenyon, though I never knew her. Her husband, Donald Hall, has never done it for me the way her poems did. Still, his essay in The New Yorker is intriguing. Maybe I'll finish it. "I am eighty-three, I teeter when I walk, I no longer drive, I look out the window." Poetic. Beautiful.

Shabbos is tiptoeing our way. She doesn't want to disturb, but she knows its time for attention to be turned her way. She is so polite, has been since I've known her. I look forward to spending time with Shabbos. And to sharing Shabbos with my dad.

Shabbat Shalom World.

HOTD 2

You can "friend" Facebook
Makes you wonder about things
Facebook: friend or fiend?

HOTD 1

There's no left or right
there is only where we stand
and how we view things

The Fourfold Song

By Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak HaKohein Kook


There is a person who sings the song of his soul. He finds everything, his complete spiritual satisfaction, within his soul.

There is a person who sings the song of the nation. He steps forward from his private soul, which he finds narrow and uncivilized. He yearns for the heights. He clings with a sensitive love to the entirety of the Jewish nation and sings its song. He shares in its pains, is joyful in its hopes, speaks with exalted and pure thoughts regarding its past and its future, investigates its inner spiritual nature with love and a wise heart.

There is a person whose soul is so broad that it expands beyond the border of Israel. It sings the song of humanity. This soul constantly grows broader with the exalted totality of humanity and its glorious image. He yearns for humanity's general enlightenment. He looks forward to its supernal perfection. From this source of life, he draws all of his thoughts and insights, his ideals and visions.

And there is a person who rises even higher until he unites with all existence, with all creatures, and with all worlds. And with all of them, he sings. This is the person who, engaged in the Chapter of Song every day, is assured that he is a child of the World-to-Come.

And there is a person who rises with all these songs together in one ensemble so that they all give forth their voices, they all sing their songs sweetly, each supplies its fellow with fullness and life: the voice of happiness and joy, the voice of rejoicing and tunefulness, the voice of merriment and the voice of holiness.

The song of the soul, the song of the nation, the song of humanity, the song of the world-they all mix together with this person at every moment and at all times.
 
And this simplicity in its fullness rises to become a song of holiness, the song of God, the song that is simple, doubled, tripled, quadrupled, the song of songs of Solomon-of the king who is characterized by completeness and peace.

Orot Hakodesh II, p. 444

HOTD2

G-d bless the single
people alone and lonely
married ones also

HOTD 1

Your misperception

affects me if I let it

Why would I allow?

HOTD 9

A blossoming cold:
Chicken soup, melt-away cake
make it feel better

HOTD 7

"THAT was a good one,"
makes comedians wonder,
and aslo poets.

HOTD 6

Only on Facebook
can you like without "like"-ing
and not like, but "like"

HOTD 5

H.A.L.T. is dangerous:
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, with
Tired underneath

HOTD 4

What can you hurry?
Neither love nor life nor this
The simple haiku

HOTD 3

Man must be father
to the child inside him
as he makes choices

HOTD 2

Honor trauma, wounds
But don't become worshipful
Acknowledge, let go

HOTD

Sitting at his screen

Distracted by hallway noise

He nurses a cold

Great Advice Regarding Thinking Before Speaking

As Bon Iver Plays On Radio

I prefer not to mention Facebook in this space. (Although a search reveals that I have referenced that site in several posts.) I post on Facebook at a rate that most people would refer to as often. I do that because I have more tangible evidence of life on Facebook than on my blog. There, there is give and take. There are conversations - like there once were here. I try to write that without sighing in a feeling sorry for self way. It is what it is.

I like writing here - to some extent. The one way mirror phenomenon bothers me, much as it always has.

Why blog?

A dear friend and blog reader has said that my blog has a self selected audience. It's not a phrase I use or am sure I understand, still - it sounds right. I am grateful to G-d for the friends that I have in life, and in particular for those who read me.
In our last speech class of the year (with this semester's group) a student prepared and presented a poem. He introduced it, and from his description I happily guessed that it was this:

i thank You God for most this amazing
By e.e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)


Another student said that the poem she was about to read was "a persuasive poem." Yes. I will include it at the end of this post.

Another student gave a persuasive speech about the importance of friendship. A great choice and a well done presentation. The number of confidants people have in America is declining rapidly according to her research.

I will miss this exceptional group. Together we created a positive and memorable space/class.

I hope no-one minds too much if I say this: I love my work. My workplace is a major part of my life-community and life. My teaching and counseling are major parts of my meaning and fulfilment in life.

I am about to leave the building for Winter Break. I will miss coming here. I thank G-d for this beautiful blessing in my life.

And now, for now, I leave you with Ruthie's tree poem.

I AM A TREE

By Laleta Davis-Mattis

I am a tree
A tall tall tree
There are many things that I can see
I look above
I look below
So may things that I can show
I see the birds flying high in the skies
Making circles like huge mud pies
And at nights where do they go
On my branches both high and low.

I am a tree
A tall tall tree
There are many things that I can see
I see the snails,
Going oh so slow
Up my trunk , it is their bunk
Then there’s the butterfly
Fluttering through my branches
It feels so good,
It makes me do the crunches

I am a tree
A tall tall tree
There are so many things that I can see
I see the factories billowing out smoke
I see the child ready to choke
I see the garbage flowing down the stream
Oh if you could see
It would make you scream
I see the fisherman with the tiny fish
Oops that can never male a delicious dish.

I am a tree
A tall tall tree
There are so many things that I can see
I see the man, the woman, the boy the girl
I see that the world is in a swirl
I see them , and I see you
Oh I beg, what can you do?
I see the man coming with the saw
To cut me down,
Against that there is no law.

I am a tree
A tall tall tree
There are so many things that I can see
I want to live to tell the tale
Of things happening from mountain to vale
I am a tree
A tall tall tree
There are so many things that I can see
Save the trees, save the earth
We are the guardians of nature’s birth.

HOTD - Inspired By My First Period 10S Class

Days hum by like songs
Looked back at they're never long
Here for now then gone

Fresh Poetry! Caught In The Bloodstream This Morning!

Sarcasm is a temptress.  She is a member of the Victim-hood family, of the Cambridge Victim-hoods. Perhaps you've encountered her sisters Anger and Cynicism.

I will say it straight out.  I wish that poetry was more red and appreciated, more main stream.  I wish my poetry was ditto ditto ditto. I wish there were more signs of readers of this blog.  In particular, I'd love feed-back and even support of the poems.  I want to put out a book of some of my many long poems, but that'll take a few shekels.  And I foresee it as a project that will include the assistance of fans of me and/or my work.
Anyway, without any further ado (even if you want more ado) (hat tip to Robert Klein), here's a poem I just wrote:

Hot Off The Self
By Neil Fleischmann
January 15, 2012

I’m determined to write a poem

And to share it with you

My determination might be better served

Toward (other?) things I have to do

And yet, and yet, and yet, and yet

My soul commands me, “Write.”

And who am I to say she’s wrong

As she is G-d’s candle light?

And now you may be wondering

Must a poem be cliché’/rhyme filled?

And I myself am wondering

Does rhyme indicate skill?

And what about her?

and what about him?

And what about the morals

of Wilhelm Karl Grimm?

And what does it mean

when you don’t name a name?

If you hurt someone, is a thank you

a thank you, just the same?

And how accessible

must poetry be?

Is rhyming a red herring?

Must I genogram my tree?

At once I am commited

to ending this piece

I have to go and push aside

My fears of the secret police.

Of Late I Think of Polka Dots

Purple With White Dots - 2012

"That's Me In The Corner"

I just chanced upon this post. I was surprised that I didn't answer the questions of lavender garden and anonymous straight up. The photo was an erev Yom Kippur photo op for a tiny local paper.  They asked if someone could bring in a kittel and my mother was there when they asked, so I got the gig.  That's how my mom recalled it.  I had thought that I was simply chosen.  Also, the girl, Debbie Flaum, and I were close at the time.  Ah, Kindergarten.

"C'mon Get Happy"

I am starting this post now, at 11:48 - when will it end?  Some time tonight/this morning.  I'm waxing nostalgic in several ways. The good old days, not sure when they were, but I miss them.

About a month ago I gave a scholar in residence talk about happiness.  Beforehand I searched my apartment for Dennis Prager's Happiness Is A Serious Problem. I couldn't find it, so I referenced it from memory and also used an online article by Prager about how happiness is a moral obligation on an individual and global scale. I also used two books by Rabbi Abraham Twerski - one that he wrote for Artscroll/Mesorah called Simcha - It's Not Just Happiness, and another that he did for Jewish Lights called Happiness and the Human Spirit. It went pretty well - was a difficult gig because I was booked as guest speaker and there was also a shloshim siyum for someone from the shul who'd passed away.  I think it went well. The family seemed pleased.  A friend of mine, who is a long time mechanech, told me that Prager regularly addresses happiness on his radio show and emphasizes his belief that happiness is a moral obligation. I found the book, and read some of it over Shabbos (friends of mine and their children were once staying overt at my place and one of the kids tried to count my books and gave up when she got to 2000).  It was clearly min hashamayim  that I didn't find it before the talk because I think using more from this book wouldn't have been as good a fit as the content I went with.

Prager writes, "There are some clear rules to happiness. One is that you cannot be happy if your primary identity is that of a victim, even if you really are one."  He states several reasons why victim-hood precludes happiness. Here's his explanation - adapted by me - for why people who identify themselves as victims can't be happy. People who see themselves as victims don't take control of their lives because they don't see it as an option. They feel that life happens to them not by them.  So they're not going to do what they need to to make themselves happy.  Part of victim-hood is to feel that life is unfair and to enjoy being an unhappy and "picked on" soul. Another part of the victim syndrome is to be perpetually angry "and an angry disposition makes happiness impossible." Enjoying life and being happy will mean letting go of the choice to view oneself as a victim and people who are committed to feeling victimized are in that place because they gain something from it (or think they do) that they don't want to let go of.

Twenty Questions on Sefer Shmot

1. Who’s the first adopted person described in the Torah?
2. How many times are the words makah or makot used in regard to the plagues.
3. What are the explanations of Rashi and Ramban for why the Jews cried when the king died? (credit for each)
4. Give an educational reason stated in the Torah as the point of the makot. (3 answers, credit for each)
5. What word, which is used regarding the creation of the world, is used about Moshe when he is born?
6. What are the explanations of Rashi and Ramban for what Pharoh meant when he said he was afraid that the Jews would leave Mitrayim?
7. What synonym for multiplying, according to Seforno, teaches us that the Jews fell to a low level in Mitzrayim?
8. Prove that Moshe cared about justice and peace for all people.
9. When is a kal vechomer used in Sefer Shmot?
10. What is absent from the story told in Perek Bet of Shmot?
11. What are the two ways to translate meyaldot ha’ivriyot?
12.  What does the Abarbanel say is the meaning of the names Shifra and Puah?
13. Which of the makot did not have warnings? (Give the numbers)
14. Give an example from Sefer Shmot where the more someone tries to stop something, the more it happens. (Not The Makot) (LILA USE PIC HERE)
15. From what holiday do we learn that you should learn about a holiday 30 days before it arrives?
16. What are the explanations of Rambam and Ramban of how to reconcile Pharoh having free will with the fact that Hashem hardened his heart? (credit for each)
17. “Vayehi beshalach…” – According to Chazal what mood does the word vayehi indicate? How could that fit here? (credit for each)
18. What 2 makot are comprised of the same letters as each orher?
19. What 3 parts of the Mishkan are comprised of the same letters as each other?
20. Which makah was started by an easterly wind and ended by a westerly wind?

Erev Shabbos

1:12 PM - Ten years ago no longer seems like a long time to me. When I was ten it did. Yesterday I told a colleague that I recalled when he painted his face the four colors of the four grade teams of Shiriyah.  "That was a long time ago, Neil," he said to me. It was ten, maybe twelve years ago. I remember my parents thinking that I made a smart comment, one time, when I was a kid - probably about seven years old. They asked me if a certain relative was old and I said, "It depends who you put them next to." On a different but, in my soul, related note - whether or not ten years is a long time depends on who you ask.

3:06 PM - I'm cooking for Shabbos and for Shabbos guests - and for me.  I like cooking and I don't like cleaning.  I recall years ago reading a writer's comment (I wrote about it in this post, and got a kick from looking at this post from the good old days of the J-blogosphere. What a wide ranging post and eclectic array of comments!) that she had laundry strewn about her home and it was a worthy price to pay for being a successful, published author.  I don't know.  I think what ever we are in life, we have to - to some extent - strengthen the muscles of the weaker parts, of the things we are not.  I tend to say I'll cook and not clean, but life is about cooking and cleaning up while you cook.  We need to multitask and we need to balance pursuing the things that come naturally to us while strengthening those things that don't come easily to us.

3:50 PM - Time to finish up the food prep - the cooking and the cleaning.  Mi shetarch be'erev Shabbos yochal beShabbos.

4:15 PM - Closer yet.

Here are some links to my previous posts on Shemot.  And one more that came up when I searched Shmot.

My dad, he should live and be well, just expressed concern about me getting run down.  He knows me.

I do have the starts of a cold, the usual reaction to a week of extra push, pull, wear and tear.

Shabbos is coming, so are other guests, all of whom bring me joy and comfort.  One thing most of us agree on is that we don't want to be alone.  Perhaps that's what's behind the story of the Medrash that tells us that Shabbos complained that it had no pairing like the other six week-days.  G-d said that Shabbos' partner would be the Jewish people.  And Bialek said that more that the Jews have kept Shabbos, Shabbos has kept the Jews. I look forward to Shabbos, always.  I would yearn for her from anywhere, and I do. Soon Shabbos, and the rest.

Frisch Sophomore Shiriyah Video 2012

10 Questions On Sefer Shmot (8/10 adapted from Torah Teasers By Rabbi Moshe Erlbaum, based on the approach of Rabbi Moshe Atik) (Answers are in first comment)

1. Who is called a kohein in Parshat Shmot?
2. Where is snow mentioned in Parshat Shmot?
3.Where is a hotel mentioned in Parshat Shmot?
4. State two places in Sefer Shmot where straw is mentioned.
5. Who was married to a bird?
6. In Parshat Va’Eirah, what is referred to as a morasha?
7. During what makah, other than Choshech, does the land of Egypt become dark?
8. Name two things in Sefer Shmot that happened through a ruach kadim.(separate credit for each)
9. From what holiday do we learn that you should start asking about a holiday 30 days before the holiday?
10. Name two places in Sefer Shmot that a dog/kelev is mentioned.

Shemot - Short Vort

This morning Rabbi Asher Bush, my longtime, esteemed colleague at The Frisch School, addressed the senior minyan and shared this meaningful thought: 

According to the pshat, Shifra and Puah were regular folk that we never heard of before and will never hear of again in the Torah. They feared G-d, stood up to Pharoh, did what was right despite hard times and high risk. A lesson we can learn from this incident is that inspirational courage can come and often must come from decent, non-famous people. Part of the reason the redemption arrived - soon after the story of Shifra and Puah - was the conviction and principle found in the heart of the "simple," "regular" Jew.

‎"Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail." - John Donne

In Memory of Ruth Stone

So What 
By Ruth Stone

For me the great truths are laced with hysteria.
How many Einsteins can we tolerate?
I leap into the uncertainty principle.
After so many smears, you want to wash it off with a laugh.
Ha ha, you say. So what if it's a meltdown?
Last lines to poems I will write immediately.

HOTD

Air like life blessings

Consistently bestowed

Taken for granted

Three Days of My Bloggary

Friday January 6, 2012 


10:27 AM - I'm in my office, free-writing for a few minutes... 


The sophomores have Shiriyah (Color War) practice, so I'm off duty - to the extent such a concept exists in reality.  


Neil Diamond's "Don't Go There" is playing on Pandora.  It's funny - not ha ha - that this just came on.The last time I heard this song was early this past Sunday morning, on my Ipod, as I walked Ocean City's shore  and found it fascinating that Diamond was singing the unique, prescient sounding, words that he was crooning. It's a cool song, worth a listen - in any case. 


Shiriyah broke out this morning.  I'm adviser for Juniors. In past years I've performed at the event (8 times) and run Torah bowl (12 times?). Juniors are meeting in a few minutes, I need to be there. It's 10:34.  It's amazing how i can write quickly and smoothly because I love writing.

I write like I breathe

I sit here as it happens

Blood breathes onto page

323 PM - "Slip Slidin' Away" - the (live) version with Garfunkel - plays from my ear-buds, while I sit as a guest in the (nicely finished) basement. And I remember my week.  Sigh. I think the idea that "you near your destination the more you're slip slidin' away" is a profound one. While we feel the pain of struggle, we are, hopefully, moving toward where we want to be.

This week I wrapped up the makkot in Chumash.  And taught more of the sugyah in Pesachim about birchat hamtzvot. We discussed brachot in general. I shared  Piercey's poem about what she does and does not consider a blessing. And I shared my response.

Motzai Shabbos January 7, 2012

6:07 PM - Shabbos is gone.  Why she had to go, I don't know. 

It was unreasonably warm today.

There is no kigo
to include in this haiku;
Winter, sixty-four

I have always enjoyed Rabbi Yaakov Lehrfield's Shabbos morning shiur.  Here's my adaptation of what I remember him saying this morning about Parshat VaYechi:

1 - When Ephraim and Menashe come to Ya'akov to be blessed, he asks, "Mi Eileh?" - "Who are they?" Rav Zalman Soratzkin, in his Oznaim LaTorah, says that Yaakov thought twice at this pivotal moment.  It's one thing to be a good person, good son, good grandson - but to be in a prominent is a different reality. Yaakov wanted to be certain before transforming his grandchildren into the ultimate model of the blessing that every father wants his son to be that they were fit for this position.

2 - The word "leimor" - "saying" is used when Yaakov blesses Ephraim and Mesashe. In this case the word contains a letter that it does not usually have; it is spelled in full, with a vav between the mem and the reish. This may symbolize the fact that, despite his original hesitancy, once Yaakov decided to bless them he did so with a full heart.  This can be backed up by the fact that the word emor is used, and includes a rare vav between the mem and the reish, when the kohanim are commanded to bless the Jewish people.  Rashi explains that the extra vav indicates that the blessing the kohanim give is meant to be wholehearted. 

3. Why did Yosef die at 110, younger than all the brothers? Rashi says because he was in a position of ruler-ship.  This could be understood as a punishment for acting to others in a condescending way.  It could also simply be that a consequence of being a political leader is vast amounts of stress that can lead to dying young.  The Torah states that Yosef lived to 110 and then says that he died at 110. This fact is clearly being emphasized. In each case, the trup - musical notes indicating how the words are to be read - are zakeif katon, which means the small (young) one was raised up high!

11:30 PM - That's the actual time right now, though it sounds too round and perfect to be true.  For the rest of tonight maybe we'll just keep it all under this heading.

Tonight I saw Ryan Hamilton, Andy Hendrickson and Mark Riccodonna. Mark's one rule as emcee is that the audience should give laughter to help the comedians give their best.

There are things in life that I watch and say, "I could never do that." Stand up comedy is one of those cases where the opposite is true. Tonight, as I enjoyed these 3 talented performers I sat and thought, "I can do that."

Here's a clip of Andy doing a routine he expaned on tonight, adding "Mom it's not a machine or a tape, it's a cell phone with a computer chip - you just filled up a whole computer mom."

It's 12:23 AM, technically Sunday, but still Saturday night to me.  

I believe in growth, working on oneself, always trying to make oneself better.  It's hard work.  Another thing I see and think as I watch comedians is how everyone really wants to grow and change. Comedians are about honesty, oddly - as was the case at certain moments in tonight's show - honesty often trumps funny in a routine, because they can't help themselves.  

I remember my eleventh grade Chemistry teacher, Mr. Peller, was the first person I ever heard say, "In all jest there is truth."

Sleep is calling me
I let the machine pick up

Write this one more thing

Sunday January 8, 2012


10:15 AM -

This  classic routine of Nichols and May just came to mind, very similar to the bit I linked to above.

Getting ready to horse and buggy it out of Staten Island.  

Need to get to school/work and coach the Junior grade to Shiriyah victory.


1:09 PM - Just entered my abode.  I was thinking of writing that I crossed the finish line after horse and buggying it home (10:49-1:09, 2 hours and twenty minutes).  It's not the finish line, after taking 2 buses and a train so far I have more travels ahead to get to work.  I should be thrilled that I don't really use a horse and buggy, that would be much slower and schleppier (I imagine). That reminds me of a routine by one of last night's comedians. He wondered why people love to go back in history and do things like take buggy rides.  If someone from olden times saw people paying today to ride a horse and carriage they'd probably say, "What's wrong with you? We've been trying to get rid of those things for years.


7:06 PM - Got on the road again at around 2, to work at 3, left around 6:15.  Home again  just now.  Spent four and a half hours travelling today. I could be comfortably vacationing in New Hampshire by now.  


The associate principal appreciated my being there for the school kids and ran late on his way home to his own little ones in order to take me to my door.  There's nothing like kindness to make my day.


11:59 PM - I was so tired that I took one of those naps that I don't remember lying down for, only getting up from.  I need to do usual work, and unusual.  The day is short, the work is great...


Now, it's later than before, isn't it always? I won't reveal the time, but if I am to succeed in getting up by 6:30 and out by 7, I'd better go to sleep.

Here 

with the grace of G-d 

I am

There 

but for His grace 

I would have gone.