I Put Pressure On Decisions

* A young man recently told me that Rabbi Ayeh Kaplan was a Breslover Chasid.  No.  He translated the collection of stories, I believe during his lifetime.  And then other things came out after he passed.  I remember after he passed, haring the news from a yeshivish cousin.  Three years ago I visited hakever and have a picture of the matzeivah.  It mentions mussar and other conventional things, but does not call him a Breslovr Chasid, because I'm sure he wasn't. 

Rabbi Kaplan did write about meditation, and felt that davening is meant to be meditation. It is not the mainstream practice, but it makes sense to me. The thought came to me in regard to Baruch She'Amar and how the word baruch is repeated over and over.

As I've said before, I often feel that writing is helpful to me.  And yet.  (I'm ever grateful to Nicole Krause for modelling for me that "and yet" can be a full sentence.  There are things that maybe it's better to write privately.

And having said that I will proceed for now to keep writing here: I long to feel connected to G-d.  I get moments.  And then I want more of those  moments. And part of me knows/believes that to have closeness you need to have distance.  And highs can't be all the time.  And yet. 

** It's five to seven PM.  I'm in the YU library.  Not everyone is allowed in.  I showed proof of vaccination, and got an up-to-date alumni ID. The rule is that you have to wear masks here.  I'm wearing one.  Fellow on my left is not.  Of the two people sitting behing me one is and one isn't.  Young woman and man in front of me are not wearing masks.  We are in a time that makes sense and doesn't, so that explains that.  What do we know? What do we understand? 

*** And now it's a bit later.  Thinking.  It's interesting to me that Noach and Avraham are each introduced at the end of one parsha before they get their own parshah. It's a big deal to be reintroduced to Avraham every year. 

 "After the birth of Terach, Nachor lived 119 years and begat sons and daughters... When Terach had lived 70 years, he begot Abram, Nachor, and Haran.

Is Terach the first person in the Torah to name his son after his father?

**** Now it's much later.  and I have so much to write, not write.  i'll just share a short poem, that's a kernel of something that's a big deal for me in my life, and wish you good night and blessings from G-d.

I put pressure on decisions

more than they pressure me,
expecting them to transform
how everything’s going to be.

Going to, PG, share this on my poetry blog.