Beginnings

This is a session that I wrote for teachers meeting with students just beginning high school. I believe that it contains ideas relevant for all. Enjoy.

Beginnings

Kol Hatchalah Tzrichah El HaTachlit (- Mishlei Yisrael)

By Rabbi Neil Fleischmann

The first vaad is about focusing on beginnings in a practical and thoughtful way. While this applies to the vaad it also applies to the first meeting you have with this a freshman class; as their go to person you can make certain things clear in the first period. The first class that freshmen have in high school stays with them and so being their first period on their first day of school is a big responsibility. Students remember, or so they say, years later how their first teacher on their first day of high school made them feel.

There are many sources for the idea that beginnings are very important, that all goes according to the start. There is the famous saying (famous to teachers, not to freshmen students, generally speaking), and reality, of kol hatchalot kashot (Mechilta on Shmot 19:5). Rashi, on the beginning of this pasuk that famously calls us Am Segulah; “Ve’atah im shamoah, tishme’u el mitzvotai...” Rashi says, “If you accept Torah now it will be pleasant to you in the future: Shekol hatchalot kashot.” (Be’er Yitzchak questions this pshat because the double lashon is generally used for emphasis and not interpreted, though he suggests that the introductory word ve’atah allows for a drashah). Rashi comments similarly on the words we say three times daily – “Vehayah im shamoah tishme’u” – that if you listen at the start it gets easier in the future.

The Ran speaks in Drashot HaRan about how if the start is straight then what follows will be straight. Rabbi Yehuda Parness explained this with the example of drawing a line, two lines may look equal but if one of them is a bit curved then in time that seemingly insignificant curve will increase and make a great difference. Rashi says that Noach erred in planting a vineyard as it wasn’t the right choice for a foundation of the new world. The Maggid of Dubno builds on this with the example of a man who receives a bracha that the first thing he does when he gets home will multiply. He wants to count his money as soon as he gets home so that it will multiply. When he demands that his wife get the money they begin to fight and the arguing turns out to be what multiplies as it was the first thing he did when he got home. This ties in with the idea of eating sweet things and other simanim that we do on Rosh HaShana. More important that the symbolic foods we eat are the actions that we take, the way we behave at the start of the year.

Rav Kook explains Tefilat HaDerech (you can glean this from what he says) that it’s metaphorical and not about literal robbers and wild animals. Whenever a person changes from one atmosphere to another it is a turbulent time and a time in which we need – and pray for – extra siyata dishmaya. Rav Kook’s idea of the type of difficulty inherent in moving from one realm to another is well expressed in a recently published memoir, Beautiful Unbroken (page 180) ­­­­ by Mary Jane Nealon. The author writes that she experienced sadness as she drove home from work and didn’t understand it. She recalled something a wise friend said. “My friend Rachel in Chicago told me once that she cried all the time in the car on her commute home. She said there was something about the car’s cocoon and the pace of moving from one place in life, like work to another place, that tore at people’s souls.”

Rabbi Yosef Blau’s take on Yaakov’s wrestling match with the unidentified man that the medrash tells us was the mal’ach of Eisav (and some say was Ya’akov’s conscience) is relevant here:

Yaakov Avinu seems to always have people around him, a life filled with family, with one stark exception. In anticipation of re-meeting Eisav he prepares for battle, for a typical, physical war. Yaakov divides his camp strategically and advises them on how to deal with Eisav. He helps the fifteen members of his nuclear family cross the stream of Yabbok. Then, suddenly, briefly – though it probably feels like forever -Ya'akov finds himself unusually alone. “Vayivater Ya’akov levado – and Ya’akov was left alone (Breishit 32:25).” Then he is confronted by an unexpected enemy of an unworldly sort. There is no explicit documentation of his preparation for his spiritual battle. Ya'akov's life up until this moment was his preparation. There was no cramming for this exam.

Rabbi Blau sees this story as reflective of all of our lives. The major battles are spiritual and our sole preparation for the fights that count is the way we live the episodes of our lives up to the moment when we are tested. These conflicts are amorphous. When they arrive is unannounced and unknown. The physical challenges that we think we must prepare for, often never come. When the unexpected confrontations occur the people who usually travel with and support us can suddenly be absent from our surroundings. We can fight dark forces and win, but like Ya'akov we may come out limping. We can survive and thrive and, like Yaakov, in the end gain a new identity, sanctified through our spiritual victories. It is to our advantage to view these hurdles in a positive light.

The first place that the concept of beginning appears in the Torah is Breishit. The Ramban says that the theme of the beginning of the Torah, Breishit is that in life we get things and if we are responsible we hold on to what we have and if we are irresponsible we lose what we have. This occurs repeatedly in Breishit. Adam and Chava, Kayin, Dor HaMabul, Dor Haflaga, each lose what they were trusted with due to their mistakes. This continues into Avraham and his decedents getting the land which other nations lose the right to – all due to not meeting responsibilities.

This idea applies to all beginning, all situations in which we are trusted with something at the start. Students start off with fresh notebooks and sharpened pencils - as a clean slate. What happens next in largely in their hands. This fits with the parable about the butterfly (or bird) and how whether it alive or dead is up to the person who holds it, in their hands. It also fits with the anecdote about the man who was miserable about his packed tuna sandwich that he brought to work daily. After hearing him complain incessantly a neighbor asked why he didn’t ask his wife to make him something else, to which he replied, “I make my own lunch.”

Discussion Questions

Ask students –

What are examples of beginnings that you can think of? What is true about beginning? Describe the physical and emotional aspects of a beginning.

There saying goes that all beginnings are difficult. Do you agree with this? Why do you agree or disagree with this statement? What is easy about a beginning? Did you ever do something once at the beginning and then not keep it up? Why is that? What role does adrenaline play in a beginning, in a way, being easy?

What example can you give about you or someone you know (it takes pressure off to make it about someone else) having a hard time with something at the start and then finding it easier? (You can offer this true example of a Frisch graduate who was initially rejected and then wait listed because she had never worked hard in school. She was accepted, became an extremely diligent and successful student – to the extent that people found it hard to believe her true story). How does this apply to the start of high school? Do you think it will apply again next year?

If a baseball team starts a season feeling like they have no shot at the World Series, how does this effect how they play? How does this apply to life?

The start of the school year and Rosh HaShanah usually coincide. What do these times have in common, particularly regarding the nature of beginnings?

What does it feel like when you switch from one setting to another? How often do these kinds of changes occur? What can one do to try to help the changeover go as smoothly as possible? How often do these kinds of changes happen? (In a way they happen often – school to home, home to school. On the other hand big changes like elementary school to high school don’t happen as often).

How do you prepare for a new situation? In what ways can’t you prepare. Let’s say a teacher assigns a test. What are two different ways to approach studying for the test (in terms of when you start to study)? Does this apply to other situations in life? Explain. How might it be the case that this applies to all of life?

Eventually in school you receive grades. On the first day of school you do not have a grade. Do you think if a teacher had to give everyone in the class a grade, would they say everyone starts with a hundred, or that everyone starts with a zero? What would you say? What responsibilities are students trusted with at the start of the year? What happens when you do or don’t live up to these responsibilities? If you err is what follows a punishment or a consequence?

If you make mistakes at the start, can you change for the better? Explain? How does this tie in with the connection between the start of the school year and the month of Ellul and its theme?

Ask students lead in questions about their switch from elementary school. Do they have friends in the class? In the grade? Are they nervous? (I wouldn’t put them on the spot, but just put the question out there).

Consider telling them that it’s normal to be nervous, and perhaps to share that some adults are nervous on the first day of school, maybe even yourself.

Ask them what practical questions they have and help them know who’s who and what’s what. This includes roles of various administrators, locations of offices, even locations of bathrooms.

In the end the logistical and the ethereal connect. Bring it together and try to make students as comfortable as possible with their normal human discomfort in a new stage and place in life.

Holding a Grudge Is Letting Someone Live Rent Free In Your Head

All About It

"Take heed the written word,"

Rabbi Besdin said to me

judiciously letting me know

that what I'd published

he, my principal, had read

It led in Commentator

on Ethiopian Jewry

It was thirty years ago

that I wrote it and learned

the weight words carry

More Beautiful Unbroken, Part I

As I sit here and peck at my black keys, Mary Jane Nealon reads to me aloud from her Beautiful Unbroken. I've studied memoir writing and yet I just took a look on line for pointers. Here's some of what I learned. "As you write your memoir, remember to have compassion for yourself." The way to be compassionate is to see the good, the G-dliness, in every person - even yourself. If you paint yourself as all bad, no-one will want to come close enough to let you whisper in their ear. Also though, if you say you're a saint no-one will want anything to do with you - people like saints as long as they stay at a far distance. This is crucial when it comes to other characters in your life story. Most of us are not going to portray ourselves as all bad, castigating others is much more of a tricky temptation to navigate. This advice page suggests to ask yourself about someone that you feel did you wrong, "What pain did that person experience that made him or her behave that way?" Mary Jane masterfully finds sensible, even compelling reasons for why her mother was critical of her, why her father drank heavily until he was a sad shadow after her brother died, and why she and her sister behaved so differently (her sister was born first and took responsibility and compliance, so Mare took what was left - adventurous running). I could write more about this book and the thoughts it's put in my head about memoir writing. Perchance I will.

On The Tree of Heaven, Francie, and Me

According to Wikipedia, The main metaphor of the book A Tree Grows In Brooklyn is the hardy Tree of Heaven, native to China and Taiwan, now considered invasive, and common in the vacant lots of New York City.

The technical name of the tree is Ailanthus altissima, or in Chinese, chouchun; literally "malodorous tree").

Behula Shah wrote an article about this tree, posted at harvard.edu, called "The Checkered Career of Ailanthus altissima." She develops the two sides of the story. This is a beautiful tree and was once recognized as such. Today it "has made itself at home as a weed along our countryside." She feels that it is worthy of our admiration due to its "hardiness" despite the fact that many see it as "a symbol of dereliction and abandonment."

In a more one sided piece, "Penn State Scientists: Tree of Heaven Really Isn't", the argument is made that this tree is a menace; the article outlines a plan to free the state of Pennsylvania from the "tree from hell."

What did Betty Smith think of this tree? In the introduction to her masterpiece A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Smith writes, "There's a tree that grows in Brooklyn. Some people call it the Tree of Heaven. No matter where its seed falls, it makes a tree which struggles to reach the sky. It grows in boarded up lots and out of neglected rubbish heaps. It grows up out of cellar gratings. It is the only tree that grows out of cement. It grows lushly...survives without sun, water, and seemingly earth. It would be considered beautiful except that there are too many of it."

Smith is here clearly using the tree as a positive symbol for one - like her - "who struggles to reach the sky," adding that it "grows lushly" and the fact that it can survive the most dire of circumstances represents the resilience that all those who struggle need in spades. I don't think she's complaining when she says "there are too many of it." She's noticing that when a tree or flower is ubiquitous we can forget to notice how beautiful it is and even deem it a weed, as is the case with the dandelion.

The protagonist of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Frannie, sits on her balcony trying to alphabetically go through every book in her local library. As she enters her world of words and images on the balcony she notices the tree and takes strength from it.

Spark notes has this to say:

Tree of Heaven

The tree in the title grows in tenement districts, without water or light, even without soil. It symbolizes perseverance and hope amidst hardship. The tree is a recurring symbol throughout the novel; when Francie is born, Katie explicitly likens her life to the tree's. Katie knows she will keep living, no matter how sick she becomes. In Brooklyn, this tree trumps all others. When Neeley and Francie bring home a small spruce to nurture, it dies even as they try to take care of it. But the tree keeps on. The reader should think of the tree not only in terms of Francie, but also the poor community as a whole. It "likes poor people." When Francie leaves Brooklyn at the end of the book, Florrie Wendy symbolically takes her place. The tree grows for Florrie, too, as it must have for Flossie Gaddis before Francie.

Francie sees the Tree of Heaven every single day; it is a touch of beauty in her daily surroundings. When Francie looks down from the fire escape, it looks like the tops of many green umbrellas. It makes sense that Smith would choose an object with which Francie is totally familiar. Here again, the author shows how one may view small, material objects differently. It is not a special tree, in a conventional sense; it grows everywhere where there are poor people. It is not grandiose like the sea or a majestic mountain. It is humble, and its humility makes it all the more powerful.

The teacher in my Human Behavior In The Social Environment class was purposely vague regarding our first assignment, which was to write about what it meant to be a person. We were to focus on one character of a book and on ourselves. And we were to glean from what we had learned in class and "in the field." (If anyone would like to see that paper I could probably find it, though it predates my use of computers, so it's an old fashioned yellowing, stapled term paper.)

I chose to write about Francie Nolan. What jumped out at me from the book was the depiction of different worlds. Francie has many worlds, all of them real: one world in the library, another on her porch, one in school, another at home. Within her home various relationships stand alone for Francie. Francie’s father Johnny lives in different worlds too. The reality of these worlds is driven home after Johnny dies. When Francie goes to his barbershop to pick up his shaving cup, the barber tells her that her father was a good man. At this moment, Johnny’s worlds of friends and family touch for the first time.

I think a lot about the circles around me, these worlds I live in. As I work on myself, I remember my environments. Being an American, born and bred in Queens, growing up on 225th street, attending yeshiva day schools, learning in Israel, getting Semicha from Y.U., working in Frisch, reading poetry at Makor, performing stand-up at Park East Synagogue, typing these emails at my table – all of these worlds are relevant to the question of me. In order to grow, I must look at my worlds and see how they’ve effected me.

When a dear friend lent me the video version of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, I hijacked it because I was so taken by this movie and wanted to be able to re-watch it any time. As with Ordinary People, I wouldn't say that the book was better, rather that the movie and book complement each other in a major way. The insight into human nature! The characters! The portrait of a family and the workings of that unit!

When I was seventeen I looked up my name in a biblical concordance because I'd always suspected a name should be a noun. I remember the moment with guilt because without permission I took the concordance off a dorm mate's bookshelf. I found one place in Tanach where my exact name is used as a noun.

In Iyov-Job the protagonist bemoans the fate of man. Considering the frailty of human life he observes how plants are more resilient than man. If you cut a man down he dies, but a cut down tree can grow again: "Meiriach mayim yafriach, ve'asah katzir kmo NATAH (that's my name: nun-tet-ayin, with a kamatz under the nun and a patach under the tet)" -" It will grow from the scent of water and will reach harvest again as a new plant."

When I discovered this pasuk-verse I felt better about my name. I took it as a good omen that my name represents resilience. And I was able to start the practice of reciting a pasuk with my name in it after Shmoneh Esrei, something I had never done because my name wasn't on the traditional list.

As I get older I become increasingly comfortable with my name. I would have long ago started going by my Hebrew name if it was Chaim or Moshe or even Natan. But if I had a different name I would have a different life. And I wouldn't change my name or my life for anything.

Come When I Call You - Woody Guthrie/Klezmatics

In 2006, the Klezmatics released Wonder Wheel,

which melds their unique take on klezmer with the Guthrie's lyrics.

Live, Love, Listen, Speak

I'M IN THE LIBRARY!

I'm in the Y.U. library. Or as we like to say it here, "I"M IN THE LIBRARY!" This is a short in vivo post - has to be, they close in 7 minutes. I'm just back from my first physical therapy session, an assessment mostly. I limp, and I can't stand on my foot alone. The calf and thigh are atrophied. it'll take exercise and time. It sounds like I hurt my hand but he can't help with that. it sounds like the Dr is on the mark. The boot that immobilized the leg and healed the fracture also cause problems, that's normal. So it's to be twice a week for some time. Thank G-d (and sigh).

I came to the library to work on sessions for my school's Va'ad program. I'm excited about what I wrote about called "Beginnings." I'm going to try to leave here before I'm asked to, a general goal of mine in life.

Pain won't go away

Comes again another day

Even though I want to play

Pain please go away

I'll exercise every day

Irene - Part One

The talk of the storm started days before the hurricane. The hype was bigger than the event itself, and for once that was alright. Afterwards some expressed disappointment that Irene did less damage than predicted. That sentiment was not expressed by anyone whose basement was fully flooded, whose town turned into a river, whose house was crushed by a downed tree, and was clearly not said by one of those fatally wounded by the storm.

It was all over the media starting on Monday. The hurricane would hit my area, New York City, on Friday - make that Saturday - make that Sunday - make that we're really not sure so stay tuned. On Friday everyone I knew was looking for one obscure item or another: a transistor radio, a non battery operated phone, a twelve pack of frozen Dr. Prager Veggie Burgers...

(To Be Continued According To Interest Expressed)

Haiku of the Day

alone-ness is a

two faced, doubled edged cocktail

like all else in life

A Walk Around My Block On The Day Of Hurricane Irene

I'm starting this post on 9:29 PM Motzai Shabbos. There are the beginnings of a hurricane underway in New York. This song comes to mind. Please G-d, all will be OK. It's amazing how nice the weather was the day before the storm - something profound about that.

I've started reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog, after loving the film. The book, of course, has much more in it than the movie ever could. This is why I like reading the book after seeing a film, it's like a great peirush on the outline version you saw on screen.

I've got about thirty pages left in Beautiful Unbroken. I don't want it to end. Do you ever feel that way about a book? So I'm putting off the end. Do you ever do that? It is an amazing work. If you go here you'll find six excerpts from the first six chapters of the book. I decided to stop copying pieces. The other day I read a part to a friend and made her cry. It was about Mary Jane being with a man who was dying as his family gathered around him watching slides of his life. She really took in her life in a poetic way and gave the world quite a gift by putting it into a book.

I just came across a review of my book. Maybe for the next edition I'll include this lovely quote, "In the Field is an expression of a person's most inner thoughts. Neil, you seem a kind and loving soul." - Jane Reichhold, translator of Basho: The Complete Haiku.

I also came across a sheet which holds the sole source that I know of for an oft quoted idea today - that Rivkah and Yitzchak didn't converse much with each other. The Netziv writes on Breishit 24:65 (Parshat Chayei Sarah) that Rivkah covered her face as Yitzchak approached to meet her "out of of abundant awe and shame because she thought she was unworthy to be his wife." He says that this fear stayed in her heart and this is why she was never with Yitzchak in the same way that Rachel was with Yaakov and Sarah was with Avraham. When those women had something on their mind they were comfortable talking to their husband about it. This was not the case regarding Rivkah. (I basically translated till this point; for the rest, see it "inside.")

To the best of my recollection no-one has ever commented on the time of my posts. And yet I am self conscious about it. It feels like Motzai Shabbos, even though as I write this line it is technically early Sunday A.M. I'm going to have the post say 11:59 Saturday night, because it still feels like night to me.

The rain is pouring down harder than I recall hearing, or hearing about. According to the radio there are floods all around the city and driving is definitely to be avoided. Hurricane Irene is still getting stronger, winds could go up to 90 miles an hour. A newscaster is reporting from Times Square, saying it feels tropical and he wouldn't want anyone to go out there. It's a shame he, for some reason, has to be there. He says there's a lot of police cars and pretty much no other cars. There are people walking around, some are playing street hockey in Father Duffy Square. Central Park so far has three plus inches of rain. There may be a brief tornado in the morning.

I have eleven pages left in Mary Jane Nealon's remarkable Beautiful Unbroken.

It's now Sunday morning. Things seem OK in my home, but many have suffered a lot from Hurricane Irene. Jordana Horn put it this way, "Our town is flooded and will take a long time to recover. I am glad for those of you for whom Irene was nothing, but please be sensitive to people who have experienced real damage from the storm." A young man from Teaneck wrote, that he was off to grandma's house with his family because a tree smashed through their roof and that he wishes people who say the storm was nothing would just quietly thank G-d that they weren't affected. In a related note someone wrote, "That was no Hurricane! That was a Hurri-Joke. Nothing like Hurricane Gloria of the Eighties," to which someone else responded, "I think the dead woman in south Jersey might disagree with you."

I hope to write more about the passing of one of my favorite poets. For now here's just one of the most perfect poems ever penned - IMHO.

Now

By Samuel Menashe

There is never an end to loss, or hope

I give up the ghost for which I grope

Over and over again saying Amen

To all that does or does not happen--

The eternal event is now, not when

Mark Twain On Friends

And All The People I Love (An Eikev Thought)

We are commanded to love G-d. This is in last week's parsha - Eikev. I posed the question at a meal - How can we be commanded to love G-d? How do we do that? Someone said, "By cleaving to talmidei chachamim". Someone else said, By keeping mitzvot," someone else said, "By emulating G-d." My contribution was from the Rambam. He says that we come to love G-d by counting up and appreciating the positive things about Him, by looking at the good He does. Rav Noach Weinberg said that the Rambam is providing us a model of how to love other people. If you look at all the good in a person, you can come to love them. I'd like to add that we need to do this with our selves as well.

When we're told to love G-d and to fear G-d there is an extra word -"et," which always comes to add and include something to what is is being proscribed. We're taught that the "et" comes to include talmidei chachamim.

We are commanded to eat, be satisfied, and then bless G-d. Many rabbis (Tosafot Shantz, Beit Yisrael in the name of The Rokeach) say that here the word "et" comes to include the ba'al habayit. Just as we must be grateful to G-d for the food we eat, so too we must be thankful to the host of our meal.

The Shemen HaTov turns both of these ideas on their head. He cites sefarim who say that the inclusion of talmidei chachamim means that they too must fear and love G-d (and should not be arrogant and think of themselves as gods). He adds that the "et" which includes the host of a meal also mandates that he must be grateful. To whom must he be grateful. We already know that he must be grateful to G-d. Rabbi Bernard Weinberger, author of Shemen HaTov, says that a host is a host should bless G-d for having merited taking a guest into his home, having the honor of having someone at his table!

How To Forget About An Earthquake

One of the things about this blog that I feel good about is that it has brought the writing potential of others into reality. Off the top of my head I can three of three unlikely haiku authors who were inspired by this site to give it a try. Chasdei Hashem. Others have started writing more essays and starting blogs of their own, which may or may not have been connected to their reading of this blog.

A dear friend just shared with me that he is "a little bit nervous about the weather." I have a rule which I strongly stand my. Ignore modifiers of emotions. When someone says they are a little nervous, a bit angry, kind of in love, a tad hurt, a bit excited, hear that they are nervous, angry, in love, hurt, excited and take in as empathetically and actively as you can the feelings at hand.

My friend just wrote wrote this:

Not in my control

Hakol biyedei Shamayim

Very comforting

As the hurricane approaches I'm trying to stay calm (how do you do that again?) and praying and hoping for the best for everyone that can be affected by this - particularly my loved ones. Everyone is someone's loved one. may we all be blessed to stay safe.

Yes We Can

In the winter of 1989 I went one Motzai Shabbos to see "Who is Harry Crumb?" with some friends. On the way back, in the train station I stopped and bought a unique carved Coke can from the proud artist who made it. Over the years it's garnered many compliments, most everyone finding it cool. From time to time I wondered why I never saw him or anyone like him again.

This Tuesday just past I was walking down Broadway on the Upper West Side and I saw a fellow selling these carved Coke cans. I chatted with him. There's only him, he says - he's "The Can Man." I tell him I bought one from him about twenty years ago, ask where he's been. He says he's been down south. People gather to see what he's selling, drawn in by something special that emanates from this man and his work.

The can pictured on the left is 22 years old, the one on the right is new. They each have the sculptor's name etched onto the bottom - B. Lewis. Maybe I should get a display case for the new one.

MY CELL PHONE BROKE.

IT LOOKS LIKE ALL INFO IS LOST.

IF YOU ARE A RELATIVE OR FRIEND OR COLLEAGUE -

ANYONE WHOSE NUMBER I HAD,

PLEASE CALL MY HOME OR - EVEN BETTER -

EMAIL ME WITH YOUR NUMBERS.

Compassion and Kindness are Not To Be Cofused With Weakness

Remembering Mitzrayim Vs. Remembering Amalek

In Parshat Re'eh we are commanded to remember the day that we left Egypt all the days of our lives (16:3). Rav Moshe Feinstein contrasts this mitzva with that of recalling the actions of Amalek. He notes that each of these obligations carries one outstanding stringency and another such leniency. We are obligated by The Sages (Berachot 12b) to remember Yetziat Mitzrayim once every day and again during each night. On the other hand Chazal set one day a year, the Shabbos before Purim, for the fulfillment of the divine charge to remember Amalek. In this way remembering Mitzrayim seems stricter than remembering Amalek. But Amalek has a stringency that does not apply to remembering our exodus from Egypt: the framework for fulfillment of this mitzva is reading it from a Torah scroll. Anything which reminds us of our miraculous exit from Egypt works to fulfill our command obligation of remembering The Exodus.

The purpose of remembering Yetziat Mitzrayim is to increase our belief in Hashem's might - this can be accomplished in many ways. (On a related note - the Mishnah Berurah quotes Eliya Raba in the name of Avudraham, as saying that the meaning of the bracha of Shekocho U'gevurato Malei Olam - a blessing which some people may have said this week upon experiencing an earthquake) is our acknowledgement that G-d gave nature the power to show us some of the power of The Creator - to engender Yir'at Hashem in us.) The message of remembering Amalek is to realize how much we need true Torah so that we don't slip into being like Amalek. Thus, it makes sense to have a Sefer Torah on hand when we fulfill the mitzva of considering Amalek.

We are commanded to remember Mitzrayim daily; it seems logical - bearing the wording of the command in mind - to do something once each day and again at night to ensure that we keep Mitzrayim in our consciousness. Since regarding Amalek we have the latitude make sure we remember without being told that we have to remember it every day another consideration is permitted to come into play. Given the fact that when something is done often it often becomes ineffective, The Rabbis took the available prerogative of setting a once a year official time and context for the fulfilment of this mitzva, in order to heighten the odds that we would take seriously the effort to work on ourselves toward being the opposite of Amalek.

See. The. Hedgehog.

Hello - Is This On?

"One weekend, after being on the road for many months, Jim got a chance to come home to relax with his family. We settled in to enjoy our time alone together. Though Jim was expecting company the next day, avoiding confrontation he never told me that we were to be joined by an entire film crew! The next morning, 15 people from Acorn Productions descended upon our house to record a promotional film of Jim Croce at Home on the Farm.

"I prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner for the whole film crew and after the group left, I questioned Jim about our finances. After a year and a half of his working so very hard on the road, we were barely making ends meet, but Jim wouldn't talk about it. He hated questions as much as he hated confrontation, especially about money. He stormed out of our bedroom and went down to the kitchen table to brood. The next morning he woke me gently by singing his new song. 'Every time I tried to tell you the words just came out wrong. So I'll have to say "I love you" in a song.'" - Ingrid Croce

Connection is what I want, and while it's best to speak just for myself - I think it's what we all want.

Do we all want a connection to G-d? To each other? To ourselves? Do we all thrive on positive feelings from others? If someone says they don't care if other people give them positive feedback or not are they in some way off?

Yesterday on the bus home from the doctor I bumped into a recent graduate of my school. We chatted. What a mature mentsch! She asked if I was looking forward to school starting. I said the truth, "Yes." I don't know if other teachers will all approve of my admittance and yet it's the fact.

I am happy to be entering my 16th year of teaching at The Frisch School. I am particularly pleased to be starting my fourth year as Director of Torah Guidance, to be once again listening to and counseling kids and helping others do the same. I am also pleased to once again be teaching 12 periods a week of Chumash, 8 of Gemorah, 3 of Public Speaking, as well as running the Improv and Poetry clubs. For the second year of its existence I will be integrally involved in the Va'ad program, being the go to person for a group of freshmen and meeting with them for a discussion every other week. I'll also, please G-d, be honored and privileged to once again be part of many school programs including chaperoning Model U.N., presenting at Freshman and Junior trips and more.

I'm awaiting a call back from a physical therapy place, what seems to be the only place in the city that might take my insurance. It's been quite a journey. Since I fell and fractured parts of my ankle a month ago I've come to appreciate what it means to be able to walk. There is so much to say and to think and feel...

I often wonder why I write here. At this second I am considering ending or seriously tapering off from the blog. For the most part I don't know where these words are going, what they're doing.

Progress?

Video Killed the Radio Star

By Geoff Downes, Trevor Horn, and Bruce Woolley

I heard you on the wireless back in Fifty Two
Lying awake intent at tuning in on you.
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through.

They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.

I met your children -

What did you tell them?
Video killed the radio star.
Pictures came and broke your heart.

And now we meet in an abandoned studio.
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago.
And you remember the jingles used to go.

You were the first one.
You were the last one.
Video killed the radio star.

In my mind and in my car,

we can't rewind we've gone to far
Video killed the radio star.

In my mind and in my car,

we can't rewind we've gone too far.
Pictures came and broke your heart,

put the blame on VTR.

You are a radio star
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star

(You are a radio star)

3 Conditions

Rav Avraham Pam told someone about to begin a job where he would be the only Orthodox Jew in the place, "To succeed there make sure to fulfill these three conditions: You must be the hardest worker in the office, the most honest worker in the office, and the most pleasant worker in the office." (Beloved By All: Rav Avraham Pam, A Life of Kiddush Hashem, page 220)

I believe in G-d, it's memory I have a problem with. I just composed that aphorism. It could be taken to mean that saying you believe in G-d is not enough, you have to remember and follow through by putting your belief into your life. I meant something else.

Memory might be life's greatest mystery. Why do we remember? Also, how, what when, and where do we remember? The rhythm and rationale of memory is mind boggling. While claiming we don't rely on memory, we rely on it at all times. I couldn't be typing at this moment if I wasn't recalling myriad pieces of information allowing me to sit and move my fingers and transfer thoughts of my head into words on the screen. These words I'm writing, am I in control of them? I often think of ideas I'd like to blog and then I forget them, and the few that remain get posted.

Of particular interest is what people remember of what we say one to another. Part of the issue is the context in which we speak in the first place. There are many reasons other than communicating behind why we speak.

Some people are uncomfortable with silence between themselves and others to the extent that they'll say anything - including very personal information - as a way of supplanting the unbearable quiet. We also talk as a means of passing time. These are two prime examples of how people say things without the content being important per se.

Rav Moshe Feinstein was once asked how he remembered so much of what he learned. He said that when you experience something you remember it; every time he learned something it was an experience for him - so that's why he remembered it. Memory might not be the correct word for this; when you take something in as it happens it stays with you and doesn't need to be recalled. I have a friend who often surprises people by telling them about things they went through together many years ago. When they ask him, "How do you remember that?" he says simply, "I was there."

Poet Tree

Here's some bits and pieces of my soul, my mind, my heart. (Be a winner - name the related Chicago song).

Nesting

I need to take

my gratefulness

and make myself

a grateful nest

Kishke Poem

Knowledgeable

I didn't get his name

Sometimes he commented

He impressed my mother as smart

Kindly kept his tone quite respectful

Everyman

Tears (Excerpt)

By Yossi Hutler

all our tears run to the sea

where they ascend

to the always unlocked

heavenly gate of tears

Riddle:What is it?

(From The Hobbit)

This thing all things devours:

Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays king, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down.

It has been wisely said that Jews gave spirituality to the world. A wise guy remarked, "Yeah, we gave it to the world - but we forgot to keep it for ourselves!"

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. ~ Winston Churchill

"Empathy. The ability to put yourself in another person's shoes, to imagine what it would be like to look out at the world through another person's eyes. Most of us have no gift for it -- although that SURE doesn't keep us from believing other people should spend a lot more time thinking about how it feels to be us." – Roger Ebert

Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld once visited a woman he was friends with in the hospital. After his visit the medical staff was surprised as to how her spirits had changed, her condition improved. They asked him, what did you say to her?" He replied, "I just told her who she was."

Part 2 of Beautiful Unbroken is called "Flying Nurse," and tells the story of Mary Jane Nealon's life as a young woman following the loss of her brother. The first chapter is aptly titled "Grief and Escape." Mary Jane signs on to work in a refugee camp in Cambodia. She went to several preparatory meetings which informed the participants about logistics (they were to be there in the rainy season, they'd all share one van, and they'd work 12 hour shifts) and also about the culture. She writes: "I learned that you should never absently rub the head of a small child: to do so was to presume your soul was higher than the child's." Before the trip began the Vietnamese attacked the border where the camp was located. Most people including Mary Jane changed their plans. And yet: "I never again touched the heads of small children without kneeling down in front of them; without understanding that their spiritual lives might be more advanced than mine, their souls might be lighter." Wow.

Pray

There has been a serious terrorist attack in the south of Israel. See here for a list of news stories and/or refresh the search. See Arutz Sheva here, as of this moment reporting 6 dead, 26 wounded.

Book Him

The book is available at Teaneck General Store,

at Lulu.com, and also from me.

Good Night And may G-d Bless

Last summer I wrote in my summer posts when it was Week One, Week Two, etc. This year I didn't keep track like that. I know it's summer but I also know that I'm a teacher all year round.I'm looking forward to the new year. It is an honor and privilege to be starting my sixteenth year of teaching and counseling in The Frisch School. There have been summers where I formally taught. I have posted regularly here over the summer, more than during the school year. Soon I will return to that routine.

Sleep is close by, I wanted to post briefly. Soon I'll put my soul in G-d's garage. In 11:1 0f Devarim, this week's portion of Re'eih we're commanded (it's one of several times this order appears) to love G-d. It's a hard thing to get a handle on, love. Loving anyone is hard enough, loving an omnipotent being is harder.

The Rambam has a recipe for loving G-d which can be applied to loving people. He says to list the characteristics we appreciate about G-d. This is the key to loving anyone, seeing their positive attributes.

When Yaakov Avinu experiences some tension at a well with some tough guys he addresses them as his brothers ("Achai"). The lesson is that he realized they could have been his brothers. We love our family and cut them slack. We see the positive in them and feel connected. We need to do this with G-d and with everyone. May we be so blessed.

Happy Tu Be'Av and Much Much More

Happy Tu Be'Av. The Rabbis had this to say about this day:


R' Shimon ben Gamliel said, "There were no festivals in Israel as great as the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur, for on these days the maidens of Jerusalem would go out, wearing borrowed white garments (to avoid embarrassing those poor girls who did not have fine clothes). They would dance in the vineyards and say, 'Young man, lift your eyes and see what you are choosing. Do not look for superficial beauty... because "False is grace and vain is beauty; a G-d fearing woman - she should be praised. Give her the fruits of her hand, and let her be praised in the gates by her very own deeds'" (Mishlei 31:30-31, Taanis 26b).


It is interesting that this day seems to rank higher than Rosh HaShanah or Shavuot, higher than Sukkos and Pesach. You see from here how important marriage is. But why the praise of comparison to Yom Kippur, which other holidays do not garner? Rabbi Abraham Twerski (thanks to Rabbi Tzvi Pittinsky for alerting me to this article) marshals the idea what links this day with Yom Kippur is the importance of acting properly in the realm of person to person. The first detail we're told about this holiday is that the women all wore the same borrowed simple clothing. This was done to play up the commonality of people and to play down class differences (the garments are strikingly similar to burial clothing, which are also ordained to be equal to all to reflect that at the time of truth all stand equally before G-d). Yom Kippur cannot atone alone for the many sins we ask forgiveness for, we also need to be forgiven by the people we've hurt. Tu Be'Av reminds us of how sensitive we need to be in out interactions with others. In particular this day tells us that the most important real for working on our social behavior is in the realm of marriage and marriage directed activities.



Rav Chaim Vital (cited elsewhere by Rabbi Twerski) stated that “A person’s character is evaluated “ach verak – only on how he relates to his spouse. If a person does chesed with alfei alafim and is sure he’s set for olam habah due to his chesed, he should know for a fact that beis din shel ma’alah will check on his chesed toward his wife.If he was kind then tov lo, if he was provocative or irritable and did not act with chesed, that’s what will decide his din. And there will be no mention of all the chesed he did with others."


The Gemorah in Kiddushin states that a person must meet whom they are going to marry, lest something they can't bear be discovered (davar meguneh) and it says in the Torah "ve'ahavtah le'rei'achah kamochah." I think that the message here is profound. The one situation in which a person truly gets to work on loving another as oneself (good luck to someone with someone else who doesn't love themselves, an issue which many of us struggle with today) is within marriage. From that foundation people can branch out and work on kindness to others, but the primary fulfillment of loving another as oneself is within marriage.


On Tu B'Av the wisdom of King Solomon was cited, "Sheker hachein vehevel hayofi, ishah yirat Hashem hi tithalal" - "Charm is a falsehood and beauty is fleeting.(Proverbs 31:30)" If the idea is to play up fear of G-d and play down beauty and charm why are beauty and charm dismissed with different adjectives? It is a well known truth that physical appearance is not the reason to choose a partner. External beauty withers and fades and is not the mark of value of a human being - this is widely accepted by thinking people as a fact. However many smart people buy into charm presented by others, after all it's personality that counts. Shlomo HaMelech tells us that while beauty is fleeting, a breath, a vanity, charm can be worse than that - it can be a lie. While beauty is something that someone is blessed to be born with, like being tall or short - and clearly doesn't make a person better or worse, charm is something readily feigned. And we buy it. If someone seems "nice," if they smile a lot, if they manipulate us into with their charming demeanor we buy in. And we think it's real. Shlomo HaMelech addresses charm up front, because it's the one we need to hear about more urgently, and he tells us to be aware that charming dispositions can be deceptive (as a popular song puts it, "Smiling faces tell lies.") Then he tells us the less shocking truth that beauty is what it is, nothing to be impressed by or proud of; it is fleeting as a breath.


On this Tu Be'Av, may we be blessed to remember the truths about life and relationships, what truly counts and what actually counts as being true.


Should I be publishing somewhere with more readership than this blog?


I have a tentative relationship with questions. I tend to not ask so many questions. part of that is because it's hard to ask without a presumption and that presumptuousness can fly in your face. "How's your wife?" "We got divorced." "Don't you think Obama is doing a rotten job?" "I think he's great. Leave the guy alone." "How are you?" "So glad you asked - I'm not well; it all started..."


Here's the type of question that I've (almost) learned the hard way not to ask, "Can I ______?" regarding permission to speak. Whatever it is you're asking permission to say (fill in the blank from these choices, or add your own: be blunt, tell you something, be honest, offer constructive criticism, read you a poem, tell you a story) you're indicating to the other person that you want to say it, and kind of making them feel like who are they to tell you no. But your words are hidden and they will still feel blindsided when your words feel too sharp, are a total surprise.

We shouldn't ask questions that we don't want to hear wild card answers to. Even when we ask how someone is, we shouldn't assume that they're signed in to our code. To ask a question genuinely is to be prepared to hear the whole story.

Speaking of stories, I love 'em. The cool thing about questions is that if you ask the right one to the right person what will pour forth could be a beautiful story. It could even lead to a new story between the two people conversing.

Rav Nachman MiBreslov said that people think that stories are for putting people to sleep but he thought that they are for waking people up. He also said that if stories are unsophisticated they should take their complaints to G-d who starts and fills The Torah with stories.

There's a lot more to say about questions. At this moment I'm more interested in stories than questions, but they are related, aren't they? This piece from Mark Kurlansky's book, "What?" comes to mind. "Aren't we driven by a fear of being nobody? A fear of the answer to the question: "Who am I?"Isn't this why, when facing arrogance, the question of choice is "Who the hell do you think you are?' Who can answer that one for sure? But aren't there worse questions? Even if you found that you were nobody, would that be so terrible? Wouldn't it still be better than not existing at all? Is it so bad to be a nobody among nobodies? Is that what the poet Emily Dickinson thought when she wrote her poem 'I'm Nobody! Who are you?'" (What? pages 54-55)

Aviva Zorenberg believes that Sefer Yonah is a book about questions and stories. In a remarkable piece - that I worked through over Shabbos - which I won't be able to sum up here and now, she notes that the book and character of Yonah are an enigma. On the surface it seems to be the story of a prophet sent to tell a city to repent who, literally (or literarily) tries to flee from G-d. In the end he has a stand off with G-d in which G-d creates a narrative and then asks Yonah for his thoughts about the story of a tree. I hope to write more about this in time, to take on the task of summarizing her brilliant tapestry of words.

For those of you have been counting on the daily excerpts I've been posting from Beautiful Unbroken, I apologize for missing yesterday. In the fifth chapter of the book, which is the end of the first section, we find Mary Jane working in the cancer ward where her younger brother is suffering from cancer. Her father takes to drinking and she doesn't blame him: "I found I loved my father even more for his failure. My mother's way of being sad and praying and her suffering were the things that built my rage. We were all angry and circling each other like prisoners in an exercise yard. My sister slowly aligned herself with my mother and I slowly aligned myself with my father, and unwittingly we were already making a way for the family to exist without my brother, even though at the time it seemed unthinkable."


I have a book that is dear to me which has a piece of CS Lewis' writing for every day of the year. Recently I read one of the passages to a friend. He liked it and asked me email it to him. I have issues with scanning text, so I copied it. it is relevant for this holy day of Tu Be'Av. I will post it in the comments.