If you were to ask me my favorite time to blog (go ahead, make my day) I'd probably say, "Right before Shabbos." On the one hand it's a hard time, some would say a wrong time to write. On the other hand the words flow and it feels like this time of transition is a time that calls to be captured in print.

There are things on the floor that shouldn't be. There are things on the table that shouldn't be. (There are sentences ending in ways that they shouldn't be). And yet.

The week is evaporating. I sigh it out. The sun heads down, and for one day a week I notice. A different aura enters and I'd like to say I feel it.

I try to be a tiny bit original in the wording I choose. After writing the above I opened Rabbi Twerski's Prayerfully Yours to look at a thought on Shabbos. I was surprised by the wording of the paragraph I opened to.

"On Shabbos we can put the past behind us... Any differences that occurred between people should evaporate." Prayerfully Yours pg. 279

More than I keep you

You keep me - sane and alive

Week in and week out

And yet I play hard to get

As you, Shabbat, approach me

P.S. A student asked if my book is available on line, so I took a look. It's available, but don't buy this book - yet. Take a sneak peek, but wait for some technical points to be fixed before purchasing any (I'm also waiting).

More on Va'eira

Here's a beautiful guest piece on Parshapost with my additions.

Yesterday a during Torah Guidance session (something I'm proud of that's unique to The Frisch School, and which I run) a sensitive and insightful student asked why the Nile turned to blood, rather than spoiling it some other way. I had my own ideas, and Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald addresses that issue here.

An Early In The Day Wish For A Shabbat Shalom

By Rabbi Ben-Zion Bar-Ami

What's A Mental Disorder? Even Experts Can't Agree by ALIX SPIEGEL

Found this story fascinating. The politics behind DSM IV have fascinated me since the early nineties when I first heard of the book in social work school.

פרשת וארא - Va'eirah

Moshe's kal vachomer in this week's parsha deserves a close look. He says that if the people didn't listen then surely Paroh won't listen. The hole here is that the Torah gives the reason for why the people didn't listen; they were too burdened to hear the message that Moshe brought. It doesn't follow from here that Paroh wouldn't listen, as the work fatigue clearly didn't apply to him. Where is the logic in this kal vachomer?

If the reason why the people didn't listen was the work, then there is no logical reason to say that if the people didn't listen it follows that Paroh wouldn't be attentive either due to the weight of the work. However, Moshe was left on his own to decide why the people didn't listen. His thinking turned inwards. As Moshe saw it, the people didn't listen because of the way he spoke. If he couldn't successfully communicate to his brothers of course he questioned how he would get through to Paroh.

Moshe was starting out on the job and it wasn’t going smoothly. He could have said it wasn't working because of the people. That he didn't blame the people, but looked towards himself first speaks volumes about Moshe’s integrity.

Who should we look at when something goes less well than we'd hoped it would go. Is it a bad external situation or could there be something inside of us at play?

The words of Nechama Leibowitz ring in my ears. The Torah (in Beshalach) says that the Jews came to Marah and couldn't drink the bitter water. Nechama stressed, enunciated, and practically shouted the words, " Ki Marim HEIM", and quoted the midrash which says that it was their own bitterness -rather than the bitterness of the water itself - which made it impossible for the Jewish People to drink the water. Nechama expanded on this approach in her inimitable style: "Zeh HaMorim, vezeh hahorim, vezeh hayeshivah... (meaningful pause) ulai zeh atah?... (another meaningful pause)KI MARIM HEIIIIM!!!"

This thought relates to a question regarding all of the early Shmot parshiot. To what extent did Moshe work on himself? It is to our benefit to learn from Moshe as an example of self reflection. What does it means to be a person? Many people suffer from never looking inside themselves. Others isolate themselves and look in too much, at the expense of living in the world. Balance is the answer.

Leo Buscaglia writes in Living, Loving, and Learning that he's tired of people blaming their parents for their problems. People say that their parents did this or their parents did that, and that's why they are less than perfect. Leo asks incredulously, "Do you know what your parents did?” His answer: “They did the best they could!"

What Moshe did is inspiring because it is so hard to do. He looked in rather than just looking out as he traveled the road to becoming who he was meant to be. May we all be blessed to take responsibility for our life actions rather than retreating to victim paradise.

Steak Salad Snow Day - 12/28/10

i sit alone

in a restaurant

(just me and the workers,

three forty five PM)

writing in my journal

in between the lines

this moment is unique

and like every other

the essence of a moment

is in the way you view it.

Eduard Strauss - Bahn frei!, Polka schnell, Op. 45 - Free Copy of My Book to Whoever Can Name The Show This Was the Theme Song For (From Memory)

"To The Snowman That Lives In Every Child's Heart"

Today in Barnes and Noble I discovered Stranger in the Woods: A Photographic Fantasy, on sale for sixty percent off (someone I know would say, "They practically gave it to you.") I feel blessed to now own this gorgeous book of many pieces.

On A Snowy Day I Can See Edgar Cayce

I share my Netflix account with friends who wouldn't buy the service but are very appreciative of being able to have access. (You can have two people watching on different computers at the same time. I guess this generally accommodates families.) When I look at my queue it's almost impossible not to see what was recently watched; a lot of Barney and kids movies for my friends' kids - and then the occasional escape for the adults. One of my friends tends to watch movies that my mother (OBM) used to like - Frank Capra, Billy Wilder and the like. I was just struck to see my friend's most recent choice: On A Clear Day You Can See Forever. I haven't heard or thought about that film in many years.

I was eight when my parents returned home from the movies on a Saturday night. I asked what they saw and got the answer. Then, in the kitchen, mom told me - because I asked - what the movie was about. It was about things I'd never heard of before (a New York woman who, under hypnosis, transformed into a lady living in early 19th century England). Learning for the first time about the concept of past life experiences made an impression on me.

Most people today probably haven't heard of Jean Dixon, and that says something (though I know not what). My mom liked the idea of the mystical and spiritual. Mom was into people of this sort going back to Nostradamus (they were not contemporaries, but mom looked him up). She also was interested in newer people as they made the news, people like Edgar Cayce and even Uri Geller. Mom was smart enough to not take these people too seriously, but she was curious and creative enough to be intrigued by them. The book pictured on the left was under a pile of things on mom's dresser till the day she died.

A Test*

I really enjoyed a book in which Charles Grodin free associates in short essays on life. I read it years ago (got it at The Strand Bookstore for half price) but certain strong statements stand out in my mind. Like the fact that he hates teachers. He did a good job of describing the negatives of the teachers he remembered. And he theorized that most people didn't have very positive takes on most 0f their teachers.

Anyone care to share about whether or not Grodin was right? Are your memories more positive, negative, or just there? What made the good teachers good and the bad teachers bad? Are there many good teachers out there? Explain your answer (in essay form). How would you react if your offspring told you they wanted to be a teacher? Would your reaction be different for a daughter than for a son? Write about how the answer to these questions about your offspring may relate to the situation at large? A friend of mine (married with 3 little kids) just left a great job at a law firm to teach in a Yeshiva. On one interview he was asked if his parents wanted to kill him.

Discuss.

*This piece was originally published on February 1, 2005. I have posted it again because tonight it received a comment. To see the new comment, and the previous ones go here.

National Geographic: Stress: Portrait of a Killer

At this moment I am stressed with all the trimmings, including irony. I just took copious notes on the first fifteen minutes of a National Geographic presentation. I worked hard on getting names spelled right and linking and making it worthy of posting. Then I pushed a button and it disappeared. The film is called Stress: Portrait of a killer. What follows are my notes as I continue to take in the picture. This covers 38 minutes of the 56 minute film.

The gist of the start of the film is that there's this very chilled scientist named Robert Sapolsky who's been studying baboons for over 30 years (of peripheral interest to me is that according to Wikipedia he grew up in a "devout Orthodox Jewish home" and is now an atheist. He got a McArthur fellowship, know as the genius grant when he was young and went to work studying stress in baboons in Africa. He found that stress is mostly about hierarchy. The haves are not stressed and the have nots are not stressed. He has clear proof from their blood that the stressed ones are less healthy; they have higher blood pressure, faster heart rates, issues with depression, reproduction, and more. The main ingredient to stress for those who rank low is that they have very limited control.

For forty years Michael Marmot was at the helm of a study involving 28,000 people, named and connected to Whitehall - (because Her Majesty's Civil Service is an institution where hierarchy is of utmost import) in Britain about how rank affects people. Kevin Brooks who was part of the study tells the tale of how as a low ranking (level seven) government lawyer he failed to dot an i (so to speak). He was called into a superior's office where he was admonished and threatened with no opening to answer. When the lashing was done he went to his office, closed the door, and broke down crying.

A woman who was part of the study, Sarah Woodal (also featured in this article) is a happy, senior civil servant. Marmot says that it's clear that the lower you rank the higher your risk of heart related and other disease. To him this means that once you move down from the top spot each person in the chain at at a higher risk than the ones above. He notes that this applies to office jobs, non physical labor, but the setting is quite secondary to the ranking. Woodal has never needed a day off due to health, has had no problems relating to health. The low ranking fellow says his work is "tainted" because in the last year years he had to miss (rachmanah litzlan) about half his work time due to health.

The two studies match.

The film addresses ulcers and how it was always assumed they were caused by stress. Then in the eighties it was decided that it was not stress but bacteria. Doctors no longer had to look patients in the eye and ask what was happening in their lives. Now they prescribed pills and done. Then it was discovered that these bacteria are common, two thirds of the world's population have them. Yet, not everyone has ulcers. It was discovered that when the body is stressed it shuts the immune system, because it shuts down everything it considers non-essential. Once the immune system is shut via stress then the bacteria can have its way and cause ulcers.

Studies with macaque baboons have shown that subordinates have more stress and thus more plaque in their artery walls. It's a fact that stress today leads to extreme affects.

Sapolsky and his mentor learned via a study that memory is affected by chronic stress - we lose memory. Also, acute stress affects the ability to get out information you know well.

Carol Shively found that pleasure, brought about via dopamine, is affected by stress. The dominant monkeys had more dopamine, the subordinates had dull brains. If you're low ranking everything is duller, and you feel low. And society stresses the point and stresses out the have nots.

Jeffrey Ritterman, cardiologist, treats people from different neighborhoods. Where the social status is higher the health is better. Emanuel Johnson is a guidance counselor in a dangerous neighborhood. He had a heart attack and is a diabetic, feels the stress after 20 years on the job. The Whitehall study found a link relevant to Emanuel. Not only is status related to stress, but the two relate to how you put on weight. They found that people who are lower in the hierarchy put on their weight primarily in their center, their gut. Carol Shively looked into it regarding monkeys and found that subordinates are more likely to have their fat focused in their abdomen. Shively considers this discovery, the most bizarre and fascinating of all she learned in her study - the fact that you can affect via stress how fat is distributed in your body. These scientists agree that stress plays a major role in today's obesity epidemic and more-so that the fat brought on by stress is dangerous fat. Fat carried in the abdomen is worse for a person than fat stored elsewhere in the body.

Shively says that not only does our society not value stress reduction, we celebrate stress. We admire someone that has two balls in the air at once, and we idolize someone with five balls in the air at once even more. She pleads with our society to start valuing balance more and over achieving less.

The film then goes back to Holland, late 1944: the Dutch Hunger Winter. Those who survived that occupation and starvation remain traumatized today. Dutch researcher Tessa Roseboom studied the affect of the stress of famine on fetuses of the women who survived this time. The Dutch kept meticulous records and her team was able to look into over 2400 people born during and after the famine. They concluded that the stress in fetal life affected these people and the damage is still there 60 years later. Many of them are alive today and they have higher risk of heart disease, higher cholesterol, etc. Their sensitivity to stress is more acute and their health is worse than people born before or after the famine. It seems that stress hormones from the mother's blood affected the fetus' nervous system as it struggled with starvation. Years later this first encounter with stress reverberates. The brain chemistry and general adaptation to hard times are all affected. Two of the people, now in their sixties, who were born during that famine speak on camera about their difficult issues. The researchers believe that the atmosphere surrounding birth, pre-birth affects the way a person will react to stress throughout their life.

Snow Day Post

This is Fort Tryon Park, the major park in my neighborhood. The people walking are Claudia Llanten and David Riascos. The photo was taken by Marcus Yam for The New York Times this morning (I guess - or yesterday evening).

____________________

It's amazing how quickly the world of blogging turned slow, how in a flash new became old. It wouldn't be true to say I like writing. I need writing. And on this blizzard day, between somedavening, and eating, and learning and movie watching (the original Rocky) I'm writing here, blogging - if you will. Who will?

I think Facebook is turning a bit uncool and old. Email is certainly old hat. CDs and DVDs are among the youngest dinosaurs in history. I was once in the late Tower Records and heard a girlfriend chide her young man - who was buying a CD - for being old school.

Yesterday I almost went to a museum with a notebook in hand - the Roerich museum a few miles from my home. I had everything on from boots to robber hat. I wanted to go there for a meditative experience. But I wanted to cab it. And no cab would come - at least not from Professional Car Service. I'd thought of going there with a net-book, and then decided I wanted to write not type. My teacher Jennifer Natalya Fink used to assign us to not lift the pen off the paper for say ten minutes. If words didn't come then she said to scribble, but to experience the movement of pen on paper non-stop. I do that sometimes before I fall asleep, and other times too. Before sleep is a powerful time to write, and a private time.

The reality of a snow day is cool. I've been sick for a month and have felt very alone. I did not want to miss work, though fever made it necessary for certain fever days. Today I feel connected to people. I feel like many people are home, not roughing it - there's permission to just be, something society seems to often deny. Avraham Moskowitz writes on one of his Tehillim cards:

No greater

feat can exist

than the unification

of all mankind into

one global family.

Yet in G-d's eyes

we are already one.

That really gets me. We're connected, we just fight it. Sad.

There's an old rabbinic saying that jealousy removes a person from the world. The world to come? This world? If you're never jealous are you human? I have a radar for when people are jealous of me. It's on a higher frequency than the radar that tells me when I'm jealous, but I have that too. Recently the alarm went off strong when someone started questioning me in a way that highlighted their own insecurity. Is there a thin line between drive and insecurity or in a healthy person are they in different quadrants? Kinat sofrim is said to increase chochmah - is it ever said to be good, though? If you hope you can achieve what you're jealous of, it can be your friend. If hope gets shaky or becomes totally obscured then jealousy becomes downright dangerous. Severe jealousy leads to destroying (rather than copying) what you wish you had that you like in others. It even leads to destroying the spark of that trait in yourself - may G-d spare us...

My phone just rang. I didn't answer and there was no message. It was someone - Caller ID told me - who calls often, and is friendly when he calls. Years ago I got random phone messages from from far away saying he was wondering how I was. I was surprised, even touched. But it never made much sense, came pretty much from no-where.We had never been super close. Eventually he got me. He is a fundraiser. I dare say I've given generously. Fundraising - in my mind - is an awkward job (a job I can't see myself doing) and that awkwardness runneth over. Sigh.

Sometimes I write a paragraph and then ask what I could gain or lose by leaving it in here. Maybe the above paragraph resonates for someone. I'm not sure. Sometimes I blog freely.

I watched an hour and twelve minutes of Rocky. It was low key and talky, which made it great. I began to lose interest as it built up to the denouement. We'll see about watching the end, it only streams on Netflix till Jan 1. There were some beautiful moments. Mickey comes to Rocky's sty begging to manage Rocky, after having taken Rocky's gym locker away and written him off as a bum. Touching.

On to preparing tests and lessons and and and.

Look and Listen

I took this on March 7, 2010 (at 4:06 PM).

It might go well with Neil Young's song "Birds."

Sitting In Front of A Computer On A Snowy Morning

Why do I blog? I started thinking about this last night when I recalled that I didn't post for three weeks last year around this time and there was no comment about it.

What is shyness? Is it a short word for being afraid of people? I used to be so shy that if you looked up the word in the dictionary my picture was next to it. I asked them to take it out... I don't know why. It just made me uncomfortable...

Wasn't it a year ago minus a week or so that we had a big snowstorm here in NYC?

My ear still hurts a bit. I guess it's time for visit nine to a doctor about this over a month.

As much as I like a day off, the troubles that snow storms cause are not worth it - and I think it's selfish as a teacher to wish for a snow day (unless it can be one of those very benign ones where we get off on a technicality :))

At 11:28 AM I saw that it started snowing.

----------------------------------------------

Poems On Snow

Others'

But one night, through the latticed window, snow
begins to whiten the air, and the tall white pine.
Good bye is the end of every story we know

(From The Story We Know By Martha Collins)

Love me with thine azure eyes,
Made for earnest grantings;
Taking colour from the skies,
Can Heaven's truth be wanting?

Love me with their lids, that fall
Snow-like at first meeting;
Love me with thine heart, that all
Neighbours then see beating.

(From A Man's Requirements By Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

The Answer

By Richard Jones

Tonight, looking for the answer,

I must have killed an hour

flipping through philosophy and poetry books,

every few minutes opening and reading a different title.

I anxiously searched all the places I keep books-

looking in the kitchen, the boys' rooms,

checking the laundry room and workshop,

before going outside finally to the curb

to search through books tossed

in the backseat of the car.

Snow fell straight down in windless silence.

The keys in my left hand jingled like very small bells.

I stopped and tried to remember

what I'd come into the night looking for.

Dreams

j

By Langston Hughs

jh

Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow.

The Poem for Frances Brown
(My First Warm Hearth Friend)
h
By Nikki Giovanni
j
There are things you know . . . Clouds rise . . . Stars twinkle . . . Snow
melts . . . Rain makes things grow . . . Sunshine warms . . . Trees cool . . .
y
If you love something . . . You will lose it
h
But the memory of motion . . . The wonder of the enchantment . . . The
blue of the glacier . . . The blue of the sky . . . The blue in your heart . . .
The reality of conclusion . . .
h
Through transforming . . . Stays

Mine

Something about snow

like a natural blanket

custom made by G-d

y

Snow across a branch

little is as beautiful;

a Divine brush stroke

I understand snow

Not warm enough to be rain

Nor frozen like ice

Shabbats, like snowflakes

Each unique one melts, is gone

Impressions live on

Recently a colleague was
delilivering a speech
"No two snow flakes
are alike," he said.

Another teacher interrupted,
"That theory's been disproven!"
which to me
proved the point

Part of the snowflake like difference

between every mind and disposition

is that you never know

what's going to click

for someone who is not you.

Snow Trivia Q

Where is the only place that the word snow - sheleg is used in Chumash?

Gut Vuch - Dec 25, 2010

5:57 PM - It occurred to me at ma'ariv that one of the things I learned from a year of kaddish recital is that it's the nice/right thing to do to stay and focus and answer to someone saying kaddish.

7:12 PM - Had a good chat with a friend I haven't spoken to in many many months. It's good to talk about what is in a truthful way. Sometimes I think of a character in a Rav Nachman story, in which everyone gets insane from the water (or wheat - different versions) and two guys hold out. They realize they have to imbibe to stay alive. They make Xs on each other's foreheads, so they will know.

10:03 PM - Had a meaningful talk with another friend. I once read that if you have one true friend then you are truly blessed. Sometimes I have a hard time being sameach bechelki. In the department of friends, though, I know that G-d has been quite generous to me; this is clear.

10:50 PM - It's been a quiet, contemplative, solitary night at home. After a month plus of feeling really sick I thank G-d infinitely for having the energy to relax. I have a Netflix account and tonight I watched part of September, which will stop streaming after 1/1, and I'm working on finishing Greenfingers which stops streaming on 12/29.

11:18 PM - Joel Herschman did a good job. I type this as Greenfinger's final music plays. I don't remember how long ago I watched the first half hour of this film. It definitely got stronger as it moved along and while it's not the deepest, most original film out there, it's a far better movie than most that are made today - IMHO.

11:59 PM and Beyond - Listening to The Avett Brothers. I need to get to sleep soon. Even though it may be hard to sleep tonight, I'm glad I rested on Shabbos. It was the first time in a month where I didn't feel so sick that I couldn't just sleep more and more. I was glad when I reached a point that I couldn't and didn't want to sleep more. I did some learning/prepping of Lech Lechah and more. I think I want to teach Zelda - not sure that'll sell to anyone, on any level, in my school, as an elective course title. Perhaps it needs tweaking, yet I stand by the idea. I've been reading up on Zelda. Of all the poets who talk of light and spirit and those kinds of things, she is the one I feel - figuratively and more-so - at home with. She comes from a true place of Torah.

Jerry Seinfeld once said that comedians are today's philosophers and over and over again I read in interviews that comics are drawn to their craft due to a seeking of truth. This routine, of just short of 40 years ago, by George Carlin comes to mind as an example of a comedian speaking the truth:

"When they talk about drugs, they don't talk about all of them; that's the problem. They don't mention coffee. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you. But there are coffee freaks and they're walkin' around; nobody, y'know, worried about it or anything."

He was quite ahead of his time. Today caffeine is in the DSM IV under substance disorders, and is mentioned in four different diagnoses. But Carlin is still right, people don't mention it or talk about it. I think it's time the caffeine dependency so prevalent in our society be addressed.

I just looked to see what I posted last year at this time. I didn't post for three weeks, my longest stretch of not blogging since I started. Sigh.

My Soul Peered Through The Lattices

By Zelda

For Ruti Freudiger

My soul peered through the lattices

within the desolation and devastation

of my illness.

From its captivity, it called

to Was-Is-Will Be.

In the dark, it whispered,

"In your hands, I place

my spirit, my pain,

my honor, my life, my death."

I guess I never fully left my country, birthplace and home enough to connect more to my Hebrew than English birthday. It's weird to me then that no-one asked me about today. Many people asked if the day I stopped saying Kaddish was difficult. Not so much. Kaddish was more technical than emotional for me. Maybe the emotion is higher for people who aren't connected to Jewish life and then kaddish hooks them in for a year - and then they write a book about it. I worked hard to be respectful to my mother and daven from the amud and say kaddish as per tradition. The posturing and competing and checking off didn't float my boat. People asked if the Yahrtzeit was hard. It was awkward negotiating the amud and the kaddish once again, and deciding what kind of tikkun to make and then making it. I spoke to my classes for 60 seconds each about my mother; the tikkun and those minutes of class were laden with emotion. I thought of my mother a lot that day, but that's been the case since this all started.

My mother passed away a year ago on Shabbos, December 26th. My father called me that Friday morning, December 25th, Christmas day, and woke me with the message that my mom was sick and I should come out to the house right away. That message remains the first one on my answering machine. Today is Friday the 24th. It was a year ago. This is a hard day. I'm reliving the details, the call, cab ride, ambulances and firetrucks and police cars, emergency room, festive Christmas atmosphere in the hospital, waiting, waiting, waiting - 24 hours later the final blow.

I never know what to write here, felt I had to share something about this day, this weekend.

Rabbi Yaakov Weinberg says that one of the first things we're told about Moshe in Parshat Shmot is that the burning bush made him wonder and ask what it was all about. We would be served well to question the experiences we go through in life, to glean meaning from what occurs to us, to deeply consider what we see. It may sound simple, but it's not.

May G-d bless us all to strengthen ourselves this Shabbos and for it to overflow. May we be blessed to de-stress. If you were off today (I wasn't) I hope that was nice for you. If you are on a winter vacation, enjoy! And if it's your holiday, may it be beautiful and meaningful for you and your family.

HOTD

Cold winter blows through

One thing keeps me warm for months

Kind word of a friend

Guten Erev Shabbos From The David Grisman Quartet

Zelda Posts/Poems That Don't Come Up When You Search Zelda In This Blog (And Those That Do)

With My Grandfather

Light A Candle

I Am A Dead Bird

The Light Is My Delight

The Invisible Carmel

Each of Us Has a Name / Lechol Ish Yeish Sheim

-------------------------------------------------

The Posts You'll Find If You Search Zelda Here

You Are Mistaken

By Zelda

You are mistaken -

even in death's cradle

the fog did not dissolve.

Even when the end was near,

terrifyingly near,

I was miles and miles away

from the riddle.

The Friendship of the White Jasmine

By Zelda Schneersohn Mishkovsky

For Janet and Robbie

The white jasmine that put forth

a branch in my flower pot

so gloriously,

peace surrounding its beauty -

In the palm of its fragrance

my soul drifts in sleep,

dreaming of a fountain.

What Happens If It's Cloudy?

I think it's the first time I saw this scene. To me, they're the most elegant, sophisticated, poignant, and talented of this ilk. Any big fans out there?

An Ouch Post

On Motzai Shabbos, I felt the ear starting to drain, but it hasn't improved much since then. Pain, discomfort. The medicine (is a steroid a medicine?) is called prednisone and I just went to a site of posts by people on it for ear pain. The range is from the person who says, "I have had chronic problems with fluid in the ears, ear infections, etc for the last eight years. The very first time it happened, I kept going from doctor to doctor with that horrible ear 'fullness' accompanied by sharp pain in the ear. After a month of that agony, I went to a doctor who finally prescribed prednisone, and within an hour, the fluid started clearing out. It's like a wonder drug," to a lot of grumpier people who had less success with this drug. It seems like a tube may be the way to go, as the doctor said to call Wed. A.M., one way or another and say how I was feeling - and that if it wasn't better (how much better? how can I tell if it's on its way?) then they'd put in a tube...

Gene Weingarten's Originality

I am fond of this piece on Josh Bell; it won the Pulitzer prize. It's about a master musician playing - and being ignored in the subway. It goes around as an email, but the original version is stronger. It was gifted with a coveted prize due to the originality of the piece.

Today, I read this follow up article and learned the rest of the story. What are the odds? I believe that the author did not know about the previous experiment, but it's wild that a very (very!) similar experiment had been done before. Wild.

GNAGB #899

I could have sworn I posted earlier tonight - a very brief post about remembering, even though "The Year" is over (photo included). But it's not here. The answer is that I posted it, but on Parshapost. Here's a link to the other time I posted the picture, when it was still during Shloshim. I'd appreciate it if you take a look. That was a rich, sad piece...

I remember mom.

---------------------------------------------

Shmah

By Neil Fleischmann

"Listen, my people,"

from under the blinking of a new Gmail chat message

G-d whispers,

"I, your personal G-d,

the G-d everyone gets to call 'My G-d' -

After all the other

things you think

you see, you feel,

you touch, you smell,

you say, you hear

you know

I, your personal G-d

am the one thing that's real

there for you

after all.

I'M IN THE LIBRARY!!!

I am in the Y. U. library. I am feeling sick. My ear seems to have started to drain after 2 doses of stimulant/steroid to reduce swelling. Still not there. Sigh.

My Internet at home went down at about noon. Spent a fruitless hour and a half on the phone with India. it seems like it could be a while till i have it back at home. That means if you want to be in touch, call home or cell.

I hope I can get some sleep tonight - the steroids seem to wire you up, but I guess that's why this good Dr. had it all taken after breakfast. When I yawn there's clicking in my ears, that's a good sign - means the Eustacian tube is starting to do its job. Thank G-d. Nekavim nekavim...
Soon, home. Thank G-d dear Barry Cohen fixed DVD player just in time.

The world is compared to a beautiful hall. On the other hand the world is compared to darkness. I heard rav Zevulun Charlop quote an answer to this apparent contradiction. The world is gorgeous, but the lights are turned off. True Torah sheds light on the world.

Rabbi Abraham Twerski's mother kept the tradition of lighting one more candle each time she was blessed with another child. She made sure to tell her children that their neir represented the fact that when they were born more light came into the world. May we each merit making the world a happier, healthier, brighter place.

Good night and G-d Bless

You and me we need some sense

Then there will be peace

Sundry Sunday Morning Musings

Facebook has a program of the words you used most often in your status updates:

My Top Words of 2010

1:G-d - used 26 times
2:Dont - used 23 times
3:Shabbos - used 21 times
4:Something - used 19 times
5:Someone - used 17 times
6:Feel - used 15 times
7:Facebook - used 14 times
8:Night - used 13 times
9:Friend - used 12 times
10:Never - used 12 times


A savvy, dear colleague/friend of mine says to never combine two things when you need to talk to someone about something important. Address one important issue at a time, don't meet or write about one and then throw in the other "by the way." Makes sense to me.


Since he/she taught me that I've noticed how often we humans do that. I try not to say I'm calling to say hello and also to ask a question when I'm only calling about the question - and you and I know it. Is that the same as the original point. I think it may be different but very similar.


"I loved every song I heard as a kid" - Johnny Cash


This just came through me:

life's about tachlis

in one form or another.

life is short

The following is transcribed from a piece on Vayechi by Rav Moshe Feinstein. It's in Darash Moshe, published by Artscroll/Mesorah. I promise.

"I shall be gathered to my people." - Breishit 49:29

It is unclear to whom Jacob was referring with the word "people." He could not have meant the

Jewish people, since he himself was the first of them to die, and had he meant Abraham and Isaac he would have said, "I am about to be gathered to my fathers."


To understand what Jacob meant, I wish to suggest that even though a particular group may not be considered a distinct people in our world, in the world of truth a "people" is defined by the strength of its belief in Hashem and by the quantity and quality of merits accumulated through efforts in this world. Surely the tzadikim who had made themselves known in the world until that time, including Adam, Seth, Methuselah, Shem, Eber, and, of course, Abraham and Isaac, would constitute such a group.


This is what Jacob meant:"I shall be gathered to my people" - to the righteous ones who have a place together in the world of truth because they believed in Hashem, and therefore i wish to be buried with my fathers, Abraham and Isaac.

Family by Zach Gill - To Me a Wow

Thank G-d

Since Thanksgiving Day I've had trouble with my ear. It started before that in the form of stress, not eating right, running, worrying, grieving, trying to be a good human being, trying to be a responsible person, worrying more, hurrying up, waiting, then hurrying and waiting more and finally repeating all of the above again and again again for five days.

I've made eight doctor visits about it to six different doctors, all recommended by someone. Some of them on best doctors lists, all the ENTs connected with major hospitals. One has been featured on TV. Big.

On Thursday night I was thinking about my life history regarding ear infections. (It all connects to Eustacian tubes, and the deviated septum issues I was born with. The deviated septum is relevant because it causes the infection to go to one side and makes one feel/be more unbalanced. [As Wikipedia puts it,"The Eustachian tube also drains mucus from the middle ear. Upper airway infections or allergies can cause the Eustachian tube to become swollen, trapping bacteria and causing ear infections. This swelling can be reduced through the use of pseudoephedrine."I learned all this from Dr. Number Five, the only one who will soon have a name, who I saw in a last minute appointment on Friday after work and before sundown.)

I remembered Pesach of 1984 when my mother did something she'd done once and said she'd never do a second time. She flew to Israel. My mom and dad arrived shortly before before the holiday (dad, G-d bless him, made the trip other times - still does). It was a big deal for mom to come. I had flown off on a one way, life time ticket. I wasn't up for going to "the states," in part because I was in a program paced to complete Shas in a year. There were no days off. (If you're interested, it's a story for another time). It was a lot for me to juggle. I got an ear infection. Mom rode with me to a doctor I knew of near my school. He was not an ENT, a family Dr, with a practice in his home on a mountain, overlooking Jerusalem's panoramic view. He basically said wait it out, that most ailments go away in time and probably gave some antibiotic. He spoke to my mother kindly and said that as he'd told me many times, the quality of life was better in Israel. I called my childhood friend - since I was 12 -Ralph, on Thursday night because I was racking my brain on that doctor's name (he calls me when he can't remember names from the past). He had trouble making out the message and thought I was asking for him to recommend an ENT. Ralph is a chaplain in 2 major hospitals and has connections. I hadn't thought of that. With no problem he told me that the name of the transplanted French Jerusalem doctor was Dr. Dupark (pronounced Dyupark). And then he recommended Dr. David Kaufman. I am forever indebted/grateful.

I called at 8:30 AM, when they open and they agreed to take me as the last patient at 11:45 AM. I did not stay for non teaching work, left right after the meeting. I missed a bus by one second. Thirty minutes till next one. I wouldn't make it. It was 10:41 AM. No-one could drive me, I was almost ready to call a cab. Then my colleague, Shira Schechter, came by and saved the day. She was driving to the Heights. Thank G-d. I made it downtown to NYU just in time. The doctor (and his secretary) were amazing. He gave me strong stuff to make the swelling go down and allow the tubes to drain. There was no guarantee and he wanted to hear from by me Wednesday either way. If I was still in pain then he'd have a tube put in - an in office operation. It's an after breakfast medicine. I took the first dose this morning and didn't expect a miracle after one time.

About an hour ago I felt that it's draining. Thank G-d!!!!!

50 Life Lessons By Regina Brett (Click for link to original article)

Hat tip to my dear dad, G-d bless him. He sends me emails that he knows will be to my taste. This list is composed by a woman in her fifties (I mention that only because the pop emails that pass around have her as being 90). She was deservedly nominated for a Pulitzer because of the depth, humanism, and seriousness of her work. Here are her rules. I pretty much liked them all. One (29) made me laugh a bit and smile - my favorite combination profundity with a touch of humor that hits my own special nerve. If they strike you, send Regina a note (I did)) at rbrett@plaind.com. You may also be interested (if you're still reading at this point in this post) to know that these headlines were expanded in to a book. Some of the sayings may sound too simple or black and white (like, "Always forgive") this is Regina's explanation for why she made it into a book. There are some self help book authors that I wouldn't believe that explanation from. Heck, if an article (or a video) goes viral why not take the deals as they come in? I believe that Regina does her work in order to add light to this world. And she succeeds big time, one flickering candle-soul at a time.

Regina Brett's 50 Life lessons

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.