"The happiest person on earth isn't always happy" - Richard Carlson

True confession: sometimes 11:59PM as the post time means that I posted after midnight (sometimes way after) but I feel like it's the night of the day before and want it under that day's heading. True fact: in this instance it was actually 11:58 as I opened to post and just turned to 11:59. Inquiring minds want to know.

That reminds me, one of the many reasons I believe Fred Rogers to be legit is because The INQUIRER had no dirt on him. When he died they wrote a positive journalistic piece (oxymoronic as that sounds) called "IT'S A SORROWFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD : BIGHEARTED MISTER ROGERS' BRAVE LAST DAYS." It includes many touching details and quotes, all painting a picture of a great man. It closes with Fred's son saying, "My father was exactly as he seemed - loving, thoughtful, and selfless. His family and all those who grew up watching his show will miss him terribly."

I hope everyone had an uplifting Shabbat and Purim.

I did something different tonight. I set up a post to appear early morning every day of this week. No matter when else I post these are ready to roll and will automatically appear at around 6AM each day this week. Each post features a greeting card. The first is a condolence card that just came and touched me. Then there are two more lovely cards of consolation. The fourth one goes back two years. The fifth one goes back fourteen years. Hope you take something from them.

Good night and G-d Bless

me to hug peaceful times and

and to ride out tough waves

Freilichen Purim

In the vein of "Esther min haTorah minayin?" and "hester panim" my Purim posts are hidden.

Tetzaveh 5770 - Man Makes The Clothing

I was in Kindergarten, sitting on the floor Indian Style, listening to short, dark Israeli Rocheil tell the story of a poor man in shabby clothes who goes to a fancy dinner party and is thrown out as soon as they see his appearance. I vividly recall Rocheil describing how weeks later after having found a job and saved cash the man returns well groomed and finely dressed. He’s presented with a great meal. He proceeds to pour the soup, meat, potatoes, etc. all over his head and body. He explains that as he was not given the food when sloppily groomed, and the only difference now was in that department, he figured the food was for the clothes. So he gave it to them.

I’d like to try to balance the equation with the following true anecdote from the book MASTERPLAN by Rabbi Aryeh Carmel. There was a London woman who married a man with an African heritage. He inherited the kingdom and they moved back to his country where he ruled as the new king. His wife took to the role but it pained her to find that the town’s women were depressed and listless. She presented them with colorful clothing made from fabric that was aesthetically alive. In a very short span of time the women came to life and were full of a new-found energy.

There is truth to both sides of clothing. On the one hand clothing cannot make the man. Ultimately it is up to a man to make himself. The fanciest of suits can’t do the job for him. On the other hand there is a place in life for uniforms that are appropriate for people in specific contexts.

The Ibn Ezra comments on the words “Lekavod U’Letifaret” that “they can be glorified by them because no one else in Israel wears clothing like this.” He’s fine tuning the point that how we dress is important. If everyone dresses like a Kohein then what is special might be lost.

How we dress is one of those personal things that include multiple messages that we may not think about as much as we should. Our clothing can lift us up or pull us down. Our clothing can pull others in or push them away. Our clothing can state that we feel like an image of G-d, or that we feel that we are something else.

The truth is that the person wearing the clothing need to remember who he is via what he wears; "Af im katan atah ne'einechah rosh shivtei Tisrael atah." The people who view the clothing also need it as a reminder of who the man is. A Kohein Gadol who was mechusar begadim - lacking any of his prescribed ornaments or garb was pasul - unfit to do his avodah - holy service. The man needed the clothing. On a similar note one of the requirements to be Kohein Gadol was to be handsome! This relates to the idea that a koheim with a mum - blemish was unfit to serve. Whether we like to admit it or not (and we don't) we are affected by externals.

May we be blessed to dress and be the the part we are assigned in life. Hopefully it's a speaking part, an active part, a holy part.

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Neil Fleischmann

Le'ilui nishmat Freida Maryam bat Binyamin Manaleh- zichronah livrachah

Mom's Birthday, February Twenty-Six-Thril

I have to clear something up from an earlier post. (I don't have to but I want to, it's like when people say, I have to tell you. More often than not these people are Jewish mothers.) My brother and I spent the Shabbos of my mother's death oscillating between a bikkur cholim guest room and the MICU of Northshore Hospital. When my mother actually passed away I was in the guest room sleeping or just waking up again. My brother was in the waiting room soon to go in to my mother's room again to visit, but the nurse came out to him with the news first. A few minutes later I returned from nearby, from the building where we were staying, and re-entered the hospital. I thought I saw my brother walking out and called him, and then ran after him, if it was him he was gone. I went up to the MICU, entered my mother's unit and Noah the nurse said to me, "Sorry about your loss." My brother was on his way to tell me and we soon undid that crossing of paths. e
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A dear friend of mine said something lovely and comforting to me. Many people yearn to be with their loved ones at the moment of petirah - when the soul passes. This often doesn't happen. In the natural world creatures all go off alone for their moment of death. It's only humans who fight that and try to be with the dying person at the moment they die. It seems from studies both academic and anecdotal that people want that last moment alone. Just them and G-d. You often hear stories that a person had just walked out of the room to get the other a glass of water and came back and found the person dead. That's what happened with Shelley and Aaron Bulman. The details are the same but the timing is very often such that the person "just happens" to be alone at that moment.
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Today is exactly two months since my mother died on December 26, 2009. It is also her birthday, February 26th. She would have been 74. She would not have wanted me to tell you that - when she was alive. fd

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I never thought much about my mother's age, would have to think twice and double check had you asked me. That's changed. I never knew my mother's weight. Why would I? Over the time that I spent sitting by my mother's bed I learned a lot. Including my mother's weight which one professional casually announced to another clipboard holding nurse at some point.jk

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At about two o'clock on Friday afternoon we were told that my mother had been moved from the emergency room to the MICU. From then till Shabbos, and then again soon after Shabbos started, I spent as long as I could sitting next to mom's bed. For relief I would pop out to the waiting room and soon return. The afternoon nurse, on till seven was Julie. She needed some formal information and we spoke a bit informally too about life and death and family. I said some Tehillim from there next to the bed and learned/read some Pirkei Avot. As I left the room each time I said a few words to mom, self consciously. The staff said that actual hearing was the last sense to go but that understanding was for sure gone.[

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I make a point not to bring up this question about what my mother on her retroactive deathbed could understand in general conversation. I made especially sure not to bring it up when I shared a Shabbat meal recently with a woman whose husband has been in a coma for months. Recent visitors have reported that they felt that he's responsive. My mother opened her eyes and looked at me many times, but the nurses were confident that it was reflexive and not a response to me. Soul realities are beyond what medical professionals can fathom. In the moment I listened to them. As I look back I realize that I believe that when I whispered to her (so the nurses wouldn't hear) she listened to me.
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I have so much to say, to not say, thoughts run wild inside my head. I will write again, please G-d, about my mother - her life and her sudden death. During shiva and after I passed around a picture of my mother as a young bride. As I ran out from my home with a handful of stuff to wear and have while I was away from burial till Sunday after shiva I grabbed a few photos. Actually, I grabbed a moment to ask if friends could print them for me. One dear friend came to the funeral with a framed version of my nuclear family at my Uncle's wedding. And a few other pictures were printed.[p
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My mother was young and she was old (but not old enough), she was healthy and she was ill. Mom was many things. In later years, the fifteen years she walked around hooked up to oxygen mom was adamant about not having her picture taken. The last picture I took of her was of her feet. I have debated what I am about to do. It's a candid shot, the last photo I have of mom's face. As I paste and post I recall the words of Chris Buckley, "For better or worse it's your call now." May my mom's memory - be for a blessing.

Post Taanis Esther Post - The Day After, But Not Purim

The fast ebbed away and I didn't feel well. I wish it were the pain of galut, the yearning to do teshuva. It feels like the flu. I sat and tried to write my reflections on my day, my life..
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Just yesterday morning I was ready to start the main minyan at seven forty five when one of the assistant principals ran in and said to wait. It felt like a reprieve from the governor, you know - when the messenger runs in and says to stay the execution. He came close and the call was made to start at eight due to inclement weather.
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There we were, a room semi-full with people, waiting. I announced that anyone who wanted to hear a bit about inyanei dyomah should come up front. A group formed and we learned. I mentioned that the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch writes that if we fast on a taanis but go about business as usual then we have embraced the tafel - secondary, and discarded the ikar - primary.
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A colleague passed through and added that, in his opinion, based on the Gemorah in Taanis, the main focus of the day is tzedakah. I expressed that I think there's a tripod of teshuva, tefillah, and tzedakah that can be intimated with the general appellation of Teshuva, which is what I said the day should be about. My friend's comment reminded me, and I shared this, that there is a custom to decide the minimum of how much to donate on a fast day by configuring how much money you saved on food that day. I also mentioned the concept that fasting is like offering a korban in that we lose some of our flesh. (I know someone who wrote his thesis on that.)
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Then we discussed the idea that Yom Kippur/Yom HaKippurim being a day like Purim. If I say that someone is like someone else it means that the someone else is really greater ("You're like Michael Jordan" compliments you but allows that Michael Jordan is the greater player). How is Purim holier than Yom Kippur (in theory)? On Purim we dive into all that we avoid on Yom Kippur: talking, joking, dancing, gifting, eating, drinking, etc. On Yom Kippur we attain holiness by pulling back from all physical activities. In a way Yom Kippur is a cop out. If we can do all the actions of Purim and maintain our integrity then we have reached the pinnacle of being human. In Purim is indeed a very holy day.
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Purim and Yom Kippur are mirror images of one another. On Yom Kippur we fast, yet on the day before it is a mitzvah to eat. On Purim we feast, yet on the day before it is a mitzvah to fast. There is a balance being sought here. (It is interesting to note that Taanis Esther is an exception to the rule that it is forbidden to fast the day before a holiday listed in Megilas Taanis. There are technical explanations for this reality, but I think part of it is the need to balance the extreme of Purim with the other extreme the day before it.)
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Ta'anis Esther stands alone as the one of the minor fasts not listed in Zecharia 8:9. That pasuk refers to four fasts by the months they occur in: the fast of the fourth (seventeenth of Tamuz), the fast of the fifth (ninth of Av), the fast of the seventh (third of Tishrei) and the fast of the tenth (tenth of Tevet). This fast is not mentioned in Tanach or Talmud and the Shulchan Aruch therefore allows more leniencies for Taanis Esther than for any other fast.
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It's weird having Taanis Esther lead into a regular day as it does this year. Or is it regular? We shall see...

Two Pictures

I had one of these flu-ish coldish things about a month ago. Doesn't my body remember? I'm trying to rest and drink plenty of liquids (tried drinking solids, from now on I'll remember) and soup and tea and and and.
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I was looking for a certain photo and remembered that I've taken quite a few pictures over the years. I'm in the middle of a magnum opus kind of thing but will post this short hello for now and these pictures that I took. One is a candid shot on the W.W.S, and the other is a photo of pencils I bought at a street fair and a letter opener I received from a student.

Taanis Esther

This was the view from room 36 today. It's a fast day and so there was an early dismissal. Till then I taught as best I could.o'

I just heard a nice Purim thought from Rabbi Fischel Schachter in the name of Rav Zalman Sorotzkin. He says that the only immediate "reward" that Mordechai received was having what he did be recorded in a book. Some time later, at just the right moment, Achashveirosh couldn't sleep and looked at his diary. He found what Mordechai did and rewarded him properly and the rest is Jewish history. The lesson is that good things come in time, timing is everything. Had Achashveirosh given Mordechai a big bag of money right when he saved Achashveirosh the good would not have come later. Rather the good he did was invested and the payoff came later. This often happens in our own lives. The good multiplies as the reward sits aside waiting to blossom. k

This relates to the man who told his worker that he couldn't pay him. The worker judged the boss favorably when he said he could not pay him in any way, finally concluding that the man had made an oath - neder that he would not have hana'ah - would not use any of his money. The deeper meaning of the story is that if good that we deserve does not come our way immediately it pays to have faith that there's a reason why it's not coming now, and the reward will come with exponents, in time.

More later-soon, please G-d.

Cited In O'Horten

"With sails hauled close, steer for the open sea. And for the far off goal your soul desires! Ere long you must haul off like all the rest. Although a star your guarding landmark be. For in due time the stars themselves must fall." - From Master Olof by August Strindberg

"Fever isn't such a new thing..."

I have a low fever. My temperature is normally low, so that explains my feeling fever-ish. Sniffles, body ache, the usual. I guess you could call it a cold. A cold that doesn't like to stay away too long. A cold that visits me when I work hard and feel stress.

A dear student just emailed me this video. It doesn't have all the answers, of course. And yet it addresses a real issue that is important and ignored. Schools and teachers do give messages that they wouldn't mind if some kids weren't there. And the kids that evoke/provoke that message telegraph that they want that message. And so the dance continues. I recommend giving this video a look, even if it pretends to have The Answer. I love this quote at the end, “I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.” - Edward Everett Hale

I love the Fred Rogers saying "If it's mentionable it's manageable" and have cited it here on at least these five occasions. It's an interesting thing, as mentioning can be taken too far. And yet I think most people suffer more from not mentioning enough than from mentioning too much.

I owe comments back to some lovely recent comments here. Please bear with me. I have a feeling that many who read and comment here may be super sensitive like me. Please don't take it personally when I don't answer right away - even though I would (or would be tempted to). Being sensitive is a blessing and a curse.

In the Torah G-d says, "See that I put before you a blessing and a curse. Then we're told what the blessing and curse are. The question could be asked it came up in class, "Why is the intro pasuk necessary?" Various answers were offered. Perhaps it's to be clear, or to show how severe the subject is. Rabbi Yaakov Luban suggests that it's to show that there are blessings and curses before us in the world and we sometimes don't have an easy time seeing which is which. It just dawned on me that this verse can be telling us too that the same thing can have within it elements of blessing and curse.

I'm in the middle of viewing a charming, interesting film called O'Horten (Roger Ebert's review, A.O. Scott's review). Consider it if you like slow moving character focused talky movies with artistic direction, great acting, and no special effects.

Perhaps my dear childhood friend's dying a month after my mother died was meant to bring mortality even closer to my psyche:
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One day death will die

but the living will die first

Her, him, you and me.

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Goodnight and G-d bless

I write again like Augie's

daily Smoke photo

Yes?

I don't blog daily
Such foolish consistency
Says "I have no life"
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- Siobhan Adcock

"Love Is Like Oxygen, You Get Too Much - You Get Too High, Not Enough And You're Gonna Die"

Someone found by blog recently by googling "What does GNAGB mean?" I think that some use it for Good Night and Good Bye. I've written bout a hundred poems and posts in which I use it to mean Good Night and G-d Bless. A friend thought I was being abrupt in signing off that way to her. I think she took GB as Goodbye. Oh well.

Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when the nurses tell you with confidence that your words will be heard but not understood - and for the moment you buy it.

This is the machine that kept my mother alive by providing her with oxygen for fifteen years.

On Friday, January 25, 2010 my mother - Of Blessed Memory - (I just learned via Mourninng and Remembrance by Rabbi Aaron Felder that while for twelve months when speaking aloud of a parent one should say "Hareini kaparat miskavah/mishkavo"), "if a mourner writes about a deceased parent, one should only add zichrono livrachah." This is the psak of the Rama on Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 240:9, in the laws of Kibud Av Va'Eim) woke up and complained to my father (HSLABW) that she was having serious trouble breathing.

Long story short - mom collapsed. And she was out, meaning she had no pulse, heartbeat, breathing, meaning she was dead. My dad called 911 and an ambulance (along with police cars and police men who stood watch on the porch and firemen in a fire truck) came. An EMT brought my mother back to life. She was probably gone for about twenty minutes though before the tchiyat hameitim.

The immediate family followed the ambulance to the emergency room. This was at about eight o'clock. We spent the day there, getting regular unclear reports from happy doctors and nurses wearing fuzzy red Christmas hats. Shabbos was approaching and my brother and I decided to stay. We switched off spending time with comatose mom. And at ten to six on Shabbos morning my mother- zichronah livrachah - breathed her last breath.

Good night and G-d bless

You and me and everyone

With continued breath

May we live another day

And not take life for granted

Psalm Poems Part III (Click For Link)

Inspired By Psalm Ten

The Evil man hides

a subtext under his tongue

of crooked deceit

Playing hide and seek with G-d

Wrongly thinking he can win

Inspired By Psalm Eleven

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The righteous L-rd loves

righteousness; thus the righteous

will be rewarded

;

Inspired By Psalm Twelve

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A dishonest code

exists even among friends

Everybody lies

;

Inspired By Psalm Thirteen

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For how long must I

ask how long I will feel that

I am overlooked?

;

Inspired By Psalm Fourteen

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From above G-d peeks

looking for enlightened souls

He comes up empty

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Inspired By Psalm Fifteen

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An honest, good man

will neither stumble nor fall

and enters G-d's home

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Inspired By Psalm Sixteen

;

People say You are

too distant to bother with

the needy man. False.

Validation

Hu Ya'aseh Shalom Aleinu

"Sim shalom...aleinu" It dawned on me today that we do not ask to be given peace, rather we ask for peace to be placed upon us. I think we ask herein for peace, goodness, blessing, grace, kindness, and mercy to be placed upon us, ready to bounce off of us. We pray for the gift of having these traits at our disposal to emanate from us toward others.

"Nowhere to look but inside, where we all respond to Pressure."

Some of the frequently asked questions about this enterprise: Where do you find the time to write? I know so many people who started blogging and don't keep it up: how do you do it? Do you post every day? Do you have ads? Why not? Did you save it all on hard drive? Why do you blog? Why is it chronologically backwards (I'd read it if not for that!)?Are you going to make it into a book? I tried a blog, but I couldn't stick to it - how do you? f

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Earlier today I spoke with a friend of mine who I think highly of and whom I wish thought more of himself. "Rabbi Norman Lamm has invited me to have coffee with him and I never followed through because I didn't feel worthy." Sigh. '

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This friend of mine just told me that he doesn't like some Jewish blogs where it feels like the writer(s) are trying to be more Catholic than the Pope (so to speak). Once upon a time Jews were Jews, it was a birthright, organic, unlabeled, divine. Who gets that?
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I recently visited with a friend of mine who is a sincere Jew. He didn't always practice and when I first met him I was confused. He was dating a frum friend of mine and I thought he was a rebellious FFB guy. He was actually going the other way. He later become gabai of an Aguddah shul (his wife doesn't cover her hair - is that some kind of Guinness record?).
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Yesterday I bumped into an old friend who used to go by his English name, wear a kippa srugah, and work for a M.O. kiruv organization. He approached me and re-introduced himself to me with his Hebrew name. He now works for a yeshivish organization and sports a Borsalino. He seemed to want to talk to me, was very curious about what I do and and and.

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I was on my way to buy a phone recharger (the wire snapped) when I saw a neighbor and he told me he might have one. He didn't in the end. But he very much wanted to save me from having to walk. What's wrong with walking? p

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A student was just given the book The Secret as a gift and lent it to me. It's about positive thinking and the law of attraction. Interesting.
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My dear old friends and post Shabbos hosts continue to impress me. Their 8 year old daughter introduced me to Hue Knew? It's a fun game and yet every time a child plays it he or she is working on reading and thinking skills. I found this game challenging. It is based on the Stroop Effect, which posits that it's easier to identify the color that a name of a color is written in when matches the name of the color (when the word purple is written in purple) than when the word says one color but is actually a different color (when the word purple is written in green).
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In this past week's Jewish Week, the Rabbi of the Young Israel of the West Side, Rabbi David Cohen, cites Welcome To Holland. He ties it in with the question of why the Torah says to take Trumah for G-d, rather than saying to give Trumah to G-d. He suggests that sometimes in life you have an opportunity, but you don't see it that way. It may be giving and it may be receiving, but whatever it is, it feels like a burden. We often need to step outside the situation and look in to realize that our life experiences are gifts we need to open and appreciate. p

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In this past week's Jewish Press Rabbi David Hertzberg tells a story about the third Gerer Rebbe. Rabbi Avraham Mordechai Alter's son in law underwent surgery and the doctor botched it. The doctor explained that he was nervous because he knew it was the Rebbe's son in law and that led him to make mistakes. The doctor told the Rebbe that was reminded of a story about Napoleon's wife giving birth. None of the midwives in Paris wanted to deliver that baby. They were afraid of messing up. The solution was to use an ignorant village midwife who didn't recognize Napoleon's wife and was therefore not nervous.
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The Gerer Rebbe (as quoted in Rabbi Yaakov Yehuda Grodnitz' Kol Yaakov, on page 164) used this life experience to help him unravel a perplexing explanation of the medrash. The Torah states (Shmot 25:40) that G-d told Moshe to make the menorah in the image of what he was shown from G-d. Rashi says that Hashem made a model of the menorah in fire because Moshe had trouble imagining the menorah on his own. The medrash says that even after he saw G-d's blueprint Moshe still couldn't make the menorah. At that point G-d told Moshe to ask Betzalel to build the menorah. Betzalel did it immediately with no problem.
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The Rebbe had always wondered why Moshe couldn't construct the menorah but Betzalel could. After his incident with his son in law (who was fine) and the doctor the Rebbe had an epiphany. Moshe understood the holiness of the menorah in such a keen manner that he was afraid of making it imperfectly. Betzalel, who didn't fathom the full depth of the menorah's sanctity was less nervous about the ramifications of how he made it. Thus, Betzalel was able to relax and just get the job done. [

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I find the Rebbe's observation to be clever. I also appreciate any thoughts about stress that I can get. A student once asked his Ner Yisrael mashgiach, Rav Dovid Kroenglass to recommend a job that had no stress. Rabbi Kronglass said, "I highly recommend that you become a goldfish," his point being that pressure is part of the human experience. And yet, feeling the stress of the subtext of every life choice is a bit much. On the other hand being oblivious to the ramifications of our actions is not the way to go either. May G-d bless us with the wisdom to find the right balance of pressure in our lives.

"Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we used to be." (Click for link)

Just one second ago took this picture of me. Thought I'd share it with you. May we all be blessed to introspect. May we also be blessed to surrounded by many others to take pictures of with our cameras and our hearts.

?מִי-יַעֲלֶה בְהַר ה', וּמִי-יָקוּם בִּמְקוֹם קָדְשׁוֹ

Every Sunday a different Jewish blogger hosts, Haveil Havalim, a collection of J-Blogger's posts from the previous week. This week's edition, hosted by Ki Yachol Nuchal is one of my all time favorites due to the beautiful flowered captured and spread throughout the post.

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One of my dear friend Rabbi Nachi Brickman's favorite vorts is about today's Shir Shel HaYom. "Who can ascend the mountain of Hashem and who can remain standing in that holy place?" His thought is that it's one thing to climb a spiritual mountain and a different challenge to remain stable atop the mountain. This fits well, he likes to add, for the psalm of the first day following Shabbos. Shabbos is a day for reaching spiritual heights. The rest of the week is a time for remaining in a holy place.

An anonymous reader suggests a different take on this verse: "We need to grow, but we may rest too." I like.

This

Emails and calls to return, prep and marking and other paper work that never ends beckons. And yet. I need to write right here right now.

"Lose that sense of loss - you have gone and lost something else." - Amy Hempel, The Collected Stories, pg. 52 I read that while waiting for the Motzai Shabbos train home. Striking. No?

Last night, on the phone, friend of 32 years called me an extrapolater extraordinaire. It was a compliment about how I read people from a little that I'm shown and told. I'm thinking that one over.

Kenny Loggins is being interviewed as I write this. he went through years, recent years, when the record companies rejected his offerings. He decided to quit. His son heard this - his seven year old son. The kid wouldn't explain further. The boy just cried. Kenny's wife prodded the kid and got him to admit his theory that, "If daddy stops making music he'll die." Kenny heard this and realized it shouldn't be and really isn't about the money. Making music is about doing what you love. And that keeps you alive. I am having a Mister Rogers moment:

What do you love doing?

Why Six Was Afraid Of Seven: Psalm Poems Part II (Click For Link)

Inspired By Psalm Seven

A. G-d looks in my heart

And weighs the merits and sins

I pray for merit

B. A mischievous man's

sharp knife may cause his own death

As G-d rules with truth.

Inspired By Psalm Eight

G-d's name is written

throughout his whole universe -

affirming pure faith

Inspired By Psalm Nine

When David's son died

he prayed, "G-d remind man of

his humanity."

HaRachaman Hu Yanchileinu

I am going away to old dear friends who have been lovingly inviting me to come again for Shabbos since the last time I was there. My ride out of work said to be ready at twenty to one, but she just paged someone to her office so I have a few minutes - at least.

I am looking forward to Shabbos. The week had its hard moments and then on Wednesday night I had an epiphany and started over.

I noticed today what a big deal it is to say hello and look at someone when you say it.

I could write right here all day but I need to go. I wish you all Shabbat Shalom. Rest and Peace to One and All.

Trumah 5770

According to Shimon HaTzadik (the righteous) the world stands on Torah, Avoda, and Gemilut Chasadim. Rav Noach Weinberg explains that the reality that we are meant to live in depends on the internalization of three concepts. First we must know that there is a Creator with a Plan and Purpose for us. Then we must pursue closeness with Him, as that is the essence of life. Finally, what should flow out of our acceptance of Torah and Avoda should be an understanding that all people were created by one G-d and that we must care for all of G-d's creations.

We are told "They shall make me a Mikdash, and I will dwell in THEM". G-d will not dwell in IT, but in US. The Gemorah explains that Hashem is called HaMakom because He is the Place of the world rather than the world being His place. In other words, we mistakenly reference G-d as another thing in this world, like tables, chairs and people. G-d is above and beyond this world.

The Mishkan's major vessels are reminders of reality. The Aron represents Torah. The Mizbe'ach represents Avoda. And the Shulchan represents Gemilut Chasadim (as a table symbolizes the primary vehicle through which we provide for others). The symbols of the Mishkan are the reality through which veshachanti betocham is achieved.

Rabbi Tuvia Charner felt that these pillars can be understood broadly. Torah means education, Avodah means work, and Gemilut Chasadim means community.

There's a story in Masechet Taanit that tells of a rabbi who was poor. He beseeched G-d and a golden leg fell from heaven. In a dream his wife saw a vision of a world to come in which all righteous people sat at a table with three golden legs while theirs had only two legs. She insisted that he return the gold to heaven so that their future reward would remain whole.

Usually tables have four legs, and if they’re missing one they move down to three. I think that the Gemorah here is conveying the fact that their eternal world would be severely damaged so much so that it became unstable. The minimal number of legs needed to hold a table firmly is three. But two legs make for a shaky table. This is why in this tale the table starts with three instead of four legs.

I think that the image of three legs in that story can be carried over to explain the fact that the rabbis chose three things upon which the world rests. They could have broken it down to four or five or ten. But the point is that these three values are so essential to the balance of the world that if one were taken away, the world would falter.

Different people favor different pillars. There are Torah people, Tefilah people, and Chesed people. But the ideal individual, like the ideal world, rests on a balance of these three pillars. May we all be so blessed.

"Don't you know it's a perfect world?"

It is after, after a day of teaching five periods and doing Torah guidance during the other five. A student told me today that it gave him hope that when I was his age I was plagued by the theological questions that trouble him today and that they no longer bother me in the same way.

A second period student asked where I was at davening. I davened in a Shul on the way to work. Sigh. A light went on in my friend/ride's car. He pulled into a gas station. He realized it was a flat. He called AAA. There seemed to be no-one in the station to help. Upon my ride's suggestion I called 6 people to see how I could get to work. One stayed home today due to babysitter issues, another wasn't coming in today, a third was already at work, a fourth's message box was full, a fifth could take me but not till later. The sixth person I called was on his way, passing through, running late, going to a local minyan. So I got to the shul, borrowed a tallis and tefillin, negotiated with the gabai, led up till Yishtabach. I left when my colleague gave the signal. As we walked to the car he found something strange in his pocket, keys that weren't his. "Someone took my coat," he said. We went back in. His coat was draped over a chair where he'd left it, he took it and put back the coat he'd mistakenly taken.

I got to my classroom about ten minutes before the first class started. Classes and talks today were intense and good. Someone spoke in speech class about saving a life with CPR. He's a cool boy who was really scared. It's amazing how scary speaking in public is for people. Another boy spoke about finding confidence through wrestling. He was nervous too, covering it with bravado. Another student keeps putting off her speech. A friend suggested she speak about being scared of speaking. "What? And give away my secret?"

In Torah guidance with two students today we read through pieces of Sarah Shapiro's Don't you know it's a perfect world? What an amazing book. In the title story, the author is at lunch with a friend who is dying from cancer (rachmanah litzlan), when she excuses herself to say hello to a friend, who struggles with mental illness, sitting at another table. Both of these women affirm to her that they feel that life, even suffering, is perfect.

G-d is in the details. Teaching is rich. I am blessed - poo poo poo.

Today's About.Com Poem of the Day

I died for beauty, but was scarce
Adjusted in the tomb,
When one who died for truth was lain
In an adjoining room.

He questioned softly why I failed?
"For beauty," I replied.
"And I for truth, -the two are one;
We brethren are," he said.

And so, as kinsmen met a night,
We talked between the rooms,
Until the moss had reached our lips,
And covered up our names.

Todah Hashem

It is after five classes taught, after 3 Torah Guidance sessions given, after rides to work and back, after portraying Holden during tenth period and reading Chapter 17, after a long day. I once used the expression "a long day" to a friend who shot back with, "It wasn't longer or shorter than any other day." What he said is a truth that rings false. While calling some days longer or richer than others may not be technically true I know it to be true.

Today I gave a test that added up to 96. The last, question for 4 points more was, "Write one thing you will take into your life from class this year." I meant anything at all, but expected the answers to be academic. Here are some of the answers:

"The Gemorah I learned," "The true meaning of Shabbat and how to better observe it," "'Time flies, you cant, they go too fast.' If you change time to the verb and flies to the noun it makes sense," I learned to think outside the box," "I will never forget the chart you taught us which shows that you have to love and fear Hashem all at the same time, which this chart depicts clearly and beautifully - P.S. I will try to tell stories like you to try to say what I want through a story and its message," One thing I will take into my life from class this year (there are many more than 1) is to think outside the box and to challenge things you hear," "It is easy to gain respect out of fear, but true respect must be obtained through care," "I learned that you should ALWAYS be careful about what you say... I learned this because Rabbi Fleischmann hears everything anyone says in the classroom, no matter how quietly it was said," "I will take so much from this class into my life. Don't fear to go off topic - you learn so much from stories."

Thank you G-d.

The Return of Torah "Trivia" Questions

1. זֶה הַדָּבָר, אֲשֶׁר צִוָּה יְהוָה, לִקְטוּ מִמֶּנּוּ, אִישׁ לְפִי אָכְלוֹ: עֹמֶר לַגֻּלְגֹּלֶת, מִסְפַּר נַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶם--אִישׁ לַאֲשֶׁר בְּאָהֳלוֹ, תִּקָּחוּ. What is unique about this pasuk?

2. Where is the name Shmuel found in the Chumash?

3. What Mitzvah is performed only on a Wednesday or a Thursday?

4. Which of the 613 mitzvot ws fulfilled only six times since the creation of the world?

5. Breishit 22:7 - What unique technical record does this pasuk hold?

וַיֹּאמֶר יִצְחָק אֶל-אַבְרָהָם אָבִיו, וַיֹּאמֶר אָבִי, וַיֹּאמֶר, הִנֶּנִּי בְנִי; וַיֹּאמֶר, הִנֵּה הָאֵשׁ וְהָעֵצִים, וְאַיֵּה הַשֶּׂה, לְעֹלָה.

6. How is the gematria of lech lechah relevant to Avraham having Yitzchak?

7. Whose name has the sad meaning, "Maybe now my husband will give me attention?" (2 acceptable answers)

8. I don't know why but someone's name means bitter sea. Name this biblical character.

9. Who is the first adopted baby described in the Torah?

10. Who in the Torah found redemption/release after asking someone else, "Why do you look sad?"

11. What did Moshe put in a time capsule that Yirmiyahu showed the people of his generation?

12. Where is the only place that the word snow - sheleg is used in Chumash?

13. a. What grandson of Yaakov is described in the Torah by his (the grandson's) name backwards? b. Name another such Torah name.

14. Name a king other than Dovid whose name is the same read backwards and forwards.

15. What is the only place where the word meraglim is used in the Torah?

16. According to Rabi Yehuda HaNasi, in a riddle he used to wake up his students, what woman in Egypt gave birth to 600,000?

17. Which biblical character's name reveals that he had his job only because his father had it first?

18. What physical anomoly do some say both Adam and Moshe were born with?

19. What is the only brachah on which you say a brachah on G-d's commanding the brachah to be said?

20. What is the only mitzvah (deoraita) that you must be in a sitting position and then stand in order to fulfil?

It Is Before

It's a few minutes before davening, before attendance, before the beginning of my work day, before kaddish, before classes, before breakfast. It is before. Just checked my email and found the following. I'm going to address it before I paste it. Stay with us - as they say on the news.

I wrote a post about the start of the story of my mother's passing, which ended with to be continued. The answer is, eventually. I have not yet continued writing the story in a linear way. The story of someone being here and then gone, someone who made us who we are, is beyond words.

Hi Neil,

It's great to hear from you, albeit sad under the circumstances. I'm truly sorry for your losses - may their neshamot be elevated in your zchut and the zchut of all of your beautiful words about them.

Speaking of which, I read the blogs but then they seemed to get cut off. It said "to be continued" but then they didn't seem to continue anywhere...Is there something I'm not understanding? I'm curious to read more about your mother. She truly was a beautiful woman on the outside, and on the inside too, I'm sure! Why did she die so suddenly?

Anyway, I hope your Adar and Purim are somewhat happy...But not too happy, I guess. My grandmother, A"H passed away on Taanit Esther (was it 12 years ago?) Rabbi Tendler explained to my mom that a parent gives his or her child his/her standing in society. This explains why during the year of mourning, the child isn't permitted to attend social gatherings. Our parents really made us who we are in our social circles. I thought that was an interesting point. Just wanted to share.

Be well,
X

I see undrawn lines

I see people crossing them

ICU. Indeed.

"I can't breathe," she said.

A dynamic pulled away.

No more words. No breath.

Can We Go Now?

My back turned to them

I address my audience

They just want to leave

"May The Name be sanctified"

"Great peace and life upon us"

As For Me, My Psalms

One vote pro, one con; that's what I have so far regarding my Tehillim poems. Someone really likes it. Someone else feels Tehillim were written already and rather than summarize them I should creatively riff on them. When Jimmy Buffet introduced The Eagles as they were about to be inducted into the R and R H of F he said that he took a lot from them. He quoted Mark Twain as saying that creativity is just undetected plagiarism. That came to mind. More to the point I dislike that riffing on tradition often turns negative. If I can think of a way to riff positively on Tehillim I might do it. But I'm happy to retread in the sense of re-walking where Dovid went. I don't need to retread in terms of re-inventing his wheels.

Today's View From Room 36

2 Poems

We dangle

shake

waver

oscillate

We yearn for Heaven

to do grand action

to be grounded

before being called up

-----------------------------

Intimate details

Hide beneath these liquid eyes

Waiting to spill out

Psalm Poems: Part I

ow

Inspired By Psalm One

A. May we never

Walk with the wicked

Stand with the sinners

Or sit with the cynical

B. May we yearn for G-d's teaching

May we not consort with sinners

May we study His word day and night

This will make us as trees near a stream

With seasonable fruits

Leaves that never wilt

t

yh

Inspired By Psalm Two

f

I'll tell you what he said,

"You are like a new born child to me

I will give you what you ask for/need."

G-d, that is.

Inspired by Psalm Three

e

When David ran from his son he said:

G-d I have so many enemies, they say

even you can't save me

i

But with you I feel safe

Safe enough to go to sleep

Feeling cared for

And to wake up

unafraid

e

Inspired By Psalm Four

lg

Dear G-d

so many are
in the dark

Asking
to be shown
the way
to virtue

Please G-d
shine your light
on us

;p

IInspired By Psalm Five

g

Your constant blessings converge

upon the righteous man

crafting a crown of good wishes

and protection

upon his heads

g

Inspired By Psalm Six

l

Weary

with sobs

I drench

my bed

with tears

Dead or Alive?

kp

Who Is He/She?

What was his/her claim to fame?

Alive or dead?

If alive, age?

If dead, age when died?

1. Birch Bayh

2. Manut Bol

3. Notorious B.I.G.

4. Stanley Kunitz

5. Gloria Vanderbilt

The Tanka That Kaddish Built

Books and articles

abound by outsider Jews

about The Kaddish

and their year of saying it.

Insiders? Busy. Quiet.

Mom would often ask me to cover my beard with my hands so she could see me without it. It's funny (not ha ha) that in mourning for her I grew my beard longer than ever in my life. It's back to trim again. Maybe after the year I'll shave it.

I am grateful for all the cards and donations. This papercut from the Davis family - and the beautiful message enclosed - is a stand out. It would make a good cover for an album.

Hello, It's Me

Sigh

Date: May 21, 2009 11:24 PM

Daily it becomes more clear that vitamin D3 is a must in one's diet. This is in addition to a daily multivitamin. So if not yet taking D3, start asap. Every day I hear new news about the super benefits of D3. Mom Link