Pre Shabbos Thoughts - Ellul/Ki Teitzei 5770

Six days and ten posts ago I said that I was going to try to not write till my book was done. I've tapered off a bit on the blogging and made progress on the book. I have about ninety haiku in, all transliteration and Jewish terms out, a lot of G-d, am still debating points. I have so many people to thank I am thinking of doing the thank yous off the page. And yet. But enough about my book, let's talk about me.

I need to leave soon for Shabbos but until then I'm doing some cooking, cleaning, thinking, breathing, writing. I am speaking tomorrow and don't have it all together yet. Also, I haven't ben asked but I'm guessing that there's a second - Shaloshudes slot open. So I'm thinking of doing some Avot prep too. And I am rereading Yehuda HaLevi.

I like this thought about Amalek. I wrote two haiku relating to the thought. I used to prefer one, now I like the other better.

Balance the balance

The balance of our life's work

Balanced by G-d's hand

Balance the balance
The balance of our life's work
Otherwise, it's faith

I'm thinking of starting with the story about R Yisrael Salanter. He passed a dour looking bachur on the street and asked him what was wrong. The young man explained that he was doing teshuva because "It's Ellul." Rav Yisrael replied, "Just because you're doing teshuva, do I have to be depressed?" This goes hand and hand with Rav Yisrael's ruling that our faces are reshut harabbim and that therefore we need to smile!

This raises the question of the mood of Ellul. Ellul stands for Ani LeDodi VeDodi Li - I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me. There are long lists of texts relating to the acronym of the name of this month. Why has this one caught on? I believe it is because it reveals the true mood of teshuva and the month of Ellul. Rabeinu Yona explains the saying, "Repent one day before you die" with a story. A man was away on business and yet his loyal wife stood out on her porch, all made up, daily. Neighbors asked and she explained that her husband was a sailor, that the winds could blow him home at any second, that she wanted to be ready.So too we want our souls to be ready to reconnect with G-d (whom they are a piece of) at any moment. It is my theory that Rabeinu chose this story purposely, to teach an additional lesson. (After all he could have given an example like - if you walk by a construction site a brick could fall at any second, so wear a hard hat.) He made the conscious choice of telling the story of a woman deeply in love with her husband because that is to parallel our relationship with G-d. Teshuva is best done out of love, motivated by the fact that when you care deeply about another you don't want negativity between you. You want things to be right.

Let's put Ellul aside for a second. This Shabbos we read the text about Amalek known as Parshat Zachor. The Shemen HaTov notes that the word path - derech - is used two times in close proximity to one another. The idea is that Amalek, which represents our evil inclination - yetzer harah - comes at us via two paths, when we're up and when we're down. He says it's interesting that we read this paragraph at Pesach time, when we're up, and at the time of the Yamim Nora'im, when we're down.

This takes us back to the story of Rav Yisrael Salanter. We need not, should not be down at this time of year. Serious, yes. Down, no. Love is serious business, but it is not a sad thing. Fixing the relationship with The Love Of Your Life should be a joyful process.

I may next talk about the balance of the two elements of love and fear, of up and down. Or I may just give examples of what to do in Ellul. And I'd like to close with a story. Perhaps I'll tell the story of the boy whose father hammered nails in the ceiling over his bed when he got in trouble in school. Eventually the kid was upset to see all the nails. His dad agreed that every time he boy was good he's take a nail out. Eventually the ceiling was clear of nails and even got re-plastered. When we do teshuvah we can elevate our life experiences and direct our whole selves, happily, with love, to G-d.