Five Seconds To Sleep

When I blog just before sleep, I think about the prayer for forgiveness that we say at this time. It's more a proclamation than a prayer. We simply say we forgive whoever hurt us today in any way...

"...to forgive - Divine"

for humans it takes longer

sometimes a lifetime

Sometimes I wonder

If I'm being punished

for people I've hurt and

not reconciled with...

When asked who my favorite is

Of all the characters in the Bible

My standard answer is King David

Because he was a guy's guy and a poet

But as I lay in bed, approaching sleep and

In this in between state I access inner truth

I feel like I most relate to Joseph The Dreamer

who felt all that happened in his life was from G-d

And told his brothers that - but never."I forgive you"

Susan Boyle Wins

j
One of the headlines just announced on the radio was, SUSAN BOYLE DOES NOT WIN BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT. I think she won. When the "winner" isn't mentioned by name, and the "loser" not winning is the news, don't you think the "loser" won?

My favorite headline from when Boyle first became a household name remains, IS SHE UGLY OR ARE WE?

If A Word Is Worth A Manah, Silence Is Worth Matayim

"Think twice before you speak once." Rabbi Paysach Krohn says that on an early tape of his about Lashon Hara, etc. It appears here as an old English Proverb. There are similar quotes here. A cynical twist appears here.

As a teen I read Ethics From Sinai and was struck by this quote that he sad was a saying around, "Make sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear." Researching via google I found this rephrasing, "Best get your brain in gear before your mouth's in motion."

I have a dear friend named Mark, whom I haven't spoken to in too long. When we talk, he often pauses before he speaks and says aloud, "How should I put this?" or, "How can I say this?" or something like that. What would the world be like if we (I) would always do that?

I spoke on Shavuot night about the power of speech. I didn't say any of the above. It would have all fit, but I didn't think of it. May G-d bless me to work on thinking more (sometime, at all) before I speak in any context.

"Faithful Even In Its Fading From Fullness"

It bothers me when people tell me they skip the poems ("but not yours"). I heard a prominent frum speaker recently quote a prose poem and arrogantly mangle, mock, and misunderstand it.

In her most recent post Anne cites a beauty. For those of you are are going to choose to skip it, let me paraphrase, so you don't miss out. Appreciating the beauty of nature can be a way to seize the moments that will be too soon gone. This can be an experience that sounds unappealing to some, but for you is rapturous; something like having a caterpillar nibble out of your hand. It's moments like these that make you wonder - are most people grabbing on to life before it slips away? It's moments like these that might look like a frivolous, but that can be spiritual big time, even tantamount to prayer.

The Summer Day
by Mary Oliver
ih~
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?
j
Here's a poem that feels profoundly Jewish to me. Isn't this so similar to the idea that sanctifying the moon was our first mitzvah? The explanation I like for that is that we wax and wane like the moon... Can anyone out there relate to insecurity? Is it ubiquitous, as I suspect it is? Can we all please try to help ourselves and eachother to believe in ourselves, to fan the spark of faith within us? Can it be that it is a mitzvah to believe in ourselves?

As Long As I'm Alive

I am a seeker

and I connect with seekers.

Are you a seeker?

There is beauty in seeking.

In seeking there is finding

Blankets For Slackers

Forgive the mundane nature of this post.

I just heard about this new product that got my attention. I have not bought it, don't know that I will. But I like the idea. It's a giant fleece blanket with sleeves, called a Slanket.

A Pause In A Day

Besides everything, holidays mark time. I have been doing the same thing on Shavuot for about 10 years now, staying up all night in a community where many of my students live. I learn on my own, study with students, and some years (like this one) I give a public talk.

I just searched the archives. I remember writing about seeing some boys playing cards on Shavuos night and hanging with them and shifting things to Torah. They hid the cards when I came by, but I knew, and they knew I knew and I knew that they... I have fond memories of that post and recall a reader commenting warmly about it. For now I can't find it.

A colleague just walked in and asked if Juniors have a program this period and that's why they're not in his class. Yes. Said colleague then asked, "Are you blogging?" I wasn't. So, I said, "No." I was searching through my old posts, seeing what I wrote about Shavuot.

Two years ago I wrote (among other things) about talks I heard from Rabbi Herschel Schachter, Rabbi Jeremy Weider, Rabbi Dr. Alan Brill, and Rabbi Akiva Block. I recently sat next to the latter at a Shabbos lunch and told him that I remembered hearing him speak. Torah talks are always good over Shavuot, it's kind of like cholent on Shabbos.

I was thinking of speaking about Ruth and why we read this book on Shavuot. Someone else is giving a talk on Ruth, so I'm going to go with a different topic, probably The Power of Speech.

In searching around for posts of Shavuos past these poems (1 and 2 ) somehow came up.

In searching Shavuos (rather than Shavuot) this post came up with serious insights from comedians' routines.

It's a day before vacation, there's a funky vibe in the air. Finals are coming up. There's a lot of work to be done. And yet.

As I type, Angela Theme by Bob James is playing. It's a great tune and much longer than the part that was used for a sitcom (can you name which one?). You can see/hear a great live performance of the tune here.

A colleague just popped in and told me that he found a blog he loves. I'm glad he found a blog he's excited about, everyone should have one. It was my privilege to be invited to and have a meal at the home of the rabbi who is honored in this blog.

Today's psalm of the day speaks about G-d's vengeance. According to the Artscroll Siddur the connection to the day of the week is as follows: On this day G-d created the constellations. These served, at first, as a reminder of G-d. In time these lights were seen as gods themselves, something intolerable to G-d, behavior which He must avenge.

I pause and I breathe

In the middle of my day

Thinking of your life

Only Time

About 7 years ago a student who was into movie making did me a favor and made a montage of different performances of mine as kind of a promotional video. I haven't thought about it in a long time, but this song just came on Pandora and made me recall that video, because it's the one he used as background music. It was a funny (not ha-ha) choice because the music is kind of eerie and gave a spooky feel to the film.

Today 14 kids gave speeches, each hoping to become the next student council president. Quirky and funny seemed to go over best. My money is on the Dimitri Martin/Rita Rudner style humor. The principal just announced that the ballots should be dropped off in the office. The results should be in soon.

I'll be at work tonight till late, am staying straight through for the school play. First I'll have dinner with a friend from when I was in high school. It's all so confusing.

Music plays

My heart beats

Time flies

Can I?

g

What awaits?

Nothing and

Everything and

Darkness and

Light.

Yom Sheini - Between Heaven and Earth

u

"On this day

G-d separated between

the heavenly and earthly

components

of the universe

and ruled over both...

~

The psalm [for Tuesday]

specifies Jerusalem

because the seat

of His holiness

is Jerusalem.

~

This day's separation

between heaven and earth

initiated the eternal strife

between the spiritual and

the physical.

~

This is why the Levites

chose a psalm composed

by the sons of Korach,

the man who instigated

a quarrel against Moses.

~

(From the Artscroll Siddur,

based on Rosh HaShana 31a

and Resisei Laila)

GNAGB

Good Night and G-d Bless.
Is that a bit too too precious,
Too goody goody?
I really want G-d's blessings;
Good nights for us all.

"I Don't Smell It, I Sell It"

I'd say once a month or so I look at my stats. I don't really understand a lot of what's there. The main thing I look at is what key words, via a search engine, led people to my blog. My favorite today was, "I don't smell it, I sell it." I am the only thing that came up on google for those words. The phrase appears in this post. It's a rich/eclectic post from a year and a half ago that I myself found interesting upon re-reading it. I hope the person who "chanced upon it" gave it a read. Maybe you will too.

Eizehu Avodah She'Ba'Lev?

Rav S.R. Hirsch writes (Horeb, pg. 472)

"Hitpallel,

from which tefillah is derived,

originally meant to deliver an opinion

about oneself,

to judge oneself,

or an attempt at so doing... "

I am grateful to the masterpiece, which is the Artscroll Siddur. When it comes to prayer, I for one find that the work is daunting and that there is no quick fix. Good English explanations can go a long way, yet only do so much, to help us do the inner work that only we can do for ourselves.

The Birnbaum siddur was the Siddur for an era and still serves as the vehicle today through which many pray in a way that helps them grow closer to themselves and to G-d. Later came Artscroll, which in set a new bar. But we must never forget that the contemplative avodah she'be'lev must be done by every individual man and woman for his or her self.

The Rabbis taught that when it comes to service of the heart - "better a small amount with kavannah - holy focus, than a great deal without proper intent." It is not rocket science that this is heart work and therefore a little of quality is better than a lot by rote. And yet the obvious is often the hardest to remember and thus so many of us fall into the trap of buzzing through the prayers as though we were competing in a speed davening marathon.

May we be blessed to use the many needed aids available to truly work our hearts and our lives for G-d, through prayer.

It's Time To Recognize, To Realize

A man goes up to an elderly Jewish woman and says "I haven't eaten for three days." She replies, "Force yourself."

Right now I am pushing myself to share in this venue.

If you goes to the first month of this blog's archives, November of 2004, what you'll see first is a post consisting mostly of the Keb Mo lyrics/song, Let Your Light Shine.

That post sat for four and a half years, and finally received a comment yesterday. Thank you Cantor Shira. One never knows, do one? Thank you Fats Waller.

Island

By Zelda
o
I step on the earth
as on a living body -
like those who jumped ship
to stand on the back of a whale
because their eyes deceived them.

I step on the dust of the earth
beneath which the water speaks,
roots speak,
metals speak.
Their noise deafens my ears,
dizzies my heart.
The air, too, sways and sings,
and in the heights, worlds explode.
pj
Only the thought of G-d
is an island in the whirl.

translated by Marcia Falk

Who Can Resist The Beauty of the Light?

By Zelda
l
I bore my anger to show to the light,
seeking comfort in its beauty,
but I was not worthy in its eyes,
I was not worthy in its eyes.
e
"Why is your life so dark?" it said.

"You are not in the depths of the pit.
This must be a lack of love"
u
And I wept.
I wept deeply
u
translated by Marcia Falk

And And And

I finished 40 plus college recommendations for eleventh graders (although I was told of two more that I didn't get forms from and two kids just asked me today, and requests also keep coming in for summer programs, scholarships, etc).

On Monday I mentioned to one of my classes that I'd finished the recommendations. Questions ensued about writing so many recs and what to do if a kid is "bad," etc. I mentioned that I see good in every student. They asked if I saw good in all of them and the answer was yes.

Then (with my eyes closed) I said a brief positive description of each individual in the class.

Also on Monday a student told me that something that he did, which I called him on, wasn't really him, but was another student. This brought to my mind the brilliant story Charles, by Shirley Jackson, which I later shared with the class that student is in. (If you know how to have it appear without the highlights, please help me out).

Yesterday I sent a nice note home to a student , whom (I don't teach but) I noticed puts all the siddurim away and straightens the shelves by her own choice, every day, after davening. Notes now go home via email and I got an appreciative response from parents almost immediately.

I often think of Yaakov Avinu and what a good, kind person he was and how he had to learn how to not be taken advantage of. Man's inhumanity against man, the trickle down effects, often these are on my mind.

Recently I shared the story of the Rebbe who took the only charity a miserly rich man was willing to give him, an old black penny. But then the man gave more and more and more. The rabbi's colleagues who witnessed the scene in disbelief. The rabbi explained that this man wanted to give what he was able to give, and generally no one wanted to accept that. Once this rabbi warmly accepted all that the man could give he was encouraged and able to give more.
When a shared the story, a wise student commented that there's a thin line. How do you know when someone is giving their best? How do you know they're not taking advantage of your willingness to let them give you much less than they're able to give? That's a wow and a sigh.

Many years ago I memorized Steven Wright lines when he was at his prime (I've been talking to myself a lot lately and people complain - because I use a megaphone, etc.) These lines are well known, but I recently discovered some of his new lines: I have a cousin with HDADD - he usually can't focus but when he does it's unbelievable, it's a good thing there are a lot of people who speak foreign languages - otherwise those people would have no-one to talk to, the universe is expanding - that should help ease the traffic).

A friend recently pointed out an insight to me (which I recalled when I spoke to him again tonight) about the death of Aharon's son's. The other sons are never referred to as nish'arim, remaining, but always as notarim - left over, extra, which seems to be the less appropriate word. Rav S.R. Hirsch writes (Vayikra 10:12) : "We believe that notar designates that which is left over and not destroyed although it was intended to be consumed... Hence Torat Kohanim finds in the expression "banav hanotarim" an indication that hey had the temptation to act similarly to their brothers but were saved from yielding to it by admonition. There's a lot in that - particularly the idea that sometimes it's a hair's breadth that separates a fate of life from a fate of death. It reminds me of other Torah thoughts (se'ir la'azazeil, Yehoshua and Kalev vs. the other meraglim, Yaakov vs. Eisav, and and and).

Last Sunday I heard Rabbi Meir Goldvicht speak about Ruth. He said the fascinating idea that Dovid had to originate from another nation because the Jewish People are all one unit and no-one from inside can rule over anyone else. This brought to my mind the Ibn Ezra who says that Moshe had to come via Egypt because the Jewish People would not have accepted a leader from inside. This reminds me of the sharp observation of Rav Hirsch: The Jewish People were enslaved and took it, never standing up to their oppressors. However, when Moshe tries to break up a fight between two Jews they stand up to him and decry - who made you the boss over us...

Can poetry matter? That's the name of a book by Dana Gioia (whose powerful Unsaid, I've posted in the past) (I also mention Gioia, who until recently was head of the National Endowment For The Arts, in this post, about inscriptions I've been blessed to receive from authors) also the name of the title essay, which is available, in full, here. In my public speaking class I gave a sample persuasive speech on the topic of Why You Should Read And Write Poetry. I cited this piece from Gioia and also spoke about how our prayers and Torah are all poetry all the time. I asked if anyone could name a living poet. No-one could. (after an awkward silence one student finally came up with me, and it's true I am - thank G-d - living and a poet. And yet. Sigh.)

I posted this on parshapost, but have since re-edited it (for my school's Torah weekly). I like the latest edit, and so I am including it here:

Numbers: A Love Story

Rashi explains the lists and numbers that Bamidbar starts with as reflective of G-d's love for the Jewish People. When you cherish something you repeatedly count it. Hashem counted us three times in one year as an expression of His love of the Jewish People.

This concept of counting that which is beloved relates to our lives. We repeatedly look over our treasures, assessing the value of each piece. As kids we count our baseball cards or dolls, and as we count our change and balance our check books. On the holiest level parents gaze endlessly at each of their sleeping children.

It's not the literal counting that shows love, but the attention paid. This is what Rashi means by saying that counting reflects love. Rashi gives three examples of G-d counting the Jewish People, and though at first this appears redundant, a deeper look reveals three distinct expressions of love.

When Hashem took us out of Egypt He carried us, cherished us, and counted us. Shortly after the expression of love that was the Exodus From Egypt the Jewish People strayed and our Father disciplined us with love and then counted us. When He rested His Presence upon us in the Mishkan He lovingly counted us.

These 3 times that G-d counted us can be applied to 3 relationships of love in life. A primary rule of love is giving. We may use G-d's carrying us out of Egypt as a lesson of care and concern for others. Just like G-d did after the cheit ha’eigel, we must also show our love through setting of boundaries as well. As G-d expressed when He rested His presence upon us, sometimes when you love someone there is value in spending time, not to give in a specific way and not to discipline, but just to be together, in love.

The fostering of these 3 ingredients, care, discipline, and attention, leads to balanced relationships. May G-d in his love for us, bless us in the art of love, as we each, in our way, do our best to emulate G-d and communicate love with all the right elements.
pk
Jack just sent out a question, in preparation for an upcoming post of his. The question is, "Why are you Jewish?" here's what I sent him back:

;

I was born to a Jewish mother. They tell me that that makes me Jewish. Recently this issue has been bothering a student I've been working with in school. It comes down to trust in the oral tradition, to the idea that the written Torah is shorthand.

I was once a witness for a friend before he got married in Jerusalem. A large, tough looking rabbi asked me if my friend was Jewish. i said yes. Then he surprised me by asking, "Eich atah yodeah?" My basic answer was "homina, homina, homina," but included some details like the fact that my friend went to day schools/yeshivot his whole life, his father was a rabbi, and (my favorite) everyone assumed he was Jewish. The big man bought my story.

As far as I know I am Jewish. My understanding is that this can not easily be undone, and maybe it can't be undone even with great effort (G-d forbid). We are called G-d's children, and there's no divorce for children. The question asked was why am I Jewish, so I guess that answers that.

One could wonder why am I or my compatriots actively Jewish. What compels me to be a Jewy Jew? To me, that's a more interesting question than why I am technically Jewish and a much more difficult question to answer. I think so much in life that we present in life as ideology is actually largely sociology. Why we hold the opinions and beliefs that we do is very much about what we've experienced in life. Pursuant to that point I feel that I can never thank my parents enough for having sent me, from Kindergarten on, to Jewish Day Schools.

I could go on and on with this question, expanding it, branching it out into related question upon question: why am I Orthodox (and what does Orthodox mean?), why am I the kind of Orthodox Jew that I am (and what kind is that?), why am I a rabbi? , why do I teach Jewish Studies, what do I believe are the important actions, elements, beliefs of a Jew?, and on and on and on.

k
I'm going to close this answer up now. I'm not sure if it fits so much as I'd like it to, but I'll end with an analogy.

In Gadi Pollack's Once Upon A Tale (translated by Devorah GoldshmiedtI the following moshol is presented in the introduction. A man was staying with a close friend of his, in an inn, in a foreign land. He was dependent on his pal, because he did not know the language of the country they were visiting. One day, during a rare moment our protagonist found himself alone in his room. The innkeeper stormed into the room and began shouting in a his language. The star of our story didn't understand a word. The other gentleman started screaming more frantically, pointing at the clock on the wall, motioning to the door. All the guest could think of was that he was about to be thrown out if he didn't pay up. He offered the owner money to no avail.

The scene replayed itself in a perpetual loop until the other guest returned. He immediately understood that the proprietor was warning them that there was a fire at the other end of the hotel and that it could spread and that they'd best get outside right away. A lesson from this story that we can glean is that often in life messages are being sent our way from G-d. This I believe. We sometimes misinterpret messages based on our own biases and lack of knowledge of the language of G-d. The messages I've been sent in my life, and continue to receive have made clear to me that a traditional Jewish life is the path of truth.

Jack posted about Starry Night, his son, and provided a great link to a Van Gogh slide show to the tune of Vincent. (You need to scroll down a bit - I don't know how to open to one post on Jack's blog).

I could go on and on but will pause for now.

Thank G-d

The scary news from Riverdale made the front page of The Times as well as every other major news source. Thank G-d for His protection and for the security provided via the FBI. Here's a link to a news report from early this morning. I was struck by how shook up the reporter seemed. She seemed sincere. Rabbi Rosenblatt has always impressed me with his poise and eloquence and this was no exception.

Even There - Radiance

In the morning I thought:
"Life's magic will never return,
it won't return."
Suddenly in my house, the sun
is a living thing,
and the table with it's bread -
gold.
And the flower and the cups -
gold.
And the sadness?
Even there -
radiance.

- Zelda (translation by Marcia Falk)

PSA

Parshapost is up, and I may also post a guest post or more original.

Yesterday I received sad news regarding which I think my discretion will be appreciated. A wonderful parent was taken from wonderful offspring too soon, once again. My heart is heavy regarding this loss. In time nechama will come from the only Place it can come from.

Baruch Dayan Emet

Phrases spin through mind,

"How do you sum up a life?"

Blessed is The True Judge

VeYivtechu BeChah

Those who know your name
Seekers you won't abandon
Hold strong in their trust
i

Scant mumbled mercy

Is perhaps all we deserve

For our mumbled prayer

"Here Are Two Clear Eyes To Read The World"

Lately I've been writing shorthand here, or not writing even - but pasting. The pasting too is writing. Anyway, here's a post Mother's Day poem, read by its author - Billy Collins. It's called The Lanyard. It's about mothers and the fact that they give life. It's written in a clever/funny way - because it pretends to be about lanyard. I love the way at the end he states the cliche' that many would say is the way to decode his point. And within the poem itself he says, No, I'm trying to say something beyond the predictable "archaic truth," a more subtle, and thus more necessary truth to state.

On an unrelated, related note, I am appreciative to the blogger who put together this week's Havel Havalim, a Jewish blog Carnival. She did a great job, and included my Lag Ba'Omer stream of consciousness.

The Early Morning

b
The moon on the one hand, the dawn on the other:
The moon is my sister, the dawn is my brother.
The moon on my left and the dawn on my right.
My brother, good morning: my sister, good night.
g
- Hilaire Belloc

Ay, There's The Rub

u

We must find balance
Not just in ourselves
But - yes - with others

Ashrei Redux

y

pl

Happy and blessed

are those who take

a moment

to just

sit

in G-d's world

;

The people who

sit

for a second

silently

and see a world

that looks like it

belongs

to G-d

;

Go on

and praise G-d

over

and over

again

in words

in actions

most of all

sitting

in silence.

Eit LaKol*

Above is a painting that I purchased on Isru Chag. I studied it it every day on my way to Shul during Pesach. I saw it hanging with it price tag next to it and starting thinking I wanted it.

l

There are many reasons why I bought it. There is a long history between me and the image captured on this unframed canvas dating back to sixth grade. It was then that I learned from my teacher, Mr. C, of the meaning behind the way these words and letters flow into each other.

h

Someone told me who the artist was (it's unsigned) and I thought of contacting her directly before I bought it from a shop. My source told me that she had told him that she'd done a different version of this painting, and this one was exactly in sync with the way Phil Chernofsky mapped it out for us.

l

But I know myself. Better done than perfect. So I bought it and hung it over my bed.

k

Someone who knows me well told me that had he/she seen this he/she would have thought of me and bought it for me.

h

It displays one of my key Torah thoughts that I think about and share on a very regular basis. I've drawn it up in my own attempt at calligraphy a hundred times. But I've never captured it in oil on canvas the way Julie Seltzer did. I am forever grateful to have this gift which G-d sent my way at a good time for me to acquire it for myself.

l

I pray to always work at balancing love and fear and embracing the symbiotic relationship of these two paths. May I be blessed to remember that the G-d of love and the G-d of fear are one. May I be blessed to remember that in any relationship there will be tilts, toward too much distance or in the direction of too much closeness. This is true in relationships with G-d. And listen to people who speak of their human relationships and you'll hear that frustrating issues relate to either too much closeness of the ahava variety or to too much standing at a distance, too much yir'ah.

l

This is a post that I didn't plan to write, not in this space, but I just did. May it be helpful to those who see it.

;

Good night and G-d bless

G-d of love and G-d of fear

It is one blessing

Yes, closeness is a blessing

Distance is a blessing too

l

* The title of this piece came to me after I'd completed writing the post. And then I had a thought. King Solomon's wise words are generally understood to mean that there is a time for a choice from Column A and a time for one from Column B. Maybe the deeper meaning in his actual words, "There is a time for everything," is that in regular life there is, ideally, to be a time for everything to be balanced together, rather than either or. That is an evolved level, to recognize and allow that war and peace exist together.

Yes

In this week's New Yorker there's a cartoon that feels like a counterpart to the one I cited here (as well as to the thoughts on consumerism in this post and comments).

On page 60 of the May 18 issue there's a woman lying on a couch, her therapist sitting behind her, pen poised on pad, concerned expression on face. The therapist is asking the question of the caption, "Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

Behar - Bechukotai

I took the liberty of posting my friend, Rabbi Josh Hoffman's dvar Torah on Behar on Parshapost. If you go here, you'll find his vort, followed by what I posted last year (thank you Uri for the appreciative comment). I am ever impressed and inspired by Josh's Torah.

Clicking here will take you to what I have to say, for now, regarding Bechukotai (thank you RR for the appreciative comment).

Smiling Faces

I was inspired by the recent sentiment expressed by a fellow blogger to revisit and post this song.

???

I am slowly working my way through this painful article by Daphne Merkin; it seems like an important piece to read. Thanks to one dear loyal reader and friend for pointing mentioning this article to me. This brings up so many questions: How open should one be, specifically regarding crunchy personal issues? How prevalent are these issues, in general, and in the Jewish, and in the frum community? Is it more of an issue to write this way when your family name is well known? And and and.

BeHar

Rabbi David Silverberg cites the pasuk, "If your brother shall become impoverished…among you, you shall support him – even a foreigner or alien resident – so that your brother may live among you” (25:35). He then references the Midrash (Midrash Aggada to Parashat Kedoshim, cited in Torah Sheleima, #226), which points to the phrase, “ve-chei achikha imakh” (“your brother may live with you”) as the basis for this obligation. Rabbi Silverberg writes that a "farmer must set aside certain portions of his field and produce for the poor, because, the Midrash explains, 'it is said, ‘your brother shall live with you’ – for the Almighty did not bequeath the earth only to you.'"

He points out that “ve-chei achikha imakh” is written in the context of the prohibition of the prohibition of lending on interest, the next verse: “You shall not give him your money on interest…” He writes, wisely, that "this prohibition, too, likely stems from the concept that 'the Almighty did not bequeath the earth only to you.' When one grants a loan to an impoverished person on interest, he essentially capitalizes on the borrower’s disadvantaged situation. The absence of available funds enables the wealthy lender to earn profit by charging interest on a loan. If we live with a keen sense of 've-chei achikha imakh' – that all people are rightfully entitled to a share in God’s world – then our fellow’s state of destitution is a call to duty, rather than an opportunity for personal gain. The unfortunate occurrence of poverty demands that we give of our own accumulated resources to ensure that the impoverished can live comfortably with us, and should not be approached selfishly as an occasion for profitable loans."

His words brought to my mind a moshol of the Magid of Dubno. A King makes a banquet and someone complains that there is no setting /portion for them. The king assures the man that he put our a portion for everyone and if he is missing a his setting that someone else has too much...

For more thoughts on Behar/Bechukotai, see here.

That Secret Balance

u
Never met a person who didn't have a story
Everytime I've merely asked, a story has come pouring out
It almost seems like people are waiting for someone to ask
Love might be knowing what, and when, to ask to whom

Comments?

"Being funny's like being a pretty girl, you just get away with a lot..."

- Chris Rock

Sanctuaries Of Solitude

I am in Teacher's Room E. Most people don't know that there is a Teacher's Room E.. I'm alone, save for G-d and Enchanted Ice Cream Truck Radio via Pandora. I am thankful to G-d and his various angels (one in particular) for the office which is mine as of this year. One of the blessings of an office is that it's an address where people (thank G-d) feel comfortable coming to find me and to be. There's a steady flow of people and that room is alive with humanity. The space I am presently in is a sanctuary of solitude, also needed.

The music playing is beautiful and I'm going to free associate just a bit, based on images this tune brings to mind: I see bubbling water, multiplying and flowing. Along side this bouncing flow of water a happy boy and girl, skip along. The sun shines brightly and the sky is the color of Italian Ices.

I am thinking about the spirit of the day.

My understanding is that Rabbi Akiva emphasized midot. One indication of his pro midot approach is the fact that he said that, "Ve'ahavta le'reachah kamochah - love your friend as yourself" is a major principal of Torah. A lesson of the story of the death of Rabbi Akiva's students seems to me to be that a teacher can only do so much.

Rabeinu Yonah applies the adage, Im ein ani li, mi li - If I am not for myself, who will be for me" to words of wisdom. If you don't reapply words that you hear from others by self injecting them into your heart, then everything you hear from others may never effect you.

During this time of building ourselves up toward being true Torah people we must strive to internalize what we read and learn, and inject it into our own hearts. Rabbi Akiva's students were greater than we are. It would serve us well to note that even they struggled with the difficult challenge of taking Torah inside.

It's ironic that during this time we are inclined to focus on externals, when the whole point is to internalize G-d's word. Maybe it's less ironic, than human, because staying on the surface is always easier than digging deep.

Today is Lag ba'Omer. May we be blessed today to take Torah inside our selves. May we be blessed to reach down into our internal sanctuaries of solitude and polish our souls.

Avraham, Bilam, You, and Me

The mishna in Avot contrasts the students of Avraham with the students of Bilam. The question is, why did The Rabbis compare the disciples, rather than looking at the masters.

Rabbi Binyamin Tabori, in one part of an elaborate piece alludes to the idea that teachers don't live forever but their life lessons do. Given the fact that everyone dies we can only look at how the traits trickle down through their students. '( I gleaned this idea from his thesis,"The Maharal showed that the difference between Avraham and Bilam is hinted in their names themselves. Avraham is "av hamon," the father of many whose guiding characteristic is chesed, who intercedes even for the people of Sedom. Bilam's name derives from "be-lo am" or "bala am;" he cannot connect with other people; he can only attempt to spread his base traits of jealousy, pride and lust through his students." )

Ninth grader Ayal Goldberg suggests, brilliantly, that the Rabbis wanted us to take the lesson, of good traits versus bad traits, to heart. Had they spoken about Bilam versus Avraham, we could study it academically and focus on them. By speaking about their students, The Rabbis are telling us that they are speaking about us today. We are being told to look and see who we are truly emulating.

A third approach, which is popularly shared in Torah circles, is two people can both seem good. The differences between their ideas and ideals become more blatantly magnified when you look at their disciples. Bilam and Avraham did not seem so different, but in their students the great gap between their essences became clear.

Quite Often, You Do

Z is the hardest letter to start with
Yes, I know, one can cop out with Zeus.
X is no easier than Z.
Why not go with Xylophone?
Very easy is usually not good, that's why...
Unless, it is - which I'm not knocking.
There are always exceptions,
So one must be careful.
Really, you never know for sure -
Quite often you do, though.
Perhaps I judge too quickly
Or were we not talking about me?
Neil, that's me, that's me, that's me.
My "ego is always at the wheel."
Let's give credit where it's due,
Know that quote? It's Delmore Schwartz;
Jewish poet whose responsibilities began in dreams.
I am so taken by that one piece of his; they say it was
His best - In Dreams Begin Responsibilities
Greatest short story ever written, in my mind.
Forgive me for being so presumptuous.
Every time I write, I fear I get myself in trouble.
Don't worry about me though, I'm fine.
Caring for myself, my cold, my poetry.
Because if I don't care for myself, no-one will.
"And that's the truth," says Lily Jane Edith Ann.

The Blessing Of Added Tachanunim

"According to the Midrashic tradition, Moses ascended Mount Sinai to receive the Second Tablets on Thursday, the first day of Elul, and descended forty days later on Monday, Yom Kippur. Since those were days when G-d accepted Israel's repentance for the sin of the Golden Calf, and demonstrated his love for Israel with the greatest of all gifts - the Torah, in the form of the Second Tablets - Monday and Thursday remain days of Divine mercy." (Artscroll Siddur, pg. 124)

Just Like Today Knows Me

A day, like any other
But different;
Cut in its own way
Done to it's own perfection.
Every day, like today,
Finds itself a lone island
Grounded in the sea, but not lonely,
Having her own company.
I know today was fine,
Just like today knows me,
Knowledge of the deepest kind,
Like a secret frequency.
My day felt ordinary,
Not unusual really,
Ordinary I hate to say.
Please, though, don't misunderstand;
Quite ordinary is quite awe inspiring.
Really,
Surely,
Today was a special day,
Unlike any other day,
Virile till it's last second,
Wasting not a drop of time.
XXX, OOO, Love, Today
Yes today is ending just as
Z ends this poetic goodnight.

I Like:

b
I Love the Dark Hours
by Rainer Maria Rilke
b
I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.
b
Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.
n
So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:
h
a dream once lost among sorrows and songs.

Sometimes, In This Space, I Write About My Childhood

Someone who sometimes reads this blog told me tonight she'd like to read more about my childhood. She also raised the excellent point that there is a great deal of shooting from the hip criticizing in the Jewish blogosphere (not by me). She (and I agree) is not pleased with a certain disrespect and an attitude that implies that all opinions are equally valid and anyone one can critique anyone else with no regard to rank, integrity, etc.

I am more interested in the issue of my childhood than in how other bloggers blog. One post that comes to mind is the 3 part series about my Hebrew name and the ramifications in my life via my unusual name , Natah (1, 2, 3).

I just started searching for other past posts that reference my childhood and found these five questions and answers which include a little bit of juice from that time of my life.

Then there's the slide, which I've written about several times. The first time I mentioned it was exactly four years ago, here. (The story is that I got in trouble for climbing up a slide, but I was only doing what felt safe to me. This comes up a lot in life and blogging.) (I also wrote about the slide incident here and in response to a comment from kind Pearl I wrote up a memory of being tripped by a counselor. This other story pops into my mind on various occasion on both a literal and metaphorical level).

In this post about Teshuva, I wonder who reads this - something I often do, and tie in the slide story (I am enjoying seeing all the comments in each of these posts). In this post I tell the slide story again and say it happened in second grade, rather than first. This raises the question of memory and how stories change from time to time. In my school we were in one building for first and second and another for 3-8. All I recall for sure is that this happened in the old building. Here, I wrote about man's inhumanity about man and said I was doing so in my own, up the slide way. The comments on this one are really nice.

Here, I recall an incident from youth involving a misbehaving classmate, and write some other memories too. In this post I write about sundry things (maybe I'll do that again here someday), including my childhood friend Quigley. In this piece, Life, Like Rain, A Masterpiece, I remember the game Masterpiece, which my family played together many times, when I was a boy.

Here, I write about feeling like I've lived more than one life within my life (and Maayan and Jack say they've felt that way too). In this post (which sparked a classic Kishke - RR dialogue) I recall what I used to say as my parents put me to bed as a child.

Speaking of going to bed...

Slowly The Sabbath Descends

Here's Zelda.

See first comment

for a relevant poem.

Shabbat Shalom

I like climbing into Shabbos

I truly enjoy

the pocket which is Shabbos.

3

What is meant by best?
What is most appropriate?
"That is the question."
l

Omer means mourning

With a U, not just an O

That's what they all say

Ironic, we go outside

Much like the students we mourn

He is merciful

We need always remember

Sunlight will return

Link

Two videos passed on by two students; a slam poem called Shake the Dust, by Anis Mojgani, and wall painting mixed into an animated film called Muto.

The following is excerpted from William Falkner's acceptance speech upon receiving the Nobel Prize in Literature. This was passed on to me in print by a student who thinks it's the greatest thing in the world and is presently devoting himself to committing the entire piece to memory. He is student, that I mentioned some posts ago, who thanked me for writing him a recommendation because I was his third and final one (they're supposed to solicit six teacher recommendations). It was a positive recommendation that came more organically for me than some of the ones that might, on the surface, seem easier to write. He is genuinely one of the most brilliant, passionate, out of the box, astute, creative, culturally tuned in students I have ever encountered. Mentioning how much this speech means to him (and framing it right) could make for a nice added touch.

"I believe that man will not merely endure:
he will prevail. He is immortal,
not because he alone among creatures
has an inexhaustible voice,
but because he has a soul,
a spirit capable of compassion
and sacrifice and endurance.
The poet’s, the writer's, duty
is to write about these things.
It is his privilege to help man endure
by lifting his heart,
by reminding him of the courage
and honor and hope and pride
and compassion and pity and sacrifice
which have been the glory of his past.
The poet's voice need not
merely be the record of man,
it can be one of the props,
the pillars to help him
endure and prevail."

Tzipur Achuzat Kesem - An Enchanted Bird

By Zelda

j

ציפור אחוזת קסם / זלדה

v
כאשר הגוף הרך
מט לִנְפֹּל
והוא מגלה חרדתו מפני הקץ
לנשמה,
מצמיח עץ הַשִּגְרָה הנמוך
שֶאֲבָק אֲכָלוֹ
עלים ירוקים פִּתְאׁם,
כי מֵרֵיחַ הָאַיִן יַפרִיחַ
הדור נאה
ובצמרתו צפור
אחוזת קסםko

When the tender body

is about to fall

and reveals his trembling from death

to the soul,

the lowly tree of convention

- which is consumed by dust -

sprouts green leaves, suddenly.

For out of the scent of Nought he will blossom*

glorious, beautiful. **

And in his high echelon a bird

grasped by enchantment.***

* ki mei'riach ha'ayin yafriach - perhaps modeled after quite similar words in Iyov, 14:9 - "mei'riach mayim yafriach - It will grow from the scent of water"

** hadur, na'eh - perhaps, modeled after the same words, which appear in Yedid Nefesh, by Rabbi Elazar Azikri, the author of Sefer Chareidim

*** this is my translation, based on the original text and Marciia Falk's translation.

Ki Im Lishmoa Et Divrei Hashem

G-d am I thirsty

lo tzama al hamayim

but not for water

The Lost Generation (Click For Link)

A student showed me this video this morning. it's called Lost Generation. It speaks highly of him that he liked this. Please watch it. It's worth it.

N.I.L.Y.

We're in the week of netzach. As Rabbis Haber and Sedley put it in Sefirot, "Netzach is about setting goals and making changes that will last." Tonight is the night of double eternity - netzach she'be'netzach, which is to say it is purely about G-d, and about being G-d like. The authors of this helpful book offer several assignments for each day of the Omer. One of their suggestions for Day 25 is, "Remember that many people rely on you." That speaks to me and brings a chilling line from Tanach to my mind, "Even if you are small in your own eyes, you are still head of the tribes of Israel." (Shmuel 1 - 15:17)

Here's thre haiku I was blessed to think of tonight:
;

Marbeh...

u

More flesh and more stuff

means more words and more worries

Torah brings more life

[

Hashem Sefatai Tiftach

u

G-d, open my mouth

For only then may I speak

Then I will praise you

i

Emet Ve'Emunah

u

All this is true faith:

G-d of fear and love is one

This is upon us

Don't We All, Sometimes?

u

TRIOLET*

By G.K. Chesterton (1928)

kn

I wish I were a jellyfish

That cannot fall downstairs.

Had I one thing I'd wish to wish,

I wish I were a jellyfish

That hasn't any cares,

And doesn't even need to wish,

"I wish I were a jellyfish

That cannot fall downstairs." **, ***

y
* A short poem of fixed form, having a rhyme scheme of ab, aa, abab, and having the first line repeated as the fourth and seventh lines, and the second line repeated as the eighth.

** Does this meet the criteria of the form (it seems to me that it clearly doesn't)?

*** There seems to be to be a lot of poetic license taken, in general, with short form poetry. Haiku by people on the in seem to almost never be 5 - 7 -5.
b

What Did Haiku Ever Do To You?

h

Poetic lisence

Runs rampant in haiku form

Rubs me the wrong way

I understand free style

But why mess with a haiku?

From Don't you know it's a perfect world?

yy
Central Park
tb
By Sarah Shapiro
h
I took you to the zoo today,
although you were not there.
We marvelled at the parrots,
slowed down going by the bears.
u
I watched you as you watched the seals,
linked arms with you at snakes.
You gazed at the gorillas
for as long as wonder takes.
u
It's not so hard being by yourself
It's not so hard to walk
along the paths of Central Park
if you've got with whom to talk.
y
But to look a thing of beauty
very closely in its eyes,
that's going too far for a heart that knows
it's alone.

uuuuuuuuuuuuHence these lies.
u
99999999999999

On Chiseling Ourselves And Weathering Storms

On occasion pictures do speak louder than words, and drawings speak even louder. I love a good one panel cartoon. An old friend, Eliezer Kwass, once spoke about a sketch of a man chiseling...himself. What a profound illustration of the idea that we are created to create... ourselves. This is how the Baal Shem Tov explains the words of G-d at the start of creation, "Let us make man," G-d starts the process of our creation, and we are expected to continue that creation by working on ourselves daily.

Yesterday I saw an ad for a Torahweb lecture for our times. There was a drawing of a man in a small rowboat riding through a high tide. In his hand is an oar. The word hishdadlus - human effort - is written on one half of the oar. The word bitachon - trust in G-d - is written on the other side. The man is struggling to use the oar with proper balance. Well done.

Things Grow New

Recently on my way to Barnes and Noble my eye was caught by one of the few remaining small used and new book shops that I know of. It's really old school, crowded, books placed horizontally atop the vertical ones lining the floor to ceiling shelves. That day a friend mentioned Nikki Giovonni to me, and then and there Giovonni's book, Blues For All The Changes, found me.

I looked for Chesterton and sure enough he was in the store. Years ago a mentor of mine introduced me to Chesterton, a man of faith and talent, a rare breed of poetic soul. And so I was compelled to purchase the used copy of Poems For All Purposes.

So much happens every day. At the moment I don't feel like blogging about the wonderful teaching moments I've had, the great Torah I've heard, the woderful Shabbos just passed. I may post again later.

I hope anyone who reads this page is well. Lately I've been in the habit of just posting a poem that strikes me with no words of my own attached. I broke that trend this time to say hi and let you know I think Chesterton is profound. I think I may be doing some more of that. Meanwhile, Happy Birthday Pete Seger (see tribute song/slide show here), Rest In Peace Jack Kemp, and G-d Bless Us All, Everyone.
i
'k

A Second Childhood

j
By C.K. Chesterton

_yh
When all my days are ending
And I have no song to sing,
I think I shall not be too old
To stare at everything;
As I stared once at a nursery door
Or a tall tree and a swing.

jbn
Wherein God's ponderous mercy hangs
On all my sins and me,
Because He does not take away
The terror from the tree
And stones still shine along the road
That are, and cannot be.

hn
Men grow too old for love, my love,
Men grow too old for wine,
But I shall not grow too old to see
Unearthly daylight shine,
Changing my chamber's dust to snow
Till I doubt if it be mine.

yh
Behold, the crowning mercies melt,
The first surprises stay;
And in my dross is dropped a gift
For which I dare not pray
That a man grow used to grief and joy
But not to night and day.
n
Men grow too old for love, my love,
Men grow too old for lies;
But I shall not grow too old to see
Enormous night arise,
A cloud that is larger than the world
And a monster made of eyes.

jj
Nor am I worthy to unloose
The latchet of my shoe;
Or shake the dust from off my feet
Or the staff that bears me through
On ground that is too good to last,
Too solid to be true.

gn
Men grow too old to woo, my love,
Men grow too old to wed:
But I shall not grow too old to see
Hung crazily overhead
Incredible rafters when I wake
And find I am not dead.
nn
A thrill of thunder in my hair:

Though blackening clouds be plain,

Still I am stung and startled

By the first drop of the rain:

Romance and pride and passion pass

And these are what remain.

hhh

Strange crawling carpets of the grass,

Wide windows of the sky:

So in this perilous grace of God

With all my sins go I:

And things grow new though I grow old,

Though I grow old and die.

nn

-G.K. Chesterton

Some Call It Luck

As a young man he

was bumped off a plane and a bus

that both crashed.

In combat, men

on each side of him were killed

on four separate occasions.

Jack "Lucky" Lohrke was

taken to the next world

this past Wednesday.

Read the full story here.

Things, You Know

h
The Poem for Frances Brown
(My First Warm Hearth Friend)
h
By Nikki Giovanni
j
There are things you know . . . Clouds rise . . . Stars twinkle . . . Snow
melts . . . Rain makes things grow . . . Sunshine warms . . . Trees cool . . .
y
If you love something . . . You will lose it
h
But the memory of motion . . . The wonder of the enchantment . . . The
blue of the glacier . . . The blue of the sky . . . The blue in your heart . . .
The reality of conclusion . . .
h
Through transforming . . . Stays

From Heart of Wisdom (pg. 263)

Within my earthly temple, there's a crowd;
There's one of us that's humble, one that's proud,
There's one that's broken hearted for his sins,
There's one that's unrepentant sits and grins:
There's one that loves hIs neighbor as himself.
And one that cares for naught but fame and pelf.
From much corroding care I should be free
If I could once determine which is me.

- Edward Sanford Martin