Rabbi Abraham Twerski On Mussar, Midot, and More

The following are my notes from the first half of Rabbi Abraham Twerski's shiur, delivered on Tuesday night December 15, 2009 in the Yeshiva University Glueck Beit Medrash. The first part of his talk focused on the importance of mussar and midot (I stuck with "midos" in the notes). In the second half he reviewed key points regarding his favorite topic of self esteem.

I wrote it out in first person, the I, in this case refering to Rabbi Twerski. As the notes were taken live and not from a tape or video it is not an exact transcript. Also, there were instances in which it seemed to make sense to adapt the phrasing. I hope this is meaningful and helpful to those who read it.

"A man gives an hour and half lecture. A guy from the audience asks afterwards if the speaker wants his message spread on TV, where he can have 3 minutes worth of time. The speaker likes the idea. The other fellow asks him, “Can you condense your message to 3 minutes?” “Yes,” the speaker replies. The audience member asks, “So why didn’t you do it?"

The Gemorah in Makot tells us that The 613 Mitzvot were repeatedly condensed until they were knocked down to the one statement of, “Tzadik be’emunato yichyeh.” It is a good idea to condense as much as possible, so while on the one hand I wish I had more than these forty minutes to tell you the many things I have to share, it is enough time to convey the basic message.

We live in a darker, perhaps morally darker than ever, world. I’ve had 40 years of practice that focused on addiction. Gambling and internet have caught up with old addictions. We have no immunity. You have no idea of what category of people have fallen to the internet. The yetzer harah is strong. Hopefully no decent person looks for negative things on the internet. But you can hit a wrong button and then you have 3/10 of a second to turn it off and in that fourth quarter one can get addicted. I get calls about this now almost every day. It ruins families. I saw a sefer that says that in the generation before mashiach the satan will have absolute control. It seems like it’s time, via this realm.

Greek philosophers wanted Hellenism over Torah. The triumph was that the reverse occurred. But what is Torah and how does it endure?

People here in this room are interested in Torah and mitzvoth - the bricks of yidishkeit. Bricks don’t make a house. Midos are what put the bricks together, and we need to take care versus the yetzer harah inside us. We have an animal body and also a neshama that can restrain the forces that can overtake our lives. I believe one must be as baki in Mesilat Yesharim as in Ashrei, repeating it as its mechaber says. As Rav Yisrael Salanter said, one must learn mussar with emotion, ki heim chayeinu – otherwise the negative forces of the world will get to us.

Today’s world is not the world I was born into or even the world that you [college students] were born to. It changes in seconds today. Sfas Emes says Noach knew how much he could handle of wine. So why did he get defeated by the wine? The answer is that he knew what he could handle before the flood. But he didn’t realize the world changed post mabul and so his immunity changed. Truman used hell in a speech and there was a natural, national outrage. Now a president can misbehave in more reprehensible ways and keeps respect. In this particular world we must be extra careful about midos.

I wrote a book on spousal abuse, when asked – as I often am – how it’s possible for a frum person to behave that way I reply that it’s impossible for a frum person, because it’s like being frum but eating pork. Such a person is a sheigetz. Similarly, ka’as, we’re told is like avodah zarah. A frum person does not lose his temper.

If a person ate treif in his lifetime then on his Yom HaDin he gets schar and onesh, and that one act doesn’t erase all his mitzvoth. But if someone is mevayesh another person in public, “Af al pi sheyeish beyado Torah uma'asim tovim ein lo cheilek..!” That shows us the care we need for midot.

Rav Chaim Vital, successor of the Arizal said that midos are more serious than aveirot because midos become part of a person’s character, Teshuva on such is so hard. Bad midot are worse than aveirot, Rav Chaim Vital writes. And he states, “Kol hako’eis oveid avodah zarah mamash.” Therefore, he says, one must be cautious with bad midos more-so than with the kiyum of mitzvoth asei velo ta’asei.

In marriage, the relationship is so important that Rav Chaim Vital says, “Midot nimdadot” – “A person’s character is evaluated “ach verak” – “only on how he relates to his wife. If a person does chesed with alfei alafim and is sure he’s set for olam habah due to his chesed, he should know for a fact that beis din shel ma’alah will check on his chesed toward his wife. If he was kind then tov lo, if he was provocative or irritable and did not act with chesed, that’s what will decide his din. And there will be no mention of all the chessed he did with others.

Some sefarim should never leave our table, like Mesilat Yesharim and Orchot Tzadikim. Every generation gets the new mussar that it needs. We got Michtav MiEliyahu and Alei Shor, and need to study these works."