Thanks Moshe R, Thanks Esther K.

It's our 4 year anniversary, me and my blog, and the readers who make these words a blog and not a diary.

A Written Affair

Years of loyalty
bordering on dependence
then one day things changed.
Which makes me wonder;
is my diary jealous
of my nice young blog?

Which reminds me that over the years students always ask me about Halloween. Many rabbis make the paganism argument but I take a different route. I ask them how a wife would feel if a husband told her that he was hanging out with his secretary, confiding in her and having her confide in him, having dinner with her, going to movies, discussing everything. He promises that there is no physical intimacy. Yet the wife feels hurt - she wants the intimacy with her to be enough.

I think G-d wants Himself to be enough for us. When Jews turn to Halloween, they can argue that it's not a big deal. I imagine G-d feeling bad, in his great love for us, he wants us to get all our intimacy from Him, for our relationship with him to be enough for us. If we turn to Halloween for fun, though we claim it means nothing, it suggests that Purim is not quite floating out boat. I imagine that it makes G-d sad when He sees that he is not enough for us.

Speaking of floating boats, I wrote this four months ago early in the morning at an empty shore:

Could I Go On And On?
i
Hunger gets in the way
of my stomach and of my soul
Longing for G-d and for food
I am choosing between the two
p
You crash at me and stop
then pull away, turn gentle
Or maybe it's me, walking into you
then turning around as you greet me
;
Sitting on a jetty at the edge of Ocean City
Thinking my city is always an ocean
I sit perched and yearn from a distance
for that sailboat spot beyond the sand and tide
l
I am tempted to go back home
where pancakes promise to comfort me
But how can I leave this Mikdash me'at
Why would I leave this heart of G-d?
l
David broke the news, my thunder
my soul thirsts for my living G-d
G-d hovers over our world
Is it wrong to sense He thirsts for me?
ij
Not long after I wrote that poem I posted these words, "I just received a beautiful e-card with a sailboat featured in the backdrop of good wishes. Funny, I recently coined the image of my sailboat spot - wanting that right place in life, that seems far off, like that boat that I sometimes see looking out at the ocean. This card was much appreciated."
o
Since then I have had many sailboats float my way. I have been working on a post about it. I hope that over Thanksgiving I will have time and peace of mind. And I hope to write a lot then, including the completion of the sailboat story.

Due to business/distraction I may not post on parsha this week. Forgive my being presumptuous, but if anyone is interested in revisiting a thought of mine on Chayei Sarah - search Chayei Sarah on the top left corner search engine hereon this post. One of the thoughts explores the deep (literally) meaning of Maarat HaMachpeilah, and the other discusses existential angst.

I have enjoyed the four years here. I like sharing matters ranging from mundane (like the fact that my phone seemed to just stop working - but after hours of agonizing I thought to take out and put back in the battery - the old "open - shut them" - and no thank G-d it seems to be fine now - in the un-bitter sense of the word fine) to the sublime - like the fact that a student told me today that her brother loves talking to me about Torah, which is big because he doesn't usually like talking Torah, particularly with rabbi types. On the other hand there is the heavy part - like this morning's breakfast marking the shloshim of the little girl who died in a car accident. I spoke with and listened to the mother. Life as tapestry came up, how we see the knots and loose ends rather than the beautiful picture, because we are viewing the back. She shared with me words that hit me hard, maybe I shouldn't even allude. To spend a few moments in the presence of a survivor was a potent, holy privilege.

Good night and G-d bless
May we be blessed with deep rest
G-d knows we need it